Dating in the 21st century is not an easy thing, especially if you are looking for a committed relationship. While some are spoilt for choice and cannot make up their mind about one person, others are fed up with pouring their hopes and ambitions into failed relationships. Which is why, wooing someone is no more about just meet cutes or bumping into the love of your life at a grocery store aisle. It’s a skill that you will need help mastering. This is where courting comes into the picture, and I am here to help you with 21 tips for understanding how to court a woman by being a true gentleman.
So, for all the lads who are looking for a woman to grow old with and want to find a serious commitment in their lives, let’s get right to it and understand the definition of courting a girl. The art of courting a lady is something one indulges in because they have intention to build a relationship with her, that eventually leads to marriage.
We all know that there are many fish in the sea to choose from but if you truly want something that lasts a lifetime, you need to do something that most people out there are not doing. Because believe it or not, there is something about courting a woman properly that tips the scales in your favor. It might sound like an old-fashioned way for now, but if you read on ahead, you’ll see how dating and courting the right way can give you the loving relationship you want to be in.
What Does It Mean To Court A Woman?
In the world of texting someone for several months, having sex on the first few dates and then eventually ghosting them when things start feeling serious — if you want to know how to court a woman to make her fall in true love with you, you are on the right track. But before we understand what a successful courtship looks like, it is important to understand the proper definition of courting a girl.
To court someone is essentially a period that preludes the dating period. In this phase, you can enjoy your first kiss with this person, go out plenty, and spend time asking questions to get to know each other. It’s giggling together in coffee shops, painting together on the weekends, and driving out into the sunset as you hold hands in the car. All of this because you are trying to achieve a lifelong commitment with this person. Consider this a more traditional form of impressing a woman, as compared to modern dating.
21 Tips For Courting A Woman
When people hear the words ‘courtship’ or ‘courting a lady,’ they often think of it as an outdated or old-fashioned way of falling in love. But that is far from the truth. While there are some differences of courting a lady then and now, the goal remains the same: building a healthy relationship with the individual that finally leads to marriage.
Now that you are here and are looking for tips and examples to start courting someone you are interested in, chances are you have already made up your mind about what you want from a relationship, and that is essentially half your battle won. When you are courting someone, it is important to focus on impressing her and gaining her heart politely and honestly. You want her to adore you and start dating you.
Most importantly, you aren’t pursuing her just to sleep with her. For you, she is ‘the right one’ and you are willing to do anything to make her yours. Courting is a lovely, compassionate, and sincere experience. There are physical boundaries but not necessarily too many rules when it comes to a courtship commitment. Sincerity is something that’s sorely lacking in most people these days, and women will definitely appreciate it. So, what’s stopping you from learning how to court a woman? Prepare to become a complete pro with these 21 tips for courting a girl you like:
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1. Assess compatibility
The foundation of any relationship is compatibility and being on the same page. This rings true especially in a courtship commitment because the intention is to focus on creating and fostering a long-term relationship between the two of you.
Both you and her should spend time talking about your individual goals and mapping them out with the possibilities of sharing a future. Sometimes that can mean literally mapping them out if either one of you plans to move elsewhere. In that case, you will be courting a girl in a long-distance relationship. Is that something you’re prepared for? This is exactly why you must assess compatibility before you jump into dating and courting someone.
2. Set a clear intention about your end goal
Having clarity about your intentions with a woman is important. Tell her what you need from this relationship. The more clarity you have on this, the better the outcome of your courtship. This is why you need to keep communication lines open. Don’t just court a beautiful girl without knowing what you want or making things clear to her. It is important to be transparent throughout the process.
Don’t let the woman assume that you are taking things casually and then end up chatting with the woman’s parents about marriage, to her complete surprise. Throughout the courtship, keep letting her know how serious you are about her and that a lifelong commitment is what you are looking for with her.
3. Be prepared for it
While I am here to help you with the art of courting by being a true gentleman, it becomes difficult to do so unless you know yourself well and are mentally prepared for a courtship. You should never be the problem in your relationship. Make sure you are your best self before you put yourself out there.
