Picture this: you are trying to keep in touch with your long-distance partner, but they seem distant and uninterested in reciprocating your efforts. And the niggling fear about cheating in a long-distance relationship begins to take hold in your mind. You begin to worry about whether your relationship is standing on its last legs. You’re scared that your long-distance partner may no longer be faithful to you.
Even though the risk — and thus the fear — of infidelity is higher in a long-distance relationship, there are ways to confirm whether your suspicions are true or unfounded. And crucial too. If you act on your gut feeling without proof, you risk jeopardizing the relationship. Luckily for you, we can help you recognize the signs of a long-distance affair.
Long-Distance Relationships And Cheating
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Is cheating in a long-distance relationship common? Some people think long-distance and cheating go hand in hand, while others think this is an exaggeration. Well, we’ll come to that later, but let’s find out what cheating looks like in a long-distance relationship. Well, see, being cheated on is a horrible feeling. If you haven’t been a victim of infidelity, there are no words that I can use to describe how humiliating and dehumanizing it can be. You might want to believe that you and your partner are special.
But, cheating is, in fact, the main reason why so many long-distance relationships end. And this can be both (or either) a sexual affair and emotional cheating. So, what does long-distance cheating look like? Here are a few possible scenarios:
- Your partner engaged in sexual or physical intimacy with another person in a new city
- Your spouse may be involved in emotional cheating
- Your partner texting (or sexting) without ever meeting the other person, just because you got busy with work in a new city far away
Related Reading: 18 Long-Distance Relationship Problems You Should Know
Now, let’s also look at why people cheat in long-distance relationships. There could be a couple of major reasons:
- The temptation is too high since the partner is not around
- The sense of guilt is less
- There are less chances of being caught
Long-distance relationship cheating stats show that 22% of people in such relationships find it hard to stay faithful. It could be a lack of physical contact or the opportunities available when you are away from your partner that leads to cheating.
To give you an idea of how rampant cheating in long-distance relationships is, here are some more statistics:
- Over 40% of all long-distance relationships fail
- Research shows that 37% of people break up within 3 months
- Likewise, 24% have difficulty staying faithful in a long-distance relationship
Related Reading: Are Your Feelings For Your Spouse Fading By Being In A Long-Distance Relationship?
This number might seem high, but, interestingly, it is actually the same as regular relationships. This means that your partner is just as likely to cheat on you in a long-distance relationship as they would have even if they lived in the same city. However, the difference is the likelihood of catching them.
Trying to spot the long-distance relationship cheating signs is a lot harder than finding the signs if your partner was near you. But if you are observant of your partner, some subtle signs of cheating will be apparent even in a long-distance relationship.
18 Subtle Signs Of Cheating In A Long-Distance Relationship
Trying to understand the LDR cheating signs can be quite nerve-racking. While I do agree that trust is important in any relationship, especially in a long-distance relationship, it is important to know that blind faith is never rewarded. Below, we have listed the 18 subtle signs of cheating in a long-distance relationship. While I do hope that this list serves you well, I think I should warn you too. If your partner shows one or more of these traits once in a while, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they are cheating. But you should be worried once this pattern of behavior becomes the norm for them.
Related Reading: 15 Benefits Of Long-Distance Relationships
1. They ask you if you’re happy (hoping for a negative response)
It is not easy staying faithful in a long-distance relationship. If your partner asks you if you are happy with the current state of the relationship, they still care about you. But if they ask you this multiple times, they probably hope that you will say ‘no’. Probably because if you are not happy with the relationship, they will have an excuse to break things off with you and not feel bad about doing so. This is one sign that your partner is having an affair. Other manifestations of this may include:
- Your partner constantly picks petty fights
- They say that your relationship is a lot weaker than it used to be
- They blame you for the weakening relationship
2. They are inconsistent with signs of affection
Wondering how to know if a guy is cheating on you in a long-distance relationship? Or really wish to know some girlfriend cheating signs long-distance? Well, pay attention to whether a hot-and-cold dynamic has taken hold in your relationship. One of the subtle long-distance relationship cheating signs is when your partner shows random bursts of emotion and affection. This one is really tricky to spot, as it is easy to confuse these outbursts with genuine emotion. Such inconsistency is a sign of cheating guilt. It is possible that your partner is feeling guilty for cheating and compensates for that by being extra affectionate.
