A healthy relationship includes spending adequate time together, prioritizing your partner, and even a little jealousy is natural. But if your boyfriend or husband asks you to spend all your time with him and gets suspicious about every person you talk to, know that these are signs of a possessive man.

Depending on how severe the situation is, there are several ways to deal with a possessive man signs. To understand this issue better, we talked to California-based psychiatrist and Cognitive Behaviour Therapist, Dr. Shefali Batra (MD in psychiatry), who specializes in counseling for separation and divorce, breakup and dating, and premarital compatibility issues. Allow us to tell you some of the typical signs he is possessive and you can decide the rest for yourself!

Remember: Even though we all tend to be a little possessive during the initial stages of a relationship due to a myriad of insecurities, there would always exist a fine line between innocent jealousy and aggressive possessiveness. You need to be aware to observe possessiveness in a relationship.

13 Signs Of A Possessive Man In A Relationship

You may not notice the signs of a possessive boyfriend in the beginning of a relationship. Or if you do, you may find it cute initially. But gradually, his behavior worsens and you start feeling more and more trapped. But as you’re now invested in the relationship, it becomes increasingly difficult to leave as more time goes by.

Let us save you from spending your time and energy in such a relationship by looking into the early signs of a possessive man.

1. Your partner controls your life and your decisions

A possessive man is like that green-eyed monster who lacks self-control and tends to take up violent means to control the people around. If your partner tries to micromanage you, every time you are going out with your friends or family members and discourages you from spending long hours outside, then beware. Dr. Batra says, “A possessive man often makes you give into his wishes by nagging, threatening or emotional manipulation. This might be one of the major signs he is possessive in a relationship.

2. Your partner stalks you

Jealousy is a natural human emotion and nobody, except a yogi, could go past it. But a possessive relationship takes this jealousy to an extreme level. One of the signs he is possessive is keeping a keen eye on every little part of your life. They’re basically your walking-talking Joe from the Netflix series, You. They login into your social media accounts behind your back, they read your messages and emails when you are away or suddenly show up at work to pick you up. The list goes on.

Related Reading: Drawing The Line Between Love And Privacy In A Relationship

3. Your partner has no or limited social connections

One very vivid sign of being in a possessive relationship is that they keep reminding you that you are the center of their world. It’s flattering at the beginning of a relationship, but it also means your partner has limited or no support system outside of you and doesn’t feel the need to build one.

However, it doesn’t always mean that they are being possessive. Sometimes it may be a result of feeling the sense of fulfillment out of a romantic partnership. You should be concerned about your relationship only if your partner shows resentment and anger toward your friends, colleagues or family members and solely depends on you for their self-worth.

4. Your partner doesn’t respect your personal space

One needs to have a sufficient amount of personal space in a relationship. An unhappy person can never be the source of another’s happiness. Your partner must realize this if they’re mature enough.

Early signs of a possessive man include the lack of acknowledgment of personal space. They manipulate you to share your passwords and personal journals with them. They are dubious about the whole idea of personal space in a relationship. This is how the possessiveness in the relationship increases.

Related Reading: I Need Space – What Is The Best Way To Ask For Space In A Relationship

5. Your partner gets jealous about you spending time with other men/women

A possessive person suffers from intense abandonment issues coupled with uncontrollable anger, and as a result, gets extremely jealous of any potential romantic rival. They always want to know who you are talking to or going out with. Even though they claim to love you, they always tend to get paranoid about your loyalty toward them.

Sure, you can’t expect a perfect partner, but there is a fine line between being an averagely flawed human being and having serious anger issues. Pay attention to early signs of possessiveness in your relationship to protect yourself.

6. They accompany you everywhere

Even if it is only to buy groceries, they would always be there. While that is sweet and affectionate to an extent, it gets overbearing and frustrating after a while. Sometimes, you’re just in the mood to plug in your earphones and go for a quite nice walk around the block. But there they are. Always around you, not because they love you but because they’re just that possessive in a relationship. They don’t know ways of being happy alone and always need your company. Beware, for this is the most interestingly twisted sign of a possessive man in a relationship.

7. They always have something to say about your outfit

Ladies, one of the signs he is possessive is how he feels about your ‘sexy’ outfits. He would always demand you to change into a less-revealing outfit and cover up as much as you can. This is generally because he doesn’t want other men to see you the way he gets to, even at the cost of constricting you.

While his protectiveness may be cute to an extent, it would be a lot better if he understood that you like to dress up sexy for yourself once in a while. Unfortunately, one of the signs of a controlling boyfriend is that he has no respect for your personal wishes and is super jealous of the people around you.

8. Any physical touch is restricted

One of the top signs of a possessive partner in a relationship is how they absolutely abhor it if you touch anyone of the opposite gender. Dealing with an insecure boyfriend is tough. Even if it’s a gentle pat on the back, a professional handshake or a friendly hug, they would create a scene and fight with you about it.

A lot of people do not or cannot express their emotions with words. They resort to hugs or holding someone’s hand to comfort them or just be there for them. One of the signs of a possessive boyfriend/partner is that he cannot differentiate between a friendly touch and a romantic one. Never let him/her tell you what you should or shouldn’t do.

