Ladies wear the pants when it comes to pulling 'em down!

Spread the love

Katrina Kaif didn’t mind pulling in Hrithik Roshan for a passionate kiss in Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara when he was least expecting it. Radhika Apte loved enticing all her lovers to the last bit in the modern telling of Ahalya, and Rosalyn D’Mello in her erotic memoir, A Handbook for My Lover, writes unabashedly about a woman’s role in claiming her man’s passion through all forms of expression. These women represent a new league of ladies who are fearless, forthcoming, fiery and fabulous when it comes to wooing their partners. In fact, almost half the population of urban couples believe women now equal when it comes to making the first move in bed. In a Bonobology survey conducted across urban adults in India, 49% of the participants said that initiating lovemaking is no more a man thing; men and women in relationships do it alike. A lesser 45% still believed that the traditional man-woos-woman game pervades largely, while 6% held women on top when it comes to setting the mood for sex. In any case, the top figure arrives as a game-changer for everything we earlier thought true about the mating game.

Urban Couples’ Perception on Initiation

Table of Contents

When woman leads to the intimacy — Women often initiate lovemaking

While respondents who were quizzed over the subject said that there was no hard and fast rule per se, women taking the lead has come as a surprise for many. ‘Women often initiate lovemaking even though they’d like their male partner to,’ said one of the participants. ‘Of course, this should be an equal affair but men often don’t initiate lovemaking for the fear of being tagged as ‘sexists’, and so they wait for the woman to take the lead,’ felt another respondent. Others revealed that women get more comfortable with making the first move as time progresses…‘things may have changed as I understood her better over the years,’ read one of the comments. Whatever the reason, men absolutely dig it when their girl gets the action going. ‘I can’t generalize, but I love it when she takes the initiative!’ said a happy participant.

Related reading: Here’s what men want in the bedroom, and no it’s not what you think!

Shifting Power Dynamics

What happens in the bedroom, of course, is a window to what’s happening in the larger society—power dynamics are changing. Just as it is no more the man who is calling the shots in the boardroom or community affairs, it is no more the woman who waits in the hope of pleasure. If gratification is the game, she is today an active player instead of its passive consumer, and one who is aiming to win.

Overcoming Traditional Expectations

‘It is silly to just sit there and give out subtle signals or taunt if you really want to turn on the heat—men are poor at intuitive intelligence, so I wouldn’t hesitate to give him a little tease or even putting up a True Lies performance if that’s what it takes—you know how things can fizzle out otherwise, especially in a marriage of many years,’ says Samhati, who says this is nothing ‘bold’ but normal. ‘Men, too, get tired of looking like the only ones who want love.’

Factors Influencing Initiation

But there’s a lot more to this phenomenon than meets the eye. “I would say who takes the active role depends on many factors. When couples come to me with problems like infrequent and mechanical sex, ora dysfunctional sexual relationship, I ask them who initiates sexual activity. Most often, women want men to initiate not because they are less sexual or shy, but because they want to be recognized and appreciated for who they are, not as sexual objects but as personalities with a heart and mind.

Asserting Equality in Intimacy

Women are more assertive than what we would think them to be. They want to be seen as an equal, they want to connect more than just copulate. On the other hand, a man’s tendency is that he is stressed and preoccupied, and these reasons put him off sexual activity through connection. So, when a woman asserts, he sees it as her asking for sex. He checks himself and feels somewhat ill-prepared, so often says he is tired or the like. In reality, he does not know how to connect, whereas the woman thinks she is being rejected and ends up feeling less sexually adequate. This often leads to confrontation in some cases.

“In a congenial relationship where man and woman are equal, however, a woman sometimes initiates more often than a man because she knows that her moves and feelings will be well reciprocated. She feels well understood. It is, after all, a question of how welcome one feels,”
explains Bangalore-based psychotherapist and sexologist Dr Vinod Chebbi.

