When it comes to being in a serious relationship, there can be quite a spectrum. On one end there’s the homeliness of a live-in relationship and on the other end, the uncertainty of starting a long-distance relationship. What is common is that love knows no bounds. And perhaps if your feelings are strong, you can not just tide over the inhibitions of getting into a long-distance online dating but also navigate its many challenges to keep going strong.
If you are confident about the other person and your feelings for them, no bounds or literal boundaries should get in the way. When physical distance is in the destiny of your relationship, your commitment skills have to go up a few notches higher to make it work. A long-distance relationship may take more effort out of you, but it can be completely worth it.
With the right long-distance relationship advice to guide you through this journey, you truly turn your connection into something meaningful and beautiful. We’re here to tell you how to start a long-distance relationship, in consultation with counselor and certified life coach Dr. Neelu Khanna, who specializes in dealing with issues related to emotional needs and conflicts of human behavior, marital discords and dysfunctional families.
18 Things To Know Before Starting A Long-Distance Relationship
Table of Contents
Newly dating long-distance can appear very daunting. It can even take some time to get used to. You may spend the first few days in doubt wondering how sustainable this might be for you. You might even grapple with concerns around cheating. But once those test days are over, a long-distance routine can eventually keep you happy.
Cracking how a long-distance relationship works is perhaps one of the most difficult steps in this journey. Once you cross that threshold, it can teach you many things along the way. Once the rhythm is in place and your love continues to blossom, there will be no stopping you. But to take your time and do it with the right mindset is foremost. Here are 18 things to know before or in the early stages of long-distance dating:
1. You will have to put your best foot forward
It is important to accept that a long-distance relationship will take far more work than a regular relationship. The element of distance brings its own problems and relationship arguments. You and your partner will have to be invested in the relationship to tackle them without feeling sapped out. The moment you let things slide or sit idle, it leaves room for doubt and questions.
Advising on how to get to know someone long distance, Dr. Khanna suggests that even when you cannot make the time to constantly talk, you can leave photos or voice notes for your partner to come back to.
Related Reading: How To Make A Long-Distance Relationship Work?
2. Space can save you
When figuring out how to start a long-distance relationship, we often think that the abundance of actual physical space needs to be compensated by completely smothering another person. That is just not true. Even though you are battling the existence of too much space on a daily basis, choking mental space is not going to solve that. You must contemplate, how much space in a relationship is normal?
This is especially vital when starting a long-distance relationship with someone you just met. After all, you don’t want to send them scuttling by coming on too strong or being a clingy partner.
Dr. Khanna suggests that space is more important in long-distance relationships than regular relationships. She adds, “You really do not always know what the other person is going through. You must understand the person’s constraints.”
Related Reading: How To Make Him Obsessed With You: 21 Smart Tips
3. You can still enjoy sexy times
The sex talk does not have to take a complete backseat when you are dating somebody long distance. Sexual intimacy is important to keep two people together. One of the noteworthy long-distance relationship advice is to keep an open mind when it comes to engaging with your new partner. This could entail talking dirty, sexting and phone sex. Spicing up your sex life is going to take a little exploration, but together you can find ways to keep each other gratified.
4. Believe that you can make it work
Starting a relationship long distance cannot be a spur-of-the-moment decision driven by ambiguous feelings. You should be absolutely sure that this is what you want, and keep that conviction strong even as you navigate the myriad challenges and roadblocks along the way.
What keeps such a connection going is belief in yourself, your partner and the love that you two share. It is one of the most important components of trust in a relationship. Without faith, a long-distance relationship can quickly become a breeding ground of conflict and discontentment. Even on days when things aren’t looking so good, if your belief is strong, you can find the strength to keep working at it.
Related Reading: My Girlfriend Rejected My Proposal: What Should I Do?
5. Running on two schedules
Long-distance online dating means keeping up with your own schedule while also staying in tune with your partner’s. Knowing their wake-up time to the big events in their day, you may have to constantly evaluate two different schedules so you can always gauge when they can match up.
You also have to be mindful of when the other person is busy or occupied. In a long-distance relationship, messages become your biggest ally. So, use them generously to continually build upon your connection and intimacy even when long-drawn conversations may not be possible. When you do talk, do your best to make conversations productive and interesting. This is the key to avoiding unwarranted relationship problems from taking hold and turning chronic.
