How to spot the signs of a cheating girlfriend? On one hand, you have this gut feeling that something is not right. But there is another voice inside your head that tells you that maybe you are just overthinking and being paranoid. In such cases, you may end up feeling like Sherlock Holmes, trying to investigate and analyze every move your partner makes. But, spoiler alert! You are not Cumberbatch. You don’t own a trench coat and you don’t play the violin. You don’t have a Watson and so you definitely need some expert tips to help you figure out if you have an unfaithful girlfriend or not.
If questions like “Why do I feel like she’s cheating on me?” are already weighing on your mind, something must be out of tune in the relationship. We’re here to help, with insights from communication and relationship coach Swaty Prakash, who has a decade-long experience in training individuals of varied age groups to deal with their emotional health.
22 Sure Signs Of A Cheating Girlfriend
Cheating in relationships is not uncommon at all. In fact, a study shows that 20% of married couples in the United States are likely to encounter infidelity. Meanwhile, 70% of unmarried couples may have to deal with cheating in the course of their relationship. But how do you know your girlfriend is cheating? After all, a ‘gut feeling’ is not enough to confront her. We’re here to help you. Here are some signs she cheated and feels guilty:
1. She works hard to look her best
According to Swaty, “How we look is very important for us humans. And if we are in a romantic relationship, it becomes one of the prime facets to worry about. Have you noticed how our pupils dilate or how we start playing with our hair when we are near someone we like? Even our subconscious works on making us look prettier and even smell better.”
“Now, this couldn’t be the only sign of a cheating girl but, if looked at with a lot of other cues in place, it does indicate cheating. Also, if she is putting extra effort into how she looks but doesn’t really bother about your feedback, it obviously indicates that it is for someone or something else,” she says.
You may notice that she’s started putting the same amount of effort into looking her best as she did when you first going out, but none of it seems to be for your benefit, such as:
- Regular intimate wear have been suddenly replaced by sexy lingerie
- She is hitting the gym, doing yoga, and eating healthy
- She’s a wearing a different perfume, a little over-the-top makeup, or a gorgeous dress
Related Reading: 18 Warning Signs Of A Cheating Wife You Cannot Ignore
2. Every little thing about you irritates her
Swaty says, “Nature has a strange way of inducing feelings of love and romance in humans. When you first start liking someone, your brain releases such hormones that you are blinded in love. You refuse to see anything wrong/repulsive in the other person. But this is unnatural/unlikely to continue in the long run. Moving forward, this effect wears off and your inherent likes/dislikes come to the fore.
“All relationships go through a phase when partners start finding faults with each other. However, this is a gradual process. But if there is a new man, the process becomes accelerated. You are no longer patient in the relationship. Irritation escalates. What looked cute earlier turns out to be absolutely irritating now. While you start liking everything about that new partner, a little too much looks wrong with your partner suddenly.”
3. Evasive body language
What are the telltale signs of cheaters? Answering this question, relationship coach Pooja Priyamvada previously told Bonobology, “Evasive body language is a sure-shot sign she’s cheating. A lying partner will avoid eye contact, fiddle, fumble, and try to make some excuses.” People’s lips become pale and their faces become white/red when they lie. In spite of all their pretended ease, their body language will have a different story to tell.
How to know if your girl is cheating on you? Take this quick quiz:
- Do you notice hesitation in her speech? Yes/No
- Does she blink rapidly or sweat while trying to come up with a believable story to cover her tracks? Yes/No
- Do you often find her avoiding eye contact while talking to you? Yes/No
- Do you find her restless or fidgety when she talks to you? Yes/No
If you have answered in the affirmative to the above questions, chances are that you have an unfaithful girlfriend. Paying close attention to her body language (like their voice suddenly cracking or becoming high-pitched) is one way to tell if your girlfriend is cheating.
Related Reading: Top 10 Hollywood Movies About Cheating In A Relationship
4. Carries her devices around like a limb
Sam, a banker in his 30s, says, “I think my girlfriend is cheating but I can’t prove it. In the past, there were no secrets between us. She used to share her computer with me or ask me to check the texts for her. But now, she shuts her laptop every time I enter the room, never sends text messages in front of me, goes out of the room to answer her phone, and has even locked her mobile with a new password.”
