You may be tempted by the idea of having an affair with a married man and falling in love with him – after all, he seems more mature, secure, financially solid and, in all probability, quite attractive. Compared to single men, a married man may seem like a viable choice to fall in love with, especially when they start to flirt with you and make you feel so desirable.
The best advice? Stay away from such temptations. There are several disadvantages to dating a married man. The relationship will bring you nothing but a bad name, missed opportunities and lots of pain and heartbreak – add to that the guilt of breaking up a home. You’ll never be a priority in a married man’s life. We give you 25 reasons why you should never have an affair with a married man.
25 Reasons You Should Not Have An Affair With A Married Man
‘Is it okay if I’m having an affair with a married man?’, ‘My friend is having an affair with a married man. What do I do?’ – if you’re constantly asking yourself such questions, allow us to burst the bubble. Never date a married man. Some relationships may run the test of time and mature beautifully, but most offer nothing except pain, anguish, despair and loneliness – coupled with regret and lost opportunities.
If you’re messing with a married man, know that there’s no future together. You will only end up getting hurt. While there are plenty, literally plenty of reasons not to date a married man, the 25 given below top the list.
1. There’s no future with a married man
One of the top reasons why you should not date a married man is because there’s no future in the relationship. Even if you think that the two of you are in love with each other and complete each other, the possibility of a future is bleak. Always remember that there will never be a future where the two of you will end up together. He is a married man. If he truly loved you and wanted to be with you, he would have waited for the marriage to end.
2. Trust and dating a married man can never go hand in hand
This is one of the major disadvantages of dating a married man. If you are having an affair with a married man, it means he is cheating on his partner with you. You can never trust him because there’s a high possibility that he may cheat on you with someone else. If he is lying to his wife, you can never be sure that he will be honest with you. You can never expect trust from a cheater.
3. No respect for such a relationship
The society we live in will never accept such a relationship. If people find out, they will hate you for it. You will be blamed for being a homewrecker, the ‘other woman’ who ruined the marriage even if the relationship between the married couple had gone sour before you came into the picture.. Your affair with a married man will always be looked down upon by the society. You may never be able to get over the accusations and the guilt that follows.
Related Reading: Should You Tell A Friend About Her Husband’s Affair?
4. You are dependent on him
If you get into an argument with him, he may leave you and run straight into his wife’s arms while you will be left crying and upset. In a way, you become emotionally dependent on him. The realization that he is with his wife and the argument might not affect him as much as it affects you, doesn’t help you to feel better either. You will always be at the receiving end of the argument.
5. Runs when trouble comes
You cannot rely on such people in times of difficulty. They will be the first ones to run when trouble knocks on the door, because of the fear of getting caught. You will be left to deal with your problems all by yourself and that isn’t a sign of a healthy relationship. Rather, it’s one of the signs a married man is using you. On the other hand, if you were both in a genuine relationship or marriage, he would have stood by you in times of adversity out of love or because of society.
6. Giving a lot and expecting less in return
If you are having an affair with a married man, you end up contributing a lot to the relationship from your end. It will always be you who has to adjust and understand because his first priority will always be his wife and family. This is one of the major disadvantages of dating a married man. Your time with your man will depend upon his availability and comfort. You will have to adjust according to his convenience. You cannot expect much from your partner in such relationships.
7. You cannot expect loyalty from him
This is another reason why you should not date a married man. Loyalty is pretty much out of the question. At the end of the day, his loyalties lie with his wife and family. You will never be on the priority list of people he cares about. Besides, if he can cheat on his wife with you, he can also cheat on you with someone else. It’s hard to trust or expect loyalty from such people.
Related Reading: 12 Steps To Reinstate Love And Trust In A Marriage
8. Beta version to someone’s alpha
‘Other woman’ or ‘second woman’ means that you are the beta version of someone’s alpha. You will always be the second option for him. He will never choose you over his wife and family. Makes you wonder, “What does a married man want in an affair?”, doesn’t it? Well, it could be physical or emotional satisfaction, but no matter what it is, you will never be more important to him than his family.
9. He will never leave his wife
This is one of the major reasons not to date a married man. Even if he says he loves you the most, cares about you and will marry you, the truth is he will always treat you as an option available for him at his convenience, beck and call. He will, in all likelihood, never leave his wife even if he is not happy with her. If you’re looking for signs a married man is using you, this is one.
10. There will always be a glass ceiling attached to such a relationship
Nobody wants to be in a relationship where there is no growth. Growth is necessary for a healthy and lasting relationship. But having an affair with a married man will not help you grow in the relationship. There will come a ceiling point for such a relationship. This is probably the answer to your, ‘My friend is having an affair with a married man. What do I say to discourage her?’ dilemma. Ask them if they really want to be messing with a married man at the cost of their personal growth and well-being?
11. Not a healthy relationship
A relationship will never flourish if built on mistrust and infidelity. There will always be fear and tension, which will eventually ruin the relationship. One of the major reasons having an affair with a married man and falling in love is a bad idea is that you’ll never be in a healthy relationship. There’s no guarantee of his feelings being genuine. There’s no future in such a relationship.
