11 Secrets To Sustaining Long-Distance Love

As the saying goes, love is simple but relationships are complicated. Statistics say most modern couples spend some time or other apart, whether it’s a few days or a few months. Whatever the reason may be, if you need to move away from each other but you are not ready to move on from each other, then you end up in a long-distance relationship, which comes with its share of issues and challenges. During this time, you need to figure out the secrets to sustaining long-distance love despite the hurdles. 

In this fast-paced age of communication, there are a variety of technological tools that can help partners stay and feel connected and make long-distance relationships work. But it is not the tools that matter as much as the intent. Many war-torn couples made their long-distance relationships work even without the means of instant communication and virtual connection. For instance, Napoleon, who wrote love letters for Josephine straight from the battlefield. This proves distance and relationships can co-exist. 

This also gives us hope that you can find a way to make things work as long as you know how to express your love in long-distance relationships. So, proudly go ahead on this adventure, holding hands and working toward your long-term plans as long-distance lovers. 

5 Biggest Challenges Of Long-Distance Love

A relationship turns long-distance only with mutual consent. People often choose to stay together in the same place, sacrificing or compromising on many other aspects of life, just to share the same sky and the same air. That is how hard choosing long distance in relationships can be. But there are times when reasons beyond your control force you to stay apart, leading to long-distance relationship love. 

Even if you both agree that being apart for your individual growth and progress is the right call, navigating the changed dynamics of your relationship can be hard. In long-distance love, as the name suggests, physical distance becomes the main concern. Long-distance couples face a lot of challenges that threaten to tear them apart if they don’t learn how to do long distance. 

You may even find yourself thinking, “I love him but I can’t bear the distance” or “I love her but this relationship isn’t working for me.” It might feel like you won’t survive not being able to be in each other’s arms. It’s usually because of one or more of these five biggest challenges of long-distance relationships that we’ve listed below. Read on to find out if you can relate to any of these long-distance relationship problems:

1. Time lost in communication 

It is said that no one is ever actually busy. They just have other priorities. In a long-distance relationship, when two people have separate routines, it becomes difficult to be part of each other’s daily lives. This becomes especially troublesome when you are in different time zones. 

For couples in long-distance relationships, staying connected over long distance in relationship is important but so is coping with all other changes happening due to the separation. As they say in airplane safety guidelines, you should put on your own mask before helping others. Maybe you are focusing on writing long love letters for him or designing personalized jewelry for her when you need to rather focus on yourself.

Spending time together is essential, but prioritizing your needs is essential too. Striking a balance between these two can be one of the biggest challenges of long-distance love in modern times, although it can be dealt with if both partners are willing to make the extra effort. 

Related Reading: 10 Things To Do When You Are Drifting Apart In Your Relationship

2. Physical distance begets longing 

It is not always about sex or intimacy for long-distance lovers. You start to miss your partner’s warmth and smell when you don’t share the same air anymore. You want to reach out and hold their hands, run your fingers through their hair, touch their cheeks when sunlight falls on them, but you can’t. Sometimes, all you want, after a hard day’s work, is to hug them.

And it becomes frustrating for couples in long-distance relationships when you have to grapple with this sense of longing daily for months, without any relief in sight. Strong emotional connection and communication may help you ease the pain. Remember this is just temporary, a blip in the forever that you are building together with your long-distance relationship love. 

3. Loneliness is a personal battle 

One of the long-distance relationship problems is loneliness. When you were physically together in the same place, you’d make an effort to spend as much time with each other as possible. You did so many things together. Even if you went to meet your friends or family, chances are, you went together. But now, you have to do everything on your own. Maybe you have family or friends around, but they can never fill the void left by your partner in your life. 

This lingering sense of loneliness can bring on a sense of dejection, especially in the wee hours. There may even be times when you feel that breaking up is easier than sustaining your relationship long distance. At least, you get to be angry with your ex. Missing someone and remembering them fondly is a different level of torture if you are feeling all alone in your heart. You can never express well enough how much you miss your one person with every breath you take. The lonelier you feel, the more distant and secluded you become in this vicious cycle. 

Related Reading: 18 Things To Know Before Starting A Long-Distance Relationship

4. Feeling disconnected is valid 

Not everyone processes emotion in the same way. Being separated from your partner can cause a lot of emotional turmoil. People react differently in these situations. While some may suffer silently, others may not stop complaining. While some choose to bury themselves in work, others may look for distraction by going out and partying. You may not be on the same page while going through the sadness and turmoil that come with being apart. 

