8 Surprising Mistakes You’re Making That Make Your Partner Feel Less Passionate

Spice It Up | | , Journalist & Storyteller
Updated On: February 7, 2024
couple sleeping in separate directions leading to lack of passion in relationship
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Passion is a key binding ingredient in any romantic connection, right? It is the fire that keeps the house so warm. You need the fuel of passionate love to sustain a relationship for the long haul. But when you have been in a partnership for some time, you start falling back into the daily trials and trails of life. This can reach a point where your relationship desperately lacks its initial glow.

If lack of passion in a relationship has affected your bond adversely, you must try to rekindle the fire between you and your partner. If you know your partner has been putting in a lot of work into sustaining your bond, then it is up to you to reciprocate and do the work. Even a small concern or unresolved issue can make your partner feel less passionate toward you.

Such issues are regularly addressed in a healthy relationship where the partners understand it’s them against the problem, and not them against each other – this is what brings back the fading fervor in a relationship.

How Important Is Passion In A Relationship?

Passion is what makes you dive deeper into the object of your interest, it is what tangles you up with what you love – whether it is your career, a new project, or the person you love. It decides how much you care for your partner, and how much you need them. Can a relationship survive merely on fireworks? No. It needs tender love and learned stability. But the lack of passion in a relationship creates a noticeable difference between two partners.

This rift keeps filling up with silences, and maybe even resentment and complacency. Sometimes, when the starting of a new relationship lacks passion, we call it quits. But you can work on those aspects. Don’t think that if it’s gone once, it’s gone forever. Because passion isn’t just a matter of luck, it can be built slowly and tenderly between two willing people.

It will require honesty, it will require you to open up yourself in ways that you haven’t felt the need to before. It might even require you to heal your inner wounds which might be the reason for this stubborn wall between you and your partner. Our readers often share with us dilemmas like “My husband has no passion for me” or “My wife has no passion for me anymore”. We understand.

Couples hesitate to talk about this lack of passion in a relationship with each other, because: a) they are afraid to sound too needy, b) they are afraid to hurt their partner, c) they have given up on the relationship, d) they are afraid to do the work of reigniting the spark. 

Related Reading: Little Things You Can Do To Prepare The Bedroom For Some Passionate Love-Making

These are all valid fears, and it’s important to create a safe space to be able to talk about them. Your need to have a heartfelt bond is valid, so don’t hesitate to ask for it gently. And if you’re looking for professional help to deal with this lack of passion in a relationship, Bonobology’s panel of experienced counselors is only a click away. 

We might consider it the default way of a relationship, but the truth is some people have never had passion in relationships. It’s like they haven’t visited a country, but have heard a lot about it from everyone and everything – poetry, media, books, couples in love, friends, and even stories of historical battles and wars. They don’t really know what they are missing out on but they want it.

Emily Brontë said, “Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.” A beautiful quote to relate to for those of us who have witnessed passion in relationships, and beautiful words to aspire to for those who haven’t. A marriage that started with sparks and has now become a marriage without passion and intimacy surely saw many signs of the fading intensity along the way.

There are many reasons intimacy among couples fades. The basic signs of lack of passion in a relationship are all related to distance – emotional, mental, and physical. You no longer feel connected to each other the way you used to, you no longer speak animatedly about the topics of intellect that still interest you, and the physical distance seems to be growing. You’re not one of those who have never had passion in the relationship, you’re one of those who has watched the lack of passion in a relationship deepen with pained eyes.

8 Mistakes Like These Could Be Leading To A Lack Of Passion In A Relationship

When your relationship lacks passion, you both know it at some level, even if you’re unwilling to admit it. “My husband has no passion for me. He no longer kisses me the way he used to. We’ve forgotten what sex between us was like,” shares Foram.

Brianna, too, tells us how her wife avoids intimacy with her, “My wife has no passion for me anymore. There are many signs of lack of passion in a relationship that we miss out on. The longer we wait, the harder it gets to work on these issues. We must watch out for the red flags in the beginning.” 

You may have thought about these questions a lot – Why is my partner no longer madly in love with me? Why have we lost intimacy in our relationship? The reasons for this lack of passion in a relationship could be many. They could be right under your nose, but you may never have noticed.

Such relationship mistakes are common, and you could be making them unintentionally. Here, we point out 8 mistakes that you could be making, that are leading to less passion from your partner.

