What does a woman want in a man? Do they look for a confident man? Or does a positive mindset appeal to them more? To answer these questions and understand what women want from men (and vice versa), a study was conducted by Richard A. Lippa. Via a survey put out on BBC Internet, around 119,733 men and 98,462 women were asked to pick the top three traits they look for in a mate. This was out of a list of 23 personality traits ranging from intelligence and industriousness to parenting abilities and attractiveness.
The top picks for women on what to want in a man? Humor, intelligence, honesty, kindness, and values. However, it’s worth noting that good looks, facial attractiveness, and fitness were all rather high up on the women’s list as well. Curiously, money, social status, and prosperity were all at the bottom of the list, which seems to counter what other studies have concluded. This is why we need to dive deeper into a woman’s perspective on the traits of a good man. Let’s take a closer look at what women want from men in relationships:
What Women Want From Men — These 20 Things
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What do women want from men? Relationship coach Swaty Prakash says, “Smile because it represents a warm and friendly personality. If you have a disarming smile going for you, make sure you flaunt it as much as you can. Your build and dressing sense set the first impression but a bright and confident smile is what’s going to keep her around.” Apart from a gleeful display of pearly whites, here are 20 things a woman wants from a man:
1. What women want from men is intelligence
In one study conducted by economist Raymond Fisman and colleagues at Columbia University, 392 single people were invited to participate in a speed dating event. Each participant went on between 10 and 20 four-minute speed dates. They then rated the attractiveness, intelligence, and ambition of each person they met. The results of this study indicate that women care about intelligence roughly twice as much as men. So, being smart definitely makes it to the list of traits of a good man, from a woman’s point of view.
2. Women lean in favor of older men
Psychologists call it the George Clooney Effect. A 2010 study of 3,770 heterosexual adults suggested that women often prefer older men. It was also observed that women with greater financial independence were more inclined to date an older man.
Psychiatrist Dr. Shefali Batra says, “Be it psycho-dynamically, emotionally, psychologically, women grow up faster compared to their male counterparts. Hence, women connect better, mentally and emotionally, with men who are older than them. Having reached the peak of their career, older men are more relaxed about their professional goals and are able to give more time to their women.”
3. The ability to listen is what women want from men
What do women want in men? A woman absolutely loves it when her partner patiently listens to what she has to say. Therefore, listen and engage with her when she’s talking to let her know that you’re emotionally present and invested in the relationship. This is what women desire in a man.
One study conducted by Faye Doell (2003) showed that there are two different types of listening: “listening to understand” and “listening to respond”. While people may think they might be listening to understand, what they’re really doing is waiting to respond. Those who “listen to understand” have greater satisfaction in their interpersonal relationships than others.
Related Reading: 5 Common Communication Mistakes Couples Make In Marriage
4. Communication and honesty are important
Women appreciate men who are honest about their feelings and opinions and also know how to communicate them well. In order to do that, you must talk to your partner about your needs and desires. Tell her how you feel. Be as honest with her as you possibly can because that’s what women want from men.
A shocking research study points out that couples lie to each other three times a week. Of course, this includes big ones like cheating but also seemingly harmless white lies such as, “I will surely come home on time today.” These small lies in a relationship build up over time. So, if you want to be the kind of man a woman desires, be as transparent as you can.
5. Become her best friend
What do women want in men? A best friend. Being best friends with your spouse or life partner is a privilege indeed. Now, this does not mean that if you weren’t best friends before you started dating, the foundation of your relationship is weak. But you must work toward building a friendship with your partner. As her partner, you are the person she can trust most with her thoughts and emotions. Make sure to not lose that because sometimes what women want from men is a buddy who makes them feel comfortable.
In a study conducted in the United States, 801 adults were polled on the question: “Do you consider your partner to be your best friend or do you call somebody else your best friend?” Among adults in a serious relationship, the vast majority (83%) considered their current partner to be their best friend. Among those who were married, the rate was even higher.
6. Treat her as an equal
Equality is what girls want from their partners. It’s the 21st century and it’s no surprise that what a woman wants in a relationship is to be treated like an equal, (socially, financially, and sexually). Counseling psychologist Shivangi Anil emphasizes, “To spot signs of inequality, we need to pay attention to where the decision-making power lies. And by decision, I don’t mean financial or big decisions alone. Decisions about where you stay, what you eat, and whom you both interact with as a couple.
“Inequality harbors an unequal power dynamic wherein the person in a more powerful position can impose their needs and demands on the other person. In extreme cases, a skewed power dynamic can also pave the way for abuse and violence.”
