The strength of any relationship depends upon its very foundation. At the onset of my current relationship, I thought we would hit an iceberg very soon. And within a couple of weeks, I was already wondering how to connect with your partner on a deeper level. You see, I think of myself as a philosopher who likes to ponder upon life and art. My partner, on the other hand, is a man of the world, feet firmly planted on the ground and thoughts rooted in the business of living. That is what created differences between us. So we had to face some struggles right from the beginning.
That said, we didn’t let this get in the way of our relationship or our love. We knew that we wanted to make this work and so we put in the effort to connect on a deeper level. The more I talked to him about the things I love, the more I found out about his down-to-earth personality, which is a striking contrast to mine. But that didn’t make me love him any less.
In fact, I began appreciating his way of looking at life and understanding how his brain works. This deepened my resolve to have a deeper connection in the relationship. This quest led me to realize that there may be many others wading through similar waters. Together, let’s take a sincere look at how to connect with your partner on a deeper level, with insights from practicing psychologist Nandita Rambhia (BA Psychology), who specializes in compatibility issues, parenting issues, and extramarital affair counseling.
What Is Meant By Having A Deeper Connection In A Relationship?
The first thing I learned in my Sociology class is that humans are social animals. As much as I agree with that point, I think there is one thing that separates us from animals, and that is the fact that we are born with non-identical ways of being and existing. Ever wondered why children born out of the same womb, who arrive on the same earth, have such different personalities and qualities? The one thing that separates us from animals is that we aren’t all alike. We bring our own idiosyncrasies and quirks to this world, which makes falling in love with another person even more complicated to navigate.
That’s why it gets difficult to get to know your partner on a deeper level. To have a deeper connection with someone means to understand them fully, empathize with them, and know why they are the way they are, including their past traumas, their fears, their strengths, their weaknesses, and everything about them inside out, while also giving them their personal space. A connection that goes beyond other human connections.
According to Nandita, “Bonding with your significant other will definitely help to strengthen your relationship with your partner and there are several aspects to it other than simply being romantic with them or having fun together. This alone won’t answer your question on how to connect with your partner on a deeper level. Try bonding with them on multiple levels. For instance, you could talk to them about your work-related issues. If you do not have any similar hobbies, then partake in their interests and build a deeper connection with your boyfriend/girlfriend/partner. But it is something that you have to work at consistently.”
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How To Connect With Your Partner On A Deeper Level – 7 Easy Steps
Just because you and your partner have known each other for a long time doesn’t mean you can ever stop learning new things about them. In fact, it doesn’t really matter how long you have been together. You will always be reading a new chapter about them, turning over a new page, or seeing them in a new light you never did before. Love can be like that, so prepare to be surprised! But that’s not necessarily a bad thing. It is actually not a bad thing at all. Especially once you ace the art of how to connect with your partner on a deeper level.
I read a very thought-provoking quote once. It goes something like this, “To love someone for a long time is to go through a thousand funerals of the people they used to be.” How poignant! People, their thinking, their likes and dislikes, are all dynamic. We cannot label anything in this fast-paced life as constant. How we manage to build a strong, unwavering bond despite all the baggage and insecurities in a relationship is what matters.
In order to mentally connect with your partner, you need to feel secure and safe in their presence. You need to share warmth and a feeling of comfort that you can feel nowhere else. You can’t build a deeper relationship with your boyfriend or girlfriend or even your spouse if either of you radiates negativity. If you really want to fortify your connection with your SO, go through the seven steps on how to connect with your partner on a deeper level and try to apply them to your relationship:
1. Communication is the key
How do you connect with someone deeper within a short time? I cannot stress the importance of communicating with your partner enough, especially when you two want to do it fast and in a short time. Communicating doesn’t mean venting or letting out your unfiltered thoughts and expecting the other person to be okay with it. It means having a conversation that includes utmost honesty. And communication does not just mean speaking, it also means listening.
Broadly speaking, communication encompasses the five Cs: clear, concise, compelling, curious, and compassionate. Communicating just to listen to what the other person is saying, with no engagement from your side, will not help you when your goal is learning how to build a deeper connection with your partner.
