What are the qualities to look for in a husband? To answer this question, a study was conducted by Richard A. Lippa. A survey was put out on BBC Internet, which ultimately reached around 119,733 men and 98,462 women. The task was simple: pick the top three traits you look for in a mate. This was out of a list of 23 traits running the gamut from intelligence and industriousness to parenting abilities and attractiveness.
The top picks for women? Humor, intelligence, honesty, kindness, and values. However, it’s worth noting that good looks, facial attractiveness, and fitness were all rather high up on the women’s list as well. Curiously, money, social status, and prosperity were all at the bottom of the list. This begs the question: What are the signs of a good man to marry? We must dive deeper into a woman’s perspective on the qualities of a good groom.
20 Qualities To Look For In A Husband
Married life is different from a relationship. Getting married to someone means waking up next to them every day, and not letting the monotony of it all diminish the conscious effort you put into it. More than that, a strong marriage is a shared journey that typically spans decades and can sometimes bring challenges you can’t even fathom.
Since you’re going to be spending a better part of your life with your husband-to-be, his having the traits of a good husband can make this journey a joyful and fulfilling one. So, here are 20 things a husband should do. These are not set in stone, but in the long run, they will be beneficial to you so you must pay attention to these admirable qualities while selecting your future husband:
1. He is easy to be with
You may have often heard couples talk about how they just “clicked,” a phenomenon often attributed to the chemistry between two people. As aspirational as it may sound, it doesn’t necessarily have to be so. In fact, you need to make sure you:
- Are not always on your toes around him
- Don’t go out of your way to impress him
- Feel safe in his presence and can share secrets with him
One of the qualities of a potential husband is that he is also your best friend. You can talk to him about anything and joke about different things, and when things get a little rough, you should be able to sail through them with relative ease. Making active efforts to not turn the little fights into unconquerable battles is one of the qualities of a good man to marry.
2. He is kind and compassionate
A ‘What I want in a husband’ list was compiled by researchers at the University of Göttingen in Germany and the female health app Clue. The survey polled more than 64,000 people in 180 countries, asking them what makes a good husband — factoring in a host of criteria, from religious or political preferences to height. Here are the survey results:
- Almost 90% of the women ranked kindness highest among desirable qualities
- This was followed closely by supportiveness at 86.5%
- 72.3% women ranked intelligence as their favorite quality in a man
Healthy communication sets the foundation of a happy marriage. That’s why compassion ranks high in this list of qualities to look for in a husband. Realizing that you have your unique needs as a human being and being kind toward those needs are the most important qualities of a good husband and father.
Men of good character care about the well-being of strangers, children, the elderly, and animals. A man that treats you right but disrespects a waiter in a restaurant or kicks a street dog is not husband material. If he feeds the stray animals, donates to charity, or is generally kind toward the people around him, you have hit the jackpot in the ‘best husband’ department.
3. If you believe in monogamy, he must too
Of course, that’s not to say that monogamy is the only way forward. Monogamy is one of the qualities to look for in a husband for people who value the construct themselves. However, if you’re a polyamorous person or practice relationships in any other way, you might be looking for something different. Marital satisfaction fully depends on wanting the same things. Before marrying your man, have a long, detailed conversation with him about his views on:
A shocking research points out that couples lie to each other three times a week. Of course, this includes big ones like cheating but also seemingly harmless white lies such as “I will surely come home on time today”. So, if you’re a single woman looking for the perfect partner, know that dishonesty and lack of self-control are ultimate deal-breakers.
4. He has a good sense of humor
In a study conducted with 3,000 married couples from five countries, both husbands and wives were found to be happier with a humorous partner. This trait was reported to be more important for the marital satisfaction of the wives than the husbands. The research says, “Spouses may also take humorousness as a sign of motivation to be amusing, kind, understanding, and dependable — as a sign of commitment.”
While looking for good qualities in a spouse, you also need to make sure his sense of humor aligns with yours. Sexist, racist, derogatory jokes are funny to no one. Block a man out of your life if you find him making jokes like:
- “My wife belongs to the kitchen”
- “My wife and her friends are always gossiping”
- “Women can fake orgasms, but men can fake their entire marriage”
5. Every day is new learning from him
One of the best qualities to look for in a man is the emotional maturity to learn something from every opportunity. Chances are that you and your future husband work in different places or you have different skillsets altogether. Your marriage can get very boring if you’re not able to share your diverse experiences with each other. That’s why a willingness to learn from you and an ability to inspire are the characteristics of a husband that you should look for.
