Signs that he is possessive in the relationship

Team Bonobology

Even though we all tend to act a little possessive during the initial stages of a relationship due to myriad of insecurities regarding our partner’s affection for us, there is a fine line between innocent jealousy and aggressive possessiveness.

What is it like to be in relationship with a possessive partner?

Expression of possessiveness might seem adorable when it’s only about your partner’s love and care for you, but it turns suffocating after a while if the issue is left unresolved. Know about these 5 signs you should look out for.

1. Your partner controls your life and decisions

A possessive partner is like that green-eyed monster who lacks self-control and often tends to take up violent means to control the people around. If your partner tries to micromanage every time you are going out with friends, family members or to do shopping, and discourage you to spend long hours outside home with anybody else, then beware. They often make you appease their wishes through nagging, threatening and emotional blackmailing.

Related reading: How do I get over my abusive boyfriend after breakup?

2. Your partner stalks you

Jealousy is a usual human emotion and nobody, except a Yogi, can go past it. But a possessive partner suffers from deep-seated low self-esteem. In relationships, a possessive partner keeps such a devoted eye on every little part of your life activities that is amount to stalking. They log in to your social media accounts behind your back, they read your messages and emails when you are away or suddenly show up at work to pick you up. And the list goes on depending on the severity of their insecurities.

3. Your partner has no or limited social connection outside of you

One very vivid sign of being in a relationship with a possessive partner is that they constantly keep reminding you that ‘you are the centre of their world’. It’s flattering in the beginning of a relationship, but it also means your partner has limited or no support system outside of you and doesn’t feel the need to build one. However it doesn’t always mean they are being possessive. Sometimes it may also be a result of feeling the sense of fulfilment from a romantic partnership. But you need to be concerned for your relationship when your partner shows resentment and anger towards your friends, colleagues or family members and solely depends on you for self-worth.

Related reading: Why do women stay on in abusive relationships?

4. Your partner doesn’t respect your personal space

A possessive partner neither acknowledges the importance of personal space nor respects your boundaries. They manipulate you to share your passwords and personal journal with them. They are dubious about the whole idea of personal space in a relationship.

5. Your partner gets jealous about you spending time with ‘Other Men/Women’

A possessive person suffers from intense abandonment issues, coupled with uncontrolled anger and emotions, and as a result gets extremely jealous of any potential romantic rival as you interact with ‘Other Men/Women’. They always want to know who you are talking to, going out with or why did you accept that friend request and so on. Even though they claim to love you, they always tend to get paranoid about their partner’s fidelity. A person with such poor life balance and lack of emotional control often turns to emotional or even physical abuse. If you feel anxious about your safety in the relationship and feel scared of your partner, go to a safe location and dial 1298 Women Helpline and ask for help.

Human psyche works in strange ways and each one of us is full of Whites, Blacks and ample of Greys. Sure we can’t expect to live like a mortal and be with a God-like partner who is perfect in every sense, but there is a fine line between being an average and generally flawed human being and having a serious personality disorder. Look for the red flags in your relationship and protect yourself.

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