Ask questions and determine how well you know your partner. “As the relationship grows, it is important to be open to any kind of discussion, arguments, and disagreements. Accepting your disagreements will help you get to know your partner on a deeper level. Trying to understand where they’re coming from will help you build a deeper connection with your partner,” says Nandita.
2. How to connect with your partner on a deeper level?Be more empathetic
The more we live in a bubble, the less empathetic we are toward other people. Being compassionate toward your partner is the answer to how to build a deeper connection with your partner. Understanding is the gateway to love and compassion if you truly want to connect with a woman or a man. To completely understand your partner, you need to know the difference between empathy and sympathy.
Empathy can bring you closer to your partner whereas sympathy can disempower or dishearten your significant other. Put yourself in their shoes when trying to get to know your partner on a deeper level. Displaying a lack of empathy can ultimately sink your relationship. Nandita says, “Connect with your partner on a deeper level rather than sharing a superficial relationship with them. There are aspects of our lives that we do not share with others, but it is essential to talk to your partner about them.
“This may include things that are extremely private to you and slightly discomforting such as family matters, childhood traumas, personal insecurities, or mental health issues. If you want to connect with your partner on a deeper level, it is time to let your guard down. Also, don’t ever dismiss their feelings when they are consciously beginning to open up to you. Understand where they are coming from and consider their wants and needs.”
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3. Start sharing each other’s vulnerabilities
Vulnerability is a person’s willingness to risk their emotions, feelings, and weaknesses by revealing them to another person. It is among the many critical emotional needs in a relationship. Sharing your deepest thoughts and letting your SO in on the things that deeply affect and pain you is the kind of emotional openness that will serve you well if you’re trying to figure out how to connect with your partner on a deeper level.
On vulnerability and opening up to your partner, Nandita says, “Be vulnerable. It is one of the most beautiful things because you connect on a deeper level with them. Share your insecurities and do it as freely as possible. Try and talk about things that have molded you in the past. If you have any traumas or mental blocks, feel free to openly share them with your partner. If you want to know how to connect with your partner on a deeper level, then you need to be genuine about your feelings and show care for your partner.
“At the same time, it becomes essential for you to trust your partner. Build a deeper connection with your boyfriend or girlfriend by trusting them completely. You can even try some trust exercises to improve relationships to strengthen your bond. Only when you trust your partner will you be able to share your vulnerabilities. When they are being vulnerable and sharing their innermost thoughts or stories from their past, do not be judgmental. Do not make judgmental statements by saying this is bad or this isn’t the right thing to feel. Just accept what your partner is saying.”
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4. Observe your partner in their element
To build a deeper connection with your SO, you need to observe them. Watch them doing the things they are passionate about. At first, I thought it was weird how my partner watched me read and write. He would just stare at me as I flipped the pages or typed away on my laptop. During the initial days of our relationship, he would immediately turn his gaze to someplace else when he would get caught staring at me.
Once our relationship deepened, he started doing it openly. Now he doesn’t flinch when I look up from my book and our eyes meet. It still makes me blush. He noticed that I twitch my face and pointed out that I blink excessively when I am reading or writing. It’s such an intimate and subtle way to have a deeper connection in a relationship.
How do you connect with someone deeper within a short time? Ask yourself these key questions, and that is what will bring you closer to them. What is your partner’s element? Football? Playing an instrument? Baking? Cooking? Whatever it is, go and watch them in action and you will know instinctively how to connect with your partner on a deeper level. In fact, you will start feeling closer to them from that very moment.
5. How to connect with your partner on a deeper level? Always asked open-ended questions
Asking the right questions at the right time can help you better understand your partner greatly. Ask questions to have a heart-to-heart conversation with your significant other. I know we are all busy with our respective lives… jobs, paying bills, taking care of our mental health and what not. Don’t use these responsibilities as excuses, instead try to work around them.
It is very important to ask questions and more importantly, take out the time to show them that kind of interest. Considering how little I knew my partner and how busy we are in our professional lives, I decided to take the initiative to ask open-ended questions. I ask them when we are driving to get groceries or when we sit down to have a meal. As intermittent or random as it may be, it is an effort I have always put in.
