Men, you cry about shaving your beard. We just ‘waxed’ our private parts, okay? It’s hard. By this time you might have realised that I recently got myself a bikini wax. Yes, it was for a bikini! No, it was not a pleasant experience! But, oh well, here’s what I felt.
1. “Oh God, I am finally doing it!”
Bikini waxes are certifiably naughty. I mean besides the fact that you are letting someone be near your intimate parts, it is also the gateway to incredibly risque clothing. So, I was very excited. This was because two parts of my bucket list were coming true. One, I was going to wear a bikini which would look amazing on me and two, I was finally doing something that I had wanted to do ever since I have heard of it.
2. “Why does the parlour lady hate me?”
I don’t know the answer to this guys. I mean I have been going to this parlour since I was 17, and I know this to be true, ever since she came at my neck once with the eyebrow thread. I mean there were always the little signs. Her laughing at the back of the parlour as I waited for the colour to set in on my hair. Her smirking at me when I winced in pain, but, when it came to the bikini wax.
I don’t think anyone has looked at my private parts with so much hatred. I mean sure, she was doing an excellent job at it, I guess, but, that look on her face made me feel like I was the bahu in a 90s Hindi soap opera.
3. “No more small talk. Please?”
Ladies, you have all been there. That parlour lady who looks at you with utter disgust and yet continues asking you about everything you have planned. This is the part I hate the most about the parlour. I mean at least the gynaecologist has reasons to ask those questions. Why does my relationship matter to someone threading my eyebrows? I mean its “okay” when it is eyebrows, but, during the bikini wax, it was just painful. I stared at her with wide eyes as she continued discussing some movie which I had said I had seen (I hadn’t but, it seemed like something I had to say to be accepted), and it became so much more difficult.
4. “Oh lord why!”
The pain! I mean, when a sister wrote about beauty being a pain, I am sure she was going through bikini waxing as well. Girls, if your boys ask you why it’s hard, tell them that it’s like someone pouring hot wax over their balls. I mean, I felt like I was going to cry. And sure enough tears started rolling within half an hour but the pain was so immense that I was not even focussing.
5. “Wasn’t worth it.”
I came out of the parlour feeling all chic and beautiful. However, two hours since, I laid in my bed re-evaluating my life choices and trying to find one proper reason that I was made to suffer through this hell.
So, I took a decision on impulse. All you girls out there, I am selling a bikini right now, hit me up for a bikini that will never be worn, ever, because girls, no piece of cloth is worth this much pain.