Post-breakup loneliness strikes quickly and strikes hard. It can be quite difficult to get over someone who you loved so dearly. But there are a lot of good things to do after a breakup, that will free you from all the things that are still binding to a relationship that has run its course.
Make the most of being single and live your life on your own terms. There’s no better company you can keep than just being with yourself.
What Is The Feeling After A Breakup?
You will feel sad, lonely, and you feel like you have to get over the breakup alone. You may even feel like you will never be ready to date again because you’ve lost your one chance at love. But nothing could be farther from the truth. In the post-breakup stage, this may feel like the reality of your life but as you gain some perspective and the emotions associated with letting go of a relationship change, you will begin to see that you’ve been given the opportunity of a fresh start. Just like these two people did:
My heart sank when I saw S in front of my apartment. He looked just the same, even though it had been months since I had thought of him. I looked around in nervousness and told him he could not come up to my room. The truth is that I lied to him.
I saw him after months
There was no such rule, and nobody knew that I had an affair with someone in college. I say had because, in my mind, I had broken up with him the day I stopped writing or calling. Those were the days when one had to go to the phone booth to make long-distance calls. But now, when I saw S, my post-breakup feelings were as strong as ever.
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We were in a long-distance relationship
In those days for a person with a new job, it would mean taking the trouble to post at 9 pm. For people living in hostels, it was hardly possible to reach the boyfriend or girlfriend easily.
My boyfriend and I were officially in a fancy long-distance relationship. We communicated regularly, but we yearned to touch each other and engage in some heavy-duty petting, as we used to, during the carefree college days.
We had a solid physical relationship
In the small town where we studied, it was not too difficult to indulge in our carnal urges in the last row of darkened theatres, established lovers’ parks, empty classrooms or deserted rooftops. We connected best with our bodies.
He made me discover erogenous spots that I had never imagined existed in me. He was a master of foreplay and I can safely say my early training in the sexual department came from him.
Well, I never looked beyond the veil of sexual awakening. We never examined our relationship problems beyond the sexual and never questioned his occasional jealous outbursts if I so much as looked at other boys.
We changed cities and drifted apart
When we parted ways after college to take up jobs in different cities, we promised each other that we would find a way to keep the relationship alive until we managed to get jobs in the same town. We promised we would take the long journey across the map to meet at least once a year.
We vowed we would write once a week, speak thrice a week and chat every weekend. But like every other couple that is separated by distance, we slowly began to grow apart.
Related Reading: Do Long-Distance Relationships Work?
Loneliness after breakup
Loneliness after a breakup is probably one of the worst feelings in the world. Although it is difficult to experience, don’t be in denial. Allow yourself the time and space to heal and once and for all get over the relationship.
It’s normal to take time. Don’t hurry yourself and forget to process all the emotions you may be feeling. Go at your own pace. I know this because I went through the same emotions too.
I fell for someone else
However, whoever said, distance makes the heart fonder did not perhaps include me in their survey of people in a long-distance relationship. It took me six months to fall in love again. I experienced it all – the sadness, the loneliness after a breakup, and the feeling of regret.
I stopped going out of the house and would Google ‘things to do after a breakup’ to make myself feel better. A colleague, R, who was, in all aspects a gentleman, became my shoulder to lean on during this time. He was generous, chivalrous, intelligent and witty. Before I realized it, I had fallen for his charm. I knew in my heart he was the real deal. And one day, without warning, he kissed me and I kissed him back and liked it very much.
Daresay, I had fallen in love with him and I could no longer think about going back to my long-distance lover. At that time, I felt like I was finally free from the clutches of my post-breakup feelings.
Related Reading: Confessions Of A Jealous Girlfriend
I compared the two
When I couldn’t help but compare the two, the veil lifted. I realized that I would never be in a relationship with a jealous partner who flew into an irrational rage every time I spoke to another man. Slowly, I cut off ties with him.
I stopped writing, making calls and going to the internet cafes to chat with him. In my mind, I had broken up with him, I was still in love with him, but I was on a different path.
I did not know how to deal with my post-breakup feeling
S was standing before me, and I had no clue how to explain to him about the change in me. So, I did what I could best, standing in the middle of a busy road. I faked it.
We went back to his hotel and into his room. He was all over me as soon as the door closed. My treacherous body could not resist, even though my mind told me not to give in. A year of abstinence, for R and I had not gone to that level of heavy petting, and my body was longing for fulfillment.
What the hell, I told myself. It was just my post-breakup feelings that I hadn’t processed well. So, a round of break-up sex would not hurt us. I succumbed and I neither regretted it nor felt ashamed for doing it. He made me feel like a goddess and ensured I was satiated completely before his satisfaction.
We broke up amicably at the end of his week-long stay. He had come to admit that he had fallen for someone else and wanted to break it to me in person. It was a mutually beneficial breakup, and we parted on good terms.
I am married, but my post breakup feelings exist
I did marry R eventually, but in some moments of honesty, I admit to myself that S was better than R in satisfying me. Still, in a heartbeat, I will choose R because my love for him is beyond sexual connection. No regrets there.
Being with someone who cares about you and loves you is way better than wallowing in your sadness and facing loneliness after a breakup alone for weeks, months and years. Allow yourself to get the love and attention you deserve.
What To Do After A Breakup?
You can finally do all the things you weren’t able to do before, that your partner did not like. You can hit the clubs, go dancing, travel solo, or have sleepovers with your friends. There’s nothing holding you back anymore, so go crazy, and do whatever makes you happy!
It’s important to indulge in things and engage with people who bring you happiness to deal with post-breakup feelings the right way. These moments of joy can be the perfect antidote to the pain, hurt or anger you may be harboring inside. Allow yourself time to wallow, but make sure, you don’t get stuck in that mind for long.
Here’s what to do after a breakup to make sure you’re on the path to moving on:
- Make time for yourself to do things you’ve always wanted to try
- Keep in touch with friends and family and make plans to meet regularly
- Take up a new hobby you’ve been wanting to like an instrument or a sport
- Keep away from social media for a while to avoid stalking your ex
Irrespective of whether you called off the relationship or your ex did, a breakup is never easy to deal with. You have to find ways and means to stop feeling empty after a breakup, only then can you gain closure, heal and be ready for fresh beginnings.
You may feel sad, angry, lonely, happy all at once. After a breakup, your emotions are all over the place, and you need to acknowledge all these feelings to properly get over someone.
It depends on how much time you give yourself to process all your emotions. Typically, after two weeks you should start feeling better.
Yes. You may feel like you shouldn’t have cut things off with someone immediately after the breakup. But that is just your loneliness taking over your mind. If things weren’t working out or if they were toxic in any way, just remember that you’re better off without them.