Let’s face it, every woman has a mental checklist of what they want their husband to be like, and each has their unique set of traits to look for in a husband. Whilst not all of the criteria are going to be realistic, there are certain qualities that every woman needs to look for when they are choosing their life partner.
A lot of women complain about their significant other not being committed enough and they never know the reason why. It could simply be that their chosen life partners lack the qualities of a good husband. It’s not uncommon for women to get attracted to the wrong kind of qualities in a man. A guy can be a CEO of a multinational company, but if he is not commitment-minded, the relationship will never work.
So, there have to be certain qualities to look for in a husband which must not be ignored, and these go beyond his professional success, financial stability, wit, intelligence, and even looks. This begs the question: what to look for in a husband? We’re here to help you solve the mystery.
20 Qualities To Look For In A Husband
Marriage is different from a relationship. Getting married to someone means waking up next to them every day, and not letting the monotony of it all diminish the effort you put into it. More than that, a marriage is a shared journey that typically spans decades, and you share a life with your partner, which brings challenges you can’t even imagine.
Since you’re going to be spending a better part of your life with the man you choose to be with, having in him the qualities of a good husband can make this journey a joyful and fulfilling one. What qualities should a husband have, you ask? Here are 20 qualities to look for in a husband. These are not set in stone, but in the long run, they will be beneficial to you so you must pay attention to these qualities while selecting your life partner:
1. The qualities to look for in a husband: Is he easy to be with?
You may have often heard couples talk about how they just “clicked,” a phenomenon often attributed to the chemistry between two people. As aspirational as it may sound, it doesn’t necessarily have to be so in your case. In fact, you need to make sure you’re not always on your toes around him. You don’t need to go out of your way to impress him.
One of the best qualities of a potential husband is that he is also your best friend. You can talk to him about anything, joke about different things, and when things get a little rough, you should be able to sail through them with relative ease. Making active efforts to not turn the little fights into daily battles is one of the best qualities you can find in a husband.
2. He is kind and compassionate
This may seem like a simple idea, but statistics state that a lot of Indian wives are unhappy in their marriages because their husbands are not compassionate and understanding toward them. That’s why it makes its way up here in this list of qualities to look for in a husband. Realizing that you have your needs as a separate human being and practicing kindness toward your needs is an important quality of a good husband.
Your potential husband also needs to be kind toward strangers, children, the elderly, and animals. A man that treats you right but disrespects a waiter in a restaurant or kicks a street dog is not the kind of man you would want to marry. If he feeds the stray animals, donates to charity, or is generally kind toward the people around him, you have hit the jackpot of an amazing husband.
3. If you believe in monogamy, he must too
Kiara and Sam were madly in love with each other. During the honeymoon phase of the relationship, she couldn’t wait to spend the rest of her life with him. As the rose-tinted glasses wore off, she began to see Sam’s tendency to flirt with other women, despite Kiara’s vocal protests.
When she finally put her foot down and said she wasn’t going to have it, Sam claimed she was making mountains out of molehills since “monogamy is just a societal construct.” Sam isn’t alone. A lot of men openly confess to their wives about practicing polyamory as well. So don’t take his loyalty toward you as a given, you mustn’t assume that he values monogamy as highly as you do. You need to make sure that your husband is a one-woman man.
Of course, that’s not to say that monogamy is the only way forward. Monogamy is one of the qualities to look for in a husband for people who value the construct themselves. However, if you’re a polyamorous person or practice relationships in any other way, you might be looking for something different.
If he believes in monogamy like you, there is an assortment of activities that you can do to keep the boredom at bay. Before marrying your man, have a long, detailed conversation with him about his views on monogamy, polyamory, and infidelity in general. There is no point in marrying a guy who would indulge in emotional or sexual affairs outside of marriage.
4. He has a good sense of humor
Nobody enjoys spending time with a pensive, all-serious person. Life is never a bed of roses for anyone, but if someone manages to deal with the ups and downs of it with a good laugh, then that is the kind of man you would want to be with. Your future husband should be able to joke with you and laugh with you often, that’s definitely one of the most important traits to look for in a husband.