Related Reading: Adjustment In Marriage: 10 Tips For Newly Married Couples To Make Their Relationship Strong

1. The small things that matter

You might call these things petty, but these petty things often build up to become something monstrous and out of your hands. Nagging is one such thing that could be causing a lack of passion in your relationship. Every day, if you nag your partner to get milk before he comes home from work, and he keeps nagging you to get back from work soon, then it creates a rift, little by little.

We tend to chase after our partners as we do with our kids, but never realize our partners are responsible adults who could take care of themselves and their families as well. The irritation that builds from nagging has an adverse effect in the bedroom. Stay away from this mistake if you want your bedroom to continue to be a space for orgasms, not fights.

2. You stopped doing date nights

When your relationship lacks passion, think about how many date nights you’ve been on lately. We all get busy and overwhelmed with our work. Your date nights used to be the one saving grace of your weekly routine that you both found relaxing. But now, you have just stopped trying. This lack of passion in a relationship is stemming from that.

Don’t push yourself when you are exhausted, but balance your work and life in a way that you put some conscious effort into your priorities (and remember, your relationship IS a priority). So, give up a couple of your sessions of series-binging on the couch, and think of dinner date ideas for you and your partner. Don’t do it for the sake of it; do it because you promised to be better at making the other person happy.

3. You work, even when you’re home

Work is a priority, but it should be left out of your private sanctuary. It is advisable that you don’t work at home unless the situation is dire. It is annoying for your partner when they find you working long hours instead of making time for conversations to know your partner better. A poor work-life balance is one of the leading causes of lack of passion in a relationship.

For people who work from home, make sure that you set up work hours where you and your partner have an understanding of not disturbing each other. Make sure you don’t over-work, especially to the point where you end up snapping at your partner. If you do that, stop it before it gets too late.

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4. You are way too glued to your mobile devices

Many times, an old or a new relationship lacks passion because of the advent of technology. It is quite rude to be on your phone when there’s an actual human right beside you. So, put down your devices because believe it or not, social media and divorce are connected to each other.

Talk to your partner about the issues or your interests that you would normally talk over any social media platform. Make healthy conversations frequently. Remember how you used to talk all the time? Talking is what made you two fall in love with one another. So, stop underestimating the power of real-life conversations.

5. You are less affectionate than before – This is what causes a lack of passion in a relationship

There are things that you used to do during the initial part of the relationship. Those things gradually diminished with time. Maybe your partner still craves a stolen kiss during the day, or that moment when you would hold their hand tightly while walking down the road.

Your partner would go, “Aww so cute!”, if you rekindle intimacy through such small, affectionate gestures. These details matter a lot as they make your relationship more intricate and intriguing at the same time. How close you are to your partner physically decides a lot about the continuity of a relationship.

6. You’ve stopped sharing, which leads to a lack of passion in a relationship

Your partner deserves a certain amount of transparency, one that doesn’t compromise the personal space you two occupy. The lack of passion in a relationship could start with a lack of enthusiasm in conversing with your partner. They do deserve to know what goes on in your life – it is a normal expectation that most partners have.

Make more conversation, go out, drink wine and be a bit reckless like you used to be. Remember your first date nerves? We suggest you two do all the things you would do on your first date, minus the nerves!

Related Reading: If You Love Someone: Tell Them. Here’s Why

7. You are always talking about money

You both share the finances of your house and deal with financial issues together. You can sort out finances in a marriage together but that does not mean you have to talk about money all the time. Even if that stress stems from genuine concern, it can still be very anxiety-inducing for your partner. You’re projecting your frustrations onto them! Stop. Have a heart-to-heart with them and try to get to the root of it.

If it’s a man who has to hear you stress about money all the time, then he may even consider it annoying and condescending. This is because men are unfairly expected to manage finances perfectly and on their own. Your finance-related stress could be making your partner less passionate about you.

8. Absence of a sex life causes a lack of passion in a relationship

Have you lost sexual passion in your relationship? For most people in long-term relationships, this is a common issue. If the partners are willing to work on it, these issues can be a chance to get to know your partner in a new way and acquaint yourself with their changing sexual needs. A marriage without passion is not a marriage without hope.

Keep your erotic spark alive as the absence of sexual intimacy is a huge mistake that can create distance between two partners. Go back to what you used to love about each other, wear that sexy dress, plan a romantic date, and woo your partner again.

So, if you are making any of these mistakes that could be leading to a lack of passion in a relationship, know that your bond can be mended. It will require openness, dedication, vulnerability, and conscious effort. And as for passion, it can’t just be handed out like candy bars from a roadside café. It needs to be built from a genuine place of concern and love. Make these small efforts, do them consciously, and keep your passion ablaze.

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