When you’re in the wooing stage, trying to win over a girl and get her to go out with you, your mind is clouded with myriad questions. Are you texting her enough? Are you texting her too much? What does it mean if she replies instantly? What if she doesn’t? So, how often should you text a girl to keep her interested?
Text her too much, and she may feel that you’re coming off too strong. Don’t text her enough, and she may view it as a sign of lack of interest. It can be hard to find a balance between seeming too desperate and too aloof.
This already delicate equation is made more precarious by the fact that guys’ perspective on texting can be radically different from girls’. We’re to help you stay on top of your texting game with a detailed lowdown on how often should you text a girl to keep her interested, what to text her and when to stop.
How Often Should You Text A Girl To Keep Her Interested?
Texting has become an integral part of the dating process in this digital age where matches are made on apps and love blossoms online. That has led to several unspoken dating texting rules becoming the norm.
Yes, it can be hard to keep up and adhere to all of these rules that keep cropping up and changing before you’ve had the chance to acquaint yourself with them. You may even wonder why you can’t just follow your heart. Why are these rules so important after all?
Well, because they can save you from embarrassment and prop up your chances of winning someone over with just texts. The first crucial piece of the puzzle is knowing how often should you text a girl to keep her interested. Here are some broad guidelines that will help you strike the right balance:
Related Reading: 31 Signs A Girl Likes You But Is Trying Not To Show It
1. After getting her number
Wondering when should you start texting a girl you just met? Soon after you get her number would be a good start point. If you don’t she may think you’re not interested and get over you before she’s even into you.
Mike, who is in his late 20s and actively dating, says this strategy has always worked for him. “Whether I get a girl’s number online or in person, I text her within the first few hours on the pretext of sharing mine. Once she responds, I make it a point to take the conversation forward because if you let it die at this stage, it can be very hard to break the ice.”
2. After you come back from a date
How often should I text a girl I met online? Has this question been confusing you? Here is a good rule of thumb to follow – never miss texting her after a date. But don’t do it immediately after you say your goodbyes.
That is sure to make you seem desperate. Instead, wait for a few hours, and then, drop a short and sweet text letting her know that you had a good time. In doing so, it’s best to stop just shy of asking for a second date.
Again, you don’t want to come across as too eager. Give her and yourself the time to process the experience before making or proposing more plans.
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3. Don’t text her everyday
Is it annoying to text a girl every day? The answer to that question depends entirely on what stage you are both at. If you’re still not officially dating – cue: you have been on fewer than five dates – it’s definitely annoying to text a girl every day.
At this stage, you should keep your text frequency to a couple of times a week. It’s best to do it when you know that she’d be freer to engage in conversation with you. So, in the evening or on weekends is a good idea.
That way, you will create enough space for her to start conversations too once in a while, and not be left wondering ‘if I stop texting her will she notice?’ The only way to know is to give her room to take the initiative now and then.
4. Don’t text her when she is busy
Donna, a marketing professional based out of Boston, says this is a definite red flag in the dating-but-not-quite stage. “There was this guy that I was enjoying talking to but then he started texting too much. On a Friday, I had specifically told him that I had a busy day lined up at work, followed by girls’ night out, but he kept texting incessantly. That was the end of that.”
Donna thinks they could have ended up together had she not seen early warning signs of a clingy boyfriend in him. If you don’t want to end up like him, it’s extremely important to respect boundaries and not intrude into the personal space of the girl you’re talking to.
5. Text her if you think of her
If you go by guys’ perspective on texting, you’d probably find a rhythm to the frequency of your texts to a girl that works for both of you and stick to it to play it safe. While there is nothing wrong with that, it won’t make you stand out and leave your mark on her heart and mind.
Instead, try to find the answer to ‘how often should you text a girl to keep her interested’ by approaching it from her point of view. Nothing would make a girl’s heart skip a beat and make her warm up to you more than an out-of-the-blue text telling her that you’re thinking of her.
‘Hey, just ordered the pizza from the place you said you love and thought of you.’ A simple text like this might go a long way in winning her affections. Once again, the key is to not overdo it.
If you start telling her every day that something or the other is reminding you of her when you’re still in the getting to know each other phase, she might bolt before you even realize what went wrong.
Related Reading: How To Know If A Girl Likes You Over Text – 21 Subtle Signs
What Should I Text A Girl To Keep Her Interested?
Just like the frequency of your texts, the content matters too. Nothing moves women more than the right words used at the right time and in the right context. Text messages present the perfect platform for you to use the power of words to pull at her heartstrings.
What should I text a girl to keep her interested? If this question gives you sleepless nights every time you start talking to someone new, here are a few conversation starter ideas that will make engaging her a smooth sailing ride:
1. Keep your messages positive
Whether you’re texting a girl you just met or trying to take things forward with someone you’ve been chatting with for a while, keep the content and tone of your messages positive. You don’t want to bore her with drab details of your day unless asked.
