My husband is having an affair, but I have a daughter to think of

I have been married for 12 years and have a beautiful 6-year-old daughter. However, since 2012, my husband and my friend have been sharing a secret relationship. I have also caught their messages, their phone calls, their secretly spending time together. They have even spent nights together in my absence. Whenever I try to question my husband, he says that they are just good friends and nothing more and do not have any sexual relations. We always end up fighting and my husband always supports the other female. I have even tried talking to the other lady but since she knows that my husband whole-heartedly supports her, she also makes me helpless. I don’t want to leave the relationship, as I have my daughter to think of, but at the same time, I have lost all trust and love for my husband. I’ve been in pain and struggling for the last 5 years and this has completely shattered me. Even today my husband still supports the other lady. Please advise me on what to do.

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Deepak Kashyap says:

Suffering in an unhappy marriage for your daughter’s sake may not be the best thing to do. Your daughter is likely to grow up in a hostile environment where she sees the lack of love and trust between the parents that you speak of. Sometimes it is also the case that we (read I) do not want to leave because the painful task of making a life outside this comfort zone seems more daunting than suffering through it all. Having said that, I understand that broken trust takes time to heal. So if you want to try living separately for a bit to assess your situation from the outside, you should seriously consider doing that.

However, if you think you can forgive him and want to work at building trust again, then I would sincerely advise undertaking trust-building exercises under the supervision of marriage counsellor. Our definition of an ideal marriage and an ideal partner sometimes can stand in our way of happiness but also sometimes can protect us from abusive relationships. You need to decide your priorities and make decisions accordingly. I wish you all the best.

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