All of us have been brought up on this notion that money can’t buy you happiness, and it is true. Money can’t buy you everything. But however much we deny it, dating a man who is not financially stable often spells doom for a relationship. The financial situation of your partner does affect the relationship. And having a partner who is financially independent or stable does make for a smoother relationship. Sounds a bit materialistic? Let me explain.
Financial stability can mean different things to different people, but there are a few things in common. A financially stable person will have an income that will afford them their lifestyle, and they will still have money left over at the end of the month. They will have a good credit score and will be debt-free. If they are not entirely debt-free at the moment, then they are actively pursuing a plan to get there. More importantly, they should have enough saved up for small emergencies like a car breakdown or a trip to the emergency room.
The mistake a lot of people make is that they think if a man is not financially stable, it is because he doesn’t earn enough. To them, money is the attraction. That is not entirely true. You could be a multi-millionaire with wads of cash and 3 luxury cars and still not be financially stable. If you don’t plan your finances and carelessly splurge or gamble, then no matter how rich you are, you are bound to run out.
The reason a financially stable man is attractive is not because of the amount of money he has saved, but because he plans for, avoids unnecessary risks, and is responsible. We are instinctively drawn to find a mate that we perceive as someone who will be able to take care of us and our children. We look for these attractive qualities of responsibility, of avoiding unnecessary risks, in every aspect of a potential partner – not just financially. So, if you are the type of man who is in the habit of putting your job and life at risk, then the chances of long-term dating will be a bit more difficult for you.
Related Reading: 5 Ways To Overcome Financial Stress In Relationships
Waiting for a man to get financially stable feels like going against an instinct, and yet, there are a lot of people out there dating a man struggling financially. here is a belief he will eventually come out of it. However, sometimes the best-laid plans go awry. Here are some of the things one can do to protect oneself from possible crisis when dating a man who is not financially stable.
8 Ways To Protect Yourself When Dating A Man Who Is Not Financially Stable
Most societies still have some traditional gender roles, but in recent times, we have seen a shift in the dynamics. More and more women are choosing independence and demanding equality in every field, including relationships and dating. This is a good thing because unless you are an heir or heiress, dating can become quite expensive if the entire financial burden of it falls on only one pair of shoulders.
And if your current relationship is making you have thoughts like, “My boyfriend is draining me financially”, then here are some things you can do.
1. Talk about money
When dating a man who is not financially stable, have that talk about finances right at the beginning of the relationship. Financial boundaries are a very important type of boundary, and it is best established right at the beginning of the relationship.
Discuss and understand the numbers, and see what you are spending on mutually. Rent, food, car, travelling, entertainment, utilities. Once you have figured out the numbers, it will give you a better idea of how much you can invest in the relationship financially. I know talking about money is hardly romantic, but it is very important when you are dating a man who is struggling financially.
2. Have separate accounts when dating a man who is not financially stable
After 6 months of dating, Patricia and Dave decided to move in together. Very much in love with each other, they decided that they would have a joint account where both their incomes would be deposited. They would share their expenses and could withdraw money any time they felt the need. It was going well until one fine day Patricia found that the account had run dry.
She was shocked. At the bank, she found out that Dave had been regularly withdrawing large sums of money. When Patricia confronted him about it, he said that he had spent most of it on parties and holidays with the boys. At that point, Patricia could not stop herself from thinking, “My boyfriend is draining me financially”. She told Dave that he should have consulted her before he made the purchases since it was both their money. She decided to have separate accounts from then onward.
While it is normal for a lot of couples to have joint accounts, it is best to have a separate bank account for yourself when dating a man who is not financially stable. In this way, you can help him out in his time of need but also keep a track of your own expenses.
Related Reading: 12 Tips For Married Couples To Split Finances
3. Sharing your expenditures
When you are dating a man who is not financially stable, there are chances you might have had the thought, “I spend more money on my boyfriend than he does on me.”or “Is my boyfriend using me for money?” While it is completely okay to pamper your man from time to time, if you are beginning to notice a pattern in which you end up paying for everything most of the time, then your thoughts are justified and probably true. The best way to tackle this scenario is to talk to your partner and insist on going dutch in all future expenses.
There is no denying that sometimes we end up dating toxic people who use us for monetary gain. While the thought is quite disheartening, it is an unfortunate reality. If you are dating a man who is struggling financially and is flippant about spending your money, then he is using you for sure.
However, it is also quite possible that your partner himself is not aware of his actions and habits. Talking to him will make him aware of his patterns. He is more likely to start working on his financial issues and start budgeting. This brings me to the next point.
4. Help him make a budget
Within months of being in a relationship with Kevin, Jess realized that Kevin had money issues. She realized Kevin had no savings, and there was usually nothing left in his account by the end of the month. While Jess was not one of those people who would leave a relationship if a man is not financially stable, she often ended up thinking, “I spend more money on my boyfriend than he spends on me.”
