When you’re in the wooing stage, trying to win over a girl and get her to go out with you, your mind is clouded with myriad questions. The ‘texting stage’ as Gen Z now likes to call it, brings with it its own set of troubles. Are you texting her enough? Are you texting her too much? What does it mean if she replies instantly? What if she doesn’t? So, how often should you text a girl to keep her interested?
Text her too much, and she may feel that you’re coming off too strong. Don’t text her enough, and she may view it as a sign of lack of interest. It can be hard to find a balance between seeming too desperate and too aloof, which is why wondering ‘How often should I text her?’ is no surprise.
This already delicate equation is made more precarious by the fact that guys’ perspectives on texting can be radically different from girls’. We’re to help you stay on top of your texting game with a detailed lowdown on how often should you text a girl to keep her interested, what to text her and when to stop.
Should You Text Her Every Day?
We know, we really do. Sending her that meme that made you think of her, forwarding her a reel of the cutest Husky on Instagram, or just the usual, sweet good morning text messages — you clearly cannot get enough of this girl. This is why hitting the send button, is now second nature to you. Every time you’re online or hop onto your phone, you can’t help but forward her something or ask her what she’s up to.
While good texting skills are indeed crucial in the initial stages of getting a girl to like you, if you do it too much, you will spill milk all over your efforts. This is why learning where to draw the line and understanding your boundaries is important. ‘How often should I text her?’, you asked? Well, certainly not every single day. Unless she’s the one initiating it. Consider the following pointers to help guide you on how often you should text a girl to keep her interested.
1. It depends on your dynamic
Is it annoying to text a girl every day? The answer to that question depends entirely on what stage you are both at. If you’re still not officially dating – cue: you have been on fewer than five dates – it’s definitely annoying to text a girl every day. No doubt about it. At this stage, you should keep your text frequency to a couple of times a week. It’s best to do it when you know that she’d be freer to engage in conversation with you. So, in the evening or on weekends is a good idea to hit her up and can be the best time to text a girl you haven’t gotten too close to yet.
That way, you will create enough space for her to start conversations too once in a while, and not be left wondering ‘If I stop texting her will she notice?’ The only way to know is to give her room to take the initiative now and then.
Related Reading: Texting For A Date – 15 Tips To Do It Right
2. Note that she’s probably busy
When you text a girl in the beginning of your wooing period, remember that she probably does not have all the time in the world to converse with you. Donna, a marketing professional based out of Boston, says this is a definite red flag in the dating-but-not-quite stage. “There was this guy that I was enjoying talking to but then he started texting too much and even double texting every time I didn’t reply for a couple of hours. On a Friday, I had specifically told him that I had a busy day lined up at work, followed by a girls’ night out, but he kept texting incessantly. That was the end of that.”
Donna thinks they could have ended up together had she not seen early warning signs of a clingy boyfriend in him. If you don’t want to end up like him, it’s extremely important to respect boundaries and not intrude into the personal space of the girl you’re talking to. You never know when your good morning texts every day can start seeming really clingy.
3. You should play hard to get
While making effort is important to sustaining your relationship with this woman, it’s also necessary that you let her do some of the wooing too. Women get tired when men barrage them with texts, it’s something they are very, very prone to doing. This is why you should keep your eagerness on the down-low with this woman and watch her run after you instead. The answer to your ‘How often should I text her?’ question is this.
Text her enough to keep her engaged but also try to keep her asking for more. Spending the whole night texting her back, replying to her in the same minute that she sends you a message are all giving her the idea that you are head over heels into this. While expressing your interest is one thing, you need to make sure she reciprocates it. If you have to play hard to get a little bit for that to work, well then be it. So, should you text her every day? Probably not if you want her to stay interested as well.
How Often Should You Text A Girl To Keep Her Interested?
Or another way you can put this query is, ‘How often should I text a girl without seeming desperate?’ Texting has become an integral part of the dating process in this digital age where matches are made on apps and love blossoms online. This has led to several unspoken dating texting rules becoming the norm. So if you want to ace this game, you need to play by the rules.
Yes, it can be hard to keep up and adhere to all of these rules that keep cropping up and changing before you’ve had the chance to acquaint yourself with them. You may even wonder why you can’t just follow your heart. Why are these rules so important after all if you just want to text your crush?
