Heartbreak makes us do silly things. When nursing a broken heart, one should look into what not to do after a breakup as well. That’s because it is very easy to deal with a breakup in the wrong way. A broken heart paves the way for many rash choices and counterproductive coping mechanisms.
What not to do after a breakup entails a lot of things. Drunk calling, dwelling in despair, trying to make your ex jealous and falling into a host of self-esteem problems are some of them. Knowing how to handle a breakup the right way is not easy but it is not impossible. Being headstrong and having a good support system will make sure that you sail through it with minimum turbulence.
A Guide On What Not To Do After A Breakup
People talk often about things to do after a breakup or how to handle a breakup. The pain of separation is so real that you think you will never get over it or be scarred for the rest of your life. To stop feeling sorry for yourself after a breakup, you must adopt a strong and positive attitude.
When a partner who you loved with all your heart, body and mind leaves, life seems pointless. Even the landscape looks like the color has drained off and you wander around like a zombie. Friends may distance themselves or smother you with commiserations or advice, but nothing works and all seems futile.
Time is a great healer goes the saying but what do you do in the meantime. There are some things you must never fall into while you struggle to get back on your feet. We give you a list of what not to do after a breakup. We can’t tell you how to avoid the pain, it will always be there. How to get over a bad breakup, however, does not have to be too toxic or difficult. We can give you some tips to not let it consume you completely:
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1. Not speaking and allowing the pain to build up
Sometimes a break-up feels like you fell off a cliff and are being torn apart. You hold onto your sanity and clam up. You are afraid that the pain will consume you if you open up and talk about it. If you have a group of friends or even one that you can talk to, seek their help.
No one says you have to bear this difficult bend in your path all alone. A good listener can act as a healing balm. We know, you are constantly wondering how to get over a breakup. But keeping it all inside yourself will drive you down the path of depression and anxiety.
Talking it out can ease the pain. One of the things you do after a breakup is allowing yourself to communicate yourself, cry it out and express yourself fully.
2. Hanging on to hope
Initially, you may think that the break-up was just a nightmare and that your ex may just come back to you. So you find all kinds of reasons to call them, to extend the conversation, to leave long messages about your never-ending love for them.
You want to negotiate with them, find out what was lacking in you. I was so in despair that I offered to share my ex-partner – if he could find it in his heart to love two women! I would call his phone just to hear his voice even if he sounded disgusted and angry. This just pushed him away further; he changed his phone number and address.
Related Reading: The 7 stages of a breakup
3. Getting confrontational and aggressive
If the love of life has decided to leave you and go a different way or has already found another mate, you can be left reeling under uncontrollable jealousy. You cannot imagine that you had so much venom in you. You may hate yourself for all the negativity it generates, but believe me, this is normal.
There are some strategies to stop feeling jealous that can help you when you’re trying to figure out how to get over a bad breakup. Use them to your advantage to stop making an utter fool of yourself
I went to the extreme of finding my ex’s current partner’s workplace, spoke to her boss and called her a bitch, and in general, made a menace of myself. The company’s security men finally escorted me out. I later felt foolish and miserable too.
4. Finding comfort in addiction
The first instinct of both men and women after a breakup is to drown one’s sorrows. Literally! Though alcohol numbs the aching mind for a night or every night, it’s the daytime that sears through your heart reminding you of your great loss.
Then you reach out for drugs that seem to alter your current reality – but only for a while. This may help you forget about the breakup momentarily but another – bigger – devil will have captured your senses. So now you are out of the frying pan and into the fire. And firemen cannot save you.
You now need to find other treatments to solve your new problem. Don’t get into this spiral!
Related Reading: How To Avoid Self-Sabotaging Relationships?
5. Stop caring for yourself
You suddenly realize that your entire world revolved around your ex. You wake up in the morning, drag yourself out, perhaps glance into the mirror and see a wraith of yourself. Haggard and sad. You think to yourself “oh what’s the use of getting dressed, no one loves me anyway”. Self-pity can actually be dangerous, tilting your hormones on a path of self-destruction.
You can show symptoms of bulimia, anorexia or binge eating. Life seems futile and despair surrounds you – this is when you need to seek professional help. Seek out counselors. Follow a diet and exercise plan. Lean on a good friend for support.
6. Going berserk
Some folks who have low self-esteem and an even lower sense of self-preservation find themselves spiraling out of control. The tendency to hurt oneself starts with small reckless actions such as getting into dangerous rebound relationships, having multiple partners and lack of caution about protection and safety. One of the things you naturally do after a breakup is trying to fill the void by finding another partner.
Who wants to have herpes on top of a broken heart? But such is the psyche of a soul in pain and here is when good counsel, good friends and an understanding family counts. Nothing and no one is worth hurting yourself or taking your life for.
One needs to remember what potholes one must not fall into after a breakup – just as you also remember what can lead up to eventual healing of your pain. It is only a person who can sieve through the quicksand of the myriad negative emotions and reactions that can emerge from a painful breakup. Then when you look back you will be the butterfly that does not recognize the caterpillar that was killed in the strife.
Certainly follow our above list of what not to do after a breakup or else the whole process will be much harder. Try not to think about them or running back to them for support and comfort. Teach yourself how to comfort yourself as a newly single person.
Spending time with friends can help if you’re wondering how to handle a breakup. Indulge in activities that boost your