Related Reading: Lack Of Affection And Intimacy In A Relationship — 9 Ways It Affects You
3. They stop answering your calls
Another sign of cheating in a long-distance relationship is if your partner seems to be avoiding your calls. If someone is cheating, sometimes the pressure of having to lie in the relationship is so great that they choose to avoid their partner as much as possible. If you’re wary of long-distance and cheating, pay attention to whether it has become a pattern. Because,
- If your partner isn’t available once in a while, they may well be genuinely occupied elsewhere and not avoiding you
- If they are unavailable most of the time, that is when they are actively trying to avoid you
4. They lie too often
Dishonesty is one of the most obvious signs of cheating in a long-distance relationship. If your partner is frequently dishonest, or if their stories don’t add up, it is possible that they are cheating on you. If they lie about small things such as where they were or who they were with, you should consider the possibility that your partner is cheating on you.
Lack of honesty and transparency can chip away at your bond, especially in a long-distance relationship. If your partner is constantly dishonest in the relationship, it’s a clear indication that they’re trying to hide something. Even though long-distance relationship cheating is easier to hide, they’ll get mixed up in their white lies sooner or later.
Related Reading: Top 10 Lies Guys Tell Females | Lies Men Tell
5. They keep things vague with you
One of the subtle long-distance relationship cheating signs is if your partner has started to be purposefully vague with you. This is a sign they could be losing interest in the relationship because they have found someone else. Examples of being vague include:
- They might tell you that they went out, but they will avoid telling you the details of their trip
- They will give you a general overview of what they did, but they will no longer tell you the whole story
If this becomes a regular pattern, you can be sure that your partner is cheating on you.
6. They stop flirting with you
One of the telling signs your long-distance boyfriend is cheating or your long-distance girlfriend may have found someone else is that they no longer make an effort to flirt romantically. If that’s the case, it is possible that they are having an affair. Now, this does not mean that if your partner doesn’t flirt with you for a day or a few days, they are definitely having an affair.
There can be multiple reasons behind such a shift in behavior, especially if it is fleeting. They may be too stressed out at work or may have other things on their mind. However, if this has become the norm and you can’t even remember when was the last time they flirted with you, your worries about the connection between long-distance and cheating are not unfounded.
Related Reading: 21 Flirting Signs From A Woman You Never Knew About
7. Your partner has become short-tempered suddenly
Signs of cheating can also look something like this:
- Your partner has become short-tempered all of a sudden
- They get agitated when talking to you
- They get angry over petty issues
- You don’t have meaningful or deep conversations anymore, just heated arguments
However, as with everything else, it’s important to note that there must be a pattern of disrespect and anger for you to even consider the possibility of a long-distance affair from their end. And when this happens regularly, it is quite likely that your partner will soon start cheating on you if they haven’t already.
8. There is a sudden change in your partner’s schedule
Another classic sign of cheating in a long-distance relationship is if your partner has sudden and frequent changes in their schedule. Sometimes schedules do change, but they don’t change every week. If your partner frequently uses the excuse that they are unavailable for a call at a certain time because of a change in schedule, they are most likely lying and are using it as an excuse to avoid spending time with you. It’s possible that your partner now prefers to spend time with another person, and withdrawing from you and your relationship is the only way for them to be able to do that.
Related Reading: Can A Cheater Change? This Is What Therapists Have To Say
9. There are unexplained expenses
If your partner has unexplained expenses or huge cash withdrawals (since cash expenses are difficult to track), it is possible they are spending their money on another love interest. If you are wondering how to deal with a cheating boyfriend in a long-distance relationship or how to confront a cheating girlfriend in an LDR, you certainly need tangible proof that they’re actually cheating. Following the trail of money is often the best way to get that proof.
10. They cancel plans frequently
If your partner frequently tries to reschedule dates or simply cancels your virtual dates, it should be pretty obvious that they are no longer interested in having a relationship with you. Now, while this does not have to mean that they are cheating in a long-distance relationship, you should still be concerned about such behavior, as it implies that your partner is unhappy with your marriage or relationship and is looking for something or someone else.
Related Reading: 35 Best Conversation Topics If You Are In A Long-Distance Relationship
11. They don’t make an effort to communicate
Open communication is one of the primary requirements of a healthy relationship. One of the subtle signs of infidelity in long-distance relationships is when your partner no longer puts in any effort to communicate in the relationship. Watch out for these signs:
- They don’t make time to talk to you
- Their responses are apathetic
- Your conversations don’t last as long as they used to
Once this starts happening, realize that your partner is dissatisfied and might cheat on you (or is already at it). Now, it is important to realize that your partner might sometimes just be tired. So, if they seem disinterested once in a while, it is completely fine. But you should be concerned when such behavior becomes normal.