- Know what you want: Courting leads to a serious affair and it would be unfair for you to drop out in the middle because you are unsure of your feelings. Make sure you are in a balanced headspace before you go out there to woo a woman. Don’t play games and be authentic about what you want
- Get to know the woman properly: Courting works very differently from casual dating. When dating casually, it is normal to see multiple people at once, but in a courtship, things work differently. So make sure you put all your effort into the woman you are courting and get to know her wholeheartedly
- Don’t rush things: The most important thing about the various courtship stages that you must understand is that they go by slowly. From maintaining physical boundaries to enjoying complete physical intimacy might take time. So don’t rush things and enjoy the process
It is easy to understand the qualities we wish to have in our better half, but it is even more important for you to be aware of the direction of your own life. Work on yourself. The more you are in touch with yourself, the more you will be in touch with your love.
4. Fellas, befriend her before you fall for her
Slow down the relationship. We’ve had quite a few readers ask, “Why do all these tips take so much time?” Well, David, Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither will your romance. Call us old-fashioned, but that is just how things work. Because you’re courting, it’s already known to her that you’re searching for more than a casual relationship. This will also help you foster a genuine friendship with her. Consequently, you’ll know her better. As the courtship progresses, you will see signs that you are moving from friends to lovers.
5. Learn about the people she spends her time with
How to court a woman is not just about establishing a rapport or camaraderie between you two. It is also about slowly weaving yourself into her life, and letting her be a part of yours. Try to spend time with her friends and family too. Humans are social beings, and our personalities reflect in the kind of people we surround ourselves with. This logic dictates that you not just make an effort to get to know your potential partner but also those closest to her.
This doesn’t mean that you show up to meet the woman’s father on the third date. But try to accompany her as a date to weddings, or go out for movies with her and her friends. Maybe even get involved in her religious circles where she spends a lot of her time? It is important during courtship to know the people you will be meeting regularly as the relationship progresses and see how they are in a group setting. Familiarize yourself with her inner circle. Not in an intrusive manner, but to be involved in her life.
6. Courting is not about sex
I have a cousin who is currently going through early adulthood (or should I say struggling miserably with it?). Just a few weeks ago, he reached out to me because he had something very important to share. When I met him, the first words out of his mouth were, “My hormones are going crazy,” and I wasn’t even surprised. A lot of guys find it hard to stick around with one girl, especially if they are not getting any action. That’s modern dating for you, and it is fueled by this generation’s obsession with dating apps and one-night stands.
But if you want to start courting a lady, know that things are going to be very different. The emphasis is not on sex. In the various courtship stages, sex comes much later. The initial stages are all about developing an emotional intimacy with one another.
7. How to court a woman? Don’t play games
This is the courting a woman meaning very few know and it is very logical, isn’t it? For you to be able to find one compatible partner, you need to be as involved as possible in the process with one person. You wish to be a compatible match with them in the future, right? Here is what you need to do:
- Laser focus: Don’t see other people, and make sure you are giving her your undivided time and attention
- See her often: As a real gentleman, try to make plans to go out at least twice a week? And don’t organize just at-home date nights or she will think you only want to be physically intimate with her. Plan movies, plays, and dinner together
- Act like you want a serious commitment: You need to give it your all. Call and text her often, don’t disappear without letting her know. Show her that you are completely invested in her
On the other hand, if you are not able to do any of these things, chances are that you have lost interest. And that is okay. If courtship is not working out well or you have already figured out that the two of you are incompatible, be honest with her about it and end the courtship on a clean note.
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8. It is NOT a fool’s errand
Breaking up with someone while dating is quite common, and sometimes a courtship may have to end as well. But it is not the end of the world that you did not find a lifetime commitment in this person. Take your time to gauge your partner while courting, and if she isn’t the ideal one for you, look for someone else.
Remember, gents, the goal is to find a compatible partner and there can be no failure in that. Just because you did not take the final step with her, does not mean it is all over. Continue to do a close search of the woman who is the one for you. You cannot fail at courtship, as there is always a lesson you can learn from any failed relationship.