12. He just wants to fill a void
Still asking yourself what does a married man want in an affair? Well, there’s a high possibility that he is having an affair with you just because he wants to fill a void in his life. Maybe he is not physically or emotionally satisfied with his wife, which is why he is looking for options to fill that gap in his life. This is one of the major signs a married man is using you. You cannot expect love and attachment in such a relationship. It is best to end the extramarital affair.
13. Adjust according to his availability
One of the disadvantages of dating a married man is that you will always be required to adjust according to his schedule and availability. You can never just call him up and ask him to meet you whenever you miss him. You will have to wait for him to come to you whenever he is free. You will have to meet him according to his time and convenience.
Related Reading: Are You Inching Toward An Emotional Affair?
14. You can never introduce him as your partner in public
This is another drawback of having an affair with a married man. You can never be with him on his special occasions – it will always be his wife. You will never be able to introduce him as your partner in public. In case you bump into someone he knows, you will always be introduced as a friend or a cousin, never a partner. This might just start to take a toll on your relationship as yours will always be a hidden affair.
15. Fear of getting caught
If you are looking for reasons not to date a married man, this one pretty much tops the list. Extramarital affairs are mostly clandestine in nature, which means there is always the fear of getting caught. Your relationship will always be a hush-hush affair. You will have to live with the fear of getting caught or people finding out about your affair and the humiliation that follows. This fear will never let you live your life the way you want.
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16. No guarantee
This is a major disadvantage of having an affair with a married man. Even if he decides to leave his wife and family, it does not guarantee that he will marry you. Even if he does end up marrying you, there is no guarantee that he will stay loyal to you. If he can cheat on his former wife with you, how can you be sure that he will not cheat on you with someone else?
17. Making a fool of yourself
It is likely that you end up making a fool of yourself, which is why you should never date a married man. He may make you feel special and loved by saying that both of you are having a good time together, but the reality is that he is still with his wife. In most cases, the married man will choose his wife over any other woman. They may say they love you, respect you, but the fact of the matter is that you are sharing him with another woman. It’s one of the signs a married man is using you.
18. Never take his word seriously
This is one of the major reasons you should never date a married man. They often build their relationships outside of marriage on sympathy. However, always remember that you are hearing one side of the story. Maybe the reality is that he is not a good husband and is blaming his wife to gain your sympathy and confidence. His words can never be taken seriously because extramarital affairs are built on lies.
19. The ending is never fruitful
If you’re still asking yourself, “Is it okay if I’m having an affair with a married man?”, the answer is a big “No”. The end of such a relationship is always sad and heartbreaking. You may have wasted your precious time and energy on pursuing and imagining a future that was never meant to be. Having an affair with a married man and falling in love might feel great, but it always ends on a bitter note. There is no point in investing in such a one-sided relationship.
Related Reading: 7 Ways To Date A Married Man Without Getting Hurt
20. You will lose out on options
If you get into an affair with a married man while you are still single, you will have to let go of suitable options for yourself. Spending the prime of your youth chasing someone married will make you forego all your options. Decide carefully without restricting yourself. Having an affair with a married man is like chasing a future that is not meant to be.
21. Society never accepts such relationships
Your affair with a married man will always be looked down upon by the society. The society we live in may call itself very open in several cases, but in such a situation, it is still very narrow-minded. It might not affect him as much, but you will immediately be labeled a ‘home-breaker’ and be stigmatized and taunted for messing with a married man.
22. You will be blamed for ruining the marriage
This is one of the most common reasons not to date a married man. Even if the marriage has already gone bad, the wife will blame you for ruining it. You may never be able to get over the accusation and the guilt that follows. His mistake and part in the whole affair might not get as much attention but you will definitely be questioned and called the ‘other woman’ responsible for the marriage falling apart. It will damage your reputation.
23. Legally he does not belong to you
Even if you think he belongs to you, accept the hard truth. In the eyes of law, he is no one to you. Legally, he is married to someone else and that is the truth. Your affair will remain clandestine in nature. It will never get legal acceptance unless he decides to end the marriage with his wife and start a new life with you.
24. You will be labeled
One of the disadvantages of dating a married man is being labeled. Men, who find out about the affair, will think you are an easy target they can sleep with. Women will talk badly about you and label you nasty things. You may notice whispers starting as soon as you walk into a gathering. You’ll be at the receiving end of various taunts despite the man being an equal participant.
25. You will always be insecure
This is one of the major reasons why you should not date a married man. There will never be any sense of security in the relationship. You will never be able to completely rely on him. It is unlikely that you will have a happily ever after with him. You will never be able to completely trust him to stand by you when things go wrong.
Affairs are a reality and have been since the beginning of time. However, just because something is common does not make it right. Having an affair with a married man is not that easy. It is filled with difficulties and heartbreak for not only you, but everyone who is affected by the relationship. Having an affair with a married man and falling in love can never have a positive outcome in the long run, even if you feel that you make each other happy.