Well, because they can save you from embarrassment and prop up your chances of winning someone over with just texts. The first crucial piece of the puzzle is knowing how often should you text a girl to keep her interested. Here are some broad guidelines that will help you strike the right balance:
Related Reading: 31 Signs A Girl Likes You But Is Trying Not To Show It
1. After getting her number is the best time to text a girl
Wondering when should you start texting a girl you just met? Soon after you get her number would be a good starting point to text your crush. If you don’t, she may think you’re not interested and get over you before she’s even into you.
Mike, who is in his late 20s and actively dating, says this strategy has always worked for him. “When should you text a girl? Well, you should do it right around when she shares her number with you. Whether I get a girl’s number online or in person, I text her within the first few hours on the pretext of sharing mine. Once she responds, I make it a point to take the conversation forward because if you let it die at this stage, it can be very hard to break the ice later on. So guys, do not miss the opportunity.”
2. After you come back from a date
How often should I text a girl I met online? Has this question been confusing you a little too much? Here is a good rule of thumb to follow. Never miss texting her after a date or after you two spent some time together in person. But don’t do it immediately after you say your goodbyes. Let her at least get home first.
That is sure to make you seem desperate. Instead, wait for a few hours, and then, drop a short and sweet text letting her know that you had a good time. In doing so, it’s best to stop just shy of asking for a second date. Again, you don’t want to come across as too eager. Give her and yourself the time to process the experience before making or proposing more plans.
Related Reading: How To Know If A Girl Likes You But Is Hiding It – 35 Low-Key Signs
3. How often should I text her without seeming desperate? Text her if you think of her
Should I text her every day if she likes me? Well, probably not. But do shoot her a text sometimes when you really do think of her. If you go by guys’ perspective on texting, you’d probably find a rhythm to the frequency of your texts to a girl that works for both of you and stick to it to play it safe. While there is nothing wrong with that, it won’t make you stand out and leave your mark on her heart and mind.
Instead, try to find the answer to ‘how often should you text a girl to keep her interested’ by approaching it from her point of view. Nothing would make a girl’s heart skip a beat and make her warm up to you more than an out-of-the-blue text telling her that you’re thinking of her.
‘Hey, just ordered the pizza from the place you said you love and thought of you.’ A simple text like this might go a long way in winning her affections. Once again, the key is to not overdo it. If you start telling her every day that something or the other is reminding you of her when you’re still in the getting to know each other phase, she might bolt before you even realize what went wrong.
Related Reading: How To Know If A Girl Likes You Over Text – 21 Subtle Signs
What Should I Text A Girl To Keep Her Interested?
Now that we’ve cleared up your ‘How often should I text her?’ dilemma, it would be wise to look into what you should probably say to her to keep the conversation between you two flowing. Just like the frequency of your texts, the content matters just as much. Nothing moves women more than the right words used at the right time and in the right context. Text messages present the perfect platform for you to use the power of words to pull at her heartstrings.
What should I text a girl to keep her interested? If this question gives you sleepless nights every time you start talking to someone new, here are a few conversation starter ideas that will make engaging her a smooth sailing ride:
1. Keep your messages positive
Whether you’re texting a girl you just met or trying to take things forward with someone you’ve been chatting with for a while, keep the content and tone of your messages positive. You don’t want to bore her with drab details of your day unless asked.
At the same time, steer clear of the trap of mansplaining and negging. Saying something like, ‘I saw a girl walking clumsily in her heels today and it reminded me of you’ is a big NO-NO. You want to endear and not offend her. Instead, try something like ‘The sunset was so gorgeous today. For some reason, it reminded me of you.’ It is a text that will hit the nail on its head.
2. Connect over pop culture when you text a girl in the beginning
Henry, who is back on the dating scene after getting out of a serious relationship, found himself lost about how to keep conversations going with a stranger over texts. “What should I text a girl to keep her interested? Or what is the best time to text a girl? And even when I do text her, what exactly am I supposed to say? These questions were giving me a lot of texting anxiety, to the point where I’d just avoid texting her at all. I’d pretty much have a brain freeze and not be able to think of anything to say to the other person.
“After a lot of disastrous interactions, I tried breaking the ice with this one girl by asking her for Netflix recommendations, and it worked like a charm. We got talking and realized we had so much in common. Unfortunately, we wanted different things, so it didn’t go any farther than a few dates, but it has since become my go-to move. If you can’t think of anything, then discuss with her how you can’t wait for the Game of Thrones spinoff. It should work.”
Related Reading: Online Flirting – With Our 21 Tips You Will Never Go Wrong!
