Communication is the most vital foundational pillar that keeps a relationship alive and healthy. However, as busy schedules and preoccupied minds become the norm, meaningful conversations often take a back seat. If only you had a few relationship-building questions up your sleeve, you and your partner wouldn’t have to spend date nights staring at your phones.
So, if you feel that your conversations with your SO are shrinking to discussing the essentials or bordering on mundane, you need to lap up this list of 40 relationship-building questions.
These couple bonding questions will not only help to build emotional intimacy, but these questions will also deepen your relationship. By relationship building questions we mean questions that build trust in a relationship and intellectual intimacy as well.
40 Relationship Building Questions To Ask Your Partner
‘So, how was your day?’
‘It was all right.’
‘How was work?’
‘Well, work was…you know…hectic.’
‘How are you?’
Does that sound familiar? If that’s how your conversations with your partner go more often than not, you are caught in the ‘How Trap’. It means your conversations revolve around checking in on each other and discussing everyday logistics. This is not to say that the intent to connect through communication is missing.
However, sometimes even the most vocal people find themselves at a loss for the right words to make the conversation flow. If that’s something you have to do day-in and day-out, the challenge of thinking of interesting things to talk about becomes even more imposing. Break the monotony with these 40 interesting relationship-building questions. These questions will deepen your relationship.
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1. What’s your favorite childhood memory?
This is one of those questions that will deepen your relationship by giving you an insight into your partner’s growing-up years. Such questions to help build a relationship give you a glimpse into your partner’s life before you, and thus help you understand many of their behavior patterns, quirks, likes and dislikes better.
2. If you had a time machine, would you travel to the future or past?
A quirky question that will surely throw up some interesting details about the way your partner’s mind works. You might be thinking how can this question help build emotional intimacy but the answer will give you a peek into your partner’s nature.
3. Video calls or voice calls – which one do you prefer?
If you ever go into the long-distance zone, you’ll know what to expect. Some people love video calls, while others find them too in their faces. This will help you ascertain if you’re on the same page. Questions for relationship building must be focused on the little things that slip through the cracks in day-to-day conversations, and this does just that.
4. What is your idea of a perfect day?
Take notes as your partner spells this one out. It’ll come in handy when you want to plan a surprise for them or spoil them with lots and lots of pampering. Such questions to build a relationship unlock a gold mine of insights into your partner’s preferences, helping you understand them better.
5. Which is the one memory you wish you could erase?
This is one of those tricky relationship-building questions that will bring some skeletons tumbling out of the closet. If your partner is forthcoming in their reply, that is. Perhaps, you will uncover a few secrets in the process, and that will make you both feel more intimately connected.
6. If you could choose anyone in the world, who would you like to go on a date with?
Just a fun question that can elicit some interesting responses, as long as your partner doesn’t pick you. If it’s a Hollywood star then you know they love glamour. If it’s with an author, painter or sportsperson, then you know where their passions lie. No matter what the reply, this is among the questions for relationship building that will help you get to know your partner better.
7. Do you ever talk to yourself?
There are some things that we all do in our private space but hate to admit to others. Getting to know these little quirks will help you get to partner better. Leaning on such questions to help build a relationship can be a great way to strengthen your bond when you’ve just started dating and are still getting to know each other.
8. Is there a social cause you feel strongly about?
This is among the questions that will deepen your relationship. If your partner is passionate about a cause, you will respect them more for their sensitivity and empathy. And if you’re on the same page, you’ll have discovered one more thing to bond over.
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9. Have you ever passed out in a bar?
It is one of the yes or no questions for couples. But that doesn’t mean the monosyllabic response has to be a dead-end. You can always build upon it by asking for details. If you ask the right follow-ups, you could have at your hands a string of questions for relationship building.
10. What would you like to be famous for?
Is there a closet singer or an aspiring writer lurking in a corner somewhere? Ask and ye shall find. This is a deep relationship-building question that tells you about their aspirations. A great way to uncover your SO’s hidden desires and ambitions that they may like to keep under wraps.
11. If a genie were to grant you 3 wishes, what would you ask for?
Let’s just hope your partner isn’t that person who says, ‘I’d ask for 3 more wishes!’ *Rolls eyes*. But if they play along, you can find out what desire they hold for in the deepest recesses of their heart. Whether you’re looking for relationship-building questions for married couples or those who’ve just begun dating, this one fits the bill perfectly.
