Life can be testing. A few years after marriage my wife had a miscarriage. A blood loss-induced depression followed. I didn’t know how to deal with an ailment that was taboo. I couldn’t confide in family or friends and they remained on the periphery. Not much written advice was available. Only later did I find others breaking the silence, sharing their experience for guidance. We had lost a decade of our lives by then. Just like people are grappling with divorce counseling we were lost without marriage and psychological counseling.
Last year, I was associated with a colleague who wrote a book on “How to Deal with Divorce”. The attempt was to break the silence surrounding the event and to help those caught in the strife of breaking marriages. It was in striking similarity to what I had undergone. As we spoke to people during the course of writing, we realized that this was again a taboo. Many stayed away. Some refused to see that the marriage was troubled; they felt that couples can if they tried, overcome the issues.
Breaking The Silence Around Divorce Can Help
In those who faced a divorce within their families, the relief of being able to talk about it, even if in private, was evident. Most were suffering in silence. Little was available in the written domain as well. This was a sure recipe for lives being wasted. Just being able to talk about divorce can help in dealing with it.
Once the book was published, I was part of the book launch in three cities. The discussions at the events encouraged some to break their silence. I could feel their anguish as well as the relief of being able to speak out during the question-answer sessions.
It was at the third launch that I met an old friend. I had invited him over mail, not realizing that I had not mentioned the subject and he came as a friend would. After the event, he broke down and shared the pain of his daughter’s troubled marriage. He said that it was a God-sent opportunity that he was part of the launch. The discussions at the book launch would serve as a guide he said.
Divorce And Separation: Where Can I Get Help?
My friend’s anguish made me realize the importance of ‘breaking the silence’. While people may even be looking for separation counseling, the taboo surrounding the subject may persuade them from not availing it. I decided to find books about divorce in the Indian context and present the ones that I feel can be of help to others.
Divorce advice books to help you get through it
Untying the fine knots: How to deal with Divorce by Madhuri takes you through how best to deal with your emotions, the ex, children, family, society, courts and legal matters, payments and child custody, negotiations and your very identity. It tells you how to convert your separation or divorce into a fresh start to your life. You can read an excerpt from the book on Bonobology as well.
To D or Not to D: Working Towards an Amicable Divorce by Vijay Nagaswami talks of the facts of divorce, when to seek a divorce and the things to do before making the decision. It speaks of accepting changed feelings for each other with equanimity in addition to speaking of the things one needs to understand to make the process painless.
Dealing with Divorce by Leela Kirloskar speaks of the legal, financial and emotional realities of the divorce process. It talks of the legal aspects, what to expect in court, children and custody and emotions.
Memoirs: what others have been through
Leaving Home with Half a Fridge: A Memoir by Arathi Menon is an account of the author’s journey from the unhappiness of a failed marriage, the subsequent divorce and her evolution as a happy independent person. (Read an excerpt from this book on Bonobology.)
The Ex-Files by Vandana Shah is the story of a woman, who despite her best efforts to save her marriage, finds herself facing a divorce petition. It speaks of the author’s hardships and joys of moving through emotional upheaval and emerging stronger.
Legal advice while going through divorce
Breaking Up: Your Step-by-Step Guide to Getting Divorced by Mrunalini Deshmukh and Fazaa Shroff-Garg answers the legal questions of how to file for divorce, grounds for divorce, alimony and child custody and similar issues.
Guide for Men on Divorce, Cruelty, Desertion, Annulment by Vivek Deveshwar offers guidance to men on the legal aspects related to cruelty, desertion, adultery, mental disorder and false allegations as grounds for divorce and annulment of marriage. (Read an excerpt.)
Separated and Divorced Women in India: Entitlements by Kirti Singh examines the economic rights and entitlements of separated or deserted women in law and practice in India.
Life After Divorce – 15 Ways To Build It From Scratch And Start Afresh
The Pros And Cons Of Being Your Own Divorce Lawyer
15 Subtle Yet Strong Signs Your Marriage Will End In Divorce
10 Things To Do When You Are Thinking About Divorce
10 Tips For Divorced Parents To Handle Joint Custody Effectively
9 Sneaky Divorce Tactics And Ways To Combat Them
15 Most Common Reasons For Divorce
How To Cope With Divorce As A Man? EXPERT ANSWERS
11 Ways To Remain Sane During a Divorce
7 Important Things To Know About Dating While Separated
The Top Rules Of Separation In Marriage To Make It Successful
Lonely After Divorce: Why Men Find It So Hard To Cope
How To Rebuild Life After Divorce: Handling Kids, Money, Dating, And Self-Love
Failed Celebrity Marriages: Why Are Celebrity Divorces So Common And Expensive?
Surviving Divorce at 50: How To Rebuild Your Life
Gray Divorce 101 – A Guide To Divorce After A Long Marriage
Expert Advice – When To Call It Quits In A Marriage
8 Examples Of Unhealthy Boundaries With Ex-Wife
7 Predictors Of Divorce You Should Be Aware Of
Finding Love After Divorce – 9 Things To Be Mindful Of
8 Things That Can Be Used Against You In A Divorce And How To Avoid Them