While looking for this quality in a man, you also need to make sure his sense of humor is genuinely good. Sexist, racist, derogatory jokes are funny to no one, and if you find your husband to joke about things like, “My wife belongs to the kitchen”, or “My wife and her friends are always gossiping”, you need to block that man out of your life before the wedlock.
5. Every day is new learning from him
One of the best qualities to look for in a future husband is someone who seeks to learn something from every opportunity. Chances are that you and your future husband work in different places, or you have different skillsets altogether. Your marriage can get very boring if you’re not able to share these skillsets with each other. That’s why a willingness to learn from you and an ability to inspire are among the things to look for in a husband.
Your man might know how to make delicious hummus, or he may be well-versed with current affairs. Whatever the expertise be, you both should be able to share it with each other and enjoy the process. The ability to have political debates with him or argue with him about the ideal amount of sugar in a cup of tea is one of the best qualities a woman can find in the man of her dreams.
Related Reading: 10 Must-Follow Healthy Relationship Boundaries
6. He makes you a better person
“When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.” ― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist. If your relationship allows you to grow as a person and doesn’t stun your progress, you’ve set the foundation for a healthy relationship.
What to look for in a husband? This quality is as simple as it can get. You might know the person you are going to marry very well, but does he make you want to be a better person? Trust us, people do become better after falling in love! It is very important to tie a lifelong knot with a man who brings out the best in you.
Someone who encourages you to push your limits and makes you want to give your best in everything you do. If your potential husband makes you want to be a better person, marry him as soon as you can.
7. He does not restrict you or your relationship
A lot of men tend to be very restrictive toward their wives. Years of patriarchal conditioning make them blind to certain problematic behavior patterns, such as always demanding to know your whereabouts, what you’re doing, who you are with, what you can or cannot wear, and so on. Sadly, women often mistake these restrictions for “care” from their husbands.
In the 21st century, traits to look for in a husband include this ability to treat you as an equal and a partner in true earnest, and not as someone he needs to protect or save from the world. Women need not be told what to do and what not to do. The defining quality of a good husband is when he encourages you to try new things instead of restricting you to a cage.
If a husband exhibits controlling behavior, the partner may quickly lose respect for him and stop investing in the marriage. As Philippa Gregory puts it in her novel, “The Other Queen,” “When a woman thinks her husband is a fool, her marriage is over. They may part in one year or ten; they may live together until death. But if she thinks he is a fool, she will not love him again.”
You and your future husband need to share a bond of trust. Knowing that you’re safe should be enough for him. He should not be confining you from doing anything. If you were trying to figure out what to look for in a husband, find someone who trusts in you enough to let you make your own decisions and isn’t regressive enough to micro-manage your life. You’re an equal, not his pawn.
8. He is ready to compromise when need be
Disagreements are a part of a relationship. It is impossible that the two of you will agree on every decision. You might also get into arguments because of the difference in opinions. Arguments are normal, and in some sense, even necessary. However, things will begin to go downhill if your future husband always expects you to compromise.
Being convinced that he does no wrong is definitely not among desirable future husband qualities. The traits of a good husband are that he is open-minded and willing to take the high road and compromise when it comes to your needs or desires. Having said this, a healthy relationship calls for both parties to compromise at some point.
As John M. Gottman puts it, “Successful long-term relationships are created through small words, small gestures, and small acts.” Therefore, if you think your husband is the only one compromising, maybe you need to do it too. It does not matter to take the initiative to sort out an argument.
9. He is good in bed
There have been innumerable cases where women find their husbands to be very loving, caring, and understanding. However, they are still not completely happy in their marriage because their husbands are unable to satisfy them in bed. When considering things to look for in a husband, your sexual compatibility as a couple must definitely be factored in.
It is important for you to openly talk about sex with your potential partner. Many women end up cheating on their husbands because they are dissatisfied in bed. To avoid infidelity disrupting your marriage, have a conversation with your man about what both of you are expecting in the bedroom. If the man you want to marry really cares about you, he will try to get more information about things that he doesn’t know and will make sure you both experience the toe-curling orgasms you keep reading about.
Don’t take this one lightly, it’s one of the most important qualities to look for in a husband. Studies actually suggest that women cheat in relationships to supplement it, not to end them. Once you experience what it’s like to not be satisfied in bed, you may even start resenting your partner for it.
