Mine is a second marriage. I am 38 years old and my husband is 33. We got married in February 2014 with our families’ consent. We have a 12-year-old daughter. The first couple of years were quite good, everything was OK. At that period also we hardly used to go out or spend good quality time. We would always get busy in his sports and coaching. I don’t know what went wrong when he suddenly stopped coming home, no calls, nothing. He started living with his mother. This happened in June 2017. He blocked my calls, WhatsApp, Facebook, all social sites. Now there is no scope for me to contact him directly. His family and my family tried speaking to him, but he just says “I don’t want to go back to her.” I tried to talk to him many times, said sorry, cried, begged, wanted to know the reason but he just says no, or else tries to point out my past mistakes. At that time he never said anything, but he is now creating an issue. I am totally lost. I can’t handle failure again, it is too much for me. He says he doesn’t have any other women in his life and wants to be in peace and now it’s been six months. He hardly calls me; that too only if he has some work, just 10% of his things are there in my place. I am staying in a rented flat and am working. I am financially strong but mentally broken, sometimes all alone. Please tell me what do I do and I want my husband back in my life. I truly love him.
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Snigdha Mishra says:
I can understand what you’re going through. The fact is that it takes two in a [restrict] relationship. If your husband isn’t invested in this marriage and doesn’t wish to continue, communicating your needs was the only viable option. But in your case that isn’t working either. I understand that you wish to know your way ahead and want your husband back. Is that so?
The way ahead can be to somehow make a connect with him and speak with him. Maybe you can suggest couples’ counselling to see your options, work around the issue or just have clarity on the relationship and then decide what to do. Begging, apologising, etc. may be no good because you’re assuming its your fault, I can’t fathom why. I wonder why women tend to blame themselves for a broken marriage if the husband has moved away. Please think about this.
I’d also like to ask you, what makes you think you can’t handle a failed marriage again? Haven’t you handled one before? All the more reason that you’ll be able to handle this one too. Most importantly, you have a 12-year-old daughter who needs your love and attention. You’re financially independent, have the ability to take care of yourself. Why would you beg a man to take you back when he doesn’t wish to be with you? Wouldn’t you rather be with someone who loves you for who you are, or maybe really think if you need a man in your life at all?
Coming to your second demand, of wanting your husband back. Well, to put it bluntly, no one can do that. You were in an adult consenting relationship. If either partner doesn’t wish to continue with the relationship, nothing much can be done. You can’t force anyone to stay in a relationship they do not wish to be in.
I know it’s hard and very upsetting. The ideal scenario would be for you to seek closure. You have to seek the help of a psychologist to gain a healthier perspective. Therapy is a must for you at this juncture. It’ll help you gain clarity and confidence and have a more rational understanding of the situation.
All the best! Please write back for further help.