He’s always after other women, even when he’s with you, that’s a typical sign you are with a womaniser. Chances are when he is wooing you he will give you the impression that he has his eyes only for you, but when you get into a relationship with him, you will realise that he has a roving eye, gets flirty with women at parties and goes on to even exchange numbers with random women.
As you get to know him better you will see the body language of a womaniser and if you are married to him the traits of a womaniser husband will be too apparent to you. For instance he would be always trying to make eye contact with that pretty girl sitting at the next table at the café or even tell you how the girl is trying to get his attention.
If you are in a relationship with a womaniser you will know how much he loves attention, goes out of his way to get it and thanks to his comments and love signs on social media, you will know much his womanising ways extends to the online world.
Tabby Brown, a 29-year-old fashion designer based in Houston was deeply in love with 35-year-old Joe Uzeli, a charming businessman from the suburbs.
Red flags cautioned her but she was too blind and carried away by his charming alluring and seductive smooth talk. She failed to see through the rose-coloured spectacles that he was a Casanova!
Even after having caught him cheating on her numerous times, she failed to understand that she was hopelessly in love with a womaniser. Joe was in every way a charmer, a player who could woo any woman, old or young in a matter of a few hours.
She would see him flirting openly with her friends and colleagues, only to be hurt and embarrassed at the end. Joe would cool her down, whispering sweet nothings to her until she gave in. And at times he would accuse her of being suspicious, possessive or jealous, leaving her doubting herself.
How do you know you are with a womaniser?
You are in a relationship with a guy, and you fight about almost the same issue every time: that he always seems interested in other women, you know that he is cheating and he knows it too, but he has zero guilt.
He probably thinks he can get away with this, as he is an alpha male. You are totally clueless about what to do and why the man who charmed you is now behaving like this.
Well! Maybe the man you are in a relationship with is a womaniser. Understanding him may help you to deal with him and ease your pain.
What are the three most important things that form a successful relationship? Trust, love and care, which lay the foundation of any relationship. But if you are in a relationship with a womaniser, a player or a Casanova, you might find it difficult to find these bedrock foundations.
If your husband is a womaniser you would always struggle to trust him and it’s not uncommon that he could turn out to be a serial cheater.
Besides, if you think you can change your ‘player’ with love and care, it might take years before you reach a satisfactory conclusion. Only if you have the patience of a dove and a never say die attitude should you move forward with a Casanova.
Related reading: My husband has dirty chats with several women and I can’t bear it
Signs Of A Womaniser
If you are saying, “My boyfriend is a womaniser,” then chances are you have already found out his womanising traits.
It is not written on a guy’s forehead that he is a Casanova or a womaniser until he reveals himself. But there are a few traits in common which can help you to identify if your guy is a womaniser.
If your husband or boyfriend is a womaniser then they would surely show these signs.
1. He knows his way around women
His manners are impeccable. He will hold doors open and pull out chairs to any woman. He knows exactly how to make a lady comfortable around him. He might even try to show he is a bit shy around women to win their confidence.
But women get pulled to him like a magnet because he exudes that warm and sexy vibe.
2. He is charming in his clothes and his ways
Be it for a casual outing or for work he always takes care to wear the right clothes. Needless to say he is well-groomed, fashionable and he would put on the most expensive deodorants.
His shoes can serve as a mirror.
3. He’s good at seducing a variety of women
He’s always in search of new women to satisfy his sexual motives. He stares at every passing woman and fantasises about them. He has superb communication skills and the ability to woo them all.
So if it’s a 50-year-old lady or a teenage PYT, he would have their attention instantly. He doesn’t need to try too hard. Your womaniser husband loves flirting and cannot give up this behaviour even when you are around.
4. His male ego is high
He wears his ego on his sleeves and the attention he gets from women, pampers the ego considerably. He is never happy with attention only from you. He wants to be surrounded by women to boost his ego even higher.
If a woman is not giving him the attention he wants he gets extremely upset and uses every trick in his kitty to get it. If he is still not successful he will badmouth her.
5. He’s good at emotional manipulation
If you tell him that you can make out his womanising traits or that you have come to know about his reputation around women, he is such a smooth talker, emotional manipulator and gaslighter that he would assure you that everything you are thinking is wrong.
