Being in a romantic relationship is a wonderful experience. However, sometimes knowingly or unknowingly, we tend to be selfish in our relationships. And your reading this page indicates that you feel you are selfish.
While wanting to put your own needs first is not always bad, it can be devastating if you’re always being selfish in a relationship and it can hurt your partner.
When one starts ignoring their significant other’s needs and treats them with a lack of compassion and concern, the relationship usually starts to tread on a ‘failure road’.
13 Signs That Scream You Are Being Selfish In Your Relationship
For a healthy, loving and mature relationship, you and your partner need to be thoughtful of each other’s feelings. Empathy goes hand in hand with love when it comes to relationships and there are consequences of selfishness. You need to first know if you are selfish, and then work on yourself to actually make the relationship blossom.
Being with someone who says hurtful things, inconsiderate and selfish can ultimately cause the other person to break up and pull the plug. It is wise to be mindful when you notice a lot of frequent arguments and take stock of your standing in the alliance. If you have been acting selfishly in your relationship, you would know right away.
We bring you 13 signs you are selfish in your relationship that indicate that there is more ‘I’ in your relationship than ‘We’.
1. If it’s not your way, it’s the highway
Whenever you and your partner get into a discussion, it turns out that your word is the last. You even make your partner forego their own happiness and make them give up on the argument. If you do not have it your way, you do hesitate to threaten or throw a fit.
This behaviour, over the long term, can be built resentment in your partner resulting at the end of the relationship. If you have the habit of always having the last word and throw a fit if things don’t always go your way, it is one of the signs you are selfish.
2. You ‘think’ you are always right
One of the signs of a self-absorbed person is that they think they can never be wrong. They feel superior and are baffled by anyone who thinks otherwise. They will actually go to any end to prove that they are always right. Does that sound somewhat like you?
If you have a misplaced superiority complex it’s one of the signs you are selfish in a relatonship. It is okay to put your ego aside and accept that you’re wrong sometimes.
Ever heard of the phrase ” To err is human”?
3. You never value your partner’s opinion
You expect the preferential treatment in your relationship because you believe that you are the more important being. Subsequently, your opinions are to be valued, and that’s what matters – because your significant other does not have the capability to take a stand.
Sometimes, you might feel like it’s not even worth it to ask for your partner’s opinion. This is a clear sign of being selfish in a relationship.
Your partner’s thought, opinions, point of views and feelings should matter to you if you consider them important in your life and want a healthy relationship.
4. You focus on ‘winning’ the argument
Anything to win! You will go to any extent to win an argument because, for a selfish person, winning is all that matters. Even if it causes immense hurt to your significant other it does not matter. For you, losing on an argument is a sign of weakness, and your ego makes you fight to feed it.
In fact, if you look closely, you’d realise you actually hate to lose an argument everywhere and prefer to walk out then be proven wrong. Outright selfish!
5. It is always your partner who apologises after a fight
All couples fight but if you’re looking for signs you are selfish, you’ll notice that people who have selfish partners are likely to apologise even though they are not at fault. You always tend to defend yourself and dig deep in proving that it was ultimately your partner’s mistake.
You emotionally manipulate them to think that they are wrong, all the time and find it immensely hard to swallow your pride and always end up blaming your partner. Sure, happy couples fight too but they make up after.
If you can’t remember the last time you apologised after a fight, you’re being selfish in a relationship.
Related reading: 8 ways to fight respectfully with your spouse
6. You are always trying to take control
It is not just your life that you tend to control, dominating all aspects of it, you also do the same with your partner’s life too. Because you equate dominance with power, you think that whatever you decide is the best thing to do.
One of the signs you are selfish in your relationship is if you’re a total control freak.
Control, in any relationship, is a huge red flag.
7. Your needs always come ‘first’
One of the signs you are selfish is when you believe that your needs are over and above everyone else’s. You feel no one is going through a difficult time except you. And that is why your needs should be addressed first. So much so that after initial resentment, your partner himself starts to place your needs above everyone else.
That, my friend, is another strong indicator of being selfish in a relationship and one of the signs of a self-absorbed person.
8. You guilt-trip your partner frequently
Another sign of you being the selfish one in the relationship is when you guilt trip your partner to make sure your needs and wants are met with. Guilt trips are a clear sign of psychological manipulation and coercion. You, with your tactics, manage to make your partner feel guilty for anything that is not done your way.
But by taking your partner guilt-tripping, you manage to manipulate them into doing things the way you want.
This is not only detrimental to a relationship but also your partner since guilt tripping is a form of passive aggression too.
9. You are a pro at manipulating your partner
Yes, you are! Remember how you withheld sex and gave your partner the silent treatment until they gave in? You actually think and work out unhealthy tactics to make them function as per your desire. When your partner has a different point of view on something, you ignore him or her unless they give in.