Aggressive Initiation and Its Impact

When men avoid sex, women initiate it more. There is even an amount of aggression in this initiation that men do not like.

Imbalance of Power: Aggressive initiation in sexual or intimate situations can create a significant power imbalance, where one partner feels pressured or coerced rather than engaging willingly and enthusiastically.
Violation of Consent: Aggressive initiation often blurs the lines of consent. It can lead to situations where a partner may feel forced to engage in intimacy out of fear, discomfort, or confusion, compromising the foundation of mutual respect.
Emotional and Psychological Consequences: Individuals who experience aggressive initiation may feel violated, disrespected, or devalued. This can result in emotional trauma, trust issues, or feelings of resentment toward their partner.
Impact on Relationship Dynamics: Repeated aggressive initiation can erode trust, weaken emotional intimacy, and create long-term issues in the relationship. Partners may feel unsafe, leading to emotional distance and dissatisfaction.Potential for Miscommunication: Aggressive initiation may stem from misunderstandings about desires or expectations. Without clear communication, one partner may believe they are expressing passion, while the other feels uncomfortable or overwhelmed.
Reinforcement of Negative Gender Stereotypes: Aggressive initiation can perpetuate harmful gender stereotypes, particularly those related to dominance and entitlement, reinforcing the idea that one partner’s needs or desires outweigh the other’s boundaries.
Reduction of Mutual Satisfaction: When intimacy is initiated aggressively, it often prioritizes one partner’s desires over the other’s comfort, leading to a lack of mutual satisfaction. Healthy intimacy requires both partners to feel valued and respected.
Impact on Self-Esteem: Victims of aggressive initiation may experience decreased self-esteem or feelings of inadequacy, as their boundaries are disregarded. This can negatively affect their perception of themselves and their relationships.

FAQs

1. How has the role of women in sexual decision-making evolved over time?

“Radhika had always been a people-pleaser, especially in her relationships. She often felt pressure to meet her partner’s needs, even if it made her uncomfortable. But as she grew more confident in herself, she realized the importance of asserting her boundaries. In her new relationship, she made it clear from the beginning that intimacy would only happen when she felt ready. Her partner respected her decision, and for the first time, Radhika felt empowered in her own choices. This shift not only improved her confidence but also deepened the trust in their relationship.”

Historically, women’s sexual autonomy was restricted by societal norms and expectations. However, in modern relationships, more women are embracing their right to make decisions about when, where, and how they engage in sexual activity. This shift reflects broader movements toward gender equality and empowerment.

2. Why is it important for women to assert their sexual boundaries?

It’s crucial for women (and all individuals) to feel confident in expressing their sexual boundaries to ensure that intimate experiences are consensual, comfortable, and mutually respectful. This leads to healthier relationships and stronger emotional connections.

3. What role does communication play in a woman’s sexual empowerment?

Communication is key to ensuring that both partners’ needs, desires, and boundaries are respected. Open conversations about sex foster trust, improve emotional intimacy, and create a space where both partners feel empowered to express themselves.

Final Thoughts

In relationships, sexual decision-making should be based on mutual respect, trust, and clear communication. The idea that “ladies wear the pants when it comes to pulling ’em down” reflects the growing empowerment of women in determining when and how they engage in sexual activity. Healthy relationships are built on shared power and mutual respect, with both partners feeling free to express their boundaries, desires, and expectations. When women feel confident in their choices, it leads to deeper emotional connection and a more satisfying partnership. Whether you’re working on building confidence or improving communication, book a session with our experts today to strengthen your relationship and find balance in intimacy.

Do I Have A Fear of Intimacy? Quiz

Reasons Showering Together Is Great For Intimacy And How To Do It Right

Beyond Pleasure: How Intimate Gadgets Foster Deeper Connections

Your contribution does not constitute a charitable donation. It will allow Bonobology to continue bringing you new and up-to-date information in our pursuit of helping anyone in the world to learn how to do anything.