Turns out, Sam’s fears aren’t unfounded after all. The following are the tell-tale signs of a cheating woman:
- She has started password-protecting their devices all of a sudden
- Her phone is always kept face down
- She does not answer calls when you are around
- She gets defensive and angrily says things like, “How dare you look at my email?”
- She hides her texts from you
- She carries her devices around like a limb, lest you chance upon something they don’t want you to
- Privacy and space are the new buzzwords in your relationship
If your partner has been displaying most of these tendencies, there is a good chance you are caught in the thick of lies cheaters tell. Cheaters are not just protective about their devices but about certain places too. For example, “You shouldn’t just show up at my workplace” or “Hey, this is my woman cave. Don’t touch anything here and respect my privacy.”
5. Her guilt is making her overcompensate
A Reddit user wrote, “She cheated with her ex for months until he told. She got caught and didn’t stop on her own. Now she love-bombs and spends every second with me and posts me everywhere. It’s been a month. Will she really change or just go back?” Love bombing is one of the lesser-known characteristics of a cheating woman.
She may resort to it either as a means of damage control after being caught or to placate her guilt. She doesn’t know where to put all that guilt and hence spends money or tries to be unusually agreeable to make up for it. If she’s suddenly buying you gifts “just because” or agrees with everything you say, these could be signs she cheated and feels guilty.
6. Her personality has changed
Swaty says, “Personality changes vary (depending on the types of cheaters) but the partners will feel an air of change in them. They may look happier and more content without depending on the other person. They would look forward to going out alone, even to the office to escape from their partner.
“An otherwise talkative and expressive individual may become distant and secretive, not keen on discussing their lives outside the home, and remain mostly busy on their phones. They start taking better care of themselves, notice their boyfriends much less, and try to evade topics that involve too much future planning or even reminiscing about the good old days.”
7. Has a new friend circle
Andrew, 22, says, “I have been noticing that Sarah cannot stop talking about a woman named Catie, whom she apparently met at the gym. All her movie dates, night outs, and shopping sprees now involve her new best friend. She even stayed a couple of nights at Catie’s. But strangely, I never get to meet her or see a single picture of them together. Relationship red flag? I think so!” Likewise, if your girl suddenly has a bustling social life of which you’re not a part at all, it’s one of the signs your girl is cheating on you.
8. Is distant during intimate moments
Swaty says, “Guilt has a way of rearing its ugly head at the most unexpected moments. For a lot of people, it could mean compensating for their wrongs by being more active in their physical relationships. Sometimes, to compensate for “wronging” their partners, they try to improve their sexual relationships. However, I have chosen the word ‘sexual’ because they might not show the same level of physical affection in day-to-day life.
“On the other hand, a lot of cheating partners may step back from physical intimacy because they do not find the partner attractive anymore or because their minds are totally involved with the other person. They might seem quite distant and emotionally away even during intimate moments.” So while the spectrum of change in intimacy types is quite wide, one thing is sure, the level of intimacy shifts when one partner is cheating on the other.
Related Reading: The 11 Most Common Relationship Mistakes You Actually Can AVOID
9. Always has errands to run
Swaty says, “When a girl cheats on you, there will be a lot of time unaccounted for in her schedule.” To ascertain if your hunch about your partner lying to you has any merit to it, ask yourself:
- Does she have a hectic schedule with no time to spend with you?
- Do you often hear complaints of an increased workload?
- Are her office meetings getting stretched late into the night?
- Does she always have errands to run?
If you find her working overtime or coming home late almost every night because she was busy “helping out a buddy in crisis”, it could be one of the clues that your girlfriend is cheating.
