Not everything beautiful is meant to last forever. Life is not a bed of roses and breakups are one of the items on the list that makes us realise that all lives aren’t Disney movies. The end of a relationship is downright unfair; whatever the reason might be. People change, cheat, grow out of love; no matter the reason, breakups are heart wrenching. And mind you, not every person you have had a break up with is a Robin to your Ted.
Recovering From A Breakup – Bouncing Off Quickly
After the breakup, life gets sappier, everything is blase. Fighting the obvious sadness will result in nothing. Give yourself time to grieve, acknowledge the pain and the hurt. It is important to have enough breakup recovery time. We, at the end of the day, are human. Humans adapt, survive. This recovery time is important. “Why did this happen?”, “I love him/her so much” are the obvious things that play and replay in our heads. Sleep is minimal. Even the dreams haunt, mock, tease you. Your favourite merlot becomes your best friend. Shutting yourself in is a common phenomenon. Taking a shower is not even in the to do list. All these are important for the healing process. Sure, it hurts, but doing it every day, day in and day out, you sort of get used to it and somehow after a month or two, getting out of the bed in the morning becomes more of a routine than a necessity. Breakup recovery time is subjective – many people bounce off a broken relationship faster, while some take their own sweet time brooding and coming to terms with it.
The good news is, like everything else, sadness does not last forever either. You will see brighter days and there will be happiness and love around you. But before that, this phase of grieving and sadness and despair has to pass. So accept it, embrace it, cry out loud and express your emotions.
How Can I Heal Myself After A Breakup?
First things first. You cannot heal yourself from a breakup unless you want to.
Denial and post-breakup depression is real and hard to get over, agreed. Sadness after breaking up with someone you love is natural, and may even hurt more. There are these stages of breakup that one eventually crosses to heal and start over. Waiting for the phone to ring to listen to his/her voice, stalking on social media is a thing after a breakup now, monitoring if your ex-partner is as sappy (sad and moppy) as you are. And then there are these things that you should never do after breaking up.
The healing process is slower. Surround yourself with a healthy fall-back system. Many fall back on their professional life to distract themselves, which might be damaging, if not the person becomes workaholic. Some become alcoholic. Neither can help you get your life or relationship back. The end of a long-term relationship often leaves a phobia of relationships in general. But that’s okay! Plunging into another relationship won’t help either.
Self-love keeps one going after a breakup. Do what you once loved doing. Find the self you love. Take the weekend off. Pamper yourself with good food, a Marc Jacobs collection. Go on an adventure. Disappear for the weekend. Start writing your feelings in a journal (it’s therapeutic!). Talk to a therapist. Go running or swimming. Run till your knees hurt and you have to sit down. Hang out with friends. These might be just distractions in the beginning but one day you are gonna wake up and want to do them just cause you love doing them.
8 Ways To Heal Yourself After A Breakup
After a breakup, even though everything seems like crap, you have to be strong willed to not let that breakup (no matter how long the relationship was) rule and end your life. There’s always things you can do, help you can take to turn your life around. And it takes time, so try not to hurry and let the breakup healing process takes its due course.
- It’s okay to grieve: Take your time to mourn the end of your relationship. Losing someone you have given your all to gives you a right to mourn the loss. Acknowledge your pain and anguish, cry when you feel like, talk with a friend, or sulk alone. If you keep on denying yourself this grieving, you will carry your pain to your next relationship, and your past will haunt your future relationships. It’s a natural process for a human to grieve and it is necessary not to hold that repressed pain in your heart. Take your time to let the feelings wash over you
- Pamper yourself: After nights of crying into your pillow and having bags of darkness under your eyes, don’t be afraid to go to a parlour and get yourself a relaxing shampoo. (You can still be sad, but at least you will LOOK great while crying. JK!) No really, pamper yourself. Indulge in a bowl of ice cream and a large four seasons pizza. Do anything that makes you feel a little better. If eating chicken biryani and mutton rogan josh with sambar and bhujia makes you feel better, do it. Take care of the weeping heart with good food, good company, a bit of shopping, a glass of beer, and a spa session or two. If you can, take a vacation – basically anything that makes you feel special for yourself
- Get a freaking support system: Gather all your buddies. Have a ball (literally, if that helps). Watch a movie or a cricket match. Vent to your closest friends (they won’t mind!). Rant to your closest pals. Pay a visit home, relish some home-cooked food and confide in your closest people. A support system after a breakup is essential for the healing process. Still, if you are going through a breakup alone, these tips on getting over a breakup with no friends will help you pass this phase too. Did I mention your pet would be a great listener too? But do not over think and over-analyse – that’s a waste of time and energy
- Writing things down: Writing helps. You don’t have to be Sylvia Plath to bleed emotions on paper. Whatever emotion you go through, write them. Scribble little thoughts, pen down whatever made you cry in the morning. Writing helps when no one is around to listen to you and you are recovering from a breakup alone. If you are uncomfortable talking about certain things, write. Keep a journal
- Listen to music: If randomly selected, there are kinds of music you have never even listened to. Delete your playlist. Listening to the songs you have listened to with your significant other might trigger memories and throw you into a pit of depressed hell-fire again. Listen to new singers, explore new genres of music. You will be amazed to know how music can lift your mood. Listen to the lyrics of the most soulful music there is. Listen to The Beatles, go all heavy-metal punk obsessed. Music soothes the soul and helps in diverting your mind
- Make your choices: If cutting off ties with your ex-partner helps you move on, do it. Even if you have decided to stay friends but the sight of them makes you feel the void inside, know it’s okay to leave. If you believe in the friendship, let them know that you might be leaving to heal yourself. If the person believes in the friendship, he/she will respect that and not take any offence. And if you feel like going out and dating again, then you may do that too. There is no set rule son how soon should you start dating again after a breakup
- Focus on yourself: Many try to get over the relationship by focussing on the negatives of their ex-partner. Wrong move, y’all! Focussing on the negatives might make the healing process better, but the negativity leaves you a negative person as well. Look at the positivity. Use this as an opportunity to improve yourself. Forgive whatever he/she did wrong. Forgiving might take its time, but reconciling with the fact that to err is human, to forgive divine, you can sleep so much better at night. Also, you emerge as a beautiful person
- Exercise: It might seem a bit tedious. But physical exercise can work wonders to strengthen the mind. Exercising releases the feel-good hormones and the brain gets smarter to make you feel happy again. Plus, that achievement of having done something for yourself gives a happy boost
To get on with your life again, you need to be sane physically, mentally and emotionally. The above listed tips would help you do just that. Be positive, feel the vibes and know that brighter days are soon coming. There is always a right partner for everyone, and you too will meet him or her soon!