Your man might know how to make delicious hummus, or he may be well-versed in current affairs. Whatever the expertise is, you both should be able to share it with each other and enjoy the process. The ability to have political debates with him or argue with him about the ideal amount of sugar in a cup of tea is how you can communicate effectively in your long-term relationship.
Related Reading: 10 Must-Follow Healthy Relationship Boundaries
6. He makes you a better person
“When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.” ― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist. If your relationship allows you to grow as a person and doesn’t stunt your progress, you’ve set the foundation for a healthy relationship.
What should a husband do for his wife? Become an ally in her personal development. You might know the person you are going to marry very well but does he make you want to be a better person? Trust us, people do become better after falling in love! It is very important to tie a lifelong knot with a man who brings out the best in you by:
- Encouraging you to push your limits
- Respecting your gut feeling instead of making decisions for you
- Honoring your space/alone time
7. He does not restrict you or your relationship
You don’t need a self-serving partner who gives you a hard time when you assert your independence. Yes, a lot of men tend to be very restrictive toward their wives. Years of patriarchal conditioning make them blind to certain problematic behavior patterns, such as,
- Demanding to know where you are at all times
- Controlling who you can or cannot socialize with
- Assuming its their right to approve or disapprove of your choice of clothes
In the 21st century, the 20 qualities of a good man include this ability to treat you as an equal and a partner in true earnest, and not as someone he needs to protect or save from the world. Women need not be told what to do and what not to do. What makes a good husband is him encouraging you to try new things instead of restricting you. If you’re trying to figure out what to look for in a husband, find someone who trusts in you enough to let you make your own decisions and isn’t regressive enough to micromanage your life. You’re an equal, not his pawn.
8. He is ready to compromise when need be
Yes, you’ll live a happy life with pleasant memories. But you’ll also have disagreements. It is impossible that the two of you will be on the same page for the rest of your life. You might also get into arguments because of the differing opinions. Arguments are normal, and in some sense, even necessary. However, things will begin to go downhill if he always expects you to compromise.
Being convinced that he does no wrong is definitely not among the good qualities in a boyfriend that qualify him to be husband material. A healthy relationship calls for both parties to compromise at some point. So, here are the traits of a good husband:
- Open-mindedness and willingness to take the high road
- Emotional maturity and good communication for healthy conflict resolution
- Ability to have meaningful conversations when you’re feeling low
Certified relationship coach Shivangi Anil emphasizes, “To spot signs of inequality, we need to pay attention to where the decision-making power lies. And by decision, I don’t mean financial or big decisions alone. Decisions about where you stay, what you eat, and whom you both interact with as a couple. Inequality harbors an unequal power dynamic wherein the person in a more powerful position can impose their needs and demands on the other person. In extreme cases, a skewed power dynamic can also pave the way for abuse and violence.”
9. He is good in bed
There have been innumerable cases where women find their husbands to be very loving, caring, and understanding. However, they are still not completely happy in their marriage because their husbands are unable to satisfy them in bed. When considering things to look for in a husband, your sexual compatibility as a couple must definitely be factored in. On that note, here are the qualities to look for in a man:
- He’s sensitive toward and accepting of your sexual desires and needs
- He pushes the boundaries of pleasure for you
- You can talk to him about what you’re comfortable with, and what makes you happy
- He understand the importance of consent and values it
Don’t take this one lightly, it’s one of the most important qualities of a good groom. Studies actually suggest that women cheat in relationships to supplement them, not to end them. Studies also indicate that 80% of women fake their orgasms during sex.
10. He shares the same values as you do
Having a difference in opinion is one thing but if your potential partner doesn’t share the same values as you do, chances are your marriage will turn into a battlefield. Patty and Jake had been together for over two years, and even though Jake hadn’t popped the question yet, the signs he wanted to marry her were all there. On a Friday night date, Patty broached the topic of future kids, which oddly they’d never discussed.