3. Check-in on her
We know we told you not to send her good morning texts every day but you should try to check in on her every now and then so she knows you’re around. You may even be wondering, ‘if I stop texting her will she notice?’ But have you ever thought that she could be thinking the same too? So, if you and the girl you’re talking to touch base every couple of days, and you haven’t heard from in a while, don’t hesitate to reach out and ask what’s up with her.
‘Should I text her after a week of silence?’, well of course, if you are into this girl then you must. A week is a long time and you don’t want to lose the connection you two have been working on. Don’t hold yourself back because you don’t want to seem too desperate or out of ego. A thoughtful yet light-hearted message like ‘Hey Nemo, it’s Dori. Have you gone missing again?’ can work wonderfully in letting her know that you’ve noticed her absence.
4. Keep it playful
Once you’ve started talking, it may be time to move on from ‘how often should I text a girl I met online?’ to ‘what should I text a girl to keep her interested?’ At this point, it’s crucial to ask interesting questions to get to know her better. But also, equally important to ask the right questions.
You shouldn’t intrude too far into her personal life with questions about her past, her former relationships, exes, relationship with parents and so on when you text a girl in the beginning. Instead, keep it playful and light by focusing on understanding the person she is based on her likes, dislikes, passions, interests and hobbies.
5. Don’t hold back on the flirting
If you don’t want to fall into the dreaded friend zone, it is vital to evoke sexual tension and keep it alive right from the beginning. Even when you’re texting a girl you just met, don’t hold back on flirting a little. If she responds, you can gradually build up the tempo. However, know where to draw the line between flirty and creepy.
For instance, ‘Your eyes cast a hypnotic spell on me. I can’t seem to take my eyes off your profile picture’ is tastefully flirtatious. On the other hand, ‘That mole right above your cleavage is giving me a hard-on’ is downright creepy and offensive. Know the difference.
Related Reading: How To Get A Girl To Like You Over Text?
When Should You Stop Texting A Girl?
Sometimes, you may do and say all the right things, and yet, things may not work out between you and the girl you’re trying to woo. You may feel the chemistry fizzling out but may not know when to take a step back. Perhaps she’s giving you the indication that your texting stage is coming to a close. Or she only replies to you with K’s and Hmm’s. As annoying as that can be, maybe you should take the hint and say your goodbyes soon.
So, when should you stop texting a girl? Are there any tell-tale indicators that say she’s not interested even though she hasn’t said so in as many words? Turns out, there are quite a few. Here is when to stop texting a girl:
- She stops responding: You have sent her 6 text messages over two weeks and she hasn’t responded to even one. This is your cue to quietly exit her life and move on to greener pastures. If she has a valid reason – a medical emergency, family issues, work trouble – for not responding but is still interested, she will touch base and let you know sooner or later
- Her responses are curt: If you’ve been sending long, heartfelt messages and she is responding in monosyllables, just stop. It’s not worth your while to invest so much time and energy into someone who won’t reciprocate
- She doesn’t take initiative: Should I text her every day if she likes me? Perhaps she does like you and she even always responds to your texts but never initiates conversations. If that behavior leaves you guessing ‘if I stop texting her will she notice?’, give it a try. Go without texting her for a while, and if she doesn’t reach out, it’s a tell-tale sign you need to stop too
- She has asked you to back off: If a girl has explicitly told you she’s not interested in taking things forward, then that’s when you should stop texting her by all means
- You have nothing in common: In case after interacting for a few days, you’ve realized that you two are like apples and oranges, it’s best not to waste her time and yours. Stop texting and move on
- You’ve connected with someone else: It’s not uncommon to text two or three prospects at a time. If you’ve developed a deeper and more meaningful connection with someone, it’s best to stop texting the other girls in the loop, to be able to focus on that one person
As Kenny Rogers says, “You’ve got to know when to hold ’em. Know when to fold ’em. Know when to walk away. And know when to run.” The same principle applies to how often you should text a girl and when you should stop. These broad guidelines will help you revamp your texting game and make online interactions translate into real-life dates.
The frequency of your text messages depends on what stage you’re at. If you’re still getting to know each other, then texting a couple of times a week should be good enough.
Yes, when you’re dating – even if you’re far from exclusive – it’s a good idea to text every day. Even more so, if you want to take the relationship forward.
If she has not replied to two or three of your text messages, you should stop and wait for her to respond. Sending out a barrage of texts without receiving a reply will make you look too eager and needy.