Considering Divorce And Feeling Lost? Here’s Help!

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Life can be testing. A few years after marriage my wife had a miscarriage. A blood loss-induced depression followed. I didn’t know how to deal with an ailment that was taboo. I couldn’t confide in family or friends and they remained on the periphery. Not much written advice was available. Only later did I find others breaking the silence, sharing their experience for guidance. We had lost a decade of our lives by then. Just like people are grappling with divorce counseling we were lost without marriage and psychological counseling.

Last year, I was associated with a colleague who wrote a book on “How to Deal with Divorce”. The attempt was to break the silence surrounding the event and to help those caught in the strife of breaking marriages. It was in striking similarity to what I had undergone. As we spoke to people during the course of writing, we realized that this was again a taboo. Many stayed away. Some refused to see that the marriage was troubled; they felt that couples can if they tried, overcome the issues.

Breaking The Silence Around Divorce Can Help

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In those who faced a divorce within their families, the relief of being able to talk about it, even if in private, was evident. Most were suffering in silence. Little was available in the written domain as well. This was a sure recipe for lives being wasted. Just being able to talk about divorce can help in dealing with it.

Once the book was published, I was part of the book launch in three cities. The discussions at the events encouraged some to break their silence. I could feel their anguish as well as the relief of being able to speak out during the question-answer sessions.

It was at the third launch that I met an old friend. I had invited him over mail, not realizing that I had not mentioned the subject and he came as a friend would. After the event, he broke down and shared the pain of his daughter’s troubled marriage. He said that it was a God-sent opportunity that he was part of the launch. The discussions at the book launch would serve as a guide he said.

Related Reading: Divorce Is Not the End of the World

Divorce And Separation: Where Can I Get Help?

My friend’s anguish made me realize the importance of ‘breaking the silence’. While people may even be looking for separation counseling, the taboo surrounding the subject may persuade them from not availing it. I decided to find books about divorce in the Indian context and present the ones that I feel can be of help to others.

Divorce advice books to help you get through it

Untying the fine knots: How to deal with Divorce by Madhuri takes you through how best to deal with your emotions, the ex, children, family, society, courts and legal matters, payments and child custody, negotiations and your very identity. It tells you how to convert your separation or divorce into a fresh start to your life. You can read an excerpt from the book on Bonobology as well.

To D or Not to D: Working Towards an Amicable Divorce by Vijay Nagaswami talks of the facts of divorce, when to seek a divorce and the things to do before making the decision. It speaks of accepting changed feelings for each other with equanimity in addition to speaking of the things one needs to understand to make the process painless.

Dealing with Divorce by Leela Kirloskar speaks of the legal, financial and emotional realities of the divorce process. It talks of the legal aspects, what to expect in court, children and custody and emotions.

Memoirs: what others have been through

Leaving Home with Half a Fridge: A Memoir by Arathi Menon is an account of the author’s journey from the unhappiness of a failed marriage, the subsequent divorce and her evolution as a happy independent person. (Read an excerpt from this book on Bonobology.)

Related Readings: How Do You Set Emotional Boundaries in Relationships?

The Ex-Files by Vandana Shah is the story of a woman, who despite her best efforts to save her marriage, finds herself facing a divorce petition. It speaks of the author’s hardships and joys of moving through emotional upheaval and emerging stronger.

Legal advice while going through divorce

Breaking Up: Your Step-by-Step Guide to Getting Divorced by Mrunalini Deshmukh and Fazaa Shroff-Garg answers the legal questions of how to file for divorce, grounds for divorce, alimony and child custody and similar issues.

Guide for Men on Divorce, Cruelty, Desertion, Annulment by Vivek Deveshwar offers guidance to men on the legal aspects related to cruelty, desertion, adultery, mental disorder and false allegations as grounds for divorce and annulment of marriage. (Read an excerpt.)

Separated and Divorced Women in India: Entitlements by Kirti Singh examines the economic rights and entitlements of separated or deserted women in law and practice in India.

FAQS

1. How does divorce counseling work?

Sessions typically involve both partners meeting with a therapist together. The therapist facilitates communication, helps identify underlying issues, and guides couples towards mutually agreeable solutions. Individual sessions may also be offered to address personal concerns.

2. How long does divorce counseling last?

The duration of counseling varies depending on individual needs and circumstances. Some couples may only need a few sessions, while others may require ongoing support for several months or longer.

3. What are the benefits of divorce counseling?

Divorce counseling can offer several benefits, including:

Improved communication and conflict resolution skills: Learn healthier ways to express emotions and resolve disputes.
Emotional support and guidance: Process complex feelings like sadness, anger, and guilt in a safe environment.
Decision-making assistance: Make informed choices about separation, custody, and finances.
Reduced stress and anxiety: Develop coping mechanisms to manage the emotional toll of divorce.
Co-parenting support: Establish healthy communication and cooperation for the sake of children.

Final Conclusion

Divorce is a challenging and emotionally charged experience. Divorce counseling can provide invaluable support, guidance, and tools to help couples navigate this difficult transition with greater clarity and understanding. Whether you’re considering divorce, in the midst of separation, or rebuilding your life after divorce, seeking professional help can equip you with the skills and strategies to move forward in a healthy and positive way. Remember, you don’t have to go through this alone. Reach out to our qualified therapist today and take the first step towards healing and a brighter future.