A relationship is never perfect and one of the partners always has a stronger hold over the other. As long as it is mutual and acceptable to both, a relationship can be healthy and happy. The chaos and confusion start to infest a relationship when there arises a power struggle between partners. If you’re careful to observe, you’ll find the signs of a possessive man in your partner if he tends to dominate too much.
Forcefully taking control of a partner’s actions is unethical and immoral in a relationship. Struggling with these issues in your relationship? Allow us to tell you some of the typical signs of a possessive man in a relationship and you can decide the rest for yourself!
Remember: Even though we all tend to be a little possessive during the initial stages of a relationship due to a myriad of insecurities, there would always exist a fine line between innocent jealousy and aggressive possessiveness. You need to be aware if you start to observe possessiveness in a relationship.
Early Signs Of A Possessive Man In A Relationship
Being in love with someone and being in a relationship with them are two entirely different concepts. Once together, people start observing behavior patterns of their partners they never noticed outside of the relationship. This is absolutely natural and normal. When a person connects with you on a more intimate level, you are bound to unravel more secrets than you did before. This is the exact reason that marriages are the toughest. A controlling husband is a nightmare.
Discovering something new about your partner every day is thrilling and feels great for a while. Unless it is finding out that you have a freakishly possessive partner. Life starts to seem a little frustrating and you begin to feel gloomy about everything. You begin to ask your friends about your partner to find out if he was always like this with his exes and you wonder if this was the reason his relationships ended.
Let us save you from the drama by looking into the early signs of a possessive man in a relationship in order for you to realize if you’d like to extend your stay or pack your bags and leave.
1. Your partner controls your life and your decisions
A possessive partner is like that green-eyed monster who lacks self-control and tends to take up violent means to control the people around. If your partner tries to micromanage you, every time you are going out with your friends or family members and discourages you from spending long hours outside, then beware. They often make you give in to their wishes by nagging, threatening or emotional blackmailing. This might be the number one sign of a possessive man in a relationship.
2. Your partner stalks you
Jealousy is a natural human emotion and nobody, except a yogi, could go past it. But a possessive partner in a relationship suffers from deep-seated low self-esteem. Some possessive relationship signs could be the partner keeping a keen eye on every little part of your life. They’re basically your walking-talking Joe from the Netflix series, You. They login into your social media accounts behind your back, they read your messages and emails when you are away or suddenly show up at work to pick you up. The list goes on.
Related reading: How Do I Get Over My Abusive Boyfriend After Breakup?
3. Your partner has no or limited social connections
One very vivid sign of being in a relationship with a possessive partner is that they keep reminding you that you are the center of their world. It’s flattering at the beginning of a relationship, but it also means your partner has limited or no support system outside of you and doesn’t feel the need to build one.
However, it doesn’t always mean that they are being possessive. Sometimes it may be a result of feeling the sense of fulfillment out of a romantic partnership. You should be concerned about your relationship only if your partner shows resentment and anger toward your friends, colleagues or family members and solely depends on you for their self-worth.
4. Your partner doesn’t respect your personal space
For a healthy partnership, one needs to have a sufficient amount of personal space to maintain a relationship with oneself. An unhappy person can never be the source of another’s happiness. Your partner must realize this if they’re mature enough.
Signs of a possessive man include the lack of acknowledgment of personal space. They manipulate you to share your passwords and personal journals with them. They are dubious about the whole idea of personal space in a relationship. This is how the possessiveness in the relationship increases.
5. Your partner gets jealous about you spending time with other men/women
A possessive person suffers from intense abandonment issues coupled with uncontrollable anger, and as a result, gets extremely jealous of any potential romantic rival. They always want to know who you are talking to or going out with. Even though they claim to love you, they always tend to get paranoid about your loyalty toward them.
People with such poor personal life balance and a lack of emotional control resort to abusing their partners. If you feel anxious about your safety in the relationship and feel scared of your partner, go to a safe location and dial 1298 Women Helpline and ask for help.
Human psyche works in strange ways and each one of us is full of whites, blacks and ample gray areas. Sure we can’t expect to live like a mortal and be with a God-like partner who is perfect in every sense, but there is a fine line between being an averagely flawed human being and having a serious personality disorder. Look for the early signs of possessiveness in your relationship and protect yourself.
Related reading: Why Do Women Stay On In Abusive Relationships?