Some may be somber while accepting the inevitable, while others may be cheerful in their complete denial of what they’re going through. This discrepancy of feelings leads so many people to unnecessary confrontations and problems in the relationship. Remember that you both are different and allow each other to heal in your own ways. 

5. Jealousy is a green-eyed monster 

Jealousy is not a sign of love, but a sign of your deep-rooted insecurities and your refusal to confront them. But it is one of the most common long-distance relationship problems. It is easier to project your insecurities onto your partner, especially when they are not present to defend themselves. A missed call, an unanswered text, or a canceled video call may send you spiraling down the road of overthinking and resentment. 

Somehow, you may start to think and believe that the thing you fear most has already happened. What you fear most may tell you a lot about yourself. It is not just the possibility of other romantic connections that you are jealous of. Not being able to be a part of their special moments, them enjoying something without you, all other such possibilities set you off on a journey to darkness, called jealousy.

Remember to be happy for each other despite yourself and allow them the space to grow. These challenges may seem like the mountains you can’t travel or the oceans you can’t cross, but life is bigger than this. These are just small hurdles in a long-term partnership. If your communication is strong enough and you can feel connected despite all these things, then better days are just ahead of you. 

Related Reading: 35 Long-Distance Relationship Activities To Bond Over

11 Secrets To Sustaining Long-Distance Love

Is a long-distance relationship worth it? True love may win all. But it doesn’t hurt to keep a few tricks up your sleeves for the times you may face a tough patch in your relationship. Maybe you are trying out long-distance love in your relationship or you’ve finally found the one online but have never met in person. 

People meeting online and finding their happily-ever-after with each other, and going on to build long-term relationships and even successful marriages is not unheard of. Some couples spend years getting to know each other through correspondence and video chatting before ever meeting. Many a long-distance love of this kind has led to enduring relationships.

In either situation, it’s vital to make a conscious effort toward improving your communication, working on your emotional bonding, and making the right effort to remain connected with your long-distance partner. The heart grows fonder when you are apart if you are on the same page about the level of your commitment toward your long-term plans. Here are some ways to make even this difficult time in your relationship less daunting: 

1. Start preparing even before you part 

Distance and relationships take effort from both partners to work. It is important for long-distance lovers to prepare for the impending time apart before they leave each other’s side. From the time you decide to be physically apart and yet be in a relationship long distance, you take on a heavy task. Here are some tips you can put to use:

• Try to make this transition as smooth and fun as possible 
• Help each other in preparations 
• Spend quality time together 
• Most of all, talk – about your fears, insecurities, and your plans to make the relationship work 

Find out whether you both are on the same page about long distance in relationship. Give each other something special and personal, to remember each other by. It can be a piece of clothing or your favorite soft toy or the book that cheers you up every time. It is like sharing a piece of you with the one who knows perfectly well how much that means to you. This way, even before you part, you have made sure that they have something to carry in their hands while they carry you in their hearts. 

Related Reading: 21 Long-Distance Relationship Gifts For Your Partner | Updated List 2022

2. Surprise gifts are always a good idea 

Whether you met online or parted ways after being together, a big part of making such a relationship work is to look for ways to bring a smile to your partner’s face. And what better way of doing that than a surprise gift? A thoughtful, personalized gift lets your partner know that you really listen to them and make an effort to help them get what they want or need.

And these gifts don’t always have to be extravagant. It can also be a handwritten love letter for her long distance or a handmade gift for him. So, give it some thought and come up with something they have been desiring for some time – and you’ll have a perfect long-distance relationship gift, worthy of your special one. After all, it’s the thought that counts. 

3. Share your personal calendars 

Life changed for both of you, whether you moved away or stayed back after your partner left, or met and fell in love with someone halfway across the world. It can be hard to cope with long-distance love and all these changes. One of the best ways to cope with distance and relationships is to make your partner a part of your everyday life, even if virtually. 

You can do that by sharing an online calendar to keep track of your online dates and calls. This way, both will be reminded of your virtual dates and will never miss out on spending special moments together. You can also keep track of and remind each other of important appointments, events, meetings, and other items on your respective to-do lists – just like you would in a geographically proximate relationship. 

