Connect With Your Partner On A Deeper Level

how to connect with your partner on a deeper level

The strength of any relationship depends upon its foundation. At the onset of my current relationship, I thought we would hit an iceberg very soon. Within a couple of weeks, I was googling how to connect with your partner on a deeper level. You see, I think of myself as an intellect; a philosopher who likes to ponder upon life and art. My partner, on the other hand is a man of the world, feet firmly planted on the ground and thoughts rooted to the business of living. 

That being said, we didn’t let this get in the way of our relationship. Right at the beginning, we realized that we wanted to make this work and so we put in the effort to connect on a deeper level. The more I talk to him about the things I love, the more I find out about his down-to-earth personality which is in striking contrast from mine. But that didn’t make me love him less. In fact, I began appreciating his way of looking at life and understanding how his brain works. I realized that to have a deeper connection in a relationship, the most rudimentary quality to possess is the quality of being understanding.

With the help of practicing psychologist Nandita Rambhia (BA Psychology) who specializes in compatibility issues, parenting issues and extra marital affair counseling, we will take a sincere look at how to connect with your partner on a deeper level. 

What Is Meant By Having A Deeper Connection In A Relationship?

The first thing I learnt in my Sociology class is that humans are social animals. As much as I agree with that point, I think there is one thing that separates us from animals, and that is the fact that we are born with non-identical ways of being and existing. Ever wondered why children born out of the same womb, who arrive at the same Earth, have such different personalities and qualities? The one thing that separates us from animals is that we aren’t all alike.

Each human is different from the other. From our temperaments, to characteristics, to behavior, we vary on various levels. That’s why it gets difficult to get to know your partner on a deeper level. To have a deeper connection with someone means to understand them fully, to empathize with them and to know why they are the way they are, including their past traumas, their fears, their strengths, their weaknesses and everything about them inside out while giving them their personal space. A connection that goes beyond other human connections. 

According to Nandita, “Bonding with your significant other will help to deepen your relationship with your partner and there are several aspects to it other than simply being romantic with them or having fun together. This alone won’t answer your question on how to connect with your partner on a deeper level. Try bonding with them on multiple levels. Such as talking to them about your work related issues. If you do not have any similar hobbies, then partake in their interests and build a deeper connection with your boyfriend.”

Related Reading: 11 Reasons Why You Must Date Your Polar Opposite

How To Connect With Your Partner On A Deeper Level – 7 Easy Steps

Just because you and your partner have known each other for a long time doesn’t mean you stop learning new things about them. I read a very thought-provoking quote once. It goes something like this, “to love someone for a long time is to go through a thousand funerals of the people they used to be”. How poignant!

People, their thinking, their likes and dislikes, are all dynamic. They keep changing. We cannot label anything in this fast-paced life as constant. How we manage to build a strong unwavering bond despite all the insecurities in relationship is what matters. The most fulfilling aspect of any relationship is one where both of you share an intimate bond. Something extraordinary. Loving your partner deeply is important in every relationship. It happens when two people aren’t just connected by their bodies, but also by their hearts and souls.

In order to mentally connect with your partner, you need to feel secure and safe in their presence. You cannot ever build a deeper relationship with your boyfriend if he radiates negativity. Go through the seven steps elaborated below on how to connect with your partner on a deeper level and try to apply them to your relationship, enhancing the quality of your bond.

1. Communication is the key

I cannot stress enough on the importance of communicating with your partner. Communicating doesn’t mean venting or letting out your unfiltered thoughts and expecting the other person to be okay with it. It means having a conversation that includes utmost honesty.

Communication encompasses five C’s: Be clear, be concise, provide a compelling request, be curious and be compassionate. Communicating just to listen to what the other person is saying, with no engagement from your side, will not help you when your goal is learning how to build a deeper connection with your partner. 

Ask questions and determine how well you know your partner. “As the relationship grows, it is important to be open to any kind of discussion, arguments and disagreements. Accepting their disagreement about something while you are in agreement of the mentioned thing will help you get to know your partner on a deeper level. As well as trying to understand the reason behind their disapproval of it will help you build a deeper connection with your partner,” says Nandita. 

2. Be more empathetic

The more we live in a bubble, the less empathetic we are towards other people. Being compassionate toward your partner is the answer to how to build a deeper connection with your partner. Understanding is the gateway to love and compassion. To completely understand your partner, you need to know the difference between empathy and sympathy. Empathy can bring you closer to your partner whereas sympathy can disempower or dishearten your significant other. Put yourself in their shoes when trying to get to know your partner on a deeper level. Lack of empathy will sink your relationship.

Nandita Rambhia shares her opinion on being more empathetic. She says, “Connect with your partner on a deeper level rather than sharing a superficial relationship with them. There are areas which we do not touch upon with others, but are essential to talk about with your partner. Areas which are extremely private to you and slightly discomforting such as family matters or childhood traumas or personal insecurities. Talk about the issues which include anxiety and your and his mental health. Don’t ever dismiss their feelings. Understand where they are coming from and consider their wants and needs.”

