Am I Sexually Compatible With My Fiancé?

My Questions and Answers | | Expert Author , Leadership & Mental Health Coach
Updated On: December 6, 2023
Sexual Compatibility

I met this guy at my workplace, we dated for 4 months and he proposed marriage. Our families approved and the date of our marriage has been fixed. We have kissed and held hands but he says he will only go all the way after we are married. But am I sexually compatible with my boyfriend?

This is a question that has been there on my mind and there’s no way I can find out. I have heard physical compatibility in a marriage is important. But I do not know if I have it all with my boyfriend since we have not been close that way.

Am I Sexually Compatible With My Boyfriend?

I keep thinking that if after marriage I don’t find we are physically compatible then what will happen? Also why is he avoiding physical intimacy could he be impotent? These doubts are killing me. Is it okay to marry without having any pre-marriage physical intimacy?

What does it feel like to be sexually compatible with your partner?

I wanted to have sexual intimacy with my fiancé so that I would know if I have sexual compatibility with him. Can a relationship last if you are not sexually compatible? This is a question that bothers me because I have read in many places that not having sexual incompatibility finishes off marriages.

Related Reading: Sexual Compatibility – Meaning, Importance And Signs

Is sexual compatibility important?

I want to know how important is sexual compatibility in a relationship. If I find out after we are married that sex is not working for us then is there a possibility that I would want to walk out of the marriage?

I have heard emotional intimacy is more important than sexual gratification in the long run. But I am more concerned about now. The way he avoids being intimate is what is worrying me.

Is there a way I can ask him sexual compatibility questions and find out if we will have compatibility issues in future?

I don’t know what to do. Please help.

sexually compatible
If you don’t have sex before marriage how do you know you are sexually compatible?

Dear Lady,

As for the current situation. There are a few things to be said here. Firstly, 4 months is a very short time to get to know someone.

I would always suggest to wait at least for 6 months before deciding to get married. There are lots of different aspects that need to be looked into when you get married to someone. However, I do understand sometimes you just know.

Related Reading: 50 Things To Discuss Before Marriage

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Signs of sexual compatibility

I understand this is a big concern as sexual compatibility is important in a marriage. It’s especially important as it helps in reconciliation after arguments and fights and to find your way back to each other. It helps increase intimacy not just physical but also emotional intimacy.

As for intimacy and sexual compatibility it is important. It’s also not very common for a man to say “no”.
It is a bit of a concern here. There could be various reasons for this. Is he a virgin? If this is the case he maybe afraid that he will be judged or he may not satisfy you.
In that case it’s hard for you to understand if you have sexual compatibility with him.

More on Compatibility

Does he have erectile dysfunction?

It’s also possible that he has erectile dysfunction and maybe he does not want to disclose it. This is a reason for which many men avoid intimacy before marriage.

Also do probe more to understand why he is saying no. Is it related to any religious beliefs? Worst case is to consider a prenuptial agreement.

How to know you have sexual compatibility?

Sexual compatibility is important in a marriage. It actually helps you to achieve emotional intimacy. There are only a few things you can check, one is if he is okay to make out with you and even if he is interested and okay with oral sex or even using yours hands I would suggest that. That would give you the opportunity to see if he gets hard ruling out a sexual dysfunction.

Find out about previous relationships

Furthermore, has he had any previous relationships? What do you know about this? That would also help a little in understanding the situation.

I would also advice you to learn more about his family and his parents and the way the parents interact with each other.

How his dad treats his mother

This will give you a lot of insight into what he will be like post marriage. Please do take some time before getting married and don’t rush since it’s just been 4 months.

If you are thinking how do I become sexually compatible with my partner then you can consider pre-marital counselling. Take care and I hope everything works out.

Hope this helps.

Meghna Gurnani

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