As it turned out, Jake wanted a big family whereas Patty leaned in favor of a child-free lifestyle. This difference of opinion ultimately drove them apart. That’s why discussing values is important when assessing future husband qualities. In case your partner has a difference in values, you need to make sure he at least respects where you stand. So, if you’re introspecting on the qualities of a potential husband, the coherence of core values is an important thing in real life. These values can include:
- Religious/spiritual beliefs
- Approach to finance
- Lifestyle choices (drinking/smoking/smoking up)
- Views on commitment and fidelity
- Visions for the future and family
11. He looks forward to doing new things with you
You cannot expect your husband to surprise you with new activities every day, but he should be excited to try new things with you. It could be as small as trying out the new restaurant that serves Chinese food or as big as going paragliding. Your significant other should look forward to experimenting and exploring new experiences with you.
That’s why a zest for life is among the qualities to look for in a husband. Without it, the monotony of married life can quickly take its toll. If you were wondering how to describe the best husband, “Someone who you can explore the world with” is a good place to start. And also, someone who is invested in always exploring how to be a good husband.
12. You can communicate with him about everything
You may be upset with your partner, yet you know that you can talk to him about what is bothering you. So, great communication and receptiveness are the qualities of a good partner in a marriage. If your man is the right guy, you will be able to talk to him about difficult issues and not be afraid of his reaction. He will listen to you and address your problems instead of declaring your argument invalid.
Hence, good listening skills are one of the non-negotiable qualities of a good husband. A study conducted by Faye Doell showed that there are two different types of listening: “listening to understand” and “listening to respond”. Those who “listen to understand” have greater satisfaction in their interpersonal relationships than others. While people may think they might be listening to understand, what they’re really doing is waiting to respond.
13. He appreciates your good qualities and accepts the bad ones
Every single person has flaws. You just need to look for the right person who can live with your flaws and you, theirs. An ideal husband would appreciate you for all your good qualities but will also accept your bad ones. So, he’s definitely husband material if he doesn’t:
- Berate you when you make mistakes
- Belittle you every time you’re a bit anxious
- Ask you to change who you are at your core
He won’t love you less because you don’t keep your cupboard clean or because you are always late, but he would help you to be a better version of yourself for your own benefit. If you’re unclear about what qualities should a husband have, keep patience and tolerance high on your list.
14. He does not always need to “win”
Not only one of the qualities to look for in a husband but in every relationship that thrives on love. There is no denying the fact that arguments and clashes are inevitable in any relationship. A mature couple has the ability to fix the problems and sort them out instead of:
An emotionally mature/responsible husband would be willing to resolve issues and not continue the argument just to win it by any means. On the other hand, a narcissist or a toxic partner would only try to bring you down by discouraging you, blaming you, and deeming you incapable. You do not want that kind of negativity/bad vibe in your marriage. Hence, the characteristics of a husband should include problem-solving skills, instead of the need to win at all costs.
15. He is supportive of your passions
What are the qualities of a good man to marry? You need someone who supports your decisions and stands by you. Though this may seem like a given, unfortunately, despite the progressive times we live in, a lot of men still expect their wives to play second fiddle in the marriage. For instance, in many marriages, one of the ideal wife qualities is to give up her career after the baby if the circumstances demand. However, this does not necessarily work in the modern era.
Your potential husband needs to be curious about your passions and do everything in his capability to help you pursue them. Find a man who raises you up instead of bringing you down. One of the admirable future husband qualities is that he becomes your biggest cheerleader and pushes you to pursue your dreams and goals.
16. Traits to look for in a husband: He treats your family right
A wonderful marriage is not just the union of two people but also of two families. Your partner may have no problems showing affection toward you, but if he doesn’t treat your family the way they deserve to be treated, he is not the right one for you. It’s one of the traits to look for in a husband that most people don’t pay much attention to, which eventually leads to conflict and resentment. Avoiding spending time with your family, calling them names, arguing with them, and just generally disrespecting them at every opportunity is one sign of an immature, hostile man. A responsible husband would not only love and respect you but your family too.
17. He is not entirely dependent on you
In a marriage, spouses start depending on each other for a lot of things. That’s just the natural order of things. However, there is a difference between an interdependent and a codependent relationship. While the former is healthy, the latter is a hallmark of toxicity. It goes without saying that you need a spouse who doesn’t lean on you to the extent that your identity is reduced to being his perpetual caretaker.
