Life is not a bed of roses, and breakups are among the experiences that make us realize that our lives aren’t Disney movies. Whatever the reason might be, the end of a relationship is downright unfair. People change, cheat, and grow out of love, but the grief that follows is always heart-wrenching. In your agony, it may seem impossible to try and figure out how to heal after a breakup.
And for good reason, too. A breakup seems like a rejection of who you are, one that’s bound to cause many self-esteem and insecurity issues. Plus, healing after a breakup signifies that you must first accept that it has happened, which leads you face-to-face with the harsh realization that you will never be back with your ex.
But as you’ll realize a week or two after the breakup, healing from a breakup is not a choice, it’s an absolute necessity. In order to live to your full potential again, you must begin your journey of healing the damage that has been caused. If it seems impossible for you right now, let’s talk about the breakup healing process, so you know what to do.
Recovering From A Breakup – Bouncing Back Quickly
After the breakup, life gets sappier; everything is blase. Fighting the obvious sadness will result in nothing. Give yourself time to grieve, acknowledge the pain and the hurt. It is important to have enough breakup recovery time. At the end of the day, we are human. Humans adapt and survive.
This recovery time is important. “Why did this happen?” and “I love him/her so much” are the obvious things that play and replay in your head. Sleep is minimal. Even your dreams haunt, mock, and tease you. Your favorite merlot becomes your best friend. Shutting yourself in is a common phenomenon. Taking a shower is not even on the to-do list. All these things are important for the healing process.
However, at some point, you have to shake off the blues and make an effort to regain control of your life. Sure, it hurts, but doing it every day, day in and day out, you sort of get used to it, and somehow, after a month or two, getting out of bed in the morning becomes more of a routine than a necessity. Breakup recovery time is subjective – many people bounce off a broken relationship faster, while some take their own sweet time brooding and coming to terms with it.
The good news is, like everything else, sadness does not last forever. You will see brighter days ahead and there will be happiness and love around you. But before that, this phase of grieving, sadness, and despair has to pass. So accept it, embrace it, cry out loud, and express your emotions.
How Can I Heal Myself After A Breakup?
First things first. You cannot heal yourself from a breakup unless you want to. Denial and post-breakup depression are real and hard to get over, agreed. Sadness after breaking up with someone you love is natural, and may even hurt more. You have to cross these stages of breakup to eventually heal and start over.
Waiting for the phone to ring to listen to his/her voice, stalking on social media, and monitoring if your ex-partner is as sappy (sad and moppy) as you are are all common after a breakup. And then there are things that you should never do after breaking up. The healing process is slow. Surround yourself with a healthy fall-back system.
Many fall back on their professional lives to distract themselves, which might be damaging if the person becomes a workaholic. Some become alcoholics. Neither can help you get your life or relationship back. The end of a long-term relationship often leaves a phobia of relationships in general. But that’s okay. Plunging into another relationship won’t help either.
Related Reading: 15 Tips To Forget Your Ex-Girlfriend Completely
Self-love keeps one going after a breakup. Do what you once loved doing. Find the self you love. Take the weekend off. Pamper yourself with good food and a Marc Jacobs collection. Go on an adventure. Disappear for the weekend. Start writing your feelings in a journal (it’s therapeutic). Go running or swimming. Run till your knees hurt and you have to sit down. Hang out with friends.
These might be just distractions in the beginning, but one day you are going to wake up and want to do them just because you love doing them. If these suggestions resonate with you but you don’t know where or how to take that first step toward moving on, perhaps a more detailed list to answer how to recover from a breakup will help. Let’s get right into it before you misconstrue a damaging vice as a viable coping mechanism.
8 Ways To Heal Yourself After A Breakup
After a breakup, even though everything seems sordid, you have to be strong-willed to not let it (no matter how long the relationship was) rule and end your life. There are always things you can do or help you can take to turn your life around. And it takes time, so try not to hurry and let the breakup healing process take its due course.
1. It’s okay to grieve
Take your time to mourn the end of your relationship. Losing someone you have given your all to gives you a right to mourn the loss. Acknowledge your pain and anguish. Cry when you feel like it, talk with a friend, or sulk alone. If you keep on denying yourself this grief, you will carry your pain to your next relationship, and your past will haunt your future relationships.
It’s natural for humans to grieve, and it’s necessary not to hold that repressed pain in your heart. Take your time to let the feelings wash over you. Keep in mind that giving yourself time to grieve will only happen if you accept the fact that the breakup has taken place, and that the relationship is now over for good. If you keep living in the past, frozen in time, healing after a breakup will never truly be able to begin.
2. Treat yourself
After nights of crying into your pillow and having bags of darkness under your eyes, don’t be afraid to go to a parlor and get yourself a relaxing shampoo. (You can still be sad, but at least you will look great while crying. JK!) No really, pamper yourself. Indulge in a bowl of ice cream and a large four-season pizza.
Self-care is often overlooked when you’re going through such a rough period in your life. Just the simple act of taking a nice relaxing shower and grooming yourself can in itself be a way of recovering from a breakup, considering how good it makes you feel.
