When we are in deep attraction or love, we ignore the signs that indicate that the reciprocation might be a little off-balance. Love does not depend on reciprocation, that’s true. But you need to know the kind of relationship you are in so as to navigate it properly. So here are a couple of markers to consider the possibility that your guy is avoiding you.
It’s important to note that avoidance does not translate into refusal, so don’t allow your heart to break. Rather, accept the fact that he requires some space and time. Instead of a passive-aggressive move of shutting him out, have a kind conversation and express your feeling that you both might be in need of a breather.
How to tell if someone is avoiding you? Sometimes, apart from your instincts, there are ways to know if a guy is avoiding you. The signs are always there, you just need to know how to perceive them.
11 Signs To Know If A Guy Is Avoiding You
A guy starts avoiding you suddenly. He calls you but not that often. He goes on one date he cancels the next two. He is busy most of the time and distracted when he is with you. You might be left wondering what’s wrong, and you’re probably left feeling pretty clueless.
Thoughts like, “Why is he avoiding me at work?”, or, “Is he really busy or avoiding me?”, might be running through your mind since you can’t be entirely sure about what’s going on in his. While it’s impossible to read his mind, these 8 things will help let you know if this guy is avoiding you.
1. His body language can tell you more than he ever will
What you can’t say out loud, your body language reveals. Though we often hang on to spoken words, a more nuanced reading of a person would be to take in their body language along with it. No, I won’t bore you with a detailed body language analysis. But two simple things that you can easily read are eye contact and body orientation.
If he’s breaking eye contact too often, looking away in the middle of a conversation – alert! He might be secretly wishing that he spots someone he knows and excuses himself from you to join his savior.
Another very simple way to find out if somebody wants to get out of the spot is the betrayal of their body. His feet will involuntarily point away from you, his body tilts away, shoulders turned in another direction from you. Be graceful in your understanding, smile, beg your pardon, and go home to rack your brain. But these are definite signs a guy is avoiding you.
2. Tortoise texting
The spontaneous charmer that used to text you in the middle of his busy schedule, making time for you to have a chat, is now a miser of words. The scanty replies to your incessant attempts at striking a conversation might not only be due to his laziness, — your guy is avoiding you for sure. Just take some time to understand the situation and don’t start double texting him.
Long silences are nice when you walk alongside at a beach, but over texts it is hard cold. Do not get frustrated.
Even so, you must always consider the possibility that he is busy, or that something is bothering him which he needs to sort out without your presence. Let him be. Or it could be that he is a coward in the shape of a gentleman who cannot say it out loud.
3. The excuses never stop
“Why is he avoiding me suddenly?” Have you been asking this question? Remember when you wanted to bunk your classes because that teacher used to irritate you? And the creative excuses you would craft to avoid a parent’s call and still get off the hook? What if he’s trying to get off of yours?
However, excuses, much like crying wolf, have become a victim of misinterpretation due to their overuse. But, how many times, how often, and how incredulous are these excuses? Notice if his commitments come with an implied rain-check attached and a book titled, “Sorry, my neighbor’s dog fell off the staircase and broke his bark; had to fly out of the country for treatment.”
I am sure he really fell asleep, the Uber driver cancelled thrice, his boss is behaving like a monster, but recurrent excuses to postpone plans only means he would rather not be spending that time with you.
Bow out. Because your guy is avoiding you and you don’t need to keep pestering him. If at all those excuses were real and truly his life was falling apart, the space you allowed him will help him figure things out. He will be more ready to make time for you now. But if the prodigal son never returns, it is good riddance.
4. If he’s making no initiative
He doesn’t make plans for the movies, or a date or to hang out with common friends. He always has his own plans and expects you to have your own. This is a red flag, even if it might not seem like it. He doesn’t want to spend time with you. You don’t take the initiative as well.
This one can often be confusing because he might text you during his free time, but won’t be willing to take some time out to meet you. Tina, a 23-year-old student told us about her Tinder match being all lovey-dovey on texts but never making an effort to set up their next date. “I was so confused, his texts were great, but he never made any plans to meet me for our next date. I used to spend my nights thinking, ‘Why is he avoiding me after I told him I like him?’ It was frustrating.”
“I decided to roll with it, until one fateful day he decided to ghost me and we haven’t spoken since. Should’ve picked up on the signs, now that I look back at it,” she says. Just go ahead and have plans with your friends and family. Chances and space will do him good, and he would want to hang out with you again.
When a guy avoids you suddenly, it’s easy to spot. However, when a guy avoids meeting you, it may be a little harder to catch. Take note of how long ago you two met and whether he even mentions if he wants to meet you or not.
Related Reading: 7 Reasons Your Ex Is Hot And Cold – And How To Deal With It
5. The phone call pattern has changed
How to tell if someone is avoiding you? You would know that when the phone call pattern changes. Every relationship has a phone call pattern. There are times in the day when you make a call to each other to catch up on the day’s proceedings. You could be doing it while having lunch at work or after leaving work. Another call could be scheduled at night before going to bed.
But suddenly if this call pattern changes then there is a possibility your guy is trying to avoid you. If he explains to you why the pattern has changed and asks you to schedule the calls for later, you can be sure that he’s making the effort. But if he is not doing that and comes up with lame excuses or no explanation at all, then the guy is definitely trying to avoid you.
