Do you know the billion-dollar question which every girl wants an answer to? It’s ‘why on earth do guys tend to distance themselves after getting physically intimate’? You start to wonder why even though everything was going so well after an amazing night, why he suddenly pulled away.
Has there been a case of, ‘He stopped texting me after we slept together!’ in your life which has left you completely puzzled and unable to comprehend what went wrong? Did you do something which you weren’t supposed to do? Was it simply a hookup for him? Were you bad in bed? Was it because of the tiny fart you couldn’t control? Or that snorting laughter at one of his funny jokes?
These are some of the endless questions that seem to run across your mind. People are of the general misconception that women are the most complicated creatures on earth, but let us tell you, men are equally difficult to understand at times – this being one of them.
If this isn’t the first time you have experienced a perfectly good guy, magically disappearing after a perfectly good night, it’s time you get some answers to get to the bottom of this. And we’re here to give you just that. Read on to know the truth behind this infamous absconding act of men.
Why Men Become Distant After Getting Intimate
The night was so magical that you day dreamed about it the whole of the next day. From the chills you felt on your spine to all the types of kisses you experienced to the rush you felt when it was over, for you, it just could not have gone better. So you expected him to give you a call telling you how he felt the same.
But that call never came and instead, you ended up calling him and he just sounded reticent and uninterested. What happened there? That’s when you spend the rest of the day wondering what you did wrong.
Eventually, you’re left playing a game of this or that with yourself when trying to figure out the reason he is distant after intimacy. But we are here to break it down for you. Here are some reasons men become distant after getting intimate.
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1. The chasing gene
The chasing gene can be considered an ego factor and a competitive instinct found in most men. Couples love to flirt with each other and enjoy the thrill of it so they keep up the chase and indulge in games with one another.
Guys instantly pick up the flirting signs as soon women give it out. At the end of the day, women love being chased and men love to do the chasing.
But after you have slept with him, the chase is essentially over and this is what leads guys to become distant as they feel their goal is reached and their curiosity is satisfied. It is disheartening to know that he only viewed you as some kind of an accomplishment and nothing more but sadly, this is indeed why guys act weird after hooking up. They just don’t know what to do next!
2. He is not ready for a relationship
It’s his fault, not yours, except you may have not taken him too seriously when you had heard him say he is not up for anything serious. The problem lies in the fact that he may have come to notice certain ties of attachments which he wasn’t planning on having.
He believes he is not ready for any kind of commitment. And that is fair on his part, as long as he is honest about it. So, in order to keep a check on his emotions, he is distancing himself and ignoring you.
When Cailee went on a couple dates with Morgan, the two of them felt an intense attraction and hooked up on their third date. Morgan had made it clear to Cailee earlier on that he wasn’t looking for anything serious since he had just gotten out of a relationship. So after the two did the deed, Morgan zipped up and left and didn’t really know how to talk to Cailee again.
Cailee said, “I was really attracted to him. I would have definitely liked to see things through here. I’m not sure why he stopped responding to my texts or calling me back.”
3. You are scaring him away
If you are of the view that he is going to start loving you after last night’s sex, you might as well get rid of that idea sooner rather than later. It’s always better to not go into these things with such lofty hopes. When men withdraw after intimacy, it could be because they’re scared of the enormity of your feelings.
Sometimes men are terrified of love and commitment. So if you start singing him a song in the morning, make him breakfast in bed and/or plan your next weekend together the morning right after sex, they are going to run and never look back. So, even if you start falling for him, make sure to not give it away so soon.
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4. He did not enjoy himself
We know this is going to sting and we’re worried about even bringing this up, but it is time to be real with yourself about what happened that night. If he is distant after intimacy, this may be a pretty solid reason for him to go MIA all of a sudden. Maybe last night did not go as planned, and even though he thought you guys would really be good in bed, it turned out to be just the opposite and maybe you just did not have great sex after all.
This is exactly what may be bothering him and driving him away, and so he withdrew without even a goodbye. We would highly recommend you to not go after him and definitely not call him up again because that chemistry is just not there.
Erin and Reed hooked-up up at a college frat party once. They had known each other since before as they had a couple of classes together, but had never been close. At the party, when the two got intimate, they were having fun at first but since both of them were under the influence, the sex was a little sloppy and uncomfortable.
