As told to Dr Sanjeev Trivedi
(Names changed to protect identities)
My name is Rinki. It’s not only marriage to a wonderful husband, Dheer or a lovely son Pranjal, but people have always said that I’m a lucky girl. Good parents, nice in-laws, successful husband, comfortable living, nothing ever felt missing in my life.
So when I first met Rian and found myself drawn towards him, I kept asking myself, why am I getting so greedy? Who wants to disturb a comfortable and cosy life for the sake of a fresh new crush? Rian was married to Deepshikha and they had a lovely daughter. Their marriage seemed as perfect as ours and therefore I could manage my emotions and didn’t want to express them.
[restrict]
Love finds a way, though and therefore soon, my heart missed a beat when on my phone I saw a message from Rian, expressing his love for me. Before I could make up my mind to say no, I found myself strongly attached to Rian emotionally.
We started meeting frequently and cherished every moment together. Every time I felt guilty about Dheer who is an absolute gentleman as a husband, I would want to withdraw from the relationship. My son Pranjal’s innocent face also used to multiply my guilt.
But every time I made an attempt to call off the affair, Rian would say, “Why bring our families between us?”
The good times continued and my dependence on Rian for the emotional and physical fulfilment kept growing.
After Dheer, Pranjal and I returned from a short vacation, I found Rian wouldn’t take my call, nor reply to my messages. Sensing something wrong, I started getting restless and soon I received a brief call from Rian, saying the affair had to stop. I was so shocked to hear his emotionless and business-like voice. How could he be so insensitive? I wanted to shake him, throw loads of abuse at him. But he wasn’t available.
A few days later he called again, and cried saying that “Unless he got my cooperation, he might have to commit suicide.” And my cooperation meant forgetting that there was a relationship between us. He was hugely burdened with guilt and was seemingly worried about the future of his daughter and the image of the family.
I felt totally shattered. My mind became numb. I lost interest in the world around. Dheer and my mother-in-law would cajole me and ask what was wrong but I didn’t have the physical strength to speak. Mentally I was turning into a wreck. All I wanted to know was the reason for this suddenly changed behaviour in the man whom I loved more than anybody else in the world. But Rian would say nothing. All he did was to keep repeating his words that for the sake of family and for the sake of everybody’s happiness this relationship had to end.
When I used to tell him about the guilt I suffered, he’d brushed it off. Now he has swung 180 degrees and speaks the language I used to. I didn’t want to take this lying down. I threatened that I wouldn’t leave him, come what may. He disconnected the phone abruptly and blocked me.
I discovered how something which is not morally correct, can also produce liking and longing to the extent of devastating you. The more I think of him, the more my desire for him grows.
I feel cheated, used and helpless. Suddenly one day he called up to tell me that his wife had gone to her parents, never to come back and taken their daughter with her.
Rian discovered that his wife Deepshikha was having an affair with someone. When he challenged her, she threatened to end their marriage. She called him a dry and insensitive brute, living with whom was a punishment. She said he was incapable of loving anyone and was living a robotic life. The conflicts got out of proportion and she left for her parents’ home.
He was shattered, and crying like a child admitted that it’s karma, paying him back in the same coin. He wants to repent his misdeeds which he believes have resulted in bad karma which has spoiled their marriage. I’m unable to accept any of these theories or stories. All I want is to have him back in my life. I don’t believe time heals. Whichever way I look at our relationship, I’m unable to accept the fact that it is over. I’m silently suffering, waiting for him to come back.[/restrict]
I’ve forgiven my husband for his affair but I still don’t feel at peace
You should forget him and love your husband with full heart. Otherwise you will loose a nice family and kid.
@Pooja
I think you are right in your views. Cheating and then crying out a river, blaming everyone else except self, shows cowardice. I agree there.
@Sangeeta Nair:
I would wish God give her strength to tell the truth about her affair with Rian to her husband, Dheer and son Pranjal. God should also give her enough strength to face any humiliation and dire consequences as a retribution for her immoral behavior.
@Dr. Trivedi
Sir, is it true to assume that most married Indian men and women are prone to extra marital affair, and they also are immune to any sense of guilt?
My question is: why married people, supposedly in a monogamous relationship, cheat? Is this because that the current society is teaching us to seek instant gratification? Or are the parents neglecting to teach us what is right and what is wrong? Either way, it becomes commonplace to accept that greed is good and a small or big fling wouldn’t do as much harm as moral values prohibit. But it always ends up devastating the relationship: GREED.
Understand the feelings she has for him. Sometimes we don’t end to make lot of decisions emotionally which hurts badly in return.Time heals things.
The lady has the liberty to desire for another man as till now her husband has not caught her. Once he catches her, and asks her to leave, there will be another post with something like “my desires ruined my life”
I think that the lady suffers from OCD and needs psychological help.
She definitely is over obsessed in the relationship.
Can empathize her condition…God give her strength and purpose of life..Right now she wouldn’t really understand anything….let time take it course …..She is a sensible lady and would soon get over it….
@Dr. Sanjeev Trivedi:
With all due respect, that comment of yours appears patronizing a cheating wife.
In my view, sympathizing with a cheater, trying to sympathetically understand his/her problems, is a covert way to justify immorality. Of course, the modern society does not have any separate definition of immorality. So what is illegal is viewed as immoral. Such myopic view leads to condoning of extramarital affairs which is surely immoral but not illegal.