10. He shares the same values as you do
Having a difference in opinion is one thing, but if your to-be partner doesn’t share the same values as you do, chances are your marriage will turn into a battlefield. Patty and Jake had been together for over two years, and even though Jake hadn’t popped the question yet, the signs he wanted to marry her were all there. Patty then broached the topic of children, which oddly they’d never discussed during their entire relationship.
As it turned out, Jake wanted a big family whereas Patty leaned in favor of a child-free lifestyle. This difference of opinion ultimately drove them apart. That’s why discussing values is important when assessing future husband qualities. In case your partner has a difference in values, you need to make sure he at least respects where you stand.
These values can range from religious beliefs to the kind of household you want, to the preference of your lifestyle. A difference in the most core values can entirely disrupt your marriage. It’s one of the most important qualities to look for in a future husband, make sure you have these conversations with your partner before tying the knot.
11. He looks forward to doing new things with you
You cannot expect your husband to surprise you with new activities every day, but he should be excited to try new things with you. Being adventurous is a great quality to have in your potential husband. It could be as small as trying out the new restaurant that serves Chinese food, or as big as going paragliding.
Your significant other should look forward to experimenting and exploring new experiences with you. That’s why a zest for life is among the qualities to look for in a husband. Without it, the monotony of married life can quickly take its toll. If you were wondering how to describe a good husband, “Someone who you can explore the world with” is a good place to start.
12. You can communicate with him about everything
You may be upset with your partner, yet you know that you can talk to him about what is bothering you. This kind of communication and receptiveness are among the traits to look for in a husband. If your man is the right guy, you will be able to talk to him about difficult issues and not be afraid of his reaction. He will listen to you and address your problems instead of declaring your argument invalid.
This is one of the non-negotiable qualities of a good husband. After all, communication is the bedrock of every thriving relationship. The only way any relationship can work is when there is open communication and mutual respect for each other’s opinions.
Related Reading: 11 Ways To Improve Communication In Relationships
13. He appreciates your good qualities and accepts the bad ones
Every single person has flaws. Nobody is absolutely perfect. You just need to look for the right person who can live with your flaws without complaining. An ideal husband would appreciate you for all your good qualities, but will also accept your bad ones. This means that he will encourage you to be a better person and overcome your flaws, but he will never let your flaws get in the way of his love.
If he doesn’t berate you when you make mistakes, if he doesn’t belittle you every time you’re a bit anxious and if he doesn’t ask you to change who you are at your core, it’s definitely one of the qualities that make him marriage material.
He will not love you less because you don’t keep your cupboard clean or because you are always late, but he will help you to be a better version of yourself for your own benefit. Look for a husband who has this quality, your marriage will definitely be a happy one.
14. He does not always need to “win”
Not only one of the qualities to look for in a husband but in every relationship that thrives on love. There is no denying the fact that arguments and miscommunication are inevitable. A mature couple has the ability to fix the problems and sort them out instead of blame-shifting and fighting for the sake of winning.
Look for a husband who is willing to clear out the problem and not continue the argument just to win it by any means. Such a person will only try to bring you down by discouraging you, blaming you and deeming you incapable. You do not want that kind of negativity in your marriage. Hence, find a husband with the quality of not fighting to win.
15. He is supportive of your passions
Wondering what to look for in a spouse? Someone who supports the decisions you make and stands by you is of utmost importance. Though this may seem like a given, unfortunately, despite the progressive times we live in, a lot of men still expect their wives to play second fiddle in the marriage. For instance, it’s an unsaid expectation in many marriages that the woman would give up her career after the baby if the circumstances demand. However, this does not necessarily work in the modern era.
Your potential husband needs to be curious about your passions and do everything in his capability to help you pursue those passions. Find a man who raises you up in your field of passion instead of bringing you down. One of the admirable future husband qualities is that he becomes your biggest cheerleader and pushes you to pursue your dreams and goals.
