Distance doesn’t matter if a relationship holds importance in your life. Many courageous couples who choose a long-distance relationship testify to this belief in the present generation. If you ask them how to make a long-distance relationship work, they would tell you the ways they have figured out to keep their relationships going strong.
But a few decades ago, many wouldn’t have chosen ‘loving from a distance’ or staying apart in distant countries, owing to lots of complications, trust issues, and limited communication opportunities. Starting a long-distance relationship now is not all that difficult.
Because things are different now. In this inter-connected era of mobile applications, you don’t just have to spend dull and depressed days missing them a lot. Decades back couples in long-distance relationships had to wait for months to receive a single phone call.
Now you can instantly share what you feel over messaging apps, Facetime them before sleeping and nurture the relationship with mutual trust and compatibility.
Communication has become fairly easy for couples to connect instantly. But, can we say that regular usage technology can make a long distance relationship work? Let us explore this equation below.
Related Reading: 8 Effective Ways To Make A Long-Distance Relationship Work
Starting A Long-Distance Relationship
Long-distance relationships are not meant for the faint-hearted. But if you are really in love, you can follow your heart and choose to be in one. While starting a long-distance relationship keep a few things in mind.
Many couples have their personal reasons for this choice. There are some people who deserve to be a part of your life, no matter how far away they are.
You feel a strong connection with your partner and invest all your time to nurture this bond based purely on trust and mutual understanding. Many couples who feel LDRs are not their cup of tea break up prior to moving overseas.
But if you have decided to be in this challenging couple dynamics, here are some basic ground rules to be kept in mind
1.You will miss your partner even more
Yes, a long distance relationship will fuel your longing for your partner even more. At times, you might feel lonely and depressed, thinking about the unending halt in your love life created by the LDR.
This is something that is inevitable and you will have to deal with this feeling.
2. Distance is a villain
Staying separately miles apart might create a lot of misunderstandings. But, if qualities like honesty, trust and openness are there in your relationship, then this peril of distance can be bridged easily.
Couples, before committing to a LDR, must think about reducing distance over a set period for its certain success.
3. You are committed yet independent
LDRs bring the best of both worlds to a couple. Here again, distance is important, as it gives you strength to balance your individuality in tune with your bonding as a couple.
Over the course of the relationship, you might experience growth as an individual in terms of formidable strength, impeccable decision making and independent career, which is a great sign.
Related Reading: 15 Benefits Of Long-Distance Relationships
4. Takes a toll on your finances
If you are planning to see each other in every 3-4 months, then travelling expenses might put a hole in your pocket.
Also, before accepting a LDR, be ready to accommodate an increase in your monthly mobile bills, due to exorbitant ISD calls.
5. Jealousy may seep into your relationship
Seeing others spend considerable time with your partner can make you feel jealous. If you accept this reality and give them space and peace of mind, it will guard your relationship in the long run.
Don’t be a jealous boyfriend or girlfriend in a long-distance relationship and make your partner’s life difficult.
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6. Being in an LDR puts your relationship at risk
This may be because of lack of quality communication and physical presence. Understanding his/her professional challenges and supporting them through thick and thin builds a solid base for your relationship.
But you could also get attracted to other people when your partner is away. That puts your relationship at risk.
7. You will fall in love with his/her voice
Since voice is the only way with which you can connect with your partner, you will be more receptive to it. You would know just by hearing the voice what kind of a mood your partner is in.
Through the pauses on the phone you would know if anything is troubling them. You will become more instinctive and perceptive.
Related Reading: 15 Signs He Finds You Irresistible
8. Communication might be taken for granted
Especially when the time zone has 11-12 hour wide gap. In this situation, even technology can’t help connect a couple seamlessly.
Things might look comfortable on the surface, but deep beneath, it might signal great trouble brewing in terms of misunderstandings or fights. So, don’t act lazy while in an LDR and take charge of communication, even if it is once a day
9. Be ready to resolve misunderstandings
Consider your tone and flow of conversations while you interact with your partner via technology. Address the trivial issues in hand tactfully.
If your partner is angry, find out ways to cool them down first. Wait for the right time to express your feelings and see how overcoming these issues helps you grow as a couple
10. 100% trust and commitment is the key to success
While committing as a long-distance couple, you place trust in the other person. People might question your relentless trust in him/her and plant doubts in your head, citing this relationship is just killing your time.
But, if you are certain of your future with him/her, then trust and commitment will take you places as a couple.
Related Reading: Trust Issues – 10 Signs You Find It Difficult To Trust Anyone
How To Make A Long-Distance Relationships Work?
It is a well-known fact that a long distance relationship is more sensitive and needs extra effort to maintain it. So, this introduces us to another basic ground rule on which LDR survives.
Long distance relationships statistics show:
- 14 million couples in the US define themselves as having a long-distance relationship
- 3.75 million married couples are in a long-distance relationship
- 32.5 % of all long-distance relationships are college relationships
- 75 % of all engaged couples have been (at some point) in a long-distance relationship
- 2.9 % of all married couples in the states live in a long-distance relationship
- 10 % of all marriages in the states started out as a long-distance relationship
Yes, we are going to explore the importance of communication in such a relationship. Quality interactions are a holy grail that act as a primer to your relationship. You and your partner may have loads to talk about, but at the end of the day, you are limited by various factors.