6. Keep jealousy away
It is very easy to get jealous easily in long-distance relationships. If he misses one phone call or if she uploads a picture with a new guy in the gang, your alarm bells start buzzing. Being a little worried is all fine. But once the jealousy kicks in, things can start to get toxic very easily.
Unless there is an actual cause for concern, do not start sulking because you are feeling jealous and untrusting. Jealousy can bring out some terrible sides in all of us. Thus, it is best to keep the green-eyed monster in check and have faith in your partner.
7. Communication is everything
And pretty much all you have. It is also the most important tip on how to get to know someone long distance. Think about it this way – your relationship relies solely on verbal communication, which is why it must be the strongest suit of your connection. You must constantly try to improve communication in your relationship.
Since you don’t have the benefit of a soft caress or a doting touch, your words play a pivotal role not only in starting a relationship long distance but also in sustaining it. You will have to say things wholeheartedly and make sure you mean what you say.
Related Reading: Communication Is The Key To Relationships!
8. You may have to set some ground rules
When starting a long-distance relationship, it is important for you and your partner to be on the same page about things. Depending on how flexible your relationship is, it is important to discuss your expectations. Are they ready for a commitment? Especially when starting a relationship online, you must set clear dating boundaries.
Are you an exclusive couple or not? Can you go out with other people? What are your expectations and demands from each other? These are some questions that must be tackled in the very beginning.
9. Prepare for insecurities
Bouts of insecurity can come and go even in regular relationships. Their incidence can become a lot higher when you’re in a long-distance relationship. Naomi, a San Francisco resident started dating a man based in Bremen, Germany, after the two connected online and instantly hit it off. However, his outgoing demeanor that first attracted her soon became a trigger of insecurities. Having been cheated on in the past, she couldn’t shake off the feeling that history would repeat itself.
This led to fights and bickering, which eventually took a toll on the relationship. When starting a long-distance relationship with someone you’ve only met online, be sure that you have it in you to trust them. If there is a tiny voice in your head telling you otherwise, think long and hard before taking the plunge.
Should you choose to start the relationship anyhow, be mindful of not projecting your insecurities on the other person. Dr. Neelu Khanna says, “Respect the other person’s challenges to sort out issues of insecurity. Practice better time management so that you are there when they need to talk.”
10. You will have to be situationally aware
Being in a long-distance relationship requires you to be a lot more careful about your actions and choices. You may have to be mindful about how your actions may affect your partner when they are already feeling distant from you. If hanging out with someone your partner does not like or not informing them about your whereabouts can really torment them, then don’t do it.
It is not always that your partner is suspicious or doubtful. They may trust you but try not to give them reasons to worry too much. Your partner may feel powerless in such a situation and that can get channeled in the form of angry outbursts or fights. Understand how to handle long-distance relationship problems before getting into one.
11. Find a way to build intimacy
This is usually easy for most couples since they’re right next to each other and have no dearth of ideas and options to work on their connection and intimacy. When starting a relationship long distance, accept the fact that building intimacy will be no walk in the park for you.
You and your partner will have to work at it twice as hard. One of the tips on how to date long-distance is to build a routine of phone calls, texts, updates, movie nights, date nights and other similar couple bonding activities. From good morning texts to sending pictures of your breakfast bagels, a routine can be helpful because it feels like one is constantly involved.
Related Reading: How To Text A Girl For The First Time: 15 Tips And 75 Examples
12. Being online will be your new normal
Starting a relationship long distance can be super fun if done the right way. There are too many creative ways online to keep in touch these days. So, you will now have to get extremely comfortable with the idea of constant online flirting or being on your phone much more than before. Being on calls, texting, Facetiming, Snapchatting – there will be a virtual dimension to your existence now.
It’s important that you know and embrace this fact in the early stages of long-distance dating. Otherwise, the relationship can start to feel like a lot of work. If you did not enjoy texting or using your phone too much before, you should try to develop a taste for it now.
13. You will have to do things with your phone
Going for a walk may now mean holding your phone up and Facetiming your girlfriend. Even when you are making dinner, you may often have your phone up and running constantly so your partner can help you with the dish you are making—with tricks and tips.