16. Traits to look for in a husband: He treats your family right
Marriage is not just the union of two people but also of two families. Your partner may have no problems showing affection toward you, but if he doesn’t treat your family the way they deserve to be treated, he is not the right one for you. It’s one of the traits to look for in a husband that most people don’t pay much attention to, which eventually leads to regret later on.
Behaving sweetly in front of your family, but avoiding spending time with them during festivals, calling them names, arguing with them and just generally disrespecting them at every opportunity is the sign of an immature, hostile man. A sensible partner will respect your family and you need to find a husband with this quality.
17. He is not entirely dependent on you
After marriage, spouses start depending on each other for a lot of things. That’s just the natural order of things. However, there is a difference between an interdependent and a codependent relationship. While the former is healthy, the latter is a hallmark of toxicity. It goes without saying that you need a spouse who doesn’t lean on you to an extent that your identity is reduced to being his perpetual caretaker.
You need to look for a husband who can survive without you being around 24/7. He should be able to manage chores by himself. He should not be a lazy husband. You should not have to be worried about his meals when you’re busy, or you should not have to pack his bags when he has to go on a trip. A man who can manage his activities without your constant attention and is comfortable being by himself is an incredible quality that he should have, and that’s exactly how to describe a good husband.
18. He encourages you to have a life outside your relationship
You are a separate human being, which means you will have different friends, different passions and different activities to do. An ideal husband will have the quality to understand that your life does not always revolve around your marriage.
He will encourage you to take up new activities, hang out with your friends, or just spend some time with yourself. If your future significant other asks you to try new things without him, while always having your back, then that is the kind of man you should spend your life with.
Space in a relationship is not an ominous sign, and a good husband is able to recognize that. What qualities should a husband have? The ability to recognize that you’re an independent person with your own needs, likes, and dislikes should definitely make the cut.
19. He allows himself to be vulnerable with you
It may be one of the most clichéd statements ever, but communication is really the key. So many relationships die out because the couple is unable to communicate their feelings with each other. Every person has their guard up in front of the world. However, these defenses should not be brought into a marriage.
When it comes to you, your husband should be able to let his guard down and be vulnerable in front of you. He should be able to share his past with you and should not be afraid to cry in front of you. Being unapologetically at ease with his softer side is undoubtedly one of the qualities of a good husband.
20. He is looking forward to starting a life with you
Your partner might have a lot of these best qualities to look for in a future husband, but if he is not really willing to get married and is only doing it out of family pressure, your relationship might rock the boat on rocky waters. A man who genuinely wants to get married will know it from the very beginning.
He might take it slow, but he will gradually make it very obvious. If he asks you to wait while he reaches a certain position in a career or earns a certain amount of money, he will still maintain a level of commitment nonetheless. This desire to see you with him in the future without having you to guess or wonder about where your relationship is headed is a beautiful quality that you can find in your husband-to-be.
What Makes An Ideal Husband?
While we’ve listed out what to look for in a husband, the answer to this question is solely yours to answer. Are you looking for someone who loves to live the high life, or are you the kind who just wants to snuggle in with their partner on a lazy Sunday afternoon?
The qualities that make him marriage material depend on what you’re looking for, but don’t let the mutual attraction you feel make you forget about the absolute fundamentals you need, which are mutual respect, support, unwavering trust, open communication, and of course, love.
From all the qualities to look for in a future husband, the most important ones are the ones that matter most to you, without disregarding the fundamentals, of course. Make sure you’re with someone who you truly respect, since a growing lack of respect is usually the culprit behind a marriage’s undoing.
Before you tie the knot with someone, a great way of assessing how good you two will be together is by having a conversation about your expectations and what you want from the future. Do you share the same values when it comes to family? Religion? What your parenting styles are going to be? How you’re going to handle finances?
A marriage, at the end of the day, is a lot more than loving each other. When you vow to spend a lifetime with a person, you’ll need more than just love to be able to navigate the murky waters you will inevitably come across. When you’ve ticked off most of the qualities to look for in a husband and know that your partner is going to be supportive of you throughout the years, the murky waters get a lot easier to paddle through.
Not every potential husband will have all of these qualities, but if he has at least some of them, he will certainly be willing to make himself better suited for you if he really loves you. Think about which of the aforementioned qualities you need in your man, and look for one accordingly. Happy searching!