12. There’s a lack of emotional and physical intimacy
If you feel that your relationship has started to lose its intimacy, it is time for you to be worried. From physical intimacy to emotional intimacy, your closeness on every front may take a hit in a long-distance relationship. It takes sustained effort from both sides to keep that connection strong.
However, if your partner is slacking on that front, it indicates trouble in your romantic paradise. Now a lack of intimacy does not in itself mean that your partner is cheating. However, if a relationship lacks emotional intimacy, it is very likely that your partner will try to fulfill their emotional needs by being with someone else. So, whether you see girlfriend cheating signs long-distance or your boyfriend straying, make sure you act on them immediately.
Related Reading: 5 Reasons Why Intimacy Among Couples Fades And How You Can Prevent It
13. Your partner deflects your questions
Try confronting your partner about your suspicions and see if they try to change the topic or deflect. If they do, it is possible that they are in fact cheating in the relationship. At first, they might deny the allegations, but over time, they might avoid the question entirely. This is especially worrisome if your partner starts to use gaslighting phrases. Such phrases are designed to make you question your own reality and doubt your thoughts. Some such instances are:
- “Are you crazy?”
- “You’re seriously doubting me?”
- “You’re making a mountain out of a molehill”
- “You’re insane to be thinking like this”
These are all phrases that can end up making you question whether long-distance and cheating are the same thing.
14. There’s a sudden change in appearance
If your partner suddenly seems to care more about their appearance and makes an effort to groom themselves when you’re not around, they are likely trying to impress someone that they like. While you should encourage them if they want to look like the best version of themselves, you shouldn’t also discount the possibility that they are trying to for someone else.
This, in itself, isn’t proof that they are engaged in long-distance cheating, but if your partner also shows other LDR cheating signs too, then it is time that you face the truth and acknowledge the fact that there’s something seriously wrong in your dynamic.
Related Reading: You Want To Talk To Your Wife About Lack Of Intimacy? 8 Ways To Do It
15. You can’t reach them
If your partner is cheating in a long-distance relationship, it is quite likely that there will be times when you are not able to get in touch. From your texts being left on ‘seen’ to your calls going unanswered, you may find it increasingly hard to connect with them. This may even leave you feeling like you no longer know what’s going on in their life.
So, if you are barely able to talk to your partner or have meaningful or deep conversations with them, it’s a clear sign that they no longer care about talking to you. While this doesn’t mean that they are cheating, this behavior certainly increases the chances of your partner not staying faithful in a long-distance relationship.
16. They try to pick fights
One sign of cheating is if your partner constantly tries to pick fights with you. You should know that this is cowardly behavior. They do this as they are interested in someone else, but they do not have the courage to tell you or to end their relationship with you. So, they start to pick fights on small and inconsequential issues.
Speaking about long-distance relationship cheating, a Reddit user says, “If she gets defensive anyway, starts to accuse you, otherwise dodges the conversation, or belittles your concerns, insults you, etc instead of being willing to have the conversation as though you and she are against the problem and not each other, then she is either cheating or too immature for a serious relationship, let alone an LDR.”
Related Reading: 50 Examples Of Texts To Make Him Feel Guilty For Hurting You
17. They keep bringing up their mysterious friend
If your partner suddenly has this new and mysterious friend, it is highly likely that this friend is the person they are cheating on you with. Now, it is possible that your partner does, in fact, have a new friend. But if they are still faithful in your relationship, they would have no problem introducing this friend to you, telling you all about them, or even sending you pictures of them hanging together. On the other hand, if you know little to nothing about this friend who takes up most of your partner’s time, it’s a red flag.
Detailing her experience of cheating in an LDR, a Reddit user says, “But I met a guy who I really liked and have crazy chemistry with, I thought it was just a little crush that would go away and we could just become friends. It didn’t turn out so simple, after a night of drinking we ended up sleeping together.”
18. Their friends are being weird
If one partner is having an extramarital affair, the other is the last one to know. However, their friends — at least, their closest friend/s — may know about it. That’s why one of the unusual LDR cheating signs to pay attention to is a shift in the attitude of your partner’s friends. You may notice that
- Your partner’s friends are being weird around you
- They are avoiding you
- They are suddenly being extremely nice
In such cases, it is possible that your partner is engaging in long-distance cheating and their friends are trying to cover up that fact.
Related Reading: The Affair Aftermath – How To Get Over Cheating Guilt
What Can You Do If Your SO Is Cheating In A Long-Distance Relationship?