Shopping can also be really fun that way where you can show your partner things on a video call and they can help you pick and choose. This is all a part of doing things together. These little moments that you steal to create your own virtual reality will go a long way in making you feel and act like a couple.
Related Reading: Online dating: 8 must-follow relationship tips to make it work
14. Get ready to travel more
Visits and vacations are key elements of how to date long-distance. In a long-distance relationship, you start searching flights for when either of you can visit the other person. This is one of the tested love hacks to make your long-distance relationship work.
This is one thing that will keep you two very close together and fill the days that you spend apart with the anticipation of meeting again. Planning visits to each other’s homes or meeting at a holiday destination, the promise of being together to look forward to can help you sail through some trying times of loneliness. That also means you have to be prepared to live out of your suitcases more often. Stay in tune with each other’s schedules so you can find the perfect opening.
15. Try not to have too many expectations
This applies to regular relationships too! Curiosity kills the cat and expectations kill the fun. When you are constantly expecting, you are always setting yourself up for moments that might transpire into disappointment.
Dr. Khanna reaffirms by saying, “Expectations always add to problems and can even lead to breakups.” One must know how to set realistic expectations in a relationship. Have your standards and needs in place, and communicate them well. Don’t let yourself be dragged along in the relationship, and at the same time, don’t take your partner for granted. Just remember that expecting too much can actually drain out the love that already exists.
16. It will teach you the meaning of trust
One of the biggest long-distance relationship problems can be developing unflinching trust. But once that trust is in place, things become fundamentally easier. One of the key takeaways of dating at a distance is that the learning experiences are abundant and it really teaches you how to build trust in relationships.
If you normally have a tough time letting your guard down or opening up, a long-distance relationship will change that for you. You will now start taking trust more seriously and delve into it wholeheartedly.
Related Reading: Trust Issues – 10 Signs You Find It Difficult To Trust Anyone
17. You will still have your own time
Yes, here is some great news. One of the perks of starting a long-distance relationship with someone you just met or someone you’ve known a long time is that there is no paucity of ‘me time’. No relationship should consume every single part of your life.
The moment it starts invading everything that you are, you may not enjoy it as much anymore. When you and your partner are not physically together, the risk of one of you wanting to be forever joint at the hip also reduces significantly.
To make sure you create enough space for taking pauses and focus on personal growth, keep communication clear and honest right from the beginning of a long-distance relationship.
18. Trust yourself most when you start a long-distance relationship
This is the most important advice on how to deal with a long-distance relationship. You cannot jump into such a commitment when you are unsure of yourself or what you are doing. Once you have put faith in the relationship, you must also put faith in yourself.
Trust yourself that you are making the right decision for your life and that you are doing your best. When your own strength is unwavering, no mountain is too tall.
FAQs
1. How to start a long-distance relationship?
You can start a long-distance relationship by video calling often, sharing your everyday activities with your partner and practicing exclusivity.
2. Do long-distance relationships work?
They can if you have an open mind and are willing to put in the extra work. It takes a lot of commitment, strength and love to make a long-distance relationship work in the long run.
3. Do long-distance relationships last?
They certainly can. As long as you two eventually have the same end goal in mind. You must have the same final decision about where you see your life going so that it may align at some point.
4. How long can long-distance relationships last without seeing each other?
Practicing understanding, giving space, doing away with jealousy are some ways to make a relationship last. Long-distance relationships are not easy, which is why you will have to be extra careful with your feelings and actions when you are in one.
5. Is it worth being in a long-distance relationship?
It certainly can be if you love and believe in the person you are dating.
Final Thoughts
Starting a relationship long distance should always be a deliberate, well-thought-out decision, especially if you’re looking for a stable and lasting partnership. If you’re sure that you’ve found that with someone who may not be physically proximate, don’t let the distance deter you from giving it a chance. With these tips on how to deal with a long-distance relationship and sustain it, you can sail through.
21+ Weird Yet Wonderful Long-Distance Relationship Gadgets [Trending 2020]
Your contribution does not constitute a charitable donation. It will allow Bonobology to continue bringing you new and up-to-date information in our pursuit of helping anyone in the world to learn how to do anything.
