My Crush Is Dating My Bestie And This Is How I Am Surviving

Ananyaa Bhowmik
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I had a crush on this guy for the better part of 4 years. He was that one senior who made me feel all kinds of warmth the moment he protected me. He is the kind of person who lightly slaps you when you are arguing and laughs like hell after that. Heck, he would do this thing where he would fight with anyone who was rude with me. Now, for 3 years I loved him knowing that he had a girlfriend he loved too much. Everything changed however, when he fell for my best friend. Now, N is an absolute doll and I would fall for her myself if I was a guy. Yet, my guy? The one person I have loved so much and wanted. It broke me when she asked for advice about him, it hurt me that she did not know exactly what gift to bring him on his birthday and I did. I cant imagine my best friend is dating my crush and that too right in front of my eyes.

So, how am I surviving? Initially I didn’t know how I would survive this. I had accepted his girlfriend. She was like a given. But I had loved him so much that I hoped and prayed that if ever they broke up then he would realise what he means to me. But that never happened. He continued being warm, protective, endearing but never did he love me back. And I didn’t even know when it happened between him and my best friend. Now I have to tell you my best friend and my crush are dating and how I am surviving it.

My Crush Is Dating My Bestie And This Is How I Am Surviving

Initially I was so broken and shattered that I never thought I would recover from this jolt. It was so emotionally difficult for me because I loved my best friend and I loved him, my crush. How could I start hating them all of a sudden? I didn’t know how to deal with the situation and deal with my own heart. But gradually I realised I had to survive the fact that that my crush is dating my best friend and move on with life.

1. I avoid third-wheeling

It is different when he asks me along for a chat or for a dinner date. However, mostly, I have explained to N that I do not want to be near them when they’re all lovey dovey. So, I excuse myself when they start kissing or just sharing their personal talks. I understand his and N’s space and they understand mine.

Perhaps, it is because N understands me so well, that it works out, but, I like that this means I don’t have to confront them in all their lovey glory. It is very hard to see him look into her eyes with that deep feeling. But N is a very nice girl and I did not want to stop being her bestie. So I worked around the situation. I usually hang out with them when we are in a gang otherwise avoid them when they are a couple.

2. I put their happiness first

I love him and I love N. It might be a difficult decision but, I understand that they are happy together. There’s this old song in my language that says that you should let your love be happy even if it breaks your heart.
So, I keep that in mind when they go out. It charms me when he smiles so much, and does those small jigs when they are drunk. I love how N gushes about him when we are in an auto going back to her place. Initially I used to well up thinking of  how happy they are together but now I have taught myself to feel happy about it. We need to be positive about things like this. Being negative is always easy but being positive in a situation like this is hard but I have been so and I pat myself on the back for being that.

Read more: My friendship with my guy friend is still going strong, thanks to my husband’s trust

3. No more passionate talks

The moment he starts talking about art I cannot help but fall for him so much more. So, I try and keep myself away from all those talks as much as I can. I cannot afford of N being jealous of me right now, and I cannot help myself if I fall further down the rabbit hole that is this crush.

It’s very hard for me to do the balancing act in this relationship. My feelings for my crush don’t change suddenly because he is dating my best friend.

Some days it is incredibly hard when he would draw a cat on my napkin while sitting in a cafe, or when he would be sneaky and write my name in calligraphy on a paper. However, I know it does not mean anything anymore, and I somehow survive.

4. No more jokes from my gay friends

My gay friends make the most sexual jokes at the expense of my crush. Now, that N has come into the loop, I have told them to stop making jokes. I kind of blame them for making me fall for him actually.

Apparently, they saw our chemistry “tingling” in the air when it all started. Well, the little honeys were wrong, and I have to deal with it. But they are sensitive too and realise what I am going through and that I have been friendzoned so they most often do not bring up the subject anymore and divert my attention elsewhere whenever possible.

Read more: How do I handle my crush on my boyfriend’s bff?

5. I talked it out with my bestie

N understands, and she told me that I could tell her everything. So, when I told her about my feelings for her new boyfriend and how long it has gone on, she even offered to break-up with him. But I did not look at it as a solution. To be in a relationship two people have to have feelings for each other. It is true my feelings for my crush are one-sided so there was no point breaking up the love birds. I could have never forgiven myself.

I have probably the best-est friend in the world that way, and that makes me incredibly happy, because this means that she understands when I bunk on plans or don’t feel comfortable. Remember kids, love can only prosper with proper communication, and this is what communiqué looks like some days.

It is incredibly difficult when your best friend falls for your crush. However, you can survive. This is no longer school-time, and as an adult, you should be able to talk it out. Some days are still incredibly difficult though, but, I am getting there. Their anniversary will come up and I will probably bake them a cake too. Love does not always mean you have to be invested in them romantically, sometimes caring is enough.

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