13 signs you are the selfish one in your relationship

Khushi Mehta
man and woman not talking

If only you could yourself see your own selfish being! If only you could realise you are being selfish in a relationship.

Being in a romantic relationship is a wonderful experience in itself. Sometimes knowingly or unknowingly, we tend to be selfish in our relationships. And while it is not entirely bad, that is, these tiny little moments where you turn selfish, it can be devastating for a relationship if you get completely self-absorbed and hurt the other person.

When one starts ignoring their significant other’s needs and treats them with a lack of compassion and concern, the relationship usually starts to tread on a ‘failure road’.

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13 Signs that scream you are being selfish in your relationship

For a healthy, loving and mature relationship, you and your partner need to be thoughtful of each other’s feelings. Empathy goes hand in hand with love when it comes to relationships. Being with someone who is hurtful, inconsiderate and selfish can ultimately cause the other person to break up and pull the plug. It is wise to be mindful when you notice a lot of frequent arguments and take stock of your standing in the alliance. If you have been acting selfishly in your relationship, you would know right away.

We bring you 13 signs that indicate that there is more ‘I’ in your relationship than ‘We’.

1. If it is not your way, it is the highway

Whenever you and your partner get into a discussion, it turns out that your word is the last. You even make your partner forego their own happiness and make them give up on the argument. If you do not have it your way, you do hesitate to threaten or throw a fit.

This behaviour, over the long term, can be built resentment in your partner resulting at the end of the relationship

2. You ‘think’ you are always right

One of the most important characteristics of selfish people is that they never think that they can be wrong. They feel supreme and are baffled by anyone who thinks otherwise. They will actually go to any end to prove that they are always right. Does that sound somewhat like you?

The sense of superiority in which you boast can cause your relationship to eventually break down.

3. You never value your partner’s opinion

You expect the preferential treatment in your relationship because you believe that you are the more important being. Subsequently, your opinions are to be valued, and that’s what matters – because your significant other does not have the capability to take a stand. Sometimes, it is simply not worthy even to ask for your partner’s opinion, leave about valuing it.

Your partner’s thought, opinions, point of views and feelings do not really matter, do they?

4. You focus on ‘winning’ the argument

Anything to win! You will go to any extent to win an argument because, for a selfish person, winning is all that matters. Even if it causes immense hurt to your significant other it does not matter. For you, losing on an argument is a sign of weakness, and your ego makes you fight to feed it.

In fact, if you look closely, you’d realise you actually hate to lose an argument everywhere and prefer to walk out then be proven wrong. Outright selfish!

5. It is always your partner who apologises after a fight

All couples fight. Happy couples end a fight and makeup. People who have selfish partners are likely to apologise even though they are not at fault. You always tend to defend yourself and dig deep in proving that it was ultimately your partner’s mistake. You emotionally manipulate them to think that they are wrong, all the time. You find it immensely hard to swallow your pride and always end up blaming your partner.

So much for being a conceited and a selfish person!

Related reading: 8 ways to fight respectfully with your spouse

6. You are always trying to take control

It is not just your life that you tend to control, dominating all aspects of it, you also do the same with your partner’s life too. Because you equate dominance with power, you think that whatever you decide is the best thing to do. Your partner’s choices do not matter – hell, they do not have the freedom to choose.
Anything that happens has to happen your way.

Control, in any relationship, is a huge red flag.

7. Your needs always come ‘first’

Being self-centred you have come to believe that your needs are over and above everyone else’s needs. You feel no one is going through a difficult problem then you are, and no one has any challenge in their lives. It is only you, and that is why your needs should be addressed first. So much so that after initial resentment, your partner himself starts to place your needs above everyone else.

That, my friend, is another strong indicated of how selfish you are, and how un-thoughtful you have become as a person.

8. Your guilt-trip your partner frequently

Another sign of your being the selfish one in the relationship is when your guilt trip your partner to make sure your needs and wants are met with. Guilt trips are a clear sign of psychological manipulation and coercion. You, with your tactics, manage to make your partner feel guilty for anything that is not done your way. But by taking your partner guilt-tripping, you manage to manipulate them into doing things the way you want.

This is not only detrimental to a relationship but also your partner since guilt tripping is a form of passive aggression too.

9. You are a pro at manipulating your partner

Yes, you are! Remember how you withheld sex and gave your partner the silent treatment until they gave in? You actually think and work out unhealthy tactics to make them feel and work as per your desire. When your partner has a different point of view on something, you ignore him or her unless they give in.

This can result in deeply hurting your partner and they may start to harbour bitterness towards you at the back of their minds.

Related reading: 22 bad habits that ruin a relationship

10. You are always competing against your partner

If your partner gets a new job or a good paycheck, you don’t feel happy but rather focus on how to beat him or her. Simply put, you feel jealous. When you are having a hard time at work, you expect your partner to pitch in even at the cost of their own work or priorities. You are always competing against your partner, and you even expect them to make unhealthy sacrifices to help you ‘win’.

Though it is great to be competitive in the world where the mantra revolves around ‘survival of the fittest’, competing against your partner putting him down or walking over him or her will only pave way for bitter times ahead.

11. You have trust issues

You are selfish, and you know it. So obviously, you cannot trust your partner for your happiness because you have come to believe that it is only you who can achieve happiness for yourself. You never give in 100% of yourself in a relationship, and you think the other person would do that too. For this reason, your relationships do not fare for long.

12. You feel you are a better deal for your partner

Your superiority complex makes you believe that your partner is flawed, while you are an epitome of perfection. You say it out loud that they are not ‘good enough for you’. Whether it is the physical appearance or psychological matters, you feel you score high on all fronts. And where you don’t, it probably is not significant.

This leads you to another major expectation – the expectation that your partner will change himself or herself to be what you desire.

13. You never bring anything to the relationship

You never seem to put any effort into the relationship, rather complain about it not being what you ‘expected’. You are always inconsiderate towards your partner’s happiness and your plans mostly revolve around your own interests and likes. You never compromise or if you do, it is mostly as favour. You never make an attempt to make up after a discord, and still, get upset if your partner does not give in his or her everything to the relationship.

Over some time, this can make your partner frustrated and walk out eventually.

Has it ever happened that during a discussion your partner blurted out ‘you are being selfish!’ but wasn’t able to explain it right away? You may argue that you just demand more attention, but have you ever thought to reciprocate your partner’s efforts? There. You are indeed selfish.

The first thing is to accept being the one who only thinks and fends for himself, and the second step is truly committing for a change. Do not panic as yet, just go and apologise to your partner and work on making your relationship a healthy one – for both of you.

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