7. Taller men are charming
When it comes to good looks, research shows that most women overwhelmingly prefer men who are taller than them. In fact, according to a 2012 study from the Netherlands, women are more satisfied with a man who is roughly 21 cm taller than her. Another study points out that the height of the partner is more important to females than to males.
Researchers ultimately concluded that women want a man who is tall simply because they feel more protected. One woman in the study cited not wanting to look down into a man’s eyes, the ability to wear high heels and still be shorter than her date, and wanting to reach up to hug her date among her reasons for preferring taller men. Looks like, physical traits feature prominently in the answer to the question, what do women want from men?
8. Women appreciate vulnerability in men
If asked, “What are you looking for in a man?”, vulnerability would likely feature in most women’s list of qualities to look for in a partner. Relationship expert Ridhi Golechha says, “Women and men deal with pain differently. Men end up suppressing their emotional pain, which makes it more intense. They put on a fake mask of courage and are not able to receive the empathy that somebody who shows vulnerability is able to receive. Also, men use other channels to direct their pain like anger, revenge, or aggression.”
This brings us to vulnerability. You can’t build a healthy relationship if you are unwilling to show her your emotional or vulnerable side. Given how important emotional intimacy is when it comes to female expectations in a relationship, they prefer men who can be vulnerable with them. Rather than break things when you’re angry, take a deep breath and talk to your partner.
9. Kindness and supportiveness
Kindness is another valuable trait women seek in their partners. One of the most extensive surveys on what women want from men was compiled by researchers at the University of Göttingen in Germany and the female health app Clue. The survey polled more than 64,000 people in 180 countries, asking them, “What are you looking for in a man?” According to the results, almost 90% of the women ranked kindness highest among qualities to look for in a man, followed closely by supportiveness at 86.5%.
10. A sense of humor
What do women want from men? The ability to make them laugh. If your sense of humor matches hers, you’re sure to have her attention. In a study conducted with 3,000 married couples from five countries, both husbands and wives were found to be happier with a humorous partner. Sense of humor as a trait was reported to be more important for the marital satisfaction of the wives than the husbands. The research says, “Spouses may also take humorousness as a sign of motivation to be amusing, kind, understanding, and dependable — as a sign of commitment”.
Related Reading: What Are The Signs She Is Developing Feelings For You?
11. A woman needs her personal space
Given the ‘women are clingy’ stereotype, this may come as a surprise to many but a healthy balance of independence and interdependence is what girls want in their intimate relationship. She may want to spend time with friends, engage with family, pursue a hobby, or unwind by reading her favorite book. She may want to spend some time alone and that’s absolutely normal.
She is her own person and has a life outside of the relationship, as should you. So, make sure you don’t invade her privacy, by barging in on her sleepovers with friends or always swinging by her place after work. Talking about healthy space in a relationship, psychologist Jaseena Backer says, “This space should be comfortable enough for the partners and not big enough for the entry of a third party.”
12. Good sex
When it comes to female expectations in a relationship, let’s be honest — women enjoy sex as much as men do. So, what do women want in men physically? A woman wants a man who is sensitive and accepting of her sexual desires and needs. Sex is meant to please both partners. So, don’t make it all about you, and do some research on what women want during sex.
Studies indicate that 80% of women fake their orgasms during sex. So, talk to your partner about what she’s comfortable with, and what makes her happy. It should be like a fun adventure where you get to explore each other’s bodies and push the boundaries of pleasure. A woman can’t keep her hands off a man who knows how to pleasure her and that is the kind of man every woman wants.
13. A woman wants an affectionate man
Physical and emotional affection is what girls want in a relationship. Women want to feel loved, appreciated, and desired by their partners. Physical affection includes gestures like holding hands, hugging, cuddling, kissing, and intimate moments. These actions foster intimacy and connection, helping women feel loved and desired by their partners.
Clinical psychologist and couple’s therapist Dhriti Bhavsar says, “Overall, affection encompasses a wide range of expressions that demonstrate love, care, and appreciation. When you consistently show affection to your partner, you foster intimacy, strengthen your bond, and promote overall happiness and satisfaction in your relationship.”
14. Compatibility plays a big role
What do women want in a relationship? Compatibility definitely makes the cut and rightly so. After all, it is a fundamental aspect of strong relationships, encompassing various dimensions that contribute to harmony and mutual understanding between partners. Partners who are on the same page on core values such as honesty, trust, integrity, and respect are more likely to understand each other’s perspectives and make mutually beneficial decisions.
Weighing in on what to want in a man, Dhriti says, “Good communication is essential for healthy relationships. Partners who share compatible communication styles can express themselves openly, listen actively, and resolve conflicts constructively. Understanding each other’s communication preferences and being able to communicate honestly and respectfully strengthens the connection between partners.”