Erin did not remember much and texted Reed the next day but he didn’t respond. She started double texting him and wrote him a message saying, ‘Why have you stopped texting me after we slept together?’
Reed finally replied and said, ‘I’m sorry Erin. You’re a beautiful woman, but I just didn’t have a great time last night. I don’t think we should do this again.’ However brutal his honesty, we still give ten points to Reed for expressing his feelings and not just ghosting Erin.
5. You are being clingy
Sometimes we tend to behave super clingy even without even realizing it. Men tend to bail out as soon as they get a whiff of the other person being a potential clinger because they just cannot handle it. They need you to give them time and space and let things unfold one at a time. If you are showing clingy girlfriend signs, then this might not go well for you.
Guys need space after intimacy, there’s no getting around it. So don’t start love-bombing him the moment you put your clothes back on. Even if you really want this to work out, you need to control yourself as clinging to him like a life raft is just not going to help.
Malaynna and Scott met each other at a wedding. After the two of them spent a wonderful night together dancing at the beach, they went back to Scott’s hotel room. Scott was convinced this was going to be a one-time thing. But Malaynna had a different idea of what was going on and thought of Scott as a potential boyfriend.
She began to talk about things like getting into a long distance relationship or how often Scott should come visit her when they got back to their own cities, even before the two had gotten out of bed. These expectations completely shocked Scott and made him run in the other direction.
6. He has an inferiority complex
Boyfriend distant after intimacy? This could be why. Yet another reason why he’s distancing himself right after sex could be that he is probably worrying himself sick that he was not good in bed. He feels he is with someone out of his league.
This may be what is keeping him away from you and that’s why he is not keen on contacting you again. Do guys distance themselves when they like a girl? Yes absolutely. And when they like a girl too much, they keep finding reasons to believe that they’re not good enough.
You should give him some time and try to give him a good dose of confidence. You often think guys act weird after hooking up because something is wrong with you. But in reality, he could be dealing with something much deeper.
Talk it out if you have a hunch that this could be why he is ignoring you. Let him know that he can trust you. That is sure to do the job and this concern will stop eating away at him.
Related Reading: What Is The Difference Between Making Love And Having Sex?
7. Hormonal reasons
Sometimes when guys need space after intimacy, it has more to do with their biology than with anything else. Yes, men tend to have a chemical power-down, more like a refractory or recovery phase just after an orgasm. Research shows that some people can experience some level of negative feelings and they might want to distance themselves from their sexual partners.
Also during ejaculation, one of the many hormones secreted is known as prolactin which suppresses the expression of desire and arouses sleepiness and sexual satisfaction. In other words, post-sex, the testosterone levels in the body go down which temporarily decreases a man’s desire for sex and they tend to pull away.
So before you go on a yelling spree and start blame shifting him if he is distant after intimacy, consider the possibility that it could just be out of his hands.
So, now you know the secret behind why men tend to pull away just after physical intimacy. You can’t change men overnight, but this article is sure to give you much better clarity and ways you can react to such situations in your life. So whether it’s your boyfriend being distant after intimacy because his hormones are in a flux or just dealing with the general idea that men withdraw from intimacy, now you know exactly why.
You will just need to figure out whether the guy is a player or there’s remotely a chance of him having feelings for you. Because as confusing as it may be, do guys distance themselves when the like a girl? Absolutely, yes. So the scale can really tip either way. It’s up to you to to solve the mystery!
1. What to do when he pulls away after sex?
You absolutely need to refrain from drunk-texting and drunk-dialing him. It’s a complete no-go. The thing that you do need to do in such situations is to give him space, play it cool, and give him time. Once he has the time to relax and think it over, he will come back for you and now it’s your turn to chase him. But mind you, don’t play the game for too long.
2. How to show him that you don’t need him?
You are an independent woman right? So, you need to make him feel just the same. You need to go out with your friends, live your life like you would have otherwise done and show him that you are not out there brooding over him, waiting for him to return.
3. How to react when he comes back to you?
It is very important that you are not rude and closed off when he comes back to you. Instead you need to be open and communicative. Let him talk his heart out and you will have a clear idea why he freaked out. This way you can avoid it from happening again.