Jess sat Kevin down and talked to him. Together, they decided to work on a budget for Kevin. They figured out where the money was going and how best to limit unnecessary expenses. She also encouraged Kevin to invest the money he was saving to get more gains. Eventually, Kevin was able to have savings at the end of the month and was able to pay off all his debt in a few months.
When two people are involved, there is usually one who is better at finances than the other. And since you are dating a man who is not financially stable, the one who is better at finances is you. You can encourage him to make a budget and support him to live within it. A little guidance from you will help your partner and your relationship to a great extent.
5. Go for a prenuptial agreement
The mere mention of the word prenup can raise quite a few eyebrows, yet contrary to popular belief, prenups are not just for rich folks to protect their assets. More and more couples of modest means are going in for prenuptial agreements to clarify their financial rights and responsibilities in a marriage. A prenup is just that, a contract that states how financial matters will be handled in a marriage.
Waiting for a man to get financially stable can take a while. And if you are not interested in waiting and can’t wait to start your happily ever after, then the wise option for you is to get a prenup. It will not only help you protect your assets but will also safeguard you from incurring the debt of a spouse in event of a death or divorce.
Related Reading: The 9 Things A Woman Must Keep In Mind For A Prenup
6. Consult a financial advisor
We all have that one person among our acquaintances who keeps losing money in investment opportunities that initially seem amazing but either flop very soon or yield very little return. And if you happen to be dating a man who is struggling financially because he is investing in the wrong opportunities, then it becomes heartbreaking as well as scary.
It will be heartbreaking to see him disappointed again and again each time he loses his savings. You will try your best to support him, but it won’t be enough. Clara says, “What made it scary was the nagging feeling that my boyfriend is draining me financially. Once that little thought entered my brain, it became very difficult to shake it off. So, we decided to invest in a financial advisor to help us with some financial planning tips.”
A financial advisor will help your partner calculate his income, assets, taxes, liabilities, and expenditures, and chalk out a customized plan to manage his finances and investments. They will help solve your partner’s financial struggles. Sometimes, getting the help of a professional is all one needs when dating a man who is not financially stable.
7. Get therapy for addiction
It is never good to hear this but often, if a man is not financially stable, it could be because he has an addiction. Addiction is not just limited to substances. He could be addicted to shopping, making unnecessary expenditures that he can’t afford or can do without. Or addiction to video games that render him too tired to go to work leading to a frequent loss of jobs.
No matter what kind of addiction it is, there is one thing common for all of them – they tend to burn a huge hole in a person’s pockets. Dating a man who is not financially stable because of his addictions can be really taxing for his partner. In such circumstances, it is better to seek therapy to help him overcome his addictions. Online therapy from Bonobology counselors has helped many people lead better lives and you could avail of it by visiting here. Whatever your situation is, it’s good to know that there is help that you can count on.
8. Know when to say goodbye
All people have flaws and a relationship needs mutual, consistent efforts to keep it going. If you are waiting for a man to get financially stable and support him in his endeavors, then you are a rare and beautiful person. More power to you. But while supporting your partner, do not forget one elementary lesson of life. You can’t win all the time, so pick and choose your battles.
You could invest all your time, efforts, emotions, and resources in a person to bring out the best version of them. But you can’t save a person who does not want to be saved. If a person is not interested in sorting out his financial issues, in spite of you giving your best to him and the relationship, then it is time to move on.
Money is not everything, but it sure plays a very important role in our lives. Dating a man who is not financially stable might not seem like much right now, but in the long term it will end up being a major issue. If both of you are unable to resolve this issue, then it is best to end the relationship before it becomes toxic.
Yes, financial stability is very important in a relationship. A responsible person will try his best to grow in life and in his career, and not live paycheck to paycheck. He will try to save enough to give himself and his loved ones a decent life.
If a person is not willing to work on his finances and is comfortably mooching off you, chances are he will continue to do so in the future as well. This will be detrimental to the relationship.
From a very young age, men are taught to be the providers in a relationship. While gender roles are changing and it is completely all right for a woman to be the sole breadwinner of her family, it is still frowned upon by society at large. So, when a man doesn’t earn as much as a woman does, it does, unfortunately, matter – if not to the couple, then to the orthodox society at large.
In an ideal world, the financial status of a person would not matter. Though love is the most important thing in a healthy relationship, it does not pay the bills.
It is completely fine to date a person who does not make as much money as you. What is important is that they are able to manage their finances and are able to afford their own lifestyle, and still have savings at the end of the month.
Being mindful of one’s finances is a reflection of how responsible a person is. A financially callous person has difficulty taking care of themselves. If a person is unable to provide for their own needs, then the chances are very slim that they will be able to support you or take care of you in your time of need.