10. She is a great storyteller
The signs of her cheating can be spotted in her storytelling skills. Lying effortlessly is not everyone’s cup of tea. One way that many people try to make their lies sound believable is to make their accounts excruciatingly detailed. The following could be telling indicators of lies in a relationship:
- She shares too many details – what her friends were wearing, what stories were they were uploading, how much traffic she encountered on the way home, and so on
- You observe her exaggerating a simple story
- When you ask any follow-up questions, her responses are evasive – likely because she hasn’t prepared plausible explanations for the questions you’re asking
11. Your schedule piques her interest
When your girlfriend cheats on you, she will keep constant tabs on your schedule because, obviously, she wants to avoid getting caught in the act. She will keep asking you about your whereabouts. If you want to catch a cheating partner, try giving her a false sense of security by telling her that you’re busy, and then, show up at her door to ‘surprise’ her. The skeletons will come tumbling out of the closet.
12. Being flirty with others in your presence
If you notice your girlfriend flirting with others, like your friends or colleagues in your presence, then it means that she does not respect your feelings. If she can do that in your presence, who’s to say she’s not crossing a line behind your back? Perhaps, it is one of your friends she having an affair with.
Related Reading: Step-by-Step Guide To Rebuilding Love After Emotional Damage
13. She keeps hinting about breakup
Even though she cannot directly tell you that she is cheating on you, she will give you subtle hints that she wants to break up. She will keep highlighting the differences between you two, which did not bother her earlier but suddenly seem to concern her to no end. And arguments between you two may escalate to unprecedented levels.
Likewise, one of the warning signs of a cheating girlfriend in a long-distance relationship is when she tries her best to show you that there are no signs of relationship compatibility between you and her anymore. If she’s saying things like, “Maybe we should reconsider this arrangement”, chances are she already has and there is someone else in her life.
14. Gaslights you
A classic trope of a girlfriend cheating on boyfriend is that she tells you that you’re imagining things. Also, she will blame YOU for making her do this. As a result, you will start questioning your sanity. She may manipulate you to such an extent that you start doubting yourself. Gaslighting in relationships is a classic tactic used to cover up compulsive cheating and lying.
A Reddit user wrote, “The Narcissist’s Prayer is a perfect example of gaslighting: That didn’t happen. And if it did, it wasn’t that bad. And if it was, that’s not a big deal. And if it is, that’s not my fault. And if it was, I didn’t mean it. And if I did, You deserved it.”
15. Your family and friends no longer matter to her
The people who are close to you are no longer important to her because you have lost that valuable place in her life. She’s losing feelings for you and, therefore, feels no need to be nice, thoughtful, or kind toward your family and friends. Falling out of love is, undoubtedly, one of the signs of a cheating girlfriend. In addition, since she is guilty of being in a relationship with someone else, she may want to slowly pull away from your life, and avoiding your family and friends is the first step in the process.
Related Reading: What Questions Should I Ask My Girlfriend About Her Ex?
16. Remember, eyes don’t lie
You might say, “I think she cheated on me but I can’t prove it.” Well, the signs she’s cheating over text or IRL may be hard to catch but you will get the answers you’re looking for if you look deep into her eyes. If your partner truly loves you, she would be confident enough to express her feelings while making direct eye contact. But, if she avoids looking you in the eye, then it could mean that she is cheating or has feelings for someone else.
17. You both fail to communicate with each other
Explaining why infidelity leads to poor communication, Swaty says, “How we communicate says a lot about how we feel. In the case of probable infidelity, communication is, more often than not, the first victim. There will be a sudden decrease in quality time where two partners pour their hearts out to each other and discuss the boring mundane days with enthusiasm.
“If a girl is cheating on you, she would prefer to keep to herself more and more, and not discuss much of her life with you. Meanwhile, she may come across as emotionally uninvolved when you try to communicate with her. Eye contact reduces and her displays of affection, be it in public or private, begin to fizzle out. Her body language won’t be as open as it used to be. Intimate questions are met with curt, indecisive, and non-committal responses.”
18. She goes MIA
One of the warning signs of a cheating girlfriend is that she keeps ghosting you every now and then. Commenting on this, life skills coach Dr. Juuhi Raai previously told Bonobology, “One day, she is happy with you and spends the entire day and night in your arms. Then suddenly, she doesn’t return your calls/texts and doesn’t come back home.” This hot-and-cold behavior could be an indicator that there is someone else in her life, and she feels torn between the two of you.