This can result in deeply hurting your partner and they may start to harbour bitterness towards you at the back of their minds.
Related reading: 22 bad habits that ruin a relationship
10. You are always competing against your partner
If your partner gets a new job or a good paycheck, you don’t feel happy but rather focus on how to beat him or her. Simply put, you feel jealous. When you are having a hard time at work, you expect your partner to pitch in even at the cost of their own work or priorities.
You are always competing against your partner, and you even expect them to make unhealthy sacrifices to help you ‘win’ – definitely one of the signs you are selfish.
Though it is great to be competitive in the world where the mantra revolves around ‘survival of the fittest’, competing against your own partner or walking over him or her will only pave way for bitter times ahead.
11. You have trust issues
You are selfish, and you know it. So obviously, you cannot trust your partner for your happiness because you have come to believe that it is only you who can achieve happiness for yourself. You never give in 100% of yourself in a relationship, and you think the other person would do that too. For this reason, your relationships do not fare for long.
Having major trust issues with no probable reasons is one of the signs of a self-absorbed person in a relationship. But you must note that there are consequences of selfishness in a relationship.
12. You feel you are a better deal for your partner
Your superiority complex makes you believe that your partner is flawed, while you are the epitome of perfection. You say it out loud that they are not ‘good enough for you’. Whether it is the physical appearance or psychological matters, you feel you score high on all fronts. And where you don’t, it probably is not significant.
This leads you to another major expectation – the expectation that your partner will change himself or herself to be what you desire.
13. You don’t bring anything to the relationship
You never seem to put any effort into the relationship, rather complain about it not being what you ‘expected’. You’re inconsiderate towards your partner’s happiness and your plans mostly revolve around your own interests and likes.
You never compromise or even if you do, it is mostly as favour. You never make an attempt to make up after a discord, and still, get upset if your partner does not give in his or her everything to the relationship.
Over time, this can make your partner frustrated and want to end the relationship. And can you even blame them?
In the short run, you have the liberty of being selfish but as time goes by, the consequences of selfishness are bound to catch up to you..
How Selfishness Destroys Relationships
If you can relate to most of these signs of being selfish in a relationship, we regret to inform you that you need to look inward and make some changes to how you treat others, especially your partner.
Being selfish and putting yourself first sometimes are different things. When you’re selfish you’re barely perceptive to the needs and wants of others around you and needless to say, that is some bad karma.
You knowingly do things that you know might hurt someone just because you can and you want to, despite the consequences of selfishness. You’re often taking your partner for granted. But trust us, they’re taking your BS now but they won”t take it forever.
Here are a few ways how selfishness destroys relationships:
- Your partner feels unloved/uncared for: When you’re the self-absorbed one in the relationship, you have all your attention and want your partner’s too. This is bound to make your spouse feel insignificant and unloved. They will experience a lack of attention which will lead to the next point
- They start harbouring resentment: Resentment arises from the fact that your partner is giving his/her everything to the relationship but getting barely anything out of it. They’ll start catching on to your selfish behaviour and your need to be right all the time, despite the consequences.
It starts becoming visible to them how you never think about their needs and are constantly looking out only for yourself. This harbours bitterness
- The fights in your relationship increase: When someone is unhappy in a relationship, they start to project this unhappiness in the form of arguments. Your partner will start picking more fights with you because they are not satisfied with how you treat them
- Your partner stops giving in to your every demand: Because they’re on to your selfish behaviour, they will stop giving in to your every whim and fancy like they used to. This might anger you and lead up to more fights but maybe it’s time to take a minute to reflect upon yourself?
- They talk to you about how things aren’t working out: Your partner might try to communicate with you about how they think things aren’t working out and they feel unhappy. If/when they do this, try your best to listen to them and not indulge in blame-shifting.
If you really want your relationship to work out, this would be the time to actually show your partner you care
- Your partner finds someone else: If, despite them expressing their feelings to you, you continue to be adamant and walk down the highway to hell, your partner might find themselves someone who values them more than you ever did
- The relationship comes to an end: When your partner can’t take it anymore, they will end the relationship. Or one of your arguments might get too heated and you end the relationship because of your obvious ego issues. No matter the reason, the relationship might come to an ugly end
- You have a hard time moving on: Despite who ended the relationship, you know the main reason behind it was your selfishness. You may try to deny it, but it will scar your conscience. This is why you might have trouble moving on and finding a new partner if you don’t mend your ways
So, how do you change? The first thing to do is to accept that you’re being selfish in a relationship, and then truly committing to change. Do not panic as yet, just go and apologise to your partner and work on making your relationship a healthy one – for both of you.