Sometimes it is not because you are ready that you move towards the decision of marriage, but because society and your upbringing, in general, says that it is the natural course of things. But what if you are not ready for the plunge? Here are 10 signs that you might not be.
Delhi ka laddoo
Nobody wants to pass judgment without having one but yet one knows what the process entails. The shaadi ka laddoo Catch 22 is something that is not a game you need to try your hand out because you need to seize the day. Stop bothering about your biological clock, because if you want a child to bring up, marriage is not the requirement of a womb. Taking the decision needs to be examined in the light of your personality and not what the society says is the next step in your life. It is only obvious that we are pushed towards this and take marriage as something we will get used to, but let’s spend the next few minutes trying to find within ourselves the possible reasons why we shouldn’t be going in that direction. Here are ten for starters:
1. Not in sync
You are compromising your morals and ideals
You have found the “ideal” partner by the fishy code of marital conduct and everybody else thinks that you and your partner were a match made in heaven. But all is not so in the relationship, as you keep compromising your morals to fit your partner’s worldview.
Related reading: These 9 rules for a happy marriage will make you go “That’s it?”
2. Kya baat hai,kya cheez hai paisa
You are not financially independent
Why should it matter, right? It is okay to be a homemaker! Yes, it is okay to manage things at home. It does not matter how lavish a sum you are earning, but a sustainable income to cover your basic needs not only is a contribution in the family funds but an important aspect in building your self-esteem and confidence. And I am saying this irrespective of whether you’re a man or a woman.
You have secrets untold between the two of you
You have not been comfortable talking about a couple of important secrets. Be it a matter of the present or the past, keeping thoughts and incidents from each other on the brink of a lifelong promise does not bode well for the future. Try to figure out why it is a problem for you to share your dark side and you will understand how the foundation is faulty.
Related reading: They love each other but are not sure of marriage
4. In love with the idea of love
You love your partner but you don’t feel in love with him/her
We love a lot of people, many are our friends, and love has many manifestations, but not every embodiment of it is fit to marry. What is it that is making you marry your partner? Try to delve deeper into your emotions and try to find out if it is special, what you feel for your partner. Also, do reflect upon your own emotions and understand if it is the idea of love that attracts you or the grime and labour of loving is what attracts you.
You have been together only for a short while
Do not make a quick decision and think that everything else will be taken care of in the course of marriage. That is not how things work. Yes, of course nobody was taught the ropes of being married since the day of birth, but some essential understanding of each other is important, which defies the hilarious rules of love at first sight. So give your relationship some time before you decide to tie the knot.
Had a breakup recently and you think that getting married will be the best message for your ex
If you think this is a ridiculous pointer, well then you are lucky to not have come across such stories. I have personally been to a marriage where the groom was marrying the first girl he met after his breakup because he wanted to prove a point to himself and his ex that he was over her and beyond. Please understand that revenge sex is twisted, but revenge marriage beats it to a T.
Related reading: We were best friends who fell in love with the same guy
7. For parents
To not marry to please the society please
Nobody likes the constant collective nagging of people about how the life of an unmarried person is soon to be trodden by unimaginable sorrow and marriage is the solution to the problems of your life, but please turn a deaf ear. Do not get married because your parents said so, or your neighbours, or your relatives, or because your Facebook feed made you want to wear that Sabyasachi gown. Nope. Bad reasons. You are not ready.
8. Opened up
You think that an open marriage is the best model, except that you have not told your partner that
You feel like we are past the age of restrictive monogamy in a marriage and the fact that you are getting married to someone is because you find that person to be best suited as a companion for life, but not at the cost of your sexual lifestyle. You have always felt that your partner was on the same boat of liberal thinking and you never felt the need to sit down and talk about it, because you both are so in sync. Well, try and discuss it, maybe the wedding plans will have to change after that.
Routine freaks you out, so does settling down
You are not the settling kind. The idea of dal chawal for life freaks you out in every sector of life, let alone a romantic partner. You are not the person who was meant for routine or stability. So, unless and until you have found another vagabond soul to fly around with, marriage should not be on your cards at all. It will be a recipe for heartbreak for both of you.
10. Cold feet
The idea of marriage is freaking you out
Do not push yourself to this decision. If the idea of marriage is freaking you out and you think that the plunge will make all the difference, think again.