Do anything that makes you feel a little better. If buying that expensive jacket you’ve had your eye on for a month makes you feel better, do it. Take care of the weeping heart with good food, good company, a bit of shopping, a glass of beer, and a spa session or two. Take a vacation if you can; basically, do anything that makes you feel special for yourself.
Related Reading: Hope You Are Not Doing These 10 Funny Things After A Breakup
3. Get yourself a support system
Gather all your buddies. Have a ball (literally, if that helps). Watch a movie or a cricket match. Vent to your closest friends (they won’t mind). Pay a visit to your parents, eat some home-cooked food, and lean on your closest friends and family. A support system after a breakup is essential for the healing process.
If you are going through a breakup alone, you can manage to get over a breakup with no friends with the right coping mechanisms. Did I mention your pet would be a great listener too? But do not overthink and overanalyze — that’s a waste of time and energy.
4. Write things down
Writing helps. You don’t have to be Sylvia Plath to bleed emotions on paper. Whatever emotion you go through, write it down. Scribble little thoughts or pen down whatever made you cry in the morning. Writing helps when no one is around to listen to you and you are recovering from a breakup alone. If you are uncomfortable talking about certain things, write. Keep a journal.
It’s a simple practice, one that you might even scoff at in the beginning. Grab a pen and a paper, forget about making the whole thing grammatically correct, and write down whatever it is you’re feeling. You may eventually take a liking to it. Voicing your innermost thoughts without inhibition can be extremely cathartic. Who knew recovering from a breakup can make you a better writer too?
5. Listen to music
First of all, delete your existing playlist. Listening to the songs you have listened to with your significant other might trigger memories and throw you into a pit of depressed hellfire again. Listen to new singers and explore new genres of music. If randomly selected, you may end up exploring genres you have never even listened to before.
You will be amazed at how music can lift your mood. Listen to the lyrics of the most soulful music there is. Listen to The Beatles and go all heavy-metal punk obsessed. Music soothes the soul and helps divert your mind.
There is ALWAYS something new to listen to, and just because you’re figuring out how to heal after a breakup doesn’t mean that the only thing you’re allowed to listen to is sad songs. Check out music from different eras, indie-pop music that has a very homely vibe to it, or just jam away to Katy Perry and roar as loud as you can.
6. Make resolute choices
If you decide on using the no-contact rule after your breakup, make sure you stick by it. Even if you have decided to stay friends but the sight of them makes you feel the void inside, know it’s okay to leave (and that you probably should). If you believe that you can be friends with your ex, let them know that you need some time to heal before you can be friends with them.
If the person believes in the friendship, he/she will respect that and not take any offense. And if you feel like going out and dating again, then you do it. There is no set rule on how soon should you start dating again after a breakup. The point is, make decisions on what you want to do and make sure you follow through with them. Healing after a breakup largely depends on the choices you make and how you stick by them.
7. Focus on yourself
Many try to get over the relationship by focusing on the negatives of their ex-partner. Wrong move, y’all! Focussing on the negatives might make the healing process better but the negativity will make you a negative person as well. Look at the positivity. Use this as an opportunity to improve yourself. Forgive whatever he/she did wrong.
Forgiving might take its time, but reconciling with the fact that to err is human, to forgive is divine, you can sleep so much better at night. Also, you emerge as a beautiful person. Healing from a breakup introduces you to a side of you that you might not have known existed. In some ways, it’s an experience that a person needs to go through to be able to know themselves better.
Related Reading: How Does A Guy Behave After A Breakup? 11 Things You Didn’t Know
8. Break a sweat
Meaning, go hit the gym. It’s one of the most effective ways of fighting post-breakup depression. Physical exercise can work wonders to strengthen the mind. Exercising releases the feel-good hormones and the brain gets smarter to make you feel happy again. Plus, that achievement of having done something for yourself gives a happy boost.
Figure out the kind of workout schedule that suits you best, and make sure you stay consistent with it. If you don’t like the gym, you can always go for a cardio session. If you’re somehow always brimming with energy, maybe CrossFit is more up your lane. Healing after a breakup can help you get fitter and healthier too.
To get on with your life again, you need to be sane physically, mentally, and emotionally. The above-listed tips would help you do just that, and help you figure out “how to recover from a breakup”. Be positive, feel the vibes, and know that brighter days are soon coming. There is always a right partner for everyone, and you too will meet him or her soon!
You will only stop hurting after a breakup once you have grieved for an appropriate period of time and when you’ve come to terms with it. Allow yourself to grieve, get a support system and talk about it with people who care for you. Exercise, meditation, and distracting yourself can always help too.
The best thing to do after a breakup is to accept that it happened and give yourself time to grieve. Post that, you must make a commitment to trying to do all you can to get better. Focus on yourself, exercise, talk about your hurt with your support system and try to meet new people. You might not be able to help but feel sad on some days, but try not to let it consume you. Eventually, you’ll meet someone better.
The amount of time it takes to heal after a relationship is highly subjective and fluctuates from person to person. That being said, it may take anywhere from three weeks, to three months or even up to a year or longer, if you indulge yourself in unhealthy coping mechanisms.