9. They guilt trip you for having a life outside of the relationship

Whether you are going to spend time with your family or friends or taking up a hobby which doesn’t involve them, a possessive man will find a way to make you feel bad about it. You’ll find yourself apologizing for no apparent reason. This is because one of the possessive man signs is that he wants your life to revolve around him.

10. They try to isolate you

A possessive man tries his best to make you cut ties with people who care about you, like friends and even family. He’d make you cancel plans with them, talk trash about them, and gradually plant this idea in your head that your friends are just jealous of your relationship and want to break it up.

Dr. Batra tells us, “One of the major signs of a controlling boyfriend is that he tries to distance you from other people in your life such as friends who might ‘give you bad ideas’. He does it to be the only source of joy in your life. Also, when you later realize that you are in a toxic relationship, you wouldn’t have anyone to reach out to.”

Related Reading: 21 Warning Signs Of A Controlling Husband

11. They ask for your constant attention

One of the signs he is possessive is that he always wants to be on your mind. He’d ask for your attention even when you’re working, practicing a hobby, or focusing on anything else but him. 

If you’re out without him, he would constantly text you for updates. If you refuse to give him the attention he needs, then he’d manipulate you into feeling bad for being selfish and not prioritizing your relationship enough.

12. They are obsessed with your past 

One of the common signs of a possessive partner includes being obsessed with your exes—even the one-time dates. You’d find them keeping tabs on whether or not you are in contact with your exes, or connected to them on social media. Even a slight hint of contact can make them throw a full tantrum.

13. They insist on knowing all your passwords

“In such relationships, digital privacy is also compromised”, says Dr. Batra. A possessive person insists on knowing all your passwords in the name of proving your honesty and loyalty. Or they’d suggest to keep you safe from the social media creeps by having your accounts logged in on his phone as well. Do not fall for it. They just want to make sure you’re not “hiding” anything. 

Why Are Some Men So Possessive?

While a little possessiveness can be natural in a relationship, it is no excuse for being maniacally controlling. It is important for men to tame this feeling, if they want a healthy relationship with their partner. Here are some reasons why some men turn out to be possessive: 

• Insecurity in their own capacities can make them feel jealous of the other people in your life, worrying that someone would woo you and take you away.

Related Reading: Six Reasons Why Men Become Jealous, Even If They Are Not Your Husband

• Trust issues are another reason for possessiveness. They might be rehashing memories of an old girlfriend who broke their trust and worrying that you might do the same. 
• Childhood trauma and abandonment can also turn into an anxious attachment style. When one is anxious while attached, they always feel that they will be abandoned by the one they want love and care from. It sets a faulty vicious cycle because the possessiveness and envy distance their partner and the man gets more possessive. 
• Low self-esteem or failures in other aspects of their life can also make them seek control in your relationship to compensate.

Remember, while a bit of possessiveness can feel like flattery: it’s important to keep things balanced. After all, you need time to recall that you are also a ‘me’ and not just a ‘we’.

How To Deal With A Possessive Partner?

If you have seen any of the above-mentioned signs of possessiveness in your partner, it’s time to talk to them about it. Remember to always notice a pattern first. If your partner did something like this only once or twice, chances are that they were having a bad day, emotionally or mentally. If yes, here’s how to fix the issue without losing your mind—or your personal space.

1. Set boundaries with love  

It’s like your partner is a cute puppy—adorable but needs some training. Dr. Batra advises, “People may need time to adjust to the needs of a new relationship. Gently inform them that me-time doesn’t mean ‘I don’t love you.’ A little space keeps the relationship healthy.”

2. Reassure, don’t overdo  

Your partner’s radar is set to detect any slight change in affection. Reassure your boyfriend that you’re all in, but don’t go overboard. Dr. Batra suggests, “If your partner starts to worry when you’re out with friends, gently remind them, “ I’m having a great time, but no one here can compete with your dance moves!” This reassures him that you miss him without making it sound like you’re stuck at a dull party.”

3. Communicate honestly  

When they ask why you didn’t respond to their texts immediately, instead of saying “I was busy,” be upfront but kind. Say something like, “I love hearing from you, but sometimes I need a little quiet time to recharge. It’s not about you—I promise I’m not secretly joining a cult or anything!”

4. Stay social  

Don’t drop your friends like hot potatoes. While mentioning the importance of platonic relationships, Dr. Batra says, “Maintain your social life, so your partner knows they’re not your only source of fun.” Plus, it gives you stories to share later—”Guess what Jay did today!”

5. Inject humor  

When they are acting a bit more possessive than needed, make a joke about it to give them a hint without making things tense. If they’re overly concerned about your whereabouts, tease them with “Are you my GPS now?” “A little humor can defuse the tension and keep things light.”, says Dr. Batra.

Remember, love should feel like a warm blanket in bed, not a straitjacket in a cell. If none of these seem to work and you start feeling suffocated in a relationship, it may be time to break things off.

Final Thoughts

A little jealousy is natural in a relationship, but you should never ignore signs of possessiveness in a man as it could lead to a toxic relationship. If you notice signs he is possessive, communicate with your husband/boyfriend and try to resolve the issue causing such behavior. But if the signs get worse or your safety is compromised, leave as soon as you can.

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