Different timelines and busy professional schedules may leave you with very less time to interact. So, quality communication can make your long distance relationship work successfully.
Long-distance relationship phone calls and text conversations keep the communication alive. That’s the best way to make a long-distance relationship work.
Besides you and your partner, your communication also requires a ‘medium’ and a ‘message’. So, be ready to make instant messaging and video calling apps like WhatsApp, Skype and Google Duo an active part of your romantic life and use them to instantly connect with your partner anytime, anywhere.
Now, we have a ‘medium’ in hand, but what about ‘messages’? Here the quality of messages matters. Move beyond ‘how are you, where are you’ and ask the questions that will deepen your connection. Understand and empathise with their challenges and support them through conversations.
Try to understand their lifestyle overseas and ask them questions about it. This is a great way to emotionally connect with your partner in a long-distance relationship.
1. Questions to asked daily
- How do you start a day?
- What is it that you cannot survive without in a day?
- What’s the best way to end a long day?
- What reenergises you after a hectic day?
- What is your favourite weekend pastime?
- Does spending time with other people energise you or drain you?
2. Questions that would allow revelations
- When did you feel attracted to me?
- What was your thought after our first session in bed?
- Which part of my body you find most attractive?
- What do you miss most when am not there with you at night?
- What would you want to do when we meet next?
- Share an embarrassing/funny moment from your life?
Related Reading: 100 Questions To Ask Your Boyfriend
3. Questions related to life’s vision
- What is your driving force at present?
- How do you think you can make most of the day?
- What is one thing you will never give up on in life?
- When do you plan to end this LDR?
- Where do you want to stay after that?
- What are your plans for a family?
4. Also, you may talk about the future
- When do you plan to retire?
- Where do you want to settle down after retirement?
- Where do you see yourself 10 years down the line?
- What is your purpose of life?
- Do you believe in Karma? If yes, then do you think it will come back to you one day in life?
- How do you see our future together?
How To Maintain A Long-Distance Relationship?
A couple has to establish ground rules to see a long distance relationship transcend all the barriers. Communication when you both are miles apart can be a challenge, but not impossible. You can survive a long-distance relationship if you keep some things in mind.
Here are some tips that can help you maintain a long distance relationship successfully.
1. Keep timelines in mind
Align timelines for quality interactions. Keep time zones in mind if you and your partner are placed in two different countries or continents.
Schedule your video interactions. Maybe you can talk when you wake up in the morning. You can again talk over the phone in a long-distance relationship while doing your evening walk. At night say goodnight over video call.
Track the time gap and schedule video calls accordingly. If the time gap between both your regions or countries is between 1-2 hours, then video calls can easily breathe life into your communication as a couple. In countries of 11-12 hour timeline gap, use weekends to schedule ‘face-time’
2. Ensure net is always there
Internet can be a baddie at times due to lack of connectivity, which may irritate you or your partner. Don’t express your resentment instantly, which may further aggravate the gap.
Continuously calling him/her, again and again, might overwhelm you. Instead, connect with them after 1-2 hours to see if the Internet is working or not. This is the best way to make a long-distance relationship work.
Ensure you have an alternative connection of internet. If one fails you can use the other one. But not having a connection and not communicating is not acceptable. Both partners should make proper net provisions.
3. Write emails
One limitation opens up the way for another communication opportunity, that is, emails. You don’t have to be a great writer to write emails to your lover.
Just be honest with your feelings and see how a simple email could carry your feelings and evokes emotions in the heart of your beloved.
Writing mails is a great way to stay romantically connected. You can revive the lost art of letter writing this way. When you go through the old mails you will both feel the love and emotional connection.
4. Celebrate important occasions
Don’t miss out on important occasions; celebrate everything and give thoughtful expression to your relationship.
When you can’t be together in person, make their birthdays, Valentine’s Day, anniversaries or their success unforgettable via thoughtful gifts.
Receiving a surprise bouquet of red roses will make her cheeks blush red in shyness and may leave her heart racing. Or a personalised fountain pen marking his promotion will make him think of you in gratitude
5. Stay emotionally connected in a long-distance relationship
Working on the emotional connection is the most important part of a long-distance relationship. You have to ensure that in now way you lose the emotional intimacy.
There is no denying the fact that physical intimacy is important in a relationship but when you meet you can be physically intimate or you can also practise masturbation in a long-distance relationship.
But you cannot lose the emotional intimacy for a moment. If you do not pay special heed to that you run the risk of your partner to get into an emotional affair that would be a disaster.
You should be your partner’s emotional backbone no matter where you are. That’s hw you can make a long- distance relationship work.
With all these expert suggestions in place, couples can sail successfully through their long-distance relationship phase and experience the bliss in a reunion.
According to statistics 4.5 months – the average time before a long-distance relationship breaks down. Usually 40 % of all long-distance relationships ends with a break-up and 70 % of all failed long distance relationships fail due to unplanned changes.
The hardest part is when you see couples around having a good time at the coffee shop or at the mall and you suddenly feel lonely. You miss your partner immensely and feel desperate to be with them.
People usually get into long-distance relationships for career, studies and sometimes even to look after aging parents. But an LDR is worth it because you know you will be reunited in the end and LDR teaches you patience, independence and the strength of love.
Cheating in a long-distance relationship is something you should never do. It shatters the partner cheated upon. As such LDRs are emotionally hard and on top of that if cheating happens it finishes a person mentally.