As a guy, you may spend hours and hours trying to come up with the absolute perfect online dating profile. The perfect bio, the perfect pictures, and just the right amount of humor to make yourself seem as interesting as possible. All your female friends say your profile looks great, but you still don’t get nearly as many matches as any of those female friends. What gives?
It’s no surprise that women are barraged with at least a million matches and messages very quickly after they sign up on a dating app. Guys, on the other hand, may often struggle to find even a handful of matches, and out of those too, some might turn out to be scam accounts. Is online dating for women really easier?
We asked around and came to our own conclusion on the topic. Let’s take a look at what exactly happens and whether it’s actually easier, or just a different kind of difficult (spoiler alert: it’s not).
Online Dating For Women – Is It Actually Easier?
Online dating isn’t really the best anyway. The only messages you get from people are somewhere along the lines of, “Sorry I haven’t been in touch, I’ve been too caught up”, and all they do is pose with their friends’ pets, pretending as if they’re their own.
We’ve all seen memes of men swiping aggressively through dating apps in hopes of trying to find a match. And when a match does come along, there’s about a one-in-ten chance that either of you isn’t going to ghost each other. So the odds aren’t really in your favor, and sometimes it ends up with you uninstalling the app, only to install it again the next week.
So when matches don’t really fly in for men, complaining about how the “system is rigged” isn’t unheard of. The whole argument of “online dating is a lot easier for women” comes from the fact that women tend to get more matches, but the volume doesn’t always mean it’s easier.
Related Reading: Things Guys Do On Dating Apps That Instantly Creep Women Out
A case of quantity vs quality
So, is it easier? A Reddit user eloquently puts it: “No, but it’s hard in different ways.” Sure, the matches and the messages come flying in for women, but that’s not really a good thing. For starters, that is probably the case because over 70% of Tinder users (at least in the U.S.) are male.
According to a recent survey, 57% of women reported being contacted via texts or even on private social media accounts after stating they weren’t interested. 57% received sexually explicit messages or images they did not ask for.
So when you see your female friends with a hundred unread messages on their dating apps, it’s not something that makes them giddy; rather, it makes them dread ever wanting to open the app in the first place.
But why is there such a massive divide between the way men and women use dating apps? Why is online dating so hard for men, as they all so unanimously agree? Perhaps it could all boil down to biology.
Studies suggest that natural stereotypes hold true in the online world as well. Men care more about physical attractiveness than women, and women take into consideration a few more things, like socio-economic attributes. That explains why we see men swiping away like they don’t know a left swipe exists, and women try to find the needle in the haystack.
“It’s easier to get matches because most guys will swipe right on literally anyone,” says a Reddit user, talking about what online dating for women really is like.
“After getting the match, it’s not exactly easier. They just swiped right on a photo, they didn’t read the bio, are only looking to be physical and lying about it to get the match. If you’re actually trying to date, it quickly becomes overwhelming. Both in the number of matches (which I personally limit, so I easily spend a week without swiping even once) and but the number of conversations that don’t go anywhere/start hypersexual even if you’re clearly saying you’re not into that. I don’t think it’s easier, just another kind of difficult,” they add.
“Online dating men vs women” isn’t really an argument that can lead to a conclusive answer. If you’re still sitting there thinking, “I don’t care what you say, getting more matches definitely makes it easier”, you’re probably also forgetting about the safety aspect of the whole thing.
Related Reading: A Swing And A Miss: Emotions You Go Through When You’re Left On Read
The perils of online dating
Come to think of it, online dating isn’t really easy for anyone. It’s an awkward dance of push and pull that often features two people waiting for an appropriate number of hours to pass before they can reply to a message – so that they don’t appear desperate, of course.
Moreover, there’s a very real concern about safety. According to a survey, young women are twice as likely to face threats of physical harm or verbal abuse than their male counterparts. It’s no surprise that women are subject to more online sexual harassment, and we all know just how creepy sliding into someone’s DMs can be.
“Our worst-case scenarios are really different,” says a Reddit user, adding, “Men don’t walk into dates keeping their personal safety at the top of their mind. They don’t worry about being sexually assaulted. This isn’t to say it doesn’t happen to men, but I hear a lot of men talk about rejection (which everyone deals with) as if that’s the worst thing that could possibly happen on a date.”
Nearly half of the U.S. population says dating has gotten harder over the last decade. Objectively, women get more matches on dating apps. But when the only thing those matches bring with them is the anxiety of being verbally abused or threatened, you can see why women don’t agree with the entire notion of “online dating for women is easier”.
As we mentioned, online dating for men vs women is difficult in different ways. Guys spend most of their time trying to figure out how to curate the best dating app profile, while women spend most of their time trying to weed out 90% of the creepy texts they get.
If one gender has to share their location with a few friends before going on a first date with someone, saying it’s easier for them isn’t really justified. At the end of the day, it all boils down to the real experiences you have with people anyway. When was the last time you went up to someone and said, “Hi,” instead of trying to find them on Tinder?