Unable to heal after the breakup. It’s been eight months…

Dear Ma’am,

I am 16 years old and dealing with a breakup. We even used to make out a little bit. It has been eight months and yet I am not able to heal myself.

I tried distracting myself but failed. He cheated on me. I cry so much. When I go out, I remember all the place we went together and then I break down again. I checked online; it looks like I am suffering from depression. I am unable to study too. How do I come out of this phase? I just can’t heal.

I can’t meet a counsellor, because my parents don’t know about all those things and I can’t tell them anything either as they feel hurt about me.

Please help me, ma’am.

Kavita Panyam says:

Dear Young Girl,

Dealing with a breakup is a process, and the pain, a reality. Most often people look at attachments as love.

You have mentioned your boyfriend left you all of a sudden after getting physical to some extent. As you have not provided any details about the cheating part, the case is not clear. Having said that, 16 is an age when the attraction towards the opposite sex is strong.

It is likely that this boy came into your life just to experience the physical feelings and left soon after. That you miss him is understandable, but life has to go on.

Here are some ways to ease your pain of heartbreak.

• Do not rehearse the memories. The past is now over and done with. By replaying the incidents in your mind time and again you will only activate more pain for something that is not present in your life at the moment.
• Do not visit old haunts
• Don’t visit the places you both frequented when you were together. Going there would only trigger your memories, leading to pain.
• Talk to friends
• If you have close friends talk to them and get it off your chest. This release will help you heal.
• Join a course or learn a new skill
• When you get busy constructively you would have less time to brood actively. Added to this is the benefit of learning a new skill.
• Disconnect over Social Media
• The urge to visit an ex gets the better of people on social media. Till you heal it is a good idea to block him on all social media accounts.
• Take that important decision to get over him
• It is only when you decide to get over him will any of the suggestions work. So, please understand that it is over, accept it and move on.
• You are young and have a whole life ahead of you. Everyone has a choice to live their life as they want to and if he has made that decision you must accept it and take the necessary steps to put this behind you. Though it would seem tough initially, the path does get better as you move along.

All the best,

Kavita Panyam