Right now, it may seem like just going over and talking to a girl is a herculean task, one that’s bound to result in failure with her rolling her eyes at you and maybe even calling you a creep. It’s because of this fear of rejection that most guys don’t really try and end up having such a hard time figuring out how to start a conversation with a girl.
But trust us when we say that figuring out the answer to this perennial question is just a matter of confidence and not some long-begotten secret that you must set out on a journey to uncover. You eventually start trusting your conversation skills enough to approach a girl in a bar and chat her up.
Of course, there’s also the small matter of having the right conversation starters, the right body language, knowing how to keep the conversation flowing, and the lot. To that end, let’s get right into all the tips you’ll need in your arsenal to strike up a conversation with a girl in a way that you never get shot down.
How To Start A Conversation With A Girl On A Dating App
First things first, let’s start off with the reason why you clicked on this article. After all, most of your conversations with women will happen through the swipe fest on superficial, cumbersome dating apps on which we’ve conveniently pinned all our hopes and dreams of a romantic future.
If you’re still relying on a boring “Hey!” to start the conversation with a recent match, you definitely need to brush up on how to start a conversation with a girl over text. Especially when studies from 2021 claimed that 57% of conversations on Tinder are one-message conversations. Yikes!
PS: Better you hear it from us than your matches: Leading with a “hey” will only get you the company of ghosts. They’re not the most talkative. Here are a few tips to keep in mind to make sure you don’t end up contributing to this depressing statistic:
1. Lead with something about their bio/personality
When you’re figuring out how to start a conversation on Tinder with a girl, your best bet is to use something from her bio and make a comment on that. Has she mentioned in her bio an incredibly-niche band that she’s obsessed with? Share your “mutual” interest or just ask her more about her favorite song. Has she mentioned that she’s a mountain girl instead of a beach girl? Ask her about her favorite travel destination. A few conversation starters could be:
- You’ve got a lot of photos from Nandos, is that your favorite restaurant?
- I love Taylor Swift too! What’s your favorite song from her new album?
- You’re quite the traveler, what’s your dream destination?
2. Ask open-ended questions
If her bio is literally just a “meh” (as I’ve seen on several occasions) and doesn’t give you much to work off of, you’ve got to be a bit creative with your conversation starters. Start with an open-ended question that gives both of you enough room to maneuver and start a conversation. Here are some examples:
- How’s life treating you right now? And be honest
- What’s your ideal Sunday?
- You get a million dollars in your bank account but only for 24 hours. How are you spending them?
Related Reading: 20 Tips To Get Close To A Girl And Win Her Heart
3. Dial up the quirkiness
Ah, there’s that word again. The word that inevitably makes it into every marketing meeting, into almost every bio you’ll see of a 17-something suburban white female, and here it is, making it into our list of how to start a conversation with a girl. Nonetheless, teasing your match a little, being a bit quirky and originally funny (notice the emphasis on the word originally) to strike up a conversation is better than any pickup line you could “borrow” from the internet. Here are some examples:
- Hey, how are things from 2003? Considering how you’re an Avril Lavigne fan. Kidding, I used to love her too
- Excuse me? You think ice cream sucks? Tell me what led you to this decision
- Do you actually play the ukulele or do you just know three chords like the rest of us?
4. Compliments work, but don’t be a creep
Plus, you don’t necessarily have to compliment her on how she looks. In fact, we’d suggest that at least until the ice has been broken, you probably should stay away from specific physical compliments. A girl encounters more creeps online than you can imagine, and once you’re deemed one, there’s really no coming back. So, keep your compliments generic, lest you creep her out. Here are some examples:
- I’m genuinely interested in knowing how you cooked such a viral-worthy dish. Recipe, pls?
- You play basketball? You must be quite the athlete!
- You play the ukulele so well!
Related Reading: Want To Make Someone Blush? Here Are 12 Adorable Ways!
5. Keep your message concise
Consider this one for all our tips thus far. It’s important to make sure that you implement them whilst also keeping your first message short. You don’t want to send her a paragraph, that just sends off major psychopath vibes. Instead, try for some sweet and short messages like these to make a good impression:
- Mcdonald’s or KFC—which one and why?
- I see you like Mac Demarco, do you think he smells like cigarettes, or is that just his brand image?
- How’s your week going? Be honest
How To Start A Conversation With A Girl On Social Media
The age-old art of sliding into her DMs, hoping and praying that it leads to a text conversation that doesn’t just end with bland replies — we’ve all been there. Granted, it’s not really rocket science, but it sure as hell does seem like it. Let’s take a look at what you need to know so those one-word answers are kept far, far away.