9. Be close with her family
This one can be missing in a few courtships, especially if the individuals live away from home, but in that case, you can make it work on Facetime! Involving the parents is something that comes at a later stage, after at least a few months of courting. But you need to remember that a courtship is also about families; it’s essential for both the families to approve of the other partner for smooth sailing.
- Meet her family: Make the effort to meet them on holidays, take wine to their house when you go over for dinner, or stay in touch with them. Let them also know how serious you are about your relationship
- Introduce her to your close ones: Let her be a part of family events, take her to weddings as your plus one, and start letting people know that you have found the right one
10. Make your partner feel secure
One of the most important things in any relationship is ensuring that both partners feel secure with one another. A real gentleman makes sure his girlfriend is happy in a relationship and tries to let go of minor issues, just like she would. He tries to ensure that his partner is comfortable being herself and feels appreciated at all times.
Women want a partner who meets their vulnerability with love, compassion, and patience. Emotional intelligence is important to women in a relationship. Someone who invites them to open up, by showing that there is space for them. Be that person by making her feel valued, cherished, and loved.
11. Be a ‘gentle’ man
Women like gentlemen, not toxic boyfriends engaging in toxic masculinity contest. What they also don’t like are unreliable men. Also, it is important that you do not confuse gentleness with cowardice or passivity. Gentleness by itself, when bundled with kindness and compassion, is heart-warming and wonderful. And most women want to see that in their long-term partners.
Come to think of it, women and men both long for someone to make them feel so safe that they can lean in and surrender and show their true selves. So try to be that person for your woman, especially if you want to be in a serious commitment with her.
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What I mean by this is be absolutely honest with the woman you want to court. Don’t fool around or play hard to get. Texting her back late on purpose, or deliberately telling her about other girls who hit on you — it’s a complete no-no. Make your vision about the relationship clear to her.
But, but, but don’t scare her off by immediately hinting at a life 20 years into the future. Take it slow and eventually let her know what you are looking for. If the two of you want different things, don’t be disheartened; you will find the right one with time.
13. Know the differences of courting then and now
How to court a woman today looks very different from it used to years ago. As I have already mentioned, some people view courtship as a thing reserved for religious people or something that more conservative people indulge in. This is totally not the case. You don’t have to wait till marriage to kiss or have sex for religious reasons, you can modernize it after talking to your partner about what she is comfortable with. To court someone today is a mix of modern values with older traditions.
While dating, for most couples, whether to have sex or not is hardly a question. “It just happens.” But as you may have already understood, it is different with courting. Emotional boundaries as well as boundaries around sexual intimacy must be discussed. In a successful courtship, you must respect physical boundaries but it does not mean that it ends at cheek kisses.
14. Don’t be sexist or conservative
We live in a society with many free-thinking, independent women and so you can play by the rules of today’s day and age. You cannot go around trying to get a girl to fall in love with you if you still subscribe to the patriarchal approach our societies and cultures are built on. So try to be as kind as you can, and give her space in the relationship.
- Split the bills: If you two have a dynamic where you always split the bill, then do that. And if one person earns considerably more than the other, then they can pay for more dates. Simple. Practice equity and equality in your relationship and do not be overbearing
- Don’t be controlling: Once you both have spent a lot of time courting each other, it might be natural for you to feel jealous around the other guys who know her, or if she runs into a work colleague and hugs him when you two are in a public place. Be cool in these situations and understand that she has a life and friends outside of you
- Do not be egotistical: This will drive a woman away instantly. Even if you find out that she is on dating apps, explain your concern and hurt to her in a kind manner. Do not be rude and act like you own her. Convey your disappointment but put your ego aside
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15. It is not a gaming arcade
It just so happens that we are often driven by the tendencies of our previous relationships, even when we enter newer romantic settings. Sometimes the problems we faced in a previous relationship will spill over into a new one in the form of emotional baggage. I want you to be very conscious of this at every moment, and try not to let your past ruin your present.
There are books written on the art of courting women and they all offer one clear takeaway: when you are looking for a life partner, there is no time for games. More importantly, if the woman you are courting is into playing these games, then do you really want to be with her? Don’t try to make her jealous by name-dropping other women or posting pictures online with other girls. This isn’t high school anymore, this is time for real love.
