I’ve been an observer all my life. I’ve come across couples from all walks of life with varied personalities, viewpoints and distinctive oddities.
I’ve lost count of the number of times when a spouse, bored of his/her mundane life, surfs Facebook or MySpace to see if they can find out what their old loves are doing.
It’s as if these individuals were simply minding their own businesses, going about their days, and they suddenly found themselves looking up their old flames.
We all have one
Old flames… lost loves…we all have our share of those. What if you get a chance to be reunited with your past love? What will your reaction be to such eventuality? It’s no secret that many of us carry all through our lives the memories of our past loves. We wonder how remarkable our lives might have been with that other companion.
“You don’t actually look for your ex. It just happens,” says Rohini, an acquaintance of mine, who has been married for 8 years. Uh, I don’t think so. For a married person to reach out to one’s first love cannot be spontaneous; it requires planning and decision-making.
Online dating statistics reveal that 40% of online dating service users are married.
With sites like Reunion, Victoriamilan, Gleeden, etc., it has never been easier to look up and hook up with your old crush. “Married but looking for some extra fun and excitement?” asks DiscreetAdventures’s home page. The site helps users “meet other attached women and men seeking discrete romantic affairs.” One can simply type in the maiden name of the one he or she was involved with. And voila! You get the present details of the person immediately.
Related reading: Why did I need so many emotional connections outside marriage?
Plenty of opportunities online
The boom in websites for reunion of old friends, with opening lines as “Find people you’ve lost touch with…” has created a market for married people who want to catch up with ex-lovers, leading to infidelity. Internet infidelity plays havoc with an individual’s sense of worth and emotional self. Browsing the net, meeting an old girlfriend or boyfriend for a drink just to catch up after work, or sending a lengthy WhatsApp update to a long lost heartthrob can all seem relatively innocent. But one late night communication often leads to another and another and another. The talk becomes more and more personal. Partners engaged in exclusive online affairs presume that it isn’t infidelity as long as no physical contact takes place.
Not every online affair leads to a fiery, marriage-wrecking romance. “After all, life is short. We only have one go around, right,” says Rohini. She has been meeting her ex over lunches for the past 3 months. “We have a very casual conversation. And we make it a point not to touch beyond a hug at the time of leaving. Now that doesn’t amount to cheating my husband. Does it?” she defends. “No, it doesn’t, as long as you do not believe in the term emotional infidelity,” I say in my mind.