1. Reply to her story, but do it in the right way
Now we know this isn’t some secret information that we’re giving you, but it’s surprising just how many guys get this wrong. First things first, don’t be overtly sexual. Don’t compliment her body/looks (if you do, be subtle about it) and the most important thing is to always reply with something relevant. Here are a few examples:
- I’ve always wanted to go to this restaurant, what do you recommend?
- I love this song, have you heard their latest album?
- You look great in this picture. How’s your Sunday going?
2. Talk about a recent post she may have uploaded
While you’re trying to figure out how to start a conversation with a girl online, the most important thing to keep in mind is it must not seem as if you’ve been stalking her profile. So when you do talk about a post she has, make sure it’s recent and not a picture of her from prom three years ago. That’s how you buy yourself a one-way ticket to the blocked list. Some messages may look like this:
- You sure do love playing the drums. When did you start?
- Can’t believe you went to Switzerland! I’ve been wanting to go forever. How was it?
- I can’t wait for Oppenheimer. What’s your favorite Nolan movie?
3. A “hey” is not good enough
One thing is for sure: when you’re figuring out how to start a text conversation with a girl, no matter what platform you’re on, a simple “Hey!” is not going to cut it. Attractive girls get way too many of those every week, why exactly do you think yours is going to stand out? Instead, keep the message relevant. Reply to a story or a post, and give her room to answer. How to start a conversation with a girl texting examples look like:
- Looks like you run a lot, are you training for something?
- Your office looks like so much fun! What do you work as?
- I saw that you like 21 Savage, what do you think his best album is?
4. Send her a funny DM
Before you even think of any conversation starters, it shouldn’t take a dating expert to tell you that unless you know this person or have already added them to your social media, a DM won’t work. It’ll go straight to her spam folder, and even if she stumbles upon it one day, she’s not going to reply to someone random.
If you two have each other added to your social media, the odds of a DM yielding the desired response are much higher. Mix in a funny meme with an ice-breaker DM and you might just have yourself a winner. Along with a funny meme/reel/video that you’re sending this person, you might send messages like:
- Thought you’d appreciate this kind of humor
- Hey, hope this makes you laugh lol
- Don’t know why but this reminded me of you
5. Talk about common friends/interests
If you’ve got a mutual friend or a mutual interest that you’re aware of, you’re already sorted on what your conversation starters should be. See, understanding how to start a conversation with a girl isn’t that hard. Some great messages to build upon common interests could be:
- Hey, John said you know the best pizza place in town. Please do tell, I’m currently craving pizza
- Can’t believe you like Peach Pit too, I hardly ever see their fans around
- Hey, I’ve heard so much about you from Lisa. Why don’t you join us for golf next time?
Related Reading: 5 Tips To Talk To An Attractive Girl
How To Start A Conversation With A Girl On A First Date
Understanding how to start a conversation with a girl over text is rather unidirectional and sometimes easier than talking face-to-face since you have so much time to think about what you’re going to text this person. But when you’ve got a first date on your hands, you’ve got to think on your feet.
On the flip side, you have a lot more to work with in this situation. You can evaluate your date’s body language, get a better grasp on whether she’s interested or not, and get a sense of whether you’re making a good impression. Let’s get to the things you need to keep in mind:
Related Reading: Dating Etiquette – 20 Things You Should Never Ignore On A First Date
1. Keep things basic, you don’t have to impress within the first two minutes
Unlike the unforgiving dating apps, you don’t necessarily have to knock it out of the park with the first few sentences you speak. Instead, your conversation starters can be pretty basic, with questions about what your date likes to do, where they’re from, and the lot. Just stay away from the cringe pickup lines and you’re good. Some examples include:
- So, what do you like to do to relax?
- What kind of music do you listen to?
- Where are you from?
2. Recall an interesting anecdote
But make sure you keep it relevant to the conversation. You can’t just bring up that one time you broke a Ronald Mcdonald figure when she was talking about her favorite kind of pasta. When done right, this helps you put your best foot forward and possibly makes her laugh a bit.
There’s nothing better than a pretty girl chuckling on a first date. It’s better than any smiley face emoji she could send you. Since this largely depends on you recalling any interesting anecdotes, we can’t tell you which lines you should go with. Just make sure to go with what feels right, and be confident about it.
3. Ask questions
Questions about pop culture, favorite artists, current events, her hobbies, and what she’s like as a person, just ask away. Unlike text conversations, you’ve got the luxury of getting real-time feedback on a first date, so make use of it. Once you show interest in her, she’ll feel like you’re actually making an effort and it may just lead to a better emotional connection.