However, if he’s one of those guys who will avoid calls and prefer texting any day of the week, let him know a call or two won’t hurt. Perhaps the, “He is avoiding me” texts you’ve been sending your best friends should be replaced with, “He’s too anxious to talk to me over the phone”.
6. He is busy with other things
When it comes to hanging out with the guys or posting photos on Facebook or Instagram, he is very active. But when it comes to calling you or fixing dates with you, he has no time or takes no initiative. This is a classic sign a guy is trying to avoid you. The best thing to do would be to ask him to be honest about the reasons. Then you should decide if you want to go ahead with the relationship or not.
7. You could have annoyed him
“Why is he avoiding me all of a sudden?” If you are thinking this then there could also be a possibility that you’ve annoyed him somehow. Something that you are not even aware of. You could have said something to a friend that got twisted and reported to him.
You could have gotten drunk and misbehaved, or you could have hurt him in some way. Try to figure that out. Even if he does not tell you directly, you might need to spend some time analyzing your actions towards him. If that is the case then you need to take responsibility and mend things.
Better yet, just ask him. Instead of spending days overthinking about what you might’ve done wrong, just asked him why he’s angry, or if he is at all. If he swiftly replies “No, what? Why would I be angry?”, then you probably need to find another reason as to why this guy avoids you suddenly.
8. If the relationship is moving too fast
There are signs a guy is avoiding you when he is caught up in his feelings towards you. Your relationship has been moving at breakneck speed and he has been finding it hard to keep pace with it. You are getting very close and suddenly he is not sure that he wants to commit, wants to have a physical relationship, or wants to take it forward. That’s when he starts avoiding you. You could have a talk and straighten things out.
9. Watch out for the tone of his voice
Yes, the tone of his voice can give you the answer to, “Is he really busy or avoiding me?” No, there’s no certain frequency that tells you he’s avoiding you. Don’t get too technical with it, just try to notice the tone of his voice and compare it to what it used to be like when he wasn’t actively trying to avoid you.
Is he happy when he talks to you? Does he sound cheerful or is it just another obligation he’s cruising through, only half aware of what you’re saying? If the tone of his voice makes it seem like this conversation is physically hurting him, he might be trying to get out of it. Although, the unanimated tone of his voice might make you ask yourself, “Is he really sick or avoiding me?”
10. If his compliments are now non-existent, he may be avoiding you
Remember when you two first met? Be it through a dating app or at that party your where common friend introduced you to each other, he was probably complimenting you a lot, making you blush every day, during those first few weeks. If his compliments and praises are now far and few between, it might be because he’s not too keen on doing it anymore.
When a guy avoids you suddenly, the last thing he’s going to do is tell you how pretty your eyes are or how cute you look in that photo you just took.
11. If he doesn’t respect your opinion anymore
Why would a guy who’s trying to avoid you have any respect for your opinion? Chances are, he’ll make it blatantly obvious as well. The next time he talks about something in his life, notice if he asks for your advice or your input on it or not. If he never asks what you think of things, it’s probably because he doesn’t care much about what you think.
Related Reading: Avoidant Attachment: Causes And How it Affects Relationships
What You Should Do If A Guy Is Avoiding You Suddenly
Sure, you can now spot when a guy avoids you suddenly and you now know it’s happening. But, what now? If you thought we were going to leave you hanging, you thought wrong. Being avoided isn’t the most fun experience to go through, and the questions like, “Why is he avoiding me after I told him I like him?” can end up giving you sleepless nights.
Keep those sleepless nights at bay. The following things should help you figure out what to do when a guy avoids you suddenly:
1. Figure out if it’s worth it and act accordingly
When you’re in the unfortunate situation of being avoided by a guy, you must never sacrifice your self-respect in an attempt to win him back. Don’t double text him, don’t beg him to talk to you, don’t wait outside his apartment when he’s not home.
Figure out if the guy is worth the trouble he’s causing you mentally, and decide what you want to do. If it never felt like this relationship was going some place special, you could consider leaving by letting it die out. Which it eventually will, since he’s already in the process of avoiding you.
If you do want to stick around, however, the next point will help you out on your quest:
2. The best thing you can do when a guy avoids you suddenly — talk about it
The mind games, the passive-aggressiveness, and the overthinking will all get you nowhere. When you manage to answer the question, “Is he really busy or avoiding me” and the latter turns out to be true, the best thing to do is to ask him about it.
Ask him why he’s distancing himself and what’s going on with him, it can really be as simple as that. Have a productive conversation, don’t accuse him, don’t raise your voice, just try to understand where he’s coming from and what his end goal is.
Encourage honesty, even if the truth might end up hurting you. The sooner you figure out what he really wants, the sooner you can go back to having peace of mind again.
3. Get busy, let things run their course
Unless you’re itching to keep this guy around in your life (in which case you should talk to him), you could consider just getting yourself busy and focusing on yourself. When a guy avoids meeting you, take it as a sign to focus on yourself and only put in the effort he puts in, nothing more.
If the relationship dies out, he didn’t value you enough anyway and he probably wasn’t the right one. If he comes to his senses and realizes you’re drifting apart, give him an earful when he comes running back to you.
Every relationship needs some time off. Maybe yours also needs some at the moment. Handle it accordingly. Instead of feeling ignored by someone you love and constantly Googling, “He is ignoring me, what do I do?”, try to focus on yourself. Things will fall in place again.