6. They accompany you everywhere
Even if it is only to buy groceries, they would always be there. While that is sweet and affectionate to an extent, it gets overbearing and frustrating after a while. Sometimes, you’re just in the mood to plug in your earphones and go for a quite nice walk around the block. But there they are. Always around you, not because they love you but because they’re just that possessive in a relationship. Beware, for this is the most interestingly twisted sign of a possessive man in a relationship.
7. They always have something to say about your outfit
Ladies, one of the signs he is possessive in a relationship is how he feels about your ‘sexy’ outfits. Or even just the regular ones, for the extremely possessive partners. He would always demand you to change into a less-revealing outfit and cover up as much as you can. This is generally because he doesn’t want other men to see you the way he gets to, even at the cost of constricting you.
While his protectiveness may be cute to an extent, it would be a lot better if he understood that you like to dress up sexy for yourself once in a while. Unfortunately, a possessive partner would never understand that. Partly because they have no respect for your personal wishes and partly because they’re super jealous of the people around you.
8. Any physical touch is restricted
One of the top signs of a possessive partner in a relationship is how they absolutely abhor it if you touch anyone of the opposite gender. Dealing with an insecure boyfriend is tough. Even if it’s a gentle pat on the back, a professional handshake or a friendly hug, they would create a scene and fight with you about it.
A lot of people do not or cannot express their emotions with words. They resort to hugs or holding someone’s hand to comfort them or just be there for them. A partner who cannot differentiate between a friendly touch and a romantic one definitely does not deserve to be with you. Never let him/her tell you what you should or shouldn’t do.
Why Are Some Men So Possessive?
Men and women are emotionally distinct and tend to exhibit their emotions in different forms as well. Men are naturally the claiming kind. They seem to derive happiness by possessing something and claiming it as their own. Whether that be a male animal or a human, they enjoy having things/partners to themselves. When challenged about that, a male ego that’s fragile is quick to get hurt and most of the time, the female partner bears the brunt.
Once they are mature enough, they realize that there is no joy in owning something but more so in letting them be free. Until then, they are genuinely naturally more possessive than females and mark their territory more clearly. Signs of possessiveness in a man gradually start showing over the relationship. No doubt, females can be vicious while doing so too. A lot of women are more possessive than their partners but a general trend shows males to be more aggressive.
While there is no excuse for being maniacally possessive, a little possessiveness in the male kind is natural. It is important for them to tame it otherwise their partner would eventually give up on them. Their over-possessiveness might also be a direct consequence of their low self-esteem, constant seeking of validation, loneliness, extreme jealousy or hypersensitivity as an individual. Overly protective and pampering mothers also turn their sons into people who expect the world to function as they want it to.
How To Deal With A Possessive Partner?
If you have seen any of the above-mentioned signs of possessiveness in your partner, it’s time to talk to them about it. Remember to always notice a pattern first. If your partner did something like this only once or twice, chances are that they were having a bad day, emotionally or mentally. Go easy on them before drawing a conclusion. However, once you do and identify a possessive partner, do not let this behavior slide. A promise to improve or a possible breakup should be on the cards once you identify the issue.
If you fool yourself into thinking it might get better with time, it will be too late for you to try. A possessive relationship is no treat. There is constant fighting, crying and blaming each other. A relationship is supposed to give you happiness, not suck the life out of you. If your partner is mature enough to understand what you’re saying when you confront them, they might realize what they’ve been doing unintentionally and will immediately start implementing corrective measures, like mine. Trust me, most of the time, these things resolve when you communicate openly.
However, if you feel like the possessiveness in the relationship isn’t reducing or going away, don’t suffocate yourself. If you are a person who respects people’s boundaries and wishes to be respected too, you must go out there and get yourself a partner who understands. You’ve got only one life, don’t restrict yourself. Live it to the fullest.
While there is no real reason to the cause, be assured that it is not your fault. It is generally a personality disorder where people are not able to cope up with their own emotions and struggle with trying to find a balance between possessiveness and cute jealousy. Give them some time, but not enough to strangle you with their issues.
Absolutely. Possessiveness in the relationship is like a measure of the intensity of love. A little bit of it is essential for the partners to feel loved and wanted. The problem is when they go overboard and start killing the real you and want you to be the version of you inside their heads. That’s when it starts to be the end of a relationship.
This is the worst thing that could happen to a relationship. Your partner starts to be competitive and jealous of your growth and achievements. It’s one thing to be overly-possessive of you and another to be jealous of you. They would want to beat you at everything and would leave no stone unturned to remind you that you’re nothing in comparison. They would undermine all your achievements and make you feel inferior. Be aware of such partners!