Let’s be clear: it’s called a divorce. It is breaking up, tearing apart, letting go. It’s about not holding on. You have to kiss your fairy tale or nightmare goodbye along with all the memories that relationship gave you. Moving on after divorce might seem difficult, but that is the whole point of getting one in the first place.
Divorce is like death. Sounds a bit tragic, we know, but the marriage has indeed died and life as you knew it is now over. You feel shock, grief, anger and so much pain. There’s denial on many fronts. But eventually, you learn to accept and finally, one day, you stop feeling like a failure. Then you can finally move on.
How To Move On After Divorce?
When it comes to moving on after divorce, two things matter the most: Dignity and grace. There are days you will want to pick up the phone and call your ex or other days when the house seems empty and you don’t feel like ordering a pizza because it’s too big to eat it by yourself and you have nobody to share it with.
We understand what you might be going through, but let’s not make this tiresome journey even more difficult. Your life after divorce does not have to be so rocky but instead can be beautiful.
We know that letting go and moving on seems easier said than done. But realize that it’s over. Completely finished. You can’t or don’t want to be together, so search deep inside and find grace. And let go, of him, of her, of them. Don’t lose your dignity too in the process.
Related Reading: How To Divorce Amicably And Peacefully
Life Goes On After Divorce
I don’t care what you think, don’t take their money. They don’t OWE you anything! Their wealth is not yours once you leave them. Think of it as dirty money, because you will pay for every penny with fear, anger, blood and tears. Get your children their due and let them and their money rot without you. Have faith in yourself, believe in karma and you’ll ace the period of moving forward after separation.
I got divorced without any financial assistance. That year, I lost my father, my dog, my marriage, my home. It boiled down to what was most important: my little daughter. Nothing else mattered. I let the ex have his house. I agreed to no alimony, no maintenance but sole custody. I held on to my little girl. Despite panic attacks, moments of pure fear at 4 a.m. while I watched her asleep in our rented home, I pulled through.
I was blessed with wise friends who urged me on in my journey of moving on after divorce, to walk away and stop looking back. I started clean, and was blessed with a second chance. It was never easy, but oh it was so worth it all! This is why I want to tell you how to move on from divorce.
How I let go
I met other women dealing with bitter divorces filled with abuse, alimony, acrimony, police cases, lawyers. Some of them took years to settle and find closure. By then they had lost a decade of their best years and their peace of mind had been corroded by the never-ending cycle of abusive ex-husbands, joint custody battles, recurring despair over money, property, visitation, holidays, birthdays, passports.
And the social stigma, the ‘easy woman’ tag, the lewd passes. The bitterness when your best friends stop inviting you over because you are the rare single woman, dangerous and tempting to the menfolk. So even when your friends aren’t on your side, you will wonder, how to move forward after a divorce?
I didn’t escape unscathed. Despite a mutual consent divorce, my ex had his tantrums over our daughter and his parental rights. I cried at night, I raged for days. Eventually, with regular counseling, I learned to let go even more and steel myself to only do what was right for her as a child, him as a father. I let go when he made foolish decisions that would affect her financially and had faith that I would be able to manage moving forward after separation.
Related Reading: Divorce By Mutual Consent – Bridges Vs Battlegrounds
I did manage
And I did. With help, with courage, I did conquer moving on after divorce.
My ex is happily re-married now and so am I. He is a good father. The rest is his life, his problem. I have no links left with him beyond our child. I don’t wait for his money.
Our daughter will be 18 next year. She knows she is loved by two moms and two dads. That’s all that matters. Everything else worked out once we both let go.
I only reached this place of peace with a lot of letting go and moving on. I wanted to be free of my ex in every way. I am an equal parent. I make my own decisions. He is in no position to challenge or dispute them. I still insist he takes some financial responsibility for our girl. She is his child too.
Once you decide to let go, walk away gracefully. Keep your dignity. Leave the baggage behind. You cannot open to new beginnings until you sever your ties to the past. Freedom is in the mind. Find your peace. That’s where you will find happiness.
How To Move On From A Divorce And Discover Yourself
I was free, truly free legally, then bit by bit financially, and finally emotionally. My fairy tale life wasn’t quite as I had imagined it, but the new ending was more than I had dreamed of. I never though that one day I’d be trying my hand so desperately at moving on after divorce and creating a whole new life.
So here’s the bottom line: Moving on, letting go is not easy. It hurts tremendously. First, you have to make up your mind and decide deep inside of you that this is it, it’s over, it’s done. No going back. You slowly and deliberately sever the connections. Don’t open the door to public pain and hurt. Change your routine, don’t react to messages and calls. Change your social circle, your hangouts, your married habits – physically, geographically and one day, emotionally.
It’s great to have a buddy you can call when you are raging or distressed instead of rising to the bait and calling the ex for a rant, or for yet another heart-breaking, teary conversation. You find that fake smile, or the sphinx-face and keep it on in public.
You don’t stalk him online. You drop those friends who keep giving you news about him, or lecture you about ‘making it work’. You stop crying over the ex to everyone and you definitely stop complaining about him. You make up your mind and harden your heart that it’s OVER. Life goes on after divorce, you’ll see.
Have a support group. Especially listen to the friends who don’t tell you what you want to hear, the brutally honest friends who will shake you till you gasp and bring you back to reality. You don’t rant about imagined or real hurts. You find a counsellor and deal with moving on after divorce. Healing takes time.
Related Reading: How To Cope With Divorce As A Man? – EXPERT ANSWERS
Letting go and moving on
No one feels brave or tough about being single but we have to convince our minds and be brave enough to get up and face the world every day when moving on after divorce. Do things that matter, especially when you feel your worst. Seek inside yourself and write, sing, paint, cook, meditate, exercise, slow down and breathe! Look after yourself. Be kind to yourself and forgive yourself.
How to move on from a divorce is about knowing that you will have bad days and horrible days. There will be moments of pain and moments of humiliation, moments of regret and anger. Its ok! You’re human. Keep forgiving yourself. Above all, trust yourself. While it sounds cheesy, there is something karmic in all this and the way forward is to accept and learn from the experience so that you can move on with a fresh slate.
Does this resonate with you? How hard was it to figure out how to move forward after divorce? What helped you in your journey towards freedom from bitterness and the past? We want to hear about your transformation. Tell us in the comments below.
Because it is hard to let go of the memories and the happy times with a person whom you shared some of your life with. It is a challenging time, but how to move on after divorce starts with your own mental strength. You need to convince yourself that this is not the life for you anymore and carry on.
You might still love him for a long time but you know that now it is futile. Distract yourself, indulge in a hobby or take a vacation. Just know that your mind can’t reside in the old you anymore.
To spend time engaging with your inner self and discovering you can be an empowering way of how to move on from a divorce. From yoga to dating new people to getting a new job – this is the time to recreate yourself.