Related Reading: 8 Conflict Resolution Strategies In Relationships That Almost Always Work

3. Sharing each other’s vulnerabilities

To explain what vulnerability is in plain terms, it is a person’s willingness to risk their emotions, feelings and weaknesses by revealing them to the person they love. I personally love when my partner gets vulnerable with me. It is hands down one of the purest acts that comes from love, for love, and by love. There are many critical emotional needs in a relationship, being vulnerable is one of them. Sharing the deepest thoughts of your brain and letting them in on the things that deeply affect and pain you, is the kind of emotional openness that will serve your response on how to connect with your partner on a deeper level.

Nandita says, “Be vulnerable. It is one of the most beautiful things because you connect on a deeper level with them. Share your insecurities. Things that have molded you in the past. If you have any traumas or mental blocks, feel free and share with them. If you want to know how to connect with your partner on a deeper level, then be genuine about your feelings and show care for your partner.

At the same time, it becomes essential for you to trust your partner. Build a deeper connection with your boyfriend by trusting them completely. You can even follow trust exercises to improve relationships. Only when you trust your partner will you be able to share your vulnerabilities. When they are being vulnerable and sharing their innermost thoughts or stories from their past, do not be judgmental. Do not make judgmental statements by saying this is bad or this isn’t the right thing to feel. Just accept what your partner is saying and where he is coming from.”

Related Reading: 11 Relationship Arguments That Spell Doom For Your Bond

4. Observe your partner in their element

Build a deeper connection with your boyfriend by observing them. Watch them doing the things they are passionate about. At first, I thought it was weird how my partner watched me read and write. He would just stare at me as I flipped the pages or typed away on my laptop. During the initial days of our relationship, he would immediately turn his gaze to someplace else when he would get caught staring at me. Once our relationship deepened, he started doing it openly. Now he doesn’t flinch when I look up from my book and our eyes meet.

It still makes me blush. He noticed that I twitch my face and pointed out that I blink excessively when I am reading or writing. It’s such an intimate and subtle way to have a deeper connection in a relationship. What is your partner’s element? Football? Playing an instrument? Baking? Cooking? Whatever it is, go and watch them in action and you will know instinctively how to connect with your partner on a deeper level. 

loving your partner deeply

5. How to connect with your partner on a deeper level? Always asked open-ended questions

Asking the right questions at the right time can help you better understand your partner greatly. Ask questions to have a heart-to-heart conversation with your significant other. I know we are all busy with our respective lives. Jobs, paying bills, taking care of our mental health and what not. But it is very important to ask questions. Considering how little I knew my partner and how busy we are in our professional lives, I decided to take up the initiative to ask open-ended questions. I ask them when we are driving to get groceries or when we sit down to have a meal. 

Asking such questions helped me understand why he took responsibility for the remaining parent after the other’s demise. I realized I am not the only one who came into this relationship with a lot of personal baggage and grief. “Push each other in the right direction and help each other become a better version of themselves. Inspire them. Motivate them. Ask silly and funny questions. Ask questions that are twisted. Make them think, and make yourself think,” says Nandita.

Related Reading: 9 Ways To Deal With An Unsupportive Husband

6. Build memories together

“On the positive side, try and laugh together a lot. Be silly. Do intimate things which will bring you closer. Create memories and be yourselves. Dance together, watch movies, and workout together. Be happy in that space which is just about the two of you,” she advises on how to connect with your partner on a deeper level. Making new memories is important in every relationship.

Loving your partner deeply involves a trunk full of memories. Memories that you can look back at and smile and miss them when they are not around. I hear so many people say that falling in love is easy but staying in love is complicated. However, staying in love IS love when falling in love was just the first step. Staying in love is real love. All it takes is to have memories together. Find a mutual hobby, go on dates, eat all the meals together if you are both home and deepen your relationship with your partner. The stronger you and your boyfriend are in each other’s thoughts, the stronger you both will feel as a couple.

7. Explore sexuality together

When you think about having sex, would you say “intimacy” is the first thing that comes to your mind? Because I always think of sex as a place to feel truly seen, loved, and free to fully express oneself. Many couples fall prey to the monotonous sex in long-term relationships. Expand and explore sexual desires of one another. Be open and honest about your needs. 

If you are asking how to connect with your partner on a deeper level, then allow yourself to explore yours and your partner’s fantasies without shame and surrender more fully into each other’s deepest desires. It will help you mentally connect with your partner and proactively add a depth of experience unlike anything you have ever felt.

Never stop being curious about your partner. Communicate to connect, relate and understand your partner’s apprehensions and glee. How do you know your partner is in a deep level of connection with you? When they introduce you to their parents.

Life isn’t always rainbows and sunshine, when they have a problem, be there for them. Forgiveness in relationships is important. Don’t hold any grudges for too long or it will weaken your commitment to one another. Overcome adversities and challenges together as a couple and come out stronger than ever. 

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