Asking such questions helped me understand why he took responsibility for the remaining parent after the other’s demise. I realized I am not the only one who came into this relationship with a lot of personal baggage and grief. “Push each other in the right direction and help each other become a better version of themselves. Inspire them. Motivate them. Ask silly and funny questions. Ask questions that are twisted. Make them think, and make yourself think. That is your simple answer to how to connect with your partner on a deeper level,” says Nandita.
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6. Build beautiful memories together
“Try and laugh together a lot. Be silly. Do things that will bring you closer to one another. Create memories and be yourselves. Dance together, watch movies, and work out together. Be happy in that space that is just yours and make it as cherishable as you can,” Nandita advises on how to connect with your partner on a deeper level. Likewise, if you’re wondering how do you connect with someone deeper within a short time, making new memories is the way, and it is certainly important in every relationship.
In fact, even when you are in a long-distance relationship, you can deepen a relationship over text and calls as long as you spend quality time with each other. Loving your partner deeply becomes easier when you have a trunk full of memories. Memories that you can look back at and smile and miss them when they are not around.
Find a mutual hobby, go on dates, eat all the meals together if you are both at home, and deepen your relationship with your partner. In long-distance relationships, use the power of online spaces to connect, make each other laugh, and create memories like you would in person. The stronger you and your partner are in each other’s thoughts, the stronger you both will feel as a couple.
7. Explore your sexual sides together
Now, things are about to get really fun but let us still continue to focus on the emotional aspect of it that helps you bond with your partner on a deeper and even spiritual level. When you think about having sex, would you say that perhaps “intimacy” is the first thing that comes to your mind? Because I always think of sex as a place to feel truly seen, loved, and free to fully express oneself.
Many couples fall prey to monotonous sex in long-term relationships. Steer clear of it by expanding and exploring each other’s sexual desires. Be open and honest about your needs. If you are asking how to connect with your partner on a deeper level, then allow yourself to explore your and your partner’s fantasies without shame and surrender more fully to each other’s deepest desires. It will help you mentally connect with your partner and proactively add a depth of experience, unlike anything you have ever felt.
How Does Having A Deep Connection With Your Partner Help Your Relationship?
It is certain that having a deeper, more long-lasting connection with your partner is certainly good for your relationship. But how exactly does that happen? How exactly does your relationship improve after it? Here are a few ways:
- Being kinder during arguments: When you have more empathy and warmth toward your partner, it is obvious that silly relationship arguments will not plague your love life anymore. Once you see your partner for who they really are and understand their habits, you will be less inclined to take the angry route in arguments and rather take a more constructive approach
- There is a better understanding of their behavior: Now that you’ve finished the curriculum on your partner’s past traumas, relationship histories, etc., you might just be able to better understand their reactions and coping mechanisms. Why are they so averse to the idea of marriage? Maybe because their parents did not have a good one. Why do they never even mention their ex? Maybe because their ex hurt them in a way nobody has before
- There is less room for insecurities: Once you feel completely vulnerable with somebody and are at ease when it comes to opening up to them, you feel more accepted, loved, and cared for. This certainly goes a long way in helping you shed your insecurities around them and the relationship
- You will feel drawn to one another: Yes, a deeper connection can give way to a magnetic attraction. When you start working on the relationship and consciously try to develop and deepen that bond, you will also feel love and attraction in abundance
- Learning new things: Your individual growth as a person will also only be propelled when you put in this kind of effort in a relationship. Not only will you learn things about your partner, you will also learn new perspectives and new things about the world, which will only help you grow as a person
- To truly connect with someone, you don’t just have to open up to them, but also be really good at listening
- Watch them in their element as they do their favorite thing and you will feel like you are falling in love all over again, each time
- Open up to each other sexually. Share your desires and fantasies and make the whole experience more intimate and spiritual
- Be empathetic toward their needs, wants, and emotions if you truly want to connect with them on a deeper level
- Connecting with someone deeply will not only make you kinder to them, but also create an intense attraction between the two of you
Never stop being curious about your partner. Communicate to connect, relate and understand your partner’s apprehensions and glee. Life isn’t always rainbows and sunshine, when they have a problem, be there for them. Forgiveness in relationships is important. Don’t hold any grudges for too long or it will weaken your commitment to one another. Overcome adversities and challenges together as a couple and come out stronger than ever.
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