Long-distance cheating can be harder to ascertain than it is when partners are close to each other. More often than not, you have nothing more than your gut instinct to go on. However, if that gut feeling is telling you that your SO may have found another love interest or is seeing new people, and you can relate to the aforementioned long-distance relationship cheating signs, it’s time to address the elephant in the room: are the feelings fading in your long-distance relationship, and is your spouse’s infidelity responsible for it?
Related Reading: 11 Tips To Build A Successful Relationship After Cheating
Of course, when your trust is broken, your first instinct may be to call it quits and move on. However, relationships between two people in love often prove to be complex, and straightforward options like ending things and moving on may not be realistic. So, the answer to what you can do if your SO is cheating in a long-distance relationship depends on the specifics of your situation. Let’s explore a few such instances:
- In an online relationship: If you see the signs your long-distance boyfriend is cheating or your long-distance girlfriend has another partner, it’s time to reassess your equation pragmatically. If your relationship has never ventured out of the virtual realm, it’s quite possible that you’re the third party, or the other man or woman, in the equation. In this situation, quietly exiting with your dignity intact is your best bet
- In a casual relationship: In case, one partner had to move to a different city far away while the couple was still in the phase of dating casually, they need to question whether seeing other people even qualifies as cheating in a long-distance relationship. If you’ve been at the receiving end, ask yourself these questions… Did you have any honest communication about being exclusive? Are you both on the same page? Was a long-term commitment discussed? If not, it’s time to embrace the plenty of fish in the sea’ mantra and get swiping all over again (sigh!)
- In a long-term relationship: LDR cheating signs hurt the most if you have been in a long-term, committed, and stable partnership. In this case, your feelings of pain, betrayal, and angst are beyond justified. Once you notice the signs of infidelity in long-distance relationships, have an honest conversation with your partner to understand why they betrayed your trust. Based on their response – whether it was a one-off thing if they are genuinely emotionally invested in the other person, or if they regret cheating on you – decide if you want to forgive your cheating partner and make it work or end the relationship and move on. In case you wish to get back, set boundaries that are firm
- In a relationship with children: If there are children involved, the equation becomes a little more twisted. Is your significant other a good parent to the children even if they may not exactly be the model partner/spouse to you at the moment? Are you financially independent and emotionally stable to take on the responsibilities of being a single parent? Is staying together for the sake of the kids something you could make your peace with? Are you willing to forgive and rebuild the relationship, or trust them one last time? It’s imperative to weigh the pros and cons before you make a decision. Have an honest communication with your partner, and don’t act in haste
Key Pointers
- Cheating in a long-distance relationship can be because the temptation is too high or there are fewer chances of being caught
- Some signs of infidelity in long-distance relationships include a lack of physical or emotional intimacy, unexplained expenses, and a lack of interest in communicating
- What to do when you’re cheating in a long-distance relationship depends upon the situation, whether you have kids if you’re in a casual relationship, if you’ve been in a long-term relationship, or whether you wish to make it work or not
The truth is, if you know where to look and what to look for, cheating in a long-distance relationship is pretty easy to spot. More often than not, it’s our unwavering trust in your partner that might make us blind to these signs. On the other end of the spectrum, trust issues and anxiety may make us question everything a long-distance partner is doing. So, make sure you assess these long-distance relationship cheating signs truthfully, without letting your jealousy or trust issues get the better of you. Think of all these signs objectively, and you may have your answer.
FAQs
Statistics show that 40% of long-distance relationships don’t work out, of which 24% are because of cheating. This number might seem high, but it is actually the same as regular relationships. This means that your partner is just as likely to cheat on you in a long-distance relationship as they would have even if they lived in the same city.
The first signs of infidelity in long-distance relationships occur when your partner doesn’t pick up your calls or call back. Also watch out for signs that they’re not too keen to get on video calls, or make plans to meet. They keep things vague or become irritable and pick fights.
You know your long-distance relationship is over when you feel that you lack something in the relationship even when you meet after a long time. Or when your partner isn’t keen to go on a holiday or to chat on video calls every night. This shows they are not involved anymore.
Yes, distance can be a real reason for a breakup. Because not everyone is good at communicating over a long distance and they could grow apart in the relationship. Your partner’s priorities or level of involvement can change.
You might be tempted to cheat in a long-distance relationship, and that feeling is actually quite normal. But cheating is never okay, regardless of the type of relationship it is. You must remember that cheating is an act of betrayal.
Cheating in a long-distance relationship can be triggered by many factors, the most common of which are partners drifting apart, the feeling of loneliness, and unmet sexual and emotional needs.
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