What’s the worst thing about Kabir Singh, the movie? Toxic masculinity! Misogyny! Anger management issues! No sense of consent. People are spewing venom for Kabir Singh. But how can I explain to all these people, who hate this man that Kabir (aka Arjun Reddy) is the man of my dreams. I would have done anything to be his woman if he had existed in real life.
(As told to Tina Vashisht)
I want the crazy love of Kabir Singh
The crazy love that Kabir Singh feels for Preeti (Kiara Advani), I want that.
I would have loved it if a man had kissed me and claimed me in front of all. If he had made love to me on a bike, in a car, in a field, I would have died for him.
If a man tells me what to wear and admires me every single day for wearing what he likes, I would give my right arm for that.
I am 35 and I am at that age when I know what relationships can be, what men do in the name of giving you the freedom and how a woman is a slave, anyway. A man who has the guts to say, “She is my bandi (slave)” is in-your-face honest. I would want this man for his honesty.
He is making her a slave of his love, not a slave to do housework.
I Need to slap those feminists
I feel like slapping all those feminists who are saying that Kabir Singh just exhibited brute force by slapping Preeti when she said she might have to marry someone else. It was his sheer passion. The thought of someone touching the woman he loves with all his heart, made him lose his head. How I wish there would have been a man who would have slapped me and said, “I would never let you go. You are mine and will be forever.”
I wish there was a man who would drink himself to death just for me. He wouldn’t have cared for the package I stand for; fat salary and other super woman credentials.
Do women really enjoy freedom?
I come from a semi-conservative Indian family. Although I went to a co-educationional school and college and dreamed of a career, I didn’t hang out with the guys or wear skinny jeans. No one ever told me what I should wear, but it was an unwritten rule what I could and I could not wear or do. My curfew hours at home was 5 pm. “No girl from a good family stayed out after that,” is something I heard often. How many women working or otherwise don’t have curfew hours?
Mine might have been extreme, but single, married, divorced, whatever your status, do you really have the freedom to roam the streets of India at 2am?
Men can do. Right? So stop basking in your pseudo sense of freedom. It’s any day better to have a man like Kabir Singh in my life, who wouldn’t blink an eyelid to protect me. I have always seen men who huddled me home at 5 pm. They never said learn karate, take on those men if you want and come back home whenever you want.
I was free to take on all the responsibility
My father lost his job when I was in college. I had two elder brothers. One was working in sales and the other was working for an NGO in Pune. While my brother at home just fetched out a few thousands every month from his wallet as his contribution to the family finances, and said he could not spare more, the brother in Pune refused to send any money home.
Suddenly all the modelling assignments that were a strict no-no till then became “great opportunities you should not miss” and coming home late was just fine. It was work after all!
I started earning for my family at 20
My father wasn’t too old, but he didn’t look for a job again. My brothers were more than happy that their “capable” sister had taken up all the responsibilities leaving them free to fly.
If I had a Kabir Singh in my life then he would have kissed me hard in front of these three men, thrown me on his bike and whisked me away saying, “I will take care of you.”
Just like he did to Preeti when she hurt her foot, shifted her to the men’s hostel just to take care of her.
The man I fell for was sadly not Kabir Singh
I quit modelling and with my educational credentials started climbing the corporate ladder. My parents became my sole responsibility. While one brother kept moving in and out of sales jobs, the other married and settled down and hardly came home. My mother always told me to hand over my salary to my father since he was the head of the family. I did. Then he handed me back some for my own expenses. I was happy with that. Nothing seemed odd. They were great parents. Gave me freedom. It was just fine if I came home late from work. There were never any issues at home.
I became a super woman
Then at work I met this guy and dated him for 6 months and we got married. He never asked me what I did with my money. If I gave to my family, he was fine. I was so grateful to him for that and I never realised that he was also fine with me coming home from work and cooking and cleaning. He just ordered for tea and pakodas and I made it. He watched cricket, I cooked.
So I learned to earn, cook, clean, fix electrical appliances, pay bills and became this super woman capable of taking on just anything.
Why I want Kabir Singh
Then 6 months after our marriage, I realised that he would never be able to consummate our marriage. The fact that he wanted to keep physical intimacy for the first night, a value he claimed he wanted to stick to, was the biggest hoax. But I wasn’t angry. By then I was so grateful to him for being so nice to my parents, for letting me run my side of the family despite being married that I kept quiet.
I always pretended it didn’t matter that he couldn’t have a proper erection. He behaved like nothing was amiss. I behaved too. But this kind, confident, self assured husband of mine never thought it necessary to see a doctor. He quickly made the topic taboo.
Now when I see Kabir Singh I feel that if a man like him had been in my life there would have been raw passion and every day he would have claimed me in bed. Life would have been so fantastic.
My 10 years of marriage has been “perfect”
On the outside, it’s perfect indeed. He is caring, kind, takes care of my family, never restricts me. I travel a lot. I see the world. He has no issues. I go to office parties and come home late, he has no problem. He doesn’t know who my friends are, he won’t be able to tell you what I wore to work in the morning and doesn’t bother about our dead bedroom either. He believes I am happy with my work, books, friends and travel. I wonder if he can see how the dark crescents below my eyes are hidden with concealers.
With a man like Kabir my life would have been different
I feel sad when I see Twitteratti’s scathing comments on Kabir. But these feminist women who are crying patriarchy and misogyny don’t realize that it is possible to dominate and rule over a woman without being overt about it. I am an example of that. My father, brothers, husband have given me my freedom to study, work and excel, but they have never made an effort to share the responsibilities. To care for me, to feel for me or to protect me.
Today I would want to run away with Kabir Singh
If a man like Kabir Singh comes and parks his bike in front of my house I would run away with him tomorrow. I would care two hoots about my job, my home, my family my husband. With Kabir I would know love for the first time. No matter how mad, passionate, angry, destructive it would be, but it would be love with a purity that very few people can give.
And I am sure there are many women out there who feel like me. Otherwise Kabir Singh the movie would not have crossed the Rs 100 crore mark at the box office. And whoever said A Kabir-Preeti marriage is a domestic violence waiting to happen is grossly wrong. Violence can happen silently, calmly. It’s just that we don’t know how to perceive it.