Yelling and screaming in relationships is a near-universal phenomenon. Something that we are guilty of. Once the shouting match is over and tempers have cooled down, we are gripped with questions like is it okay to yell at your spouse? and how does yelling affect relationships? Know that raising our voices is a natural defense mechanism inherent to all human beings.
Occasional bouts of yelling and screaming are inevitable in any form of human interactions, be it with a romantic partner, co-workers, friends or family. However, this defense mechanism can also easily be misused. When that happens, it’s a manifestation of toxic relationships. That’s why knowing where to draw the line is necessary to prevent this tendency from damaging your relationship.
Confessions of Wives Who Took Yelling And Screaming In Relationships Too Far
We all have our moments of regrets. It is best to accept your mistake and apologize to avoid causing a strain in the relationship. Though unintentionally, women sometimes tend to take their husbands for granted. They perceive their spouse’s actions as wrong without understanding the reason behind it and go on a tirade against them.
Here are confession stories of 7 such women who took yelling and screaming in relationships too far, and later hated themselves for it:
1. When he woke up the baby
“We were new parents to a 9-month-old baby and our daughter was not an easy child. She didn’t sleep till late and woke up at least twice during nights. I had just resumed work so I was really craving some sleep. I somehow managed to put our baby to sleep that night. Ajit went to plant a kiss on the baby’s forehead.
We were about to leave when he stepped on a squeaky duck and the sleeping angel was no more asleep. I remember a rage growing within me and I yelled at him at the top of my lungs. All I really wanted was to sleep. I knew it was an innocent mistake and I apologised to him for being unkind.”
In such situations, dealing with a shouting wife becomes tricky for the husband. While he is the one experiencing the psychological effects of being yelled at first hand, he also has to operate from a place of empathy. Being understanding toward an overwhelmed partner at such times can truly be a test of one’s patience.
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2. When he missed our son’s birthday party
“I can never forget that day when I was a complete jerk. I was furious with Jitesh for missing his son’s fifth birthday. As always, he had mixed up the timings and was still at work at 6 pm. I yelled at him with all my might for being irresponsible and ignorant towards his family.
He rushed out of his office in a hurry. It was 7:30 now and there was still no sign of him. I went to get my phone to check on him again when I saw a lot of missed calls from an unknown landline number. Panicked I called back only to find out that Jitesh had met with a car accident and was admitted in a hospital for a fracture.”
The guilt of yelling and screaming in relationships can be unbearable in such situations where an outburst leads to potentially detrimental consequences. This can be a turning point where learning how to stop yelling at your husband becomes a priority for the wife.
3. When I almost got us into an accident
“Mahesh and I were coming home from dinner. It was pretty late and we were exhausted. We were staying a little outside the city back then and had to take the highway for a short distance to get home. I was struggling hard to stay awake when suddenly I felt like the car approaching us was about to bump into us.
Shrieking in panic, I asked him to turn and he panicked for a split second making the car go a little off the lane, but immediately regained control. Later, I scolded him for being careless which is when he made me realise that I had dozed off and had probably dreamt it. I hated myself for almost getting us into an accident.”
In such precarious situations, it is critical to be mindful of the difference between yelling and raising voice. Even if you’re alarmed or scared, learn to keep your reflex responses under control. One wrong swerve can be the difference between life and death!
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4. When he picked up the wrong laundry
“It was my cousin’s wedding and I did not find the time to decide on an outfit in between my work, house and the kids’ school. I dropped the saree to my dry cleaner at the last minute and forgot to collect it. I realised it when I started to get ready and panicked because I had nothing else to wear.
Anant offered to pick it up for me before he left for work. He dropped off the laundry in a hurry and left for work. He had collected the wrong saree! “This isn’t mine,” I screamed on the phone. On hindsight, I realised even though he had made a mistake, he only meant good and his intentions were to be helpful.”
Sometimes, yelling and screaming in relationships can also be a projection of your own inadequacies and mistakes. When that happens, take a moment and think, ‘Why am I so critical of my husband?’ After all, he too can commit an honest mistake even with the best intentions at heart.
5. When he slept off
“I was out of town for work and was going to return very late the same day. When I reached home, I fished for my keys only to realise I was carrying a new handbag and had forgotten to transfer them. I rang the doorbell and at the back of my mind, was regretting disturbing Rohan.
But Rohan was a sound sleeper and after ringing the bell 13 times. He woke up only after I had called calling him on his phone a couple of times. Sleepy-eyed, he opened the door with a smile. I vented out all my frustration on him. I complained about being tired, hungry and sleep-deprived. Rohan just gave me a hug and led me to the microwave where a dinner plate was waiting for me. I never felt so guilty in my life. I apologised to him right there.”
Unnecessary yelling and screaming isn’t always a sign of unhealthy relationships. It can also be just a manifestation of and overwhelmed and exhausted state of mind – like in this case.
6. When he got the promotion and I didn’t
“Firoz and I worked in the same firm, that’s how we met actually. Though in different departments, we often discussed each other’s work at the dinner table. It was increment time and I was sure to get a promotion that year. Firoz was hoping for one too. When the day came, my boss had selected my colleague over me for the promotion indicating the reason that I never worked till late when needed. I
had a kid and as a mother, I was the one rushing home every evening. But I had worked on weekends and holidays to compensate for that. I felt extremely dejected. And when I found out Firoz got a promotion, I felt a pang of jealousy hit me. On the way back home, I made a snide remark on him being lucky to be a man which led to a fight. I knew I was being unreasonable but I could not help it.”
A tinge of jealousy becomes inevitable even in the healthiest relationships. No matter how fleeting, jealousy is an emotion that gets the better of you. Instead of a partner who is happy and proud of her spouse’s achievement, the husband is left dealing with a shouting wife.
As long as these instances are an aberration and not the norm, and the erring partner sees their mistake, it’s just a tiny bump in the road. Not a cause for concern.
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7. When he had to work late
“Hiren and I had been married for just 6 months. He is a CA and the financial year-end is the busiest time of the year for him. I have times when I work late too, but mostly I am home by 6 pm. I hated being alone in an empty house. It had been 20 days and we had hardly had time to even have a 10-minute conversation.
I remember being pissed at a colleague that day when I came home to find a message on my phone saying, ‘I won’t be home till 10 at least’. That did it. I picked up the phone and dialled Hiren’s number but he disconnected the call. I kept calling him, forgetting all sensibilities.
On my fifth attempt, a panicky Hiren answered the call asking if I was okay. I took out all my anger on him and cribbed about him never being there. He was seriously upset with me this time but just hung up. I immediately realised I was being unreasonable and messaged him the same.”
There are times when we overreact and say hurtful things to our partners. When you find yourself in such a situation the next time, think of how you felt whenever you were at the receiving end of yelling and screaming in relationships. Being mindful of the psychological effects of being yelled at is one of the best ways to not blow a situation out of proportion. It is the wiser thing to do as compared to repairing the damage later on.