I had a crush on this guy for the better part of 4 years
He was that one senior who made me feel all kinds of warmth the moment he protected me. He is the kind of person who lightly slaps you when you are arguing and laughs like hell. Heck, he would do this thing where he would fight with anyone who was rude with me. Now, for 3 years I loved him knowing that he had a girlfriend he loved too much.
Everything changed however, when he fell for my best friend. Now, N is an absolute doll and I would fall for her myself if I was a guy. Yet, my guy? The one person I have loved so much and wanted. It broke me when she asked for advice about him, it hurt me that she did not know exactly what gift to bring him on his birthday and I did.
So, how am I surviving? It’s difficult, but, this is what I do.
1. I avoid third-wheeling
It is different when he asks me along for a chat or for a dinner date. However, mostly, I have explained to N that I do not want to be near them when they’re all lovey dovey. So, I excuse myself when they start kissing or just sharing their personal talks. I understand his and N’s space and they understand mine.
Perhaps, it is because N understands me so well, that it works out, but, I like that this means I don’t have to confront them in all their lovey glory.
2. I put their happiness first
I love him and I love N. It might be a difficult decision but, I understand that they are happy together. There’s this old song in my language that says that you should let your love be happy even if it breaks your heart.
So, I keep that in mind when they go out. It charms me when he smiles so much, and does those small jigs when they are drunk. I love how N gushes about him when we are in an auto going back to her place.
3. No more passionate talks
The moment he starts talking about art I cannot help but fall for him so much more. So, I try and keep myself away from all those talks as much as I can. I cannot afford N being jealous of me right now, and I cannot help myself if I fall further down the rabbit hole that is this crush.
Some days it is incredibly hard when he would draw a cat on my napkin while sitting in a cafe, or when he would be sneaky and write my name in calligraphy on a paper. However, I know it does not mean anything anymore, and I somehow survive.
4. No more jokes from my gay friends
My gay friends make the most sexual jokes at the expense of my crush. Now, that N has come into the loop, I have told them to stop making jokes. I kind of blame them for making me fall for him actually.
Apparently, they saw our chemistry “tingling” in the air when it all started. Well, the little honeys were wrong, and I have to deal with it.
5. I talked it out with my bestie
N understands, and she told me that I could tell her everything. So, when I told her about my feelings for her new boyfriend and how long it has gone on, she even offered to break-up with him.
I have probably the best-est friend in the world that way, and that makes me incredibly happy, because this means that she understands when I bunk on plans or don’t feel comfortable. Remember kids, love can only prosper with proper communication, and this is what communiqué looks like some days.
It is incredibly difficult when your best friend falls for your crush. However, you can survive. This is no longer school-time, and as an adult, you should be able to talk it out. Some days are still incredibly difficult though, but, I am getting there. Their anniversary will come up and I will probably bake them a cake too. Love does not always mean you have to be invested in them romantically, sometimes caring is enough.