There isn’t really a better way of figuring out how to start a conversation with a girl. Plus, coming up with questions to ask is also pretty simple. It’s better than those awkward silences, anyway. Ask her things like:
- What kind of food do you like?
- What was your best travel memory?
- What do you do for fun?
- What kind of movies do you watch?
- Do you like to play music?
Related Reading: 10 Ways To Keep A Conversation Going With A Girl
4. Don’t completely rely on small talk
Once you get the conversation flowing and the one-word answers are nowhere to be seen, that’s when you keep things rolling by talking about more specific things. For example, if earlier in the date she mentioned that she really likes to watch comedy shows, ask her questions related to that. You could ask her stuff like:
- You mentioned you had family in Tennessee, what’s the longest you’ve stayed there with them, and did you like it?
- So, judging by how much you like cheesecake, are we having cheesecake for dessert tonight?
- You said you like stand-up comedy, who’s your favorite comedian?
5. Talk about your best assets
It doesn’t take a dating expert to tell you that a date has to involve a back and forth of communication. Sure, using questions as conversation starters is fine, but you can’t completely rely on just keeping her talking. You’ve got to talk about your real-life experiences too, and hopefully make her laugh a little bit with funny stories.
How To Start A Conversation With A Girl After A Gap
Maybe life got in the way, maybe she started to feel uncomfortable or she wasn’t over her ex, perhaps the long conversations just naturally died down, or, she started to feel awkward and just backed away. Nonetheless, understanding how to start a conversation with a girl online after a period of lull is rather tricky. Tricky, but not impossible. Here’s how:
1. Social media is your best bet
We hate to break it to you, but if you’re trying to figure out how to start a conversation on Tinder with a girl after a considerable amount of time has passed, you’re better off not racking your brain over it. By this point, she may have moved on to other people or uninstalled the app.
However, if you two used to have long conversations on social media and things died down, something as simple as sending her a funny meme might get the ball rolling again. You can rely on some good-old meme flirting, or, you could choose to slide back into their DMs with something like:
- Hey, stranger. What’s been happening?
- How are things with you? It’s been a while
- We never really got that coffee, you know. How are you?
2. Comment on their posts
If you two were friends who used to talk, perhaps a nice comment on her post may be all it takes to get her to text you again. And there you have it, you’ve figured out how to start a text conversation with a girl through a simple comment. Of course, this has better chances of working if you two didn’t have a falling out. You may leave a comment like:
- Hey, nice art! Always knew you’d continue to get better
- I’m so jealous you got to see Arctic Monkeys. Were they good live?
- Nice! What other restaurants do you like lately?
3. Use common interests as a conversation starter
If you two liked the same comic book/band/movie series/television show/Netflix show/literally anything, you’ve got a good way to start a whole new “first” conversation. Picture this: You both established a love for One Piece, the anime. You stopped talking, but One Piece just came out with a new season. Hence the text exchanges begin. It’s as simple as texting her something like:
- House Of Dragons is out! Have you watched the first episode yet?
- The Voidz just released a new album, did you catch it?
- What do you think about Kanye’s latest rant?
4. Ask them out on a date
If you two had a little bit of a thing going on but experienced a break in the conversation, you might decide to take a leap of faith and ask her out on a date. You’ll already be able to tell if you think you should do this or not, based on how your conversations used to be and how interested she was in you. If you chose to go ahead with this, you can say something like:
- It’s been so long since we talked! Let’s grab a coffee someday?
- Hey, how have you been? Let’s catch up someday?
- Avatar is coming out! Want to go watch it with me?
Related Reading: How To Ask A Girl Out On A Date – 18 Tips To Make Her Say Yes
5. Send a funny text or come clean
To start a text conversation after some time has passed, you can either rely on the magic of memes and reels to hopefully kickstart a new conversation with her, or you can always just tell her you miss her. Bonus points if you find a meme that says “I miss you” to send to her. How to start a conversation with a girl texting examples include:
- This meme reminded me of when we used to talk all the time. How are you?
- Hey, I really miss how we used to talk. How have you been?
- Doesn’t this reel remind you of how we used to talk?
- On social media, you can rely on memes, replying to their story, or commenting on their posts to try and start up a conversation.
- On a first date, your focus should be to keep the conversation going and making a good impression
- On dating apps, try not to be super out there and just start with something from their profile
- All in all, starting a conversation with a girl largely depends on self-confidence and the right things to say
Now that you pretty much know how you can start a conversation with her in every scenario, there’s really no reason for you to back down. Don’t let those jitters get the best of you, type your message down, take a final look at it, press send and hope for the best.