4. Challenge each other 

If you’re still wondering how to do long distance, well, pick any activity. Be it swimming or salsa, cooking or online games: something that feels good for both of you or something that you have always wanted to try together if not for the long distance in relationship. Now try your hand at it even when you are miles apart. Don’t just do it, but also challenge each other. Here’s what else you can do while trying that activity:

• Keep track of each other’s progress
• Encourage one another
• Share progress reports like step count
• Create a social media celebration 
• Set prizes for accomplishments 

Relationship experts often encourage healthy competition among couples in long-distance relationships as a way of keeping the romance alive. Just because you are apart, it does not mean that you need to give up on doing things together in a long-distance relationship. Your shared experience will make the distance between you two feel like nothing when the adrenaline is running high and you are locked in a friendly battle just for fun. 

5. Honesty is always the right choice 

Though honesty is the pillar of any healthy relationship, it becomes even more important for a successful long-distance relationship. It fosters a sense of intimacy in long-distance relationships and helps assuage doubts and insecurities. You may sometimes compromise on your own time and mental health to be there for your partner, but remember, it is not sustainable in the long run. 

Instead of sacrificing yourself at the altar of your relationship, focus your energies on strengthening the foundation of connection by nurturing it with honesty and transparency. And you won’t have to worry about how to build trust or how to express love in long-distance relationships. 

Related Reading: 8 Ways To Cultivate Emotional Safety In Your Relationship

6. Choose text over phone calls for constant communication

Given the busy schedules and rigmarole of everyday life, it is sometimes impossible to make yourself available for long phone calls. But the need to share something immediately may arise at any time. It is better to pour your heart out in a long-distance text or a voice note – look at these as modern-day equivalents of writing love letters to him long distance, or a love poem for her. 

These are great ways to stay in touch with each other throughout the day, because you don’t need to work out schedules and check availability. You can send texts or voice notes in your time and your partner will be able to respond in their own time. The communication, then, would be qualitatively worthy. 

7. Don’t put your life on hold 

Is a long-distance relationship worth it? It is, as long as you don’t neglect yourself. Kahlil Gibran once said, “Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.” Though you are in love, remember that you have a separate life of your own too. Other than maintaining this beautiful emotional bonding with your partner, you need to enrich your life too. If you put your life on hold for the sake of your relationship, it will only lead to resentment – and resentment in relationships is a termite that can render even the strongest of bonds hollow. Only if you have an interesting and full life can you remain happy and fulfilled in long-distance love. 

8. Change habits that make you feel more lonely 

Things that you cherished together and did enjoy with each other can make you feel lonely and sad when you’re physically apart from your partner. Maybe it is time to change those habits. If cooking together was your way of spending quality time together, maybe consider ordering in on weekends to change things up a bit. If reading books together was your favorite long-distance relationship activity, maybe shift to audiobooks for now. You can pick up these feel-good activities from where you left off once you are back together. Doing this also gives you something to look forward to when you do meet. 

Related Reading: 8 Habits Of Couples In Strong And Healthy Relationships

9. Make all major decisions together as a couple 

It is important to stay connected even when you are in a long-distance relationship. Your long-term plans are connected, so involve your partner in those life-altering decisions. If a promotion means another year apart or a change of job means moving back together, you both need to weigh in and respect each other’s inputs. 

10. Make time for sexual intimacy

Geographical distance should never come between sexual intimacy in the relationship. Unfulfilled sexual needs can be one of the key reasons why you may end up feeling, “I love him but I can’t handle the distance” or “I love her but the spark is gone.”

But how to express love in long-distance relationships? From giving each other a visual treat on video calls or sexting, there are myriad ways to keep the flame of passion burning. And it doesn’t have to be a hardcore sexual activity or even sharing nudes if you’re not comfortable with it. You can share a picture of your favorite lingerie and ask your partner to imagine you in that. Let your guard down and go where your imagination and fantasies lead you in learning how to do long distance. 

11. Don’t worry about being perfect 

Distance and relationships can create high expectations. When you finally get a chance to meet, however short the meeting might be, remember that this time together is special. Make the most of it. Don’t fixate on everything being perfect. It’s not about getting first place in some LDR contest. Factors beyond your control, such as a delayed flight or inclement weather, or even exhaustion from a long journey, can derail some of your plans. But don’t let that ruin your time together. Even if you just have a simple movie night, doing it together should give you something to look forward to the next time you meet. 

So, is a long-distance relationship worth it? Well, we believe long-distance love can also add new dimensions to your relationship and intensify your desire for each other. Once you have finally found the one, a little distance is not going to change your feelings for the love of your life. What’s a bit of time in the forevermore? This too shall pass. 

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