How To Keep Calm When Your Girlfriend Talks To Other Guys

Angelina Gupta
girlfriend talks to other guys

‘I know this one guy who really likes my girlfriend and can see that his crush on her is still very strong. I tell my girlfriend not to speak to him but come out as possessive and silly. Please help.’ He wrote to Bonobology.  Our experts told him that he must be extremely careful while dealing with this delicate situation or else he will seem controlling and might put her off totally. The expert suggested that he should learn to trust her unless he has found solid evidence to not.

Related Reading: She Said I Am Ugly And Left Me For Another Guy

Jealousy and insecurity in a relationship are normal but to an extent. When your girlfriend talks to other guys, most will feel a bit jealous and wouldn’t know what to do about it.

What causes insecurity and jealousy in a relationship

There are many reasons for insecurity and jealousy to exist in a relationship. It could be because:-

  • You suffer from a lack of self-confidence and low self-esteem
  • You have consciously/subconsciously witnessed infidelity around you as you were growing up
  • You feel that your partner is better than you and you will lose her to someone else
  • Past traumas like losing a loved one can also give you a sense of insecurity
  • Perhaps you have had some recent failure

Related Reading: My Wife Left Me Because She Wasn’t Allowed to Shop at Supermarkets

Whatever the reason be, remember you must deal with the feelings of jealousy and insecurity in a healthy and smart manner. If you don’t, it can poison your relationship. You check for signs of unhealthy jealousy in a relationship here.

5 Probable Reasons Your Girlfriend Talks To Other Guys

Your girlfriend may not be an introvert like you are. She enjoys talking to other guys as she talks to girls and this makes you insecure. You have no issues with her being over-friendly to girls but why guys, you ask yourself. Perhaps in your head, all the warning bells are ringing, you ask yourself all these questions like My girlfriend talks to other guys behind my back”, should I get mad if my girlfriend talks to other guys? Or why does my girlfriend talk about other guys in front of me? I get jealous when she talks to other guys, is it wrong to ask my girlfriend to stop talking to someone? Do not worry we will resolve all your questions by the end of this article.

By the end of this article, all your questions of whether you should be worried or whether you’re overthinking will be answered.

Here are 5 probable reasons your girlfriend talks to other guys.

Related Reading: 10 important components of trust in a relationship

1. She is trying to make you jealous

Sometimes talking to other guys is just a stunt that girlfriends pull off to gain your attention. They want you to pay more attention to them as you would do before. They want you to stick around them more often. This is like reverse psychology. She will casually mention some guy sending her a good morning message often or checking her out at a party. She may also act charming to a guy whenever you are around. etc. Learn to see these signs and see if they happen in front of you or otherwise too. You can always ask one of your trusted friends to help you with this. One of our discussions was on how this girl tried to make her boyfriend jealous on Facebook here.

Related Reading: Love me best! The wife who had to be the centre of attention

She is trying to make you jealous

She might be fooling around to make you jealous Image source

2. She’s not that into you

Your girlfriend may not be as serious as you are in the relationship. She might be using your relationship as a cover until she finds someone else or she may not be ready for a full commitment yet. You are perhaps just a backup boyfriend for her. Maybe she has a star sign that is flirtatious by nature!

3. She doesn’t respect you

Imagine you both going to a party and she leaves you to flirt with other guys. She doesn’t even care that you are also at the party. This is an indication that she doesn’t respect you and your presence doesn’t bother her much.

Related Reading: Indian Gods teach us about Mutual Respect In Relationships

4. She wants to have control over you

Sometimes, girlfriends talk to other guys and flirt with them to mess with you. They want you to feel insecure so that you start valuing them more. She wants to have more power over you by involving the fear that you can lose her to other guys.  This is a classic controlling strategy that girls use over guys.

Related Reading: 13 Signs Of A Controlling Woman To Watch Out For

5. It’s in your head

Sometimes we tend to just overthink things and ruin our relationship(s). Your girlfriend is an extrovert and feels more comfortable in the company of guys. She may not be a person who makes girls their best friends. It may just be her nature. One interesting fact about this millennial generation is that they can be close friends with people from the other gender without feeling romantic or any such amorous emotions. You must learn to have faith.

Related reading: My outgoing girlfriend hates restrictions and I feel insecure. How should I handle this situation?

10 Things To Do When Your Girlfriend Talks To Other Guys

It is important not to let your jealousy and insecurity get the better of you, you must overcome your insecurity. If you want to do something about your girlfriend talking to other guys, you need to keep your calm first and handle it maturely. If you don’t, you could turn into an over-possessive boyfriend and this jealousy could turn into an obsession. So, how can you tell if your girlfriend is flirting with another guy? What to do when your girlfriend talks to other guys? We have 10 things.

