Being single isn’t all that bad, you tell yourself. You have great friends and your life is going well! But, your Instagram suddenly seems to be filled with happy couples, out on dates, or romantic movie nights at home. And even though you’re enjoying singledom, you do miss disappearing into a lover’s arms after a rough day. Having best friends is great, but you also want someone to surprise hug you from behind, just like in the movies. And as you hit the ‘rewatch’ button on The Notebook and Love Actually, you wonder how to find true love in life.
Jim and Pam, Monica and Chandler, Marshal and Lily, the list goes on. If you had to endure another obnoxious couple being all over each other, you think you just might go nuts. You’ve tried online dating, the blind dates, and the setups but it constantly feels like nobody’s perfect. Nobody really gets you.
But the question is, do you get you? There’s some work to be done before you go out looking for true love. And when you think you’ve found someone you like, what are the signs of true love? As you read on, we hope to answer all your questions.
The 12 Secrets To Finding True Love In Life
We know, we know. The never-ending quest for love has left you questioning how to find true love in your life all the time. It feels as though there’s something missing as if you miss somebody but you don’t even know who. Sounds absurd on paper, but you know all about that empty feeling that’s making you read this article.
Although, if your cries of “I want true love in my life” have stemmed from watching your friends kiss their significant others on New Year’s Eve, we’d say you could just be feeling left out. Perhaps that emptiness is in your stomach, and your lack of “intimacy” can be cured by a filling pizza.
Jokes aside, the question of how to find true love has inspired countless works of art. And for good reason, too. Love, when it hits, hits hard. It can be a wonderful thing that solves all your problems or something that causes even more problems. High risk, high reward.
When searching for true love, you have to understand that everything happens in its own time. While you’re out trying to socialize and finding your other half there are a few things that can increase your chances of finding true love. Here are the 12 secrets to finding true love in life:
1. Fix the chinks in your armor
The first step in your journey to find true love and happiness begins with you. If there’s baggage from the past that you’re still struggling with, confront the problems and work on yourself. Be it moving on from a bad breakup, family troubles, or a traumatic experience. Get help and don’t let your past dictate your future.
If a new love interest suggests/does something that leaves you triggered because of experiences in the past, “how to find true love in your life” will be the last thing on your mind. You don’t want to be caught in an anxious loop of overthinking every time a potential new partner goes out with friends, triggering your trust issues.
If the thought ‘how do I increase my chances of finding true love’ has ever crossed your mind, you need to become a good partner first. Work on bettering yourself through your hobbies and/or career. Pick up that guitar that’s rotting away in your house somewhere. When you’re the best version of yourself, you radiate an aura of confidence, possibly appearing more charming and attractive.
Related Reading: How Do You Know You Love Someone – 11 Signs That Say So
2. Don’t go by the movies, have realistic expectations.
No, the love of your life won’t lock eyes with you as she enters a coffee house you frequent. No, you won’t bump into him/her in a library 3 days later. No, your prince charming won’t sweep you off your feet from the very minute you lay your eyes on him.
“What is real love in real life?” for starters, it definitely doesn’t feature a reunion scene in the rain, with music playing in the background as you two kiss. In real life, you’ll catch a cold the next day. Signs of true love in real life can even be awkward, silly, or so subtle that you might even miss them.
Unlike in the movies, first interactions might be awkward, both of you not knowing what to say, they may even seem lackluster. Try not to have a very strict ‘type’ that you’re out looking for. If it seems like you might hit it off with someone despite them not being your absolute pre-determined ‘type’, give them a chance, the connection you establish may surprise you. When searching for true love, you can’t have too many expectations beforehand.
3. Get to know yourself before you find true love in life
If you don’t know yourself, you won’t know what you want from your partner. Maybe you don’t even know if you really like that avocado toast or you just pretend to like it. You might say “I’m looking for true love” but do you know if you’re ready for a relationship?
Apart from learning what you want in your partner, in the process of getting to know yourself, you’ll get a better understanding of what you like and what you don’t. It’ll be easier to tell who’s good for you and who’s not. Anything that helps you avoid a devastating breakup is worth the effort.
Unless you know yourself, you can’t tell your partner about the person you are. You might end up projecting a false image of yourself, one you claim to be. The psychology of true love states you need to put your true self forward, and you can only do that when you’re acquainted with it.
4. Don’t lie around in your PJs waiting for love to happen
When you’re searching for true love in life, you might’ve heard someone tell you that love will come when you’re not looking for it. If that was how it worked, you wouldn’t be Googling “how to find true love and happiness” right now.
Don’t wait for someone who’s not available, don’t try to ‘stumble’ upon love. Love isn’t a dollar bill you find on the road. Be optimistic, be social, meet more new people through friends and acquaintances.
Try that dating app out, even if it’s just to check it out for a bit. Even though figuring out how to find true love online has its own set of questions and challenges, at least you’re not wasting another Friday night on Netflix!
