What to do when you’re in a relationship with a womaniser

Shivanya Yogmayaa
man watching woman

He’s always after other women, even when he’s with you

Tanisha, a 29-year-old fashion designer in Mumbai was deeply in love with 35-year-old Sameer, a charming businessman from the suburbs.

Red flags cautioned her but she was too blind and carried away by his charming alluring and seductive smooth talk. She failed to see through the rose coloured spectacles that he was a Casanova!

Even after having caught him cheating on her numerous times, she failed to understand that he was a womaniser. Sameer was in every way a charmer, a player who could woo any woman, old or young in a matter of a few hours. She would see him flirting openly with her friends and colleagues, only to be hurt and embarrassed at the end. Sameer would cool her down, whispering sweet nothings to her until she gave in. And at times Sameer would accuse her of being suspicious, possessive or jealous, leaving her doubting herself.
Related reading: How to identify breadcrumbers in online dating!

Stop looking at that woman!

You are in a relationship with a guy, and you fight about almost the same issue every time: that he always seems interested in other women, you know that he is cheating and he knows it too, but he has zero guilt. He probably thinks he can get away with this, as he is an alpha male. You are totally clueless about what to do and why the man who charmed you is now behaving like this. Well! Maybe the man you are in a relationship with is a womaniser. Understanding him may help you to deal with him and ease your pain.

What are the three most important things that form a successful relationship? Trust, love and care, which lay the foundation of any relationship. But if you are in a relationship with a womaniser, a player or a Casanova, you might find it difficult to find these bedrock foundations. Besides, if you think you can change your ‘player’ with love and care, it might take years before you reach a satisfactory conclusion. Only if you have the patience of a dove and a never say die attitude should you move forward with a Casanova.

Related reading: My husband has dirty chats with several women and I can’t bear it

How to identify a womaniser

It is not written on a guy’s forehead that he is a Casanova or a womaniser until he reveals himself. But there are a few traits in common which can help you to identify if your guy is a womaniser.

  1. He knows his way around women
  2. He is charming in his dress and his ways
  3. He’s good at seducing a variety of women
  4. He’s always in search of new women to satisfy his sexual motives
  5. He stares at every passing woman and fantasises about them
  6. He has superb communication skills and the ability to woo you
  7. His male ego is high and he wants to be surrounded by women to boost it even higher
  8. He loves flirting and cannot give up this behaviour even when you are around
  9. He’s good at emotional manipulation
  10. He is a smooth talker

Womanisers and Casanovas: Are they the same?

A womaniser feels that it is his birthright to abuse women sexually or emotionally, while a Casanova is one who adores women and indulges in a sexual relationship with them. In a womaniser’s life, there is no place for women’s feeling as he considers himself superior to them. A Casanova is in touch with the women’s feelings and genuinely wants to please them, albeit a differently. The only thing common between them is that both of them are associated with multiple women at a time.

How to deal with a womaniser

At the risk of sounding blunt, it is safe to say that a womaniser will not and cannot change, as he feels absolutely no guilt for his actions. According to his mind-set, whatever he is doing is valid. On the contrary, it is you who has to change and decide whether to walk away or to live with these womanising qualities of your beloved.

1. Have no expectations

We have always been told that expectations hurt. So the first and foremost rule is to keep your expectations at bay. The more you expect him being loyal to you, to love you, the more you will feel dejected by his actions. Help him get better, but do not expect anything in return.

2. Deal head-on with embarrassing situations

If you find him staring at other women or you find him cheating with another woman, immediately confront him. Let him know that this is not acceptable under any circumstances.

3. Apply silent treatment

As we discussed earlier, womanisers tend to have a big ego and it hurts them brutally, if a woman, especially and exclusively their own woman, ignores them. If you are hurt by his behaviour, just go into your silent mode and express your discomfort. You will instantly recognise a change in his behaviour and he will try and not leave any stone unturned to make you happy.

Related reading: I’m never jealous or possessive… unless he’s talking to someone hot

4. Take a test

Make him feel jealous by paying more attention to other men. Appreciate other couples and discuss their success stories with him. Analyse his behaviour after this and only then decide future action; whether to break up. Ask him about his childhood and past relationships and see how he reacts. Judge him and see if there is any hint of goodness in his mind.

5. Seek professional help

If your man has fallen too deep into the womanising pattern, you may find it necessary to seek professional help. Psychologists believe that womanising is a form of addiction and needs to be acknowledged and treated as such. The womaniser is the only one who can help himself. He has to want to change in order to successfully give up his womanising ways. According to most psychologists, the treatment for extreme cases is usually a residential program in conjunction with therapy and counselling.

Related reading: 10 signs you need counselling to fix your marriage

The final decision: Should you leave your womanising partner?

The ultimate decision on whether to leave or separate from a womanising boyfriend/husband rests with you. If you feel that you will be contented and happy alone or with a more loving partner, you should explore the option of moving out. However, if you want to give your relationship another try, your best bet would be to seek professional help.

Being with a womaniser partner may seem like a heavy cross to bear. However, recovery is still possible with adequate time, love and commitment. Finally, the rewards of recovery are worth the effort, since it not only makes your boyfriend/husband an improved partner and an even better person, but it also gives your relationship a fresh lease of life.

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Pooja Priyamvada
Pooja Priyamvada August 13, 2018 - 10:42 am

Such a well crafted piece, yes and almost every woman has known at least one of this kind.

Tina Vashishth
Tina Vashishth August 5, 2018 - 1:49 pm

This article somehow knew what i was feeling and then told me what to do. The thing is how do i follow through? Somewhere the resolve breaks…please help.

Aditi Mishra
Aditi Mishra August 1, 2018 - 10:47 pm

Actually I know that what does it feels like to be in relationship with a womaniser man.
With all my experience I only have to say that leave him ASAP.

Lamia Manohar
Lamia Manohar August 1, 2018 - 8:36 am

I think giving it time and trying to put in the elements of patience and understanding of who he is very important here. However, if it goes to such an extent that you feel completely left out from his life, you can consult a professional help in this matter or even take the ultimate decision to stay or not with him.

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