Sex is an important component of love and relationships. Being a primal need, one cannot and should not ignore one’s sexual desires. If your love life has been going through a bit of a dry spell, you need to work on how to spice up a sexless relationship to get that intimacy back.
You might be going through a sexless relationship or a sexless marriage for a whole variety of reasons. Stress at work, feeling distant from your partner, having a low sex drive, in general, might be some of them. But don’t worry, we got your back.
How Do You Address A Sexless Relationship
Has it been quite some time now since you have had sex? Is it making you a little anxious? With a hectic schedule, lack of sex becomes a part of life that no one really wants to address. The fear of coming across as being vulnerable along with the fear of rejection often hold you back from starting a conversation about it. So, how do you address a sexless relationship or fix a sexless marriage – a dry spell that you thought would eventually end on its own?
Lack of sex is not necessarily a sign of a relationship breakup. The intimacy stages that a couple goes through are important and a dry spell falls under a specific stage. Effects of a sexless relationship on a person can also be harrowing and long-lasting. At this stage, the anxiety of not being able to fulfill sexual needs can reflect in other emotional quarters of life as well.
Piling up of sexual frustration might bring about a deterioration in the relationship as well. So it is vital that the couple talk about it and end the frustration.
Such conversations may also be uncomfortable for some couples. Take it slowly. Did you have a ‘normal’ sex routine? What is normal for you? Try and understand the causes behind why sex is no longer a priority. Maybe you were never the couple who had sex every day. Maybe you would have sex four nights a week and now you have not had sex in two months.
We give you some tried and tested ways if you are struggling with how to spice up a sexless relationship. Know that this is not the end of the world or the end of your relationship. With a little honesty and effort, this is is totally something you can work out. Read on below to find out how.
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Communicating efficiently is crucial
Your relationship needs to thrive on communication. Remember, lack of sex does not have to become a fight. The conversation should start from a place of curiosity; something like, “I was wondering how come we don’t have sex often anymore” rather than “Why don’t you have sex with me anymore?” An accusatory tone is not going to fix a sexless marriage that is already wobbly.
It is easy to forget that there are two people in the relationship and it is easier to throw blame at your partner than to take up equal responsibility for the dry spell. There could be multiple reasons why the sex is not mind-blowing anymore and it is important to discuss them in a healthy manner instead of making your partner feel insecure or inadequate.
Picking the right moment
You might be married or in a live-in relationship and that is great, but do not just spring the topic on them. Know when it is time to start the conversation. You cannot start when your partner walks in the front door, after a day at work, all tired and grouchy. They have to be in the right headspace to process and reflect on it. This is a serious problem, not a discussion about the grocery list.
Also, starting the conversation right before bed will feel like a hijack. Preferably, the talk should be initiated indoors, in the house, rather than a public place. You can further discuss ways to spice up a sexless marriage to end the conversation on a positive and hopeful note.
Related Reading: Why couples go off sex and tips to get back your sexual mojo
Most people are not great listeners. So when you really sit down to talk about it, instead of thinking of your response when your partner is talking, it is healthy to fully listen, process it in your mind, and then respond as you see fit.
It is easy to assume that the dry spell is happening because your partner doesn’t find you attractive anymore or you might start thinking, is it the sign of a cheating spouse? However, this is the time when one should listen actively and engage in the conversation rather than immediately trying to fix the problem.
Psychologists often explain that lack of sex might be connected to other problem areas in the relationship that have not been fully resolved yet. Or it could be a result of mental disturbance, physical pain, low sex drive, trauma etc. There are a lot of factors to address. Do not jump to conclusions about your sexless relationship. To figure the exact reason, you have to really listen to your partner instead of venting your sexual frustration on them.
Indulge in non-sexual things to do
Maybe your partner feels the same lack of sex but is unable to talk about it due to his/ her hectic schedule. Communicating effectively will bring back intimacy along. If it’s because of your partner’s low sex drive, there are things to do to help them along.
Spending time together, companionship, coming up with some rainy day date ideas will bring back the emotional distance that might have caused the lack of sex in your life. To fix a sexless marriage, making out like you did in the beginning of the relationship is a sweet way to end the lack of intimacy. Maybe that is what you really need. Some excitement and reliving the love.
Sudden kisses, taking a stroll at night, lying in bed doing pillow talk before both of you fall asleep – are some ways to slowly glide into a sexy mood.
Communication goes a long way toward solving any problems in the relationship. All you have to do is take the first step to talk about it. Seeing a couple’s therapist may also be useful if you’re wondering how to spice up a sexless relationship when things seem a little off. Stay positive and keep an open mind.
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Absolutely. There are many ways. You can try sex toys, new sex positions, or role playing to create a better sexual experience. Talk it out and figure out what is going wrong to understand the root cause of your sexless relationship.
Whether or not a sexless relationship can survive depends on the couple’s circumstances. If both have enjoyed a good sex life and don’t feel the urge anymore, it can. But if sex is still a primal need and it’s not being met, your marriage or relationship might be on the rocks. One should not have to abstain from it unless they choose to.
It is not, that is counterproductive. When you are in a committed relationship, one should never seek sex elsewhere. Instead you can either work on having good sex in your current relationship or break it off.