Did you know? Subsequent dates are actually more crucial than the first one, if you want to move steadily towards the ‘committed’ phase. So, don’t take them lightly. In fact, you can follow some of the cardinal rules to handle subsequent dates like a gentleman, some of which are mentioned below.
7 Dos for a man to handle subsequent dates
The first few dates come with ‘*conditions applied’. From how you look and talk to how comfortable your partner feels in your company; a first date comes with a lot of rules. Also, you can’t do a whole lot of things on your first date. But subsequent dates allow you a lot of freedom to explore new things, know each other and have fun while keeping the below do’s close to your heart.
Related reading: How should a man dress up for his first date
1. Keep it interesting for her
Girls take ‘regular dates’ as an experience. No doubt they want things to be interesting and fun in a safe zone. So, it is on the men to make subsequent dates interesting through giving the ‘date’ different experiences and moments. So, ditch making the same old, boring plans like dining at a restaurant or a movie. Invest some creativity and punctuate the dating phase with a variety of experiences. Nowadays, metros and cities host a variety of events and activities. Ask her out for such evenings like concerts, stand-up comedy or a cultural fair to make things vivid and interesting for her. This will introduce her to a different side of your personality. A tip: take her opinions before planning anything together; don’t impose your choices on her.
2. Pick up and drop her off safely everytime
This may help you spend more time with her by personalising the date. You can pick her up from office, or meet her somewhere halfway. Going to a venue together may also improve your rapport with each other. She can genuinely start feeling safe and comfortable in your company as well.
3. Genuinely listen to her and be interested
Build a bond with her as a friend first. Use the art of listening; smile at her as she talks, establish eye contact with her. Ask her right set of questions, involving music, movies, books or food. Identify your common interests and start bonding over them. Make her feel important. Express genuine interest in her likes and dislikes and see how such simple conversations take your relationship ahead.
4. Participate in two-way conversations
Women love to converse; it is their way to know you better. If she asks you something about your life, be open, genuine and honest with her. Such conversations help her analyse your thought process and trust you even more.
Related reading: What should a man speak about on his first date?
5. Pay subtle compliments
Women know how to differentiate between subtle and cheesy compliments. So, before complimenting her, be sure that it is from the heart, genuine and not fake in any way. Give her attention, appreciate her intelligence, seek her opinions and value her choices. This way, she will feel valued and wanted during the courtship phase.
6. Keep hands to yourself
She is not your girlfriend yet. So, touching her a lot during subsequent dates may intimidate her and distort your impression as a guy with physical interests. Also, being sexually inclined can derail the dating phase and turn her away from you. So, don’t be touchy-feely during the initial courtship phase. Learn where to draw the line and use touch such as warm hugs to foster the relationship, not turn her away.
7. Be nice to her
Opening a car door, going out shopping with her, seeking her help in making your presentation are appreciated by the women during the courtship phase. It reiterates your belief in her abilities and makes her trust you and your choices in her life.
Related reading: When should a man text after his first date?
7 Don’ts for a man to handle subsequent dates
So now that you know what to do in the dates following the first, is it alright to take things lightly after crossing the ‘first date hurdle’? Well, we don’t think so. Just because your first date went well doesn’t mean you can get complacent and risk being off your game for the next ones. You may have been able to impress her already, but if you let your game slip, it may mean disaster for you. On the other hand, you have already made the first contact and aced it, which means that you already have some understanding of what she likes and dislikes. Now is the time to pull up your socks and go for the kill!
1. Don’t let your date game slip
The best way to handle subsequent dates is to keep on doing what you did on your first date. Keep up the momentum of the first date. Dress smart, make her laugh and have good conversations. Have fun in her company. The worst mistake you can make is to take things for granted and turn up in shabby clothes or start cracking inappropriate jokes.
2. Don’t be frugal while dating
‘Who pays on a date?’ This question must have struck you many times during subsequent dates. When you invite a girl on a date, you are responsible for picking up the check and take care of her. But women these days prefer to split the bills. So, gauge the situation before you make a move. Always take the lead while picking the bill. But if she is willing to split the bill, then don’t discourage that move. This gesture will help you earn respect and equality in her eyes.
3. Don’t get too sticky as a date
Dating is supposed to be fun, not an interrogation session probing too many personal details. You still have a long way to go to earn her trust. So, why not start the relationship on a lighter note. Give her a good time and great company to look forward to. Don’t come across as an intrusive person too curious about her family, past relationships and colleagues. Avoid touching sensitive topics during the first few dates. Ditch the heavy talk. Give her time to trust you and open up. When she feels comfortable and safe in your company, she will trust you with all her issues.
Related reading: How to impress a girl on a date?
4. Don’t treat her like your girlfriend
She isn’t your girlfriend till she agrees to be. Many men start behaving like they are already in a relationship with the woman once they are through the first few dates. Women may find that a little too pushy and this may intimidate her as well. So, don’t pull her into a controlling cycle. This may make her feel that she is going to enter a toxic relationship. Embrace a ‘take it light’ approach and enjoy being in the moment with her. Don’t talk about the ‘future’, don’t order her food for her and don’t assume that she is always going to say ‘yes’ when you ask her out.
5. Don’t read too much into things
Just because she has agreed to let you take her out a few times does not mean that she likes you as much as you like her. The key to handling subsequent dates is to make her feel comfortable being with you as much as you can. The more comfortable she feels, the more she is going to want to be with you.
6. Don’t introduce her to all your friends
A basic mistake men make while dating a woman is to introduce her to all their friends. This may seem a harmless act, but it might make her feel uncomfortable. If you have been only on a few dates, she is still getting to know you. Taking her to meet your friends may make her feel that you are trying to trap her in your social circle and indirectly trying to pressurise her into a relationship.
7. Don’t use cuss words
During the subsequent dates, curb the ‘cursing’ habit. Your lady may not appreciate it and may feel you are not a true gentleman. Also, be courteous while talking to waiters, or parking staff or any other attendant. Many women use this move to judge the nature of the men they are dating. So, be polite to everyone in her company, and let her take your impression as a gentleman.
Following such dos and don’ts may actually help you win her trust and sail through the courtship phase successfully. Our Bonobology relationship experts suggest such men adopt a ‘take it light approach’ towards a subsequent courtship phase. Don’t go intense right from the beginning, take each day as it comes, and enjoy the courtship phase. Do use this time to know her better, address her queries and curiosities naturally. Who knows, this date could be the partner of your dreams. So, enjoy the roller-coaster ride of subsequent dates and have fun!