At the same time, steer clear of the trap of mansplaining and negging. Saying something like, ‘I saw a girl walking clumsily in her heels today and it reminded me of you’ is a big NO-NO. You want to endear and not offend her.
Instead, try something like ‘The sunset was so gorgeous today. For some reason, it reminded me of you.’ It is a text that will hit the nail on its head.
2. Connect over pop culture
Henry, who is back on the dating scene after getting out of a serious relationship, found himself lost about how to keep conversations going with a stranger over texts. “What should I text a girl to keep her interested? The question was giving me a lot of texting anxiety. I’d pretty much have a brain freeze and not be able to think of anything to say to the other person.
“After a lot of disastrous interactions, I tried breaking the ice with this one girl by asking her for Netflix recommendations, and it worked like a charm. We got talking and realized we had so much in common. Unfortunately, we wanted different things, so it didn’t go any farther than a few dates, but it has since become my go-to move.”
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3. Check-in on her
You may be wondering, ‘if I stop texting her will she notice?’ But have you ever thought that she could be thinking the same too? So, if you and the girl you’re talking to touch base every couple of days, and you haven’t heard from in a while, don’t hesitate to reach out and ask what’s up with her.
Don’t hold yourself back because you don’t want to seem too desperate or out of ego. A thoughtful yet light-hearted message like ‘Hey Nemo, it’s Dori. Have you gone missing again?’ can work wonderfully in letting her know that you’ve noticed her absence.
4. Keep it playful
Once you’ve started talking, it may be time to move on from ‘how often should I text a girl I met online?’ to ‘what should I text a girl to keep her interested?’ At this point, it’s crucial to ask interesting questions to get to know her better. But also, equally important to ask the right questions.
You shouldn’t intrude too far into her personal life with questions about her past, her former relationships, exes, relationship with parents and so on. Instead, keep it playful and light by focusing on understanding the person she is based on her likes, dislikes, passions, interests and hobbies.
5. Don’t hold back on the flirting
If you don’t want to fall into the dreaded friend zone, it is vital to evoke sexual tension and keep it alive right from the beginning. Even when you’re texting a girl you just met, don’t hold back on flirting a little. If she responds, you can gradually build up the tempo. However, know where to draw the line between flirty and creepy.
For instance, ‘Your eyes cast a hypnotic spell on me. I can’t seem to take my eyes off your profile picture’ is tastefully flirtatious. On the other hand, ‘That mole right above your cleavage is giving me a hard-on’ is downright creepy and offensive.
Related Reading: How To Get A Girl To Like You Over Text?
When Should You Stop Texting A Girl?
Sometimes, you may do and say all the right things, and yet, things may not work out between you and the girl you’re trying to woo. You may feel the chemistry fizzling out but may not know when to take a step back.
So, when should you stop texting a girl? Are there any tell-tale indicators that say she’s not interested even though she hasn’t said so in as many words? Turns out, there are. Here is when to stop texting a girl:
- She stops responding: You have sent her 6 text messages over two weeks and she hasn’t responded to even one. This is your cue to quietly exit her life and move on to greener pastures. If she has a valid reason – a medical emergency, family issues, work trouble – for not responding but is still interested, she will touch base and let you know sooner or later
- Her responses are curt: If you’ve been sending long, heartfelt messages and she is responding in monosyllables, just stop. It’s not worth your while to invest so much time and energy into someone who won’t reciprocate
- She doesn’t take initiative: Perhaps, she always responds to your texts but never initiates conversations. If that behavior leaves you guessing ‘if I stop texting her will she notice?’, give it a try. Go without texting her for a while, and if she doesn’t reach out, it’s a tell-tale sign you need to stop too
- She has asked you to back off: If a girl has explicitly told you she’s not interested in taking things forward, then that’s when you should stop texting her by all means
- You have nothing in common: In case after interacting for a few days, you’ve realized that you two are like apples and oranges, it’s best not to waste her time and yours. Stop texting and move on
- You’ve connected with someone else: It’s not uncommon to text two or three prospects at a time. If you’ve developed a deeper and more meaningful connection with someone, it’s best to stop texting the other girls in the loop, to be able to focus on that one person
As Kenny Rogers says, ‘You’ve got to know when to hold ’em. Know when to fold ’em. Know when to walk away. And know when to run.’ The same principle applies to how often you should text a girl and when you should stop. These broad guidelines will help you revamp your texting game and make online interactions translate into real-life dates.
The frequency of your text messages depends on what stage you’re at. If you’re still getting to know each other, then texting a couple of times a week should be good enough.
Yes, when you’re dating – even if you’re far from exclusive – it’s a good idea to text every day. Even more so, if you want to take the relationship forward.
If she has not replied to two or three of your text messages, you should stop and wait for her to respond. Sending out a barrage of texts without receiving a reply will make you look too eager and needy.