12. Do you ever think about how you’d want to die?
Yes, it can be a spooky question to ask your partner. But haven’t we all thought about our exit from this world at some point. Find out where your partner stands on this. After all, the whole point of this is to feel more intimate and connected.
13. Do you believe in the afterlife?
While you are on the topic of life and death, ask them what they think lies beyond life. Is there an afterlife? Or reincarnation? This is among the relationship-building questions that border on the spiritual realm. It is bound to elicit some interesting responses.
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14. What are the three things you admire the most in me?
Looking for some offbeat questions for relationship building? Well, who says relationship-building questions for couples have to be focused on your partner alone! Go on, turn the tables, and make it about you every once in a while. This question will deepen your relationship.
15. And the three things that annoy you the most?
This is one of the most valuable questions to build trust in a relationship. By asking your partner this, you are essentially offering them a safe space to be open and honest about how they feel about you. You have to learn to take the bad with the good. Look at it as an opportunity to work on yourself and improve your relationship.
16. What was the one thing about your parents’ relationship that you’d like to imbibe?
After all, our parents influence our lives and minds deeply. This question may well inspire you to make your relationship healthier, stronger, and better. Besides, each one of our attachment styles in adult relationships is rooted in the way we were raised. Such couple relationship-building questions and your partner’s response will help you understand their patterns and tendencies better.
17. What kind of a parent do you see yourself as?
If you don’t have children or they are fairly young, this is among the questions that will deepen your relationship by giving you a clear idea about what your future with your partner will look like. Will they be the disciplinarian or a friendly figure? Will the responsibility of doling out tough love fall on you?
18. What is your biggest fear?
If you’re searching for questions to build emotional intimacy, bookmark this one. It’ll inevitably bring out your partner’s vulnerable side and help you get closer than ever before. The right questions to help build a relationship allow you to scratch below the surface and truly see your partner, warts and all. This one fits that bill perfectly.
19. What do you value the most about your friends?
The questions for relationship building must be focused on understanding your partner as an individual – their values, hopes, dreams, aspirations and so on. One important component of any individual’s personality is the friendship they share with others. Everyone’s idea of friendship and their equation with their friends are different. This question will help you understand how much your partner values theirs.
20. Do you think friendship is important in a relationship?
Honestly, romantic relationships where both partners are also each other’s best friends are the most charming and holistic kind. To inculcate that into yours, you first need to know where your partner stands on this whole theory. The right couple relationship-building questions can serve as the foundation on which you can build a wholesome bond, so make the most of them.
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21. If I were abducted, how long would you search for me before giving up?
It is one of the surefire questions to build trust in a relationship. Chances are most partners would say something on the lines of ‘I won’t rest until I find you’. But pay attention to how much the thought of it unsettles your partner and you’ll know whether you can trust this person with your life or not.
22. How important is your career to you?
There is nothing wrong with a person being driven and focused on their professional life. In fact, it’s admirable. But there is a difference between being driven and obsessed. This question will help you ascertain where your partner falls on the spectrum of ambition. This is a very important intimacy-building question.
23. Which sitcom can you watch over and over again?
Are they a Friends fan? Or a Seinfeld fanatic? Do they lean in favor of How I Met Your Mother or dig the quirky Big Bang Theory? Find out, because it’ll determine what you’d end up doing on many lazy Sunday afternoons.
24. What is the one thing you can never joke about?
We all have some no-go zones in our lives. A painful breakup, strong affiliations, an issue we feel strongly about. Use this relationship-building question to find out your partner’s. And make sure you never make light of that aspect of their life again.
25. Pizza or Chinese?
One of the must-ask relationship this or that questions. This can help save a lot of disagreements over what take-out to get for a movie night at home or an evening where you feel too lazy to cook. It can seem trivial in comparison to other, more serious questions for relationship building but it isn’t so. After all, you can’t hope to build a lasting bond with someone you squabble over take-out orders with. So, put that to bed with this question.
26. Which is the one personal loss that shook you up the most?
Losing a loved one is never easy. There is a good chance that your partner has suffered such a setback. If you want to know them inside out, you have to be willing to ask some troubling questions. This is among the great questions to build trust in a relationship, as it will allow your partner to open up to you. By offering them comfort, you can tell them that they can count on you.