You need to look for a husband who can survive without you being around 24/7. He should be able to manage chores by himself, instead of being a lazy husband. He should be able to:
- Cook meals when you’re busy
- Pack his bags for a work trip
- Shoulder his share of the responsibilities as a parent
18. He encourages you to have a life outside your relationship
An ideal husband would understand that your life does not always revolve around your marriage. Talking about healthy space in a relationship, psychologist Jaseena Backer says, “This space should be comfortable enough for the partners and not big enough for the entry of a third party.”
Space in a relationship is not an ominous sign and a good husband is able to recognize that. What qualities should a husband have? The ability to recognize that you’re an independent person with your own needs, likes, and dislikes should definitely make the cut. So, the duties of a good husband are to encourage you to:
- Take up new activities
- Hang out with your friends
- Spend some time with yourself
- Try new things without him
19. He allows himself to be vulnerable with you
Relationship expert Ridhi Golechha says, “Men and women deal with pain differently. Men end up suppressing their emotional pain, which makes it more intense. They put on a fake mask of courage and are not able to receive the empathy that somebody who shows vulnerability is able to receive. Also, men use other channels to direct their pain (like anger, revenge, aggression, or physical abuse).”
Men often struggle with emotional intimacy. If you find one who is not afraid to let his guard down, allowing you to see his vulnerabilities, count it among the qualities of a good husband. Marry him if he:
- Takes steps to open up to you
- Doesn’t need to prove how strong/macho he is
- Spends quality time, wherein he shows his vulnerable side
20. He is looking forward to starting a life with you
Being a husband is not everyone’s cup of tea. So, if he is not really willing to get married and is doing it out of pressure or a sense of obligation, your relationship hit rocky waters soon enough. A man who genuinely wants to get married will know it from the very beginning.
He might take it slow, but he will gradually make it very obvious. Even if he asks you to wait while he reaches a certain position in a career or earns a certain amount of money, he will maintain a level of commitment nonetheless. This desire to see you with him in the future without having you to guess or wonder about where your relationship is headed is a beautiful quality that indicates he is your husband-to-be.
- Your life satisfaction will heavily depend on your choice of partner
- Choose a man who supports your personal growth
- A good man is honest and has self control
- A happy wife has a partner who treats her like an equal
- Choose an emotionally mature man, who isn’t afraid to be vulnerable with you, as your life partner
A marriage, at the end of the day, is a lot more than loving each other. When you vow to spend a lifetime with a person, you’ll need more than just love to be able to navigate the murky waters you will inevitably come across. When you’ve ticked off most of the qualities to look for in a husband and know that your partner is going to be supportive of you throughout the years, the murky waters get a lot easier to paddle through.
A husband takes care of his wife but also respects her individuality. Moreover, he listens to her and respects her passions. She definitely doesn’t need a husband who makes everything about himself. Another tip on how to be a good husband is to be the guy her friends love.
Psychologists call it the George Clooney Effect. A 2010 study of 3,770 heterosexual adults suggested that women often prefer older men. It was also observed that women with greater financial independence were more inclined to date an older man. Psychiatrist Dr. Shefali Batra says, “Be it psycho-dynamically, emotionally, psychologically, women grow up faster compared to their male counterparts. Hence, women connect better, mentally and emotionally, with men who are older than them. Having reached the peak of their career, older men are more relaxed about their professional goals and are able to give more time to their women.”
Yes. A study was conducted on 801 adults across the United States on the question: “Do you consider your partner to be your best friend or do you call somebody else your best friend?” Among adults in a romantic relationship, the vast majority (83%) considered their current partner to be their best friend. Among those who were married, the rate was even higher.
When it comes to good looks, research shows that women overwhelmingly prefer men who are taller than them. In fact, according to a 2012 study from the Netherlands, women are more satisfied with a man who is roughly 21 cm taller than her. Another study points out that the height of the partner is more important to females than to males. Researchers ultimately concluded that women want a man who is tall simply because they feel more protected. One female in the study cited not wanting to look down into a man’s eyes, the ability to wear high heels and still be shorter than her date, and wanting to reach up to hug her date among her reasons for preferring taller men.