But the very next day he would check out that girl at the supermarket and flirt with her by striking up a conversation. He would tell you it was just innocuous talk and you are being too sensitive.
Womanisers and Casanovas: Are they the same?
A womaniser feels that it is his birthright to abuse women sexually or emotionally, while a Casanova is one who adores women and indulges in a sexual relationship with them.
In a womaniser’s life, there is no place for women’s feeling as he considers himself superior to them. A Casanova is in touch with the women’s feelings and genuinely wants to please them, albeit a differently.
The only thing common between them is that both of them are associated with multiple women at a time.
Related Reading: What To Do When Your Husband Is Talking To Another Woman
How To Deal With A Womaniser
At the risk of sounding blunt, it is safe to say that a womaniser will not and cannot change, as he feels absolutely no guilt for his actions. According to his mind-set, whatever he is doing is valid.
On the contrary, it is you who has to change and decide whether to walk away or to live with these womanising qualities of your beloved. A womaniser husband can be terrible for your self-esteem andmake you feel guilty and ashamed all the time.
But once you known the womanising traits of your husband or boyfriend, you will know that there would be no change from their side. If you choose to stay on in a relationship with a womaniser, then you will have to develop your own coping mechanism.
1. Have no expectations
We have always been told that expectations hurt. So the first and foremost rule is to keep your expectations in a relationship at bay.
The more you expect him being loyal to you, to love you, the more you will feel dejected by his actions. Help him get better, but do not expect anything in return.
2. Deal head on with embarrassing situations
If you find him staring at other women or you find him cheating with another woman, immediately confront him. Let him know that this is not acceptable under any circumstances.
Yes there will be fights and arguments over this but at least he would know you are not going to take his behaviour lying down.
3. Apply the silent treatment on a womaniser
As we discussed earlier, womanisers tend to have a big ego and it hurts them brutally, if a woman, especially and exclusively their own woman, ignores them.
If you are hurt by his behaviour, just go into your silent mode and express your discomfort. You will instantly recognise a change in his behaviour and he will try and not leave any stone unturned to make you happy.
Related reading: I’m never jealous or possessive… unless he’s talking to someone hot
4. Give him a taste of his own ways
Make him feel jealous by paying more attention to other men. Appreciate other couples and discuss their success stories with him. Analyse his behaviour after this and only then decide future action; whether to break up or stay on.
Ask him about his childhood and past relationships and see how he reacts. Judge him and see if there is any hint of goodness in his mind.
5. Seek professional help
If your man has fallen too deep into the womanising pattern, you may find it necessary to seek professional help. Psychologists believe that womanising is a form of addiction and needs to be acknowledged and treated as such.
A womaniser is the only one who can help himself. Your womanising husband has to want to change in order to successfully give up his womanising ways. According to most psychologists, the treatment for extreme cases is usually a residential program in conjunction with therapy and counselling.
Related reading: Relationship Counselling – Everything You Need To Know
The final decision: Should you leave your womanising partner?
The ultimate decision on whether to leave or separate from a womanising boyfriend/husband rests with you. If you feel that you will be contented and happy alone or with a more loving partner, you should explore the option of moving out.
However, if you want to give your relationship another try, your best bet would be to seek professional help.
Being with a womaniser partner may seem like a heavy cross to bear. However, recovery is still possible with adequate time, love and commitment. If you are hopelessly in love with a womaniser you will try your best.
Finally, the rewards of recovery are worth the effort, since it not only makes your boyfriend/husband an improved partner and an even better person, but it also gives your relationship a fresh lease of life.
A womaniser usually has no feelings for all the women he keeps flirting with, neither does he feel guilty that he is hurting his primary partner. Womanising is like an addiction which he keeps indulging in.
A womaniser can fall in love that’s why he makes his relationship exclusive and even gets married. But he expects his partner to understand his womanising needs and treat it casually.
If a womaniser seeks counselling and wants to change his ways then he can be faithful. But be prepared that in a world of online interactions where anonymity rules, he might fall back into his old pattern, without even realising it.