Premarital relationships are often viewed with a lot of disgust and disapproval in the Indian society. However, as human beings we are born to bond and become one unit by becoming physically intimate with our respective partners. It is a natural process which cannot be resisted and premarital relationships depend on the choice of the two people involved.
But you must be aware of the dangers of premarital relationships before you get involved in one. And in some cases, counselling does help a lot.
What do statistics say on premarital sex?
Despite the taboo associated with premarital relationships, the Indian youth engages in premarital sex which is often characterised by absence of contraception, presence of coercion and multiple partnerships 1. The HT-MaRS Youth Survey 2 revealed that 61% of Indian population dismisses the taboo involved with premarital sex and only 63% of the population wants life partners who are sexually untouched.
Some other quick facts related to premarital sex are 3:
- 33% of Indian population engages in premarital sex, whereas 50% deny having such relationships
- Among all the metropolitan cities like Kolkata, Delhi, Mumbai, etc., it is Chennai which tops the list of the cities in terms of prevalence of premarital sex (60% of population engaging in such activities). Bangalore, on the other hand, is the lowest on such a list
- Premarital sexual encounters usually take place in the age group of 20-30 years
- The partners with whom the premarital encounters take place are usually the neighbours, relatives and boyfriends or girlfriends
- 10% of young girls and 15-30% of young boys reported having premarital sex in a survey conducted by Population Council 4
Thus, looking at the stats, it can be said that virginity is no longer considered to be a necessity for building a happy married life. Couples do not really mind getting sexually intimate with their partnersm even if there is no guarantee of marriage in the future. At the same time, a majority of men and women do not reject their partners on the basis of their virginity.
But is it safe?
15 Dangers of premarital relationships
Even though the statistics paint a good picture regarding the acceptance of premarital relationships in India, these are still associated with certain dangers and complications. Let us look at the 15 dangers of premarital relationships so that you can take a wise decision before getting stuck into one.
1. One tends to lose interest in the partner
Premarital sex means you are becoming physically intimate with the partner you are going to marry. By getting intimate before marriage, you both must have tried and explored your sexual desires in all ways possible. Thus there are chances that you tend to lose interest in the partner in the long run if you get involved in premarital sex because you have high expectations.
2. There is a high possibility of breakup
This naturally follows the first point. If one tends to lose interest in the partner and feel that the partner can no longer satisfy his/her sexual lust, then he/she will obviously decide to break up. It seems as if there is nothing valuable left in the relationship so one can decide to end it forever.
3. Premarital sex affects other relationships in a negative way
When you try to become sexually intimate with your partner, you are evidently doing it without letting your parents know about it. So it means you keep hiding and lying to your family and friends, which usually puts a strain on your relationships with them.
4. One probably has to deal with all the insults and gossip
If you are unable to hide your premarital relationship successfully, then you are sure going to be the target of insults and gossip. This is because, despite the open-mindedness of many people, the society is still made up of certain people who can never accept such a relationship. You will end up gaining a bad reputation in the society.
Related reading: 7 tips for women who are trying sex for the first time
5. Premarital relationships disrupt your mental health
You try to hide your premarital relationship from the important people of your life and thus end up feeling guilty. Almost all the time, you worry about becoming pregnant or getting infected with some sexually transmitted disease. Sometimes you regret getting physically involved because you are not sure if the person is the right one for you. On the whole, premarital sex disrupts your mental health and peace.
6. Unwanted pregnancy and the trauma there of
Unwanted pregnancies are the most common and most devastating danger of having sex before marriage. Often, premarital sex is indulged in without proper planning and women end up getting pregnant. Their partner may or may not support them, and even if they do, young women may have to battle society and face challenges with respect to their choice of careers and future. Abortion may not be an option for many, and some who may abort the child keep on feeling guilty all their lives. Popping up an emergency contraceptive pill repeatedly can bring about some serious side effects too.
7. High risk of STDs
Premarital sex can create a desire of insatiable lust in you, and you may engage with several partners. This also makes you vulnerable to contracting sexually transmitted diseases(STDs). Whether it is itching, burning, rashes on your genitals of something serious as herpes, it can give you a tough time with the need to have medicines several times a day. Lack of knowledge coupled with lack of experience can make one susceptible to health conditions that may last a life.
8. Having sex before marriage changes you
When you lose your virginity, you experience physical, emotional and mental changes. You are a new person anyway, but you look different and have a different perspective on everything. Your breasts swell up, you may feel excited all the time and you are dead worried because you missed your periods. All this can take a toll on your overall wellness and you have to battle these things on your own.
9. You step into your marriage with an emotional baggage
Sex is a complete process involving the mind, soul and the body. When you engage in premarital sex and then eventually marry someone else you step into this new relationship with a lot of baggage. It did not work out, for whatever reasons, but you know you have wasted your purity on someone undeserving and he has something that can never come back. The betrayal, disappointment and hurt makes you store emotional baggage that weighs heavily on you when you get married.
10. One tends to take the partner for granted
It is often seen that once the couple engages in premarital sex, it happens that they take each other for granted. You know that the person has become intimate with you and thus has become committed to you, so you tend to think that he/she will tolerate you and not have any complaints against you.
11. Premarital relationship can cause infidelity
Your sexual lust might become unbearable and you might end up becoming a sex addict. So even after your marriage you might not be happy with one partner but get involved with another person. This same situation can happen with your partner as well.
12. Premarital sex can change your outlook on love
This happens when you get involved physically with a partner but he/she breaks your heart. You actually will notice that your outlook on love will change and you might miss your chance of finding true love in your life. You might view everyone with suspicion and might not allow any genuine person to love you ever again.
13. One might have to face abandonment
If you indulge in premarital sex, then it might happen that your partner abandons you after he/she is done with you. Another scenario is that your family and friends might abandon you and ultimately the society might abandon you, because a majority of the people cannot accept premarital relationships. Thus, you might end up being all lonely and rejected because you were not able to control your sexual desires.
14. One tends to lose his/her self-esteem
It might happen that you become so guilt ridden and unhappy about the premarital relationship that you take the path of self-destruction. Your self-esteem gets destroyed, especially if people get to know about your relationship and you are not strong enough to handle the rebuke.
15. One might get spiritually damaged
Several religions advise against premarital relationships and if you get involved in one, then there is a high possibility that spiritually you might get damaged. You might not able to recover the spirituality that you had before such a relationship in your life and this might affect the future course of your life, as religion is an important aspect of life in society.
So we hope you can understand these dangers associated with premarital relationships and then decide what you really want to do with your life before marriage. It all depends on you and your partner. If you both are ready to commit to each other, then there are no issues in engaging in premarital sex. But if there is a possibility of not being together in the future then we advise you both to take a decision very carefully regarding this matter.