It’s a Wedding Night Myth that All Women Bleed the first time

My Questions and Answers | | Expert Author , Chief Consultant Sexologist & Fertility Specialist
Updated On: July 28, 2023

On our first night I could not find my wife’s hymen and neither did she bleed. It is inevitable there will be some wedding night expectations. I did lots of foreplay before that for more than one hour. She was wet and her opening was clearly visible to me. I know for a fact that she hasn’t done activities like horse riding, cycling, gymnastics or has used a tampon ever. When I came to penetration she took me very well and without any pain. I was inside her 60% at one go. Does this mean she had sex before? Or is this bleeding thing just a wedding night myth?

Is it really a wedding night myth?

I believe even if the hymen isn’t there, then she must feel pain, if it is her first time of penetration sex. It is not that I am dying to follow the historic tradition of wedding night virginity testing. This is just a question that came to my mind. What is then the truth about first wedding night sex? Don’t worry I am a good guy and I do care about my wife. We love each other but my queries are just to know if this is a myth. I want to know the scientific reason for this. It doesn’t matter if she lost her virginity before and I am totally focused on a good future.

Hoping to get a real answer without any bias.

Dear Hubby-In-Doubt

There is indeed a need for debunking the first-night myths. It is a not true that a woman must bleed at the first attempt at sexual intercourse. Bleeding usually happens due to the rupture of the hymen in virgins. However, the hymen may be absent from birth or might rupture while playing games, doing exercises or using tampoons. Hence, a woman need not necessarily bleed at the first attempt at sexual intercourse to prove her virginity.

Wedding night myths that need to be addressed right away 

The word ‘virgin’ means one who has not had sexual intercourse, which may be verified by an intact hymen.

However, a girl whose hymen is intact may have had intercourse, whereas a girl who has never had intercourse may not have an intact hymen.

Chastity and virginity are two different things

The idea of chastity and virginity needs to be clarified. There are virgins who are not chaste and chaste individuals who are not physiologically virgin. I have seen plenty of marriages on the rocks because of this misconception. It is all a matter of a big issue over a small tissue.

If you love your wife forget it

Love her unconditionally
Love her unconditionally

You say you love your wife and care for her. I hope now that I have explained the whole thing to you, you will be able to get this out of your mind. As you say it is important to debunk this wedding night myth, but virginity of a woman should not be the basis of any relationship. I hope you find a connection with your wife both physically and mentally and spend a happy married life.

Best Wishes

Dr Paras Shah

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