27. What is your go-to song?
Everyone has a selection of their favorite numbers that they like to play on a loop in the car, sing in the bathroom or at a karaoke bar. What’s your partner’s? Don’t know? Well, then, this is one of the questions to build a relationship that you should miss out on asking. Find out how similar or different your taste in music is.
28. Which one between coffee and chocolate would you choose?
Yet another fun relationship this or that question that will surely invite some passionate responses. This will tell you if you both believe in the same potion. If your opinions vary, brace yourself for a war of words.
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29. What do you see in our future?
One of the fail-proof couple bonding questions that will give you clear insight into how your partner views your relationship. And also, whether you’re on the same page about where the relationship is headed. This is among the questions to help build a relationship that will give you a clear idea about how to realistically set and manage your expectations about your future as a couple.
30. What is your dream vacation?
Questions for relationship building can also be geared toward exploring the activities and adventures you can try your hand at together. For instance, this dreamy question is bound to elicit a fantastical response. If you like what you hear, you can add it to your bucket list.
31. If you could write a letter to your younger self, what would you say?
This is among the tricky relationship-building questions that will tell you what your partner views as the biggest hits and misses of their life so far. If you feel that your partner stops just short of being completely transparent with you and there is a part of them you cannot touch, this question is a great way to try to break those walls.
32. What does your bucket list for the next 10 years look like?
Do they plan to scale a peak before they’re 40? Or become a CEO by 35? Does their life plan involve living on a farm in the quaint countryside? Get a sneak peek into your partner’s future plans with this question.
33. What was the most heartbreaking moment in your life?
This is yet another one of those questions to build emotional intimacy in your relationship. If your partner hasn’t been able to open up to you about a particularly dark moment in their life, this will give them the nudge to get over their inhibitions and talk.
34. What is your biggest regret?
Not being able to stand up to that bully in school. Passing off a great work opportunity. Not being there for a friend in need. We all have a secret list of actions we regret. What is the one regret that keeps your partner up at night? Add it to your list of relationship-building questions for couples to find out and understand your SO better.
35. What’s the one superpower you’d like to possess?
Would they rather be the invisible man or cure world hunger? It’s a fun relationship-building question but it can lead to some interesting discoveries. Sometimes the most seemingly innocuous questions for relationship building can lead to the most telling revelations, so don’t let them slide.
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36. What is your idea of a perfect relationship?
This compilation of relationship-building questions would be incomplete without this one. It can help you learn a lot about what is working in your relationship and what needs to be fixed.
37. What are your views on cheating?
If you’re looking for questions to build trust in a relationship, you cannot let this one slide. Of course, it is rather direct, but when it comes to matters of fidelity, it’s best to ask and find out than stay in the dark and constantly worry about whether your partner will betray your trust. If you’re on the same page, well and good. If not, their answer can give you a lot of food for thought about your future together.
38. What are you looking for in a relationship?
Do you feel it’s too soon to pop the “So, what are we?” question? Well, just ask this instead. Such subtle couple relationship-building questions can be a great way to get an insight into what your partner’s expectations from the relationship are. Do they see it as a potential long-term relationship or are they taking it one day at a time?
39. What is the one secret you’ve never shared with anyone?
This is the gold standard of questions for relationship building. Although be warned that they may not be comfortable sharing that secret with you yet, and you shouldn’t hold it against them or treat it as some kind of a statement on the strength of your relationship. But if they do spill the beans, imagine how much closer that’d bring you in an instant.
40. What would you like to change about our relationship?
This is among the solid relationship-building questions for married couples as well as those you’ve just begun dating exclusively. By asking your partner their opinion, you’re showing them that you’re open to change. However, make sure you don’t get defensive when they give you an earnest reply or they’d become skeptical of being honest with you.
When asking these questions, don’t make your partner feel like they’re being interrogated. Use them as building blocks for deep, meaningful communication. Reciprocate with inputs and responses of your own, let the conversation meander.
Couples can play sports together, go on hiking trips or cook and do household chores together to get closer to each other.
You connect at a deeper level with your partner through physical intimacy, through getting involved in activities together or doing something that they are passionate about like listening to music or playing an instrument.
Any questions that make their relationship fun and give them something to talk about and discuss.
You bond with your significant other when you make love, when you go on dates, when you travel together and when you indulge in common interests like music and sports.