Related reading: When my wife cheated on me, I decided to show more love

1. Accept how you feel

The first step is to make peace with how you feel. Don’t avoid the jealousy or try to cover it up. It is normal to feel jealous at times. Accept how you are feeling and tell your girlfriend that you do feel a bit jealous and ignored when she talks to another guy. At first, she might feel bad about it but she will also understand when she cools down. Think about which is better, going behind her back and spying on her or telling her about how you feel so that it can be dealt with? One man wrote to us about how he turned into a jealous monster and it messed up all his relationships here.

Accept how you feel

Do not run away from yout feelingsImage source

2. Be calm

Don’t jump to conclusions that your girlfriend is cheating on you and start accusing her of it. Think with a cool head even if your emotions are running amok. If you feel like confronting her, do it calmly, by asking her. Express your concerns and let her address them. Listen to her patiently and with an open mind and heart. Remember that you’re trying to crease out the issues of your relationship not ruin it.

Related Reading: Why men and women feel jealousy differently

3. Give your 100%

Instead of worrying about the other guys in her life, you need to focus on your relationship with her. Focusing on other people will only drive you farther from her. Pay more attention to her and take care of her like you used to. Keep your relationship fun. Do things to make her happy by giving her surprises. Have deep discussions. Build a stronger foundation.

Related Reading: 20 Things To Do To Make Your Girlfriend Happy

4. Believe in yourself

Believe in yourself

Believe in your love and yourselfImage source

As said earlier, most of the jealousy and insecurity come with low self-esteem. You might be feeling so because you feel that your partner is more talented and attractive than you. Remember, your partner chose you over all those charming men that were after her. It’s because she’s in love with you and wants to be with you. Believe in yourself and trust your relationship.

Related Reading: My Aunts Are Body Shaming Me And I Am Losing My Self-Esteem

5. Don’t try to control her

If she is talking to other guys, don’t try to tell her to stop talking to them. She knows her boundaries. Trying to control her actions will only make you the bad guy and she will lose respect for you. By controlling her, you will just portray yourself as an obsessive boyfriend. Don’t be that person.

6. Try to understand your feelings

It is important to first understand and identify why you feel jealous or bad when your girlfriend talks to other guys. Think about the times you felt bad and understand which parts triggered you the most. If your girlfriend is talking to other guys behind your back and not telling you about it then you have a right to feel the same. But if she is doing it openly, it may be because she knows that you trust her and she can be herself in front of you.

Related Reading: I’m never jealous or possessive… unless he’s talking to someone hot

Ask yourself, which parts are affecting you the most and try to understand the reason for your jealousy. It may not be about her, it could be about something related to you and your past relationships.

Related reading: He plays around but I’m not supposed to

7. Try to balance your life

Balance your life and thoughts

Balance your life and thoughtsImage source

Sometimes, partners get so involved in their relationships, that they don’t have a life outside their relationship. They are used to doing everything with their partner, even though it is as small as doing laundry together. Clingy behaviour ruins relationships. It is important for you to have a life out of your relationship too. Remember who you were before the relationship. Pursue your hobbies. Go out with other friends. This will help reduce your insecurity.

Related Reading: How I lost my identity while I was busy building my husband’s life

8. Put yourself in your girlfriend’s shoes

Think about the reasons that would have led to your girlfriend to talk to other guys. The way you see a situation might not be the same as your girlfriend. Think about how your girlfriend sees the situation. For example, if your girlfriend is talking to her ex, you might be thinking that she wants to get back with him. But if he’s still her friend, she might just be there for him as a friend.

Related Reading: How To Know Your Girlfriend Is Still Not Over Her Ex

9. Stay in the present

There could have been times in the initial stages of the relationship when your girlfriend wasn’t sure about her feelings and started flirting with other guys. After realizing her mistake she must have stopped and is now a changed person. The insecurities of the past may be triggering your present.

Related Reading: Are you falling in love too fast? 8 reasons you should slow down

Don’t bring up the past to justify the present. Your girlfriend is now a changed person. Trust her. Talk to her about it instead of thinking of her as a cheater.

Related Reading: 12 Signs Your Past Relationships Are Affecting Your Present Relationship

10. Talk to her

talk things out

Talk things out Image source

Communication is the key to a healthy relationship. If you’re not feeling good about your girlfriend talking to other guys, talk to her about it. Tell her why it is affecting you so much and how you feel. Your girlfriend will understand and start paying more attention to you. Sometimes, simple things like an honest conversation are enough to solve such a problem.

Jealousy will always be there to get the better of the relationship. It is important to not let things like jealousy come in between your relationship.

Related Reading: 11 Ways To Improve Communication In Relationships

The most important thing is to trust your girlfriend and build a strong foundation. Those guys may not mean anything at all. Don’t start investigating as it will ruin your relationship when she finds out. Pay attention to your girlfriend and focus on making the relationship healthier rather than thinking about the guys she is talking to. Trust yourself and your relationship.

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