Relationships 101

12 signs your husband is having sex outside the marriage

People cheat, heartbreaks are real, adultry is factual and marriages are broken.
affair

Marriage is believed to be a sacred institution in India. It is believed to be a holy union of two individuals to share their lives together and have a family. A couple vows to live together till death. But we live in a real world where cheating, heartbreaks and adultry is very real.

A survey conducted by Ashley Madison, a global dating website, concluded that infidelity is not uncommon and largely an accepted practice among married couples and people who are in a committed relationship. The findings are truly surprising. Statistically, of nearly 75,000 plus people surveyed, 80% were married. It was found that 81% of men and 68% of women think that infidelity has a positive effect on their relationship with their spouse.

There has been an immense shift in the way we think as a society. There are many who feel that life is short and they should have fun. Some people get bored with their partners and some just want to explore and score. This could be a very short-sighted approach where the person is neither satisfied nor is certain of what they are doing.

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Why would a husband cheat by having sex with other women?

Let’s understand what could be the possible reasons your husband might be cheating on you.

  • Men also need an emotional and physical support system like women do. If he gets it outside the marriage, he may be drawn to the other woman and eventually develop intimate relations with her
  • There could be unsettled resentments in the marriage and an effort to keep everyone happy in the family could be taking a toll on your man. He may look for happiness outside the marriage, and sex may just come naturally in the equation
  • You could be two different personalities and the initial charm may be slowly fading away. Differences might have given way to resentment and he seeks that excitement outside home
  • He may be emotionally drifting apart and looking for support elsewhere

Now that does not mean that men always cheat, some do, some remain loyal till their last breath. It is wise to take stock of your marriage from time to time and keep a healthy communication flowing so that you can sort out differences and work your on your marriage.

12 ways to know if your husband is having sex outside the marriage

Though adultry is real, I do not suggest you to doubt your man all the time. Like I said before, we do not live in a real world, and it is possible that your husband is sleeping with some other woman and these are just some of the signs that indicate so. If you have noticed your husband act strangely and you have been having some arguments lately, or there are negative reactions from him all the time, you should try to figure what is causing the crack. You have to find out what is happening and get to confront him.

Make sure you evaluate all facets of the situation. It could also be that he is tired of your cribby behaviour or is simply hurt by something you did or said.

Here is a pick of a few clues that might help you to decide whether he is drifting apart or cheating on you by having sex with another woman.

  1. He is unusually busy: This could be one of the clues that he is in an extramarital affair, if generally, he gives you time and of late you find him acting busy. It is better to be cautious before the lion leaves the den. If you notice he is suddenly traveling for office work out of station and is not craving taking you to bed and making love, it’s a signal he had fodder somewhere else. This could be as serious as going to a brothel to meet his physical needs

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  2. Frequent nights out: Well, if your man is not the kind who has a lot of friends and goes partying with them often without you but suddenly wants to try out clubbing every few days, there could be something fishy for sure. Try finding out who these friends are. If he takes different names and never introduces you to them, then it is a sign that he may be spending that time with the other woman
  3. Started hiding things: If you find your man hiding things and being secretive or not talking much, maybe he is having an affair; unless there is a birthday or an anniversary around the corner. Otherwise, he is being secretive to avoid spilling the beans
  4. Too much into his phone texting: If your guy is too much into phone texting or does not want to part with his phone, it could be that he is finding happiness somewhere else. You are, therefore, advised to check his messages and call history from unknown numbers. If he is smart, he may be deleting all the messages. So you can smell something fishy. Or he is smart to save the number with some other name which you might not be able to figure out. Check out his social media accounts. He might be having multiple accounts
  5. Grinning too much: If you feel he is grinning too much or blushing after returning late in the evening or after answering a phone call, ask him what is the matter. He may not reveal anything much, but may also not be able to give you definite answers. If he is sleeping with someone else, he would be home in a jovial mood and you may catch him humming a song or two.
    You may also check his wallet or pockets. You might find a bill for a restaurant or a hotel. This could be a warning sign for you. However, this may also count as intrusion so unless you really feel there is something going on, do not take this step
  6. Talking on phone privately: If you find him speaking on phone with somebody in privacy and he suddenly ends the conversation as you walk into the room, be careful; he might have found a new love interest. Whenever he takes a call in privacy, try to notice if he is really talking to another women and what he is talking about
  7. Smelling different: Your husband may be coming back from work and smelling different and fresh. After a day at work, he should be sweaty and tired, not fresh out of the bath! There is a chance that he was with someone and took a bath to get off the scent of the other person. Be cautious if you smell a new fragrance of soap/shampoo or even perfume. You have all the right to question him in this case
  8. Takes a shower as soon as he is home: If he has slept with someone other than you, he would be eager to take a shower and feel fresh lest you catch any feminine smell on him. He may also rush to the bathroom to ensure there are no kiss marks or any other signs that indicate his proximity with another woman. However, to be sure that he is heading for the shower because he is trying to avoid getting caught, give him a hug and a kiss as soon as he is home. If he hesitates, you know why!
  9. Trying new things in bed: If your guy is trying to do things differently in bed and is being over-enthusiastic, there is a chance that he is trying things out with someone else. He may also be trying to cover himself by giving you the best time in bed – if he was not like this before. Additionally, he may have hot sex with you and imagine being with someone else

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  10. Sudden increase in bills: If you notice his credit card bills have increased when the household expenses are still the same, it is a sign that some money is going away. He is sure to be dating and spending on a different woman. He may be spending on restaurants and hotels and buying expensive gifts for his new-found love. Keep an eye on the bills and take a print out as proof when you have a serious discussion with him
  11. Lipstick stains/marks: This is a clear clue something is wrong. If he is returning late after a long day at work and you find lipstick mark/stain on his clothes or elsewhere on his body, it can be safely said that he is having relations outside the marriage. And if you recognise the shades as definitely not yours, there are good chances of him having an affair
  12. Taking too much care of himself: Your husband has found a new interest in fitness/sports and grooming himself. These could be signs that he is dating someone. A sudden change in hair style, or going from a clean shaven look to beard or vice versa, which you might not like him doing. He may shop frequently and dress up, unlike his usual self. He may become conscious of what he is eating and look forward to those gymming sessions everyday.
    Perhaps he is trying to impress someone at a sports/fitness club1

All these clues are generic. If something of this sort is happening in your marriage, it is good to be wise, spend some time to understand that your suspicion is right or not. Till you are sure and have enough proof, do not question your husband. If you have facts then do approach him with an open mind. Following him to a restaurant where he is meeting the other lady is a good idea to gather proofs. Having a conversation as an adult might help you understand why he is doing so. Try to figure out as a couple. Do not jump to a conclusion or start a fight. This will make him go defensive and not tell you the truth and spoil your equation altogether.

Be aware of your rights, as there are strict laws in India for adultery. If things really go out of hand, then seek legal help.
Good luck!

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Published in Relationships 101

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