19. She is always texting someone
Besides going to the hallway to talk in a hushed tone, her texting game is always on. If your girlfriend can’t seem to stay away from her phone even for a little while, chances are someone else is keeping her busy day and night. My friend, Eric, found out about his girlfriend cheating on him on account of something similar.
He said, “I was tired of having a relationship with the shadow of a person who existed somewhere behind that screen. She was never fully present in any of our conversations. She would not even leave her phone when we sat done for dinner, which was the only time we got to talk about our days and enjoy each other’s company.”
20. People close to her get uncomfortable around you
Chances are that someone in her life is privy to all that she has been trying to hide from you. Perhaps, she confides in her best friend to cope with the cheater’s guilt. Or maybe her sibling or cousin covers for her when needed. How can you spot the signs of an affair? Notice if there’s a change in the way her close friends and family behave around you.
- Are they treating you differently?
- Do they get uncomfortable around you?
- Do they avoid you or display negative emotions toward you?
- Are they increasingly becoming indifferent to you?
- Do you find them disengaging or distancing themselves from you?
If the answer is yes, then it could be because they already know the uncomfortable truth.
Related Reading: 10 Telltale Signs You Are Not Ready For A Serious, Committed Relationship
21. She has trouble expressing her love
At the beginning of the relationship, your girlfriend might have had no issues expressing her love and saying “I love you” several times a day. But now, if she finds it difficult to express her feelings, it could be because she is guilty of cheating on you. She may even fail to respond to your words of love and affection promptly and earnestly. This is one of the strongest signs of a cheating girlfriend.
22. Your gut feeling tells you something is fishy
Your gut knows something is amiss. This is because your heart senses something even when your mind is in denial. Remember, intuition rarely ever goes wrong. So, if you can’t shake off the nagging feeling that your girlfriend is cheating, she probably is. Now, it is up to you to decide what your next course of action should be. Ask yourself,
- Do you want to confront her?
- If she’s remorseful, would you want to give the relationship another chance?
- If not, how do you move on from this setback?
Remember, there are no right or wrong answers here. But also, remember, you owe your cheating girlfriend nothing. It’s time to put your own well-being above all else and do whatever you need to do to set the healing process in motion.
- Paying attention to the little things like her hiding social media messages is the first step to uncovering your girlfriend’s infidelity
- Also notice if there’s a sudden change in your equation (are you no longer her safe place?)
- If you notice personality changes in her for the first time, it’s a sign she cheated and feels guilty
- If you continue noticing suspicious behavior like her exaggerating a simple story, you can use trick questions to ask your girlfriend to see if she’s cheating
Now, it is, by no measure, easy to come to terms with the signs of a cheating girlfriend. The emotional turmoil you’re about to go through may take a toll on you. Now is the time to prioritize yourself and your emotional well-being. Lean on your loved ones for support, and focus on the healing process, so that with time, you can move forward and leave this ugly chapter behind. Should you need help working through the pain and trauma, counselors on Bonobology’s panel are here for you.
There are a few signs to know if your girlfriend is cheating on you. If you notice that she has mood swings, takes drastic decisions, isn’t caring anymore, avoids intimacy, and tries to keep a tab on your schedule, know that these are signs of a cheating girlfriend.
You could confront her about cheating and she could deny it vehemently. But if she continues to hang out with her new girl best friend whom you have never met, is always late from work, and smiles when that “special friend” messages, these are signs that your girlfriend is lying about cheating on you.
There will be signs that your girl is cheating in a long-distance relationship. In a long-distance relationship, a cheating girl will not want to make time for your travel plans or could be telling you she is working late most days.
Physical signs that your girlfriend is cheating on you include hickeys (which you suddenly spot on her neck or chest), her reluctance to be naked in front of you, and her new lacy lingerie that you do not get to see her in. She might also be unwilling to get physically intimate with you.
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