Related Reading: 8 Habits Of Couples In Strong And Healthy Relationships
15. A woman wants a trustworthy man
What are you looking for in a man if not trustworthiness? Trustworthiness is a cornerstone of healthy relationships, encompassing various qualities and behaviors that inspire confidence, reliability, and security in the partnership. This goes beyond being a faithful and loyal partner; trustworthiness includes consistency, dependability, and reliability. All traits that women desire in a man.
Trustworthy partners are dependable in both big and small matters, from being punctual for dates to providing emotional support during crises. Dependability instills a sense of trust that partners can rely on each other for support and assistance whenever necessary.
16. Integrity is a valuable trait for many women
For most women, Integrity is among the fundamental qualities to look for in a man. It reflects his commitment to moral and ethical principles, honesty, and consistency in their actions. In the context of relationships, integrity plays a crucial role in building trust, fostering respect, and nurturing a strong bond between partners.
If you’re not sure about what to want in a man, integrity can be a good trait to start with. Men with integrity are authentic to themselves, embracing their strengths, weaknesses, and imperfections. They engage in self-reflection and introspection, striving to live in alignment with their values and beliefs. Authenticity and emotional integrity encourage vulnerability and openness in the relationship, deepening emotional intimacy and connection between partners.
17. An ambitious man is hard to resist
Ambition is a powerful drive that propels men to set goals, pursue their dreams, and strive for success in various aspects of life. In the context of relationships, ambitious men attract women with their motivation, determination, and commitment to personal growth and achievement. An ambitious man, or a sigma male, is the kind of man every woman wants.
Dhriti says, “Ambitious individuals possess a clear vision of what they want to achieve in life. They set specific, achievable goals and work diligently towards realizing them. Women are often drawn to men who have a sense of direction and purpose, as it indicates a proactive approach to life and a willingness to pursue their aspirations with passion and dedication.”
Related Reading: What Makes A Man Sexually Attractive – 11 Things Science Vouches For
18. What do women want in a relationship? Generosity
Generosity is one of the best qualities to look for in a man. It reflects his willingness to give, share, and contribute to the well-being of others without expecting anything in return. In the context of relationships, generosity helps to develop emotional intimacy, strengthen bonds, and nurture a supportive and fulfilling partnership.
According to Dhriti, “Generosity extends to providing emotional support and understanding to one’s partner during difficult times. This involves being a good listener, offering words of encouragement, and being a source of comfort and reassurance. Generous partners are empathetic and attentive to their partner’s needs, offering unwavering support and understanding without judgment or criticism.”
19. A woman wants a resilient man
One of the unexpected but vital answers to the question of what do women want in a relationship is resilience. Resilience is the ability to adapt, bounce back, and thrive in the face of adversity, challenges, and setbacks. In a good relationship, resilience plays a vital role in navigating the ups and downs of life together, strengthening bonds, and fostering a deep and enduring love between partners.
Resilience is closely linked to maintaining a positive mindset and outlook, even in the face of adversity. Resilient individuals and couples focus on finding solutions, cultivating gratitude, and recognizing the silver linings amidst difficult circumstances. They maintain hope, optimism, and resilience even on the bad days, inspiring confidence and strength in their partner and relationship. It’s not hard to see why it’s among the qualities to look for in a man.
20. Confidence in a man is what women want from men
What are you looking for in a man if not confidence? Confidence is a trait characterized by self-assurance, assertiveness, and a strong belief in one’s abilities, worth, and value. In the context of relationships, confidence plays a crucial role in fostering attraction, healthy communication, and mutual respect between partners.
Self-confidence begins with self-acceptance and self-love. Confident men have a positive self-image and a deep sense of self-worth that is not dependent on external validation or approval. They are also self-aware, embracing their strengths, weaknesses, and imperfections, and recognizing that they are worthy of love and respect just as they are. This is the kind of man every woman wants.
Key Pointers
- Women love men who are intelligent, kind, and supportive
- It is often a bonus if the guy is taller and older than her
- Women also value the ability to be a good friend who listens patiently
- It’s even better if you’re funny and honest, and can show her your vulnerable side
- If you go the extra mile to please her in bed, you’re a keeper
Finally, one thing that you must remember is that every woman is different. And so are their perspectives on what to want in a man. The best way to understand her expectations is to communicate with her. Also, women want a man who’s consistent and present. Remember how enthusiastic you were to know her favorite color at the onset of your relationship? Keep it going! Taking care of the little things every day is the only secret behind making it work. So what are you waiting for? Use these tips to show your woman that you are the best partner for her! If you haven’t been doing this, now is a good time to start…
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