5. Fortune favors the bold
Ever lock eyes with someone, think they’re cute but never really made an effort to talk to them? When you’re searching for true love, you can’t let opportunities like these slip. Who knows, maybe you’ve found the one, but never spoke to them!
It’s a depressing thought, we know, but the point is that you can’t shy away from a new opportunity if you’re in pursuit of greener pastures. “I want true love in my life” isn’t really going to yield much in return if you’re avoiding talking to that pretty boy/girl because you’re scared of being turned down.
You’ll need to ditch the shyness if you want to find true love in life. Meet new people, don’t be afraid to introduce yourself. You could even date a few people to see who you like and what works for you. Remember, the road to true love could have a few stops on the way!
6. Don’t fall in love with a dating app profile
When looking to find true love online, it’s easy to let your expectations run wild. Once you get that all-important dopamine-inducing match, your expectation of the person you’ve matched with skyrocket. You build up what they might be like in your head so much that they might be the complete opposite of that in reality.
It is possible to find true love online, you just have to keep your expectations in check. A lot of people are on online dating platforms, you’re eventually going to find someone who could be your ideal partner. Don’t obsess over that one person who suddenly ghosted you.
7. Go to events where similar interests are guaranteed
Dating apps are great. But there might actually be too many people on there, which makes it harder to find true love in your life. When looking for true love, you’d want your partner to have the same interests as you, right? The Saturday nights spent sipping on your favorite wine, listening to music you both like, sounds like a blissful evening.
Instead of having to sit through the shows your partner watches but you couldn’t be the least bit interested in, wouldn’t it be great if you two had similar taste in shows? You wouldn’t have to count the minutes till the obnoxious show ends, only to realize there’s a season 2. Signs of true love do include sacrifice, but you wouldn’t want to lose your mind in the process.
So head over to places you’ll meet people with the same interest as yours. Be it a jazz club, a book club, or hell, even a sewing class if that’s what you’re passionate about. Maybe don’t flirt during the sewing class, though.
Related Reading: Love At First Sight: 8 Signs It’s Happening
8. A relationship is more than what happens in the bedroom
If you’re lucky, you may come across a relationship that from the get-go has exploded into pretty satisfying sex. The world may seem perfect. You might even think you no longer have to continue searching for true love. But signs of true love feature more than just good sex.
A successful relationship is built on compatibility, trust and communication. No doubt sex is a huge part of any relationship, but it is not the only one. If all you two do is fool around, it’ll definitely be fun, but it may not be true love. They also need to be someone you can talk to, laugh with, and share terrible jokes with.
9. Opposites attract, till they go their opposite ways.
Talking to someone who seems to be the opposite of you? You know what they say, opposites attract! And maybe they do. It may seem fine and dandy in the beginning but chances are, if you guys truly are opposite, sooner or later you’ll find something too big to overlook.
Having fundamental differences might lead to a bunch of nasty fights, the kinds that feature broken plates and a wish to go back in time and warn your past self about the dangers of “opposites attract”. What is real love in real life? Perhaps it’s just finding joy together in the smallest things, so each moment can truly be shared.
We’re not saying two opposites can never get together, it can happen but the chances of them having a long, fruitful relationship is low. How many times will you order a veg and a non-veg pizza? It’s madness.
10. Be true to who you are
Don’t go about changing your personality to make it more like that ‘opposite’ partner you’re not ready to let go of. If you change the way you are for someone you like, you’ll be cultivating the perfect companion for a fake personality you’ve created, not for yourself.
The same goes for when you’re trying to figure out how to find true love online. You can write down 6′ under your height in the dating apps all you want, but the facade is going to come crashing down the minute your date sees you.
The more you stick to being yourself, the more people like you you’ll attract. Finding true love and happiness doesn’t really get easier than just staying true to who you are.
11. Take it slow
If you do find someone who ticks all the boxes and things seem to be going great, make sure you don’t go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like “I love you”. Hopefully, you’ll say it eventually to each other, but true love takes time to grow.
Don’t say something like “I’m looking for true love” on the first date. There are many benefits to taking things slow in a relationship. It’s easy to misjudge how good a relationship is in the beginning. By rushing in, your partner might panic and back off, and you’ll be left Googling “how to find true love and happiness” all over again.
Related Reading: 21 Differences Between Love And Infatuation
12. Do your friends give the go-ahead?
What your friends think about your new love interest can be extremely important. While you view your true love through rose-tinted glasses and ignore the red flags, your friends might have a more balanced view.
They’ll help you look at the problems you might have ignored in all your excitement. They’ll help you decide if you’ve actually found true love. Don’t give your friends the power to say “I told you so!” when they warned you against a relationship and it blows up in your face.
We hope we’ve been able to set you on the road to finding true love, if you haven’t already. The most important thing is to remain optimistic and courageous. The next time you’re shying away from an opportunity to talk to someone, don’t let your fears get the better of you. Who knows, you could just be shying away from your own wonderful love story.