Things to consider before you start dating again

jacqueline and sooraj

Troubles of moving on after heartbreak

Moving on isn’t as simple as it sounds. It’s often the most difficult part of a breakup. It can be emotionally taxing because it comes with a sense of finality to it. You know it’s over and you can’t do anything about it anymore.

The only logical thing is to move on, go ahead and live your life. Even if you can’t get over someone instantly, it’s best to not keep pining for and hoping for things to go back to what they used to be. However, moving on brings up a lot of confusing questions. A series of emotions that demand to be addressed by confronting yourself.

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Dating someone else after a breakup

The idea of dating someone after a breakup can seem crazy. Why would you want to put yourself through that pain again? Depending on the intensity of your relationship, it can also be hard to think about being romantic with another person.

However, research has shown that dating someone after a break up can aid in getting over your ex. The companionship and friendship that you get from such relationships can also be helpful in making you feel less lonely, which tends to happen with people after a breakup.

There are however things that you must consider before jumping on the dating train. Here are a few tough questions you could ask yourself.

Am I over my ex?

You might not be, and that’s okay. But you do need to know the answer. You’re involving another person in your life. They have the right to know whether you still harbour feelings for a past lover or not. It is also unfair to expect someone to be okay with loving someone who doesn’t completely love you. You have to be honest about these things for a healthy relationship.

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Do I have the space for another person in my life?

The grief and lamentation that comes after the end of a relationship is time-consuming. It takes up your emotional and intellectual space. Space which you will need if you were to start dating someone else. No matter how casual your dates might be it still requires time and space in your life. If all of your brain is going to be filled with sadness and thoughts about your ex and your relationship, you aren’t going to be a good partner to the new person. So figure out if you have space in your life for them.

Am I ready for physical intimacy?

Let’s get real here, sex happens in most romantic relationships. It’s a vital part of relationships in general. There are exceptions but they tend to prove the law. If you’re still sore from your break up, chances are you’re not going to be able to separate your physical experience with your ex to new ones. It can be done, but it takes a lot of conscious thought and time. If you’re going to end up not wanting to get physical in a relationship, not because you don’t want to but because the ghost of your ex still hangs over your sex life, then perhaps you need more time.

What exactly do I want out of the new romance?

This is a question that we need to ask ourselves whether we are getting out of a breakup or falling in love for the first time. Romantic relationships are complicated. Sometimes you just want to be held, and want to make love. Sometimes you’re looking for a friend with benefits. Sometimes you’re looking for a committed, long-term relationship. The funny thing is, these things tend to have a life of their own and you may end up organically getting into something else than you wanted. But if you have clarity, at least you’d know it when the organic changes start to happen.

Dating after a breakup is a big deal, whether we admit it or not. We have to be kind to ourselves and the person we’re going to date. Asking yourself difficult questions can help you have a clear idea of your emotional state and make the experience what it ought to be – a joyful one!

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