16. Be the initiator
While both you and her should try to initiate meetings equally in order to take things forward, try to be more enthusiastic about meeting her even if she is not making any moves. Give her the benefit of doubt sometimes and make sure that you honestly put in the effort that you should.
How do you define courting a woman, you ask? Never be immature or petty. Don’t test each other on who’s going to make the first move. If you want to meet her after several days of not seeing each other, don’t wait for her to be the one who has to remind you. Rather, ask her out on a date! If it bothers you why she doesn’t make plans herself, ask her, gently.
17. How to court a woman? Touch base with her to be on the same page
Make sure to have a conversation every now and then with her about her view on where the relationship is going. Do not go around projecting your feelings and wishes onto her. Ask her questions too and work on building emotional intimacy. Make a mental note of her inputs and feel free to give your own. Work on any imbalances and ask her if she is at the same point as you before closing yourself off to other avenues.
18. Wait and see, patience is the key
Since this is a more traditional form of dating, the waiting period here is much longer. The following instance is from a year ago. A couple I know had been in a courtship for nearly three years and had decided to marry once they met a financial goal and were ready for the final step. However, due to work obligations, the woman had to relocate to a different country. This distorted their plans and timeline significantly. What seemed like a failed relationship, however, was not one at all.
This is because their period of courtship was so solid that it allowed them to wait and be patient for one another. It has been five years since then; they are married and have a baby. In a nutshell, they waited for each other, he learned how to continue courting his partner long-distance, she completed her tenure, came back home, and built a family with the man she loved.
19. Need more courting a woman tips? Well, women love presents
One of the things women enjoy the most in a relationship is receiving presents. If you want to court a beautiful girl, you have to make her feel special, and material things can do that sometimes. These presents don’t need to break the bank. But they do have to be thoughtful. You don’t have to get her the new Airpods Pro, you can just get her a bracelet that you know she has had her eyes on for a while.
The idea is to make the woman you’re courting feel special and cared for. You don’t have to be wealthy to do so. Bring her favorite food, pay attention to her recent wishes, and give her a handcrafted gift or write a poem for her. It’s sweeter this way because women appreciate the effort more than price tags.
20. Be careful with your words
In the dating universe, an “I love you” is as common as a “hi.” And before you know it, that “hi” turns into a “bye.” In fact, people fall in love every few months with a different person and drop the previous one like it’s nothing. When you are courting, this cannot happen at any cost. Being frivolous does not come under the courting manual. So do not get carried away or use strong emotional language with her that you cannot live up to.
And definitely don’t start discussing the wedding day like its nothing, when you are not even sure if you want to get married within the next year. Save the “honey,” “love,” and “babe” to when the both of you have made up your mind about the relationship. Just make sure that you really mean the “I love you” and are willing to accept her as she is. Until that happens, there are other ways for you to express your love without actually saying it.
21. Be transparent about your financial goals
Money and managing your finances can be one of the most stressful aspects of a marriage. This is a fact most couples realize late in their marriage. Learning about each other’s financial habits before getting married is beneficial in analyzing each other’s spending habits, debts, and financial goals.
Unless you want to be the couple who always has a conflict about how one is a ‘saver’ and the other a ‘spender.’ The truth is we all are spenders when it comes to things that we like, and it is important to understand your partner’s inclinations. So be transparent, but also have a good read on what your partner is like financially. If not handled well, money issues can ruin your relationship.
- Courting is a slow and steady process. Don’t rush into things and jump the gun. Keep your intentions clear but be patient about the outcome
- Unlike modern dating, courting does not involve seeing multiple people at the same time
- Don’t play games with the woman you are courting and make her feel loved and cherished at all times
- Get involved in her family to get to know her better as a person. Make her meet your friends and family too
We hope you liked these courting a woman tips and tricks, and may this make your courtship process easier and happier. When someone asks you what courting means, send this piece their way. Of course, these tips are not absolute and you will have to act according to your partner’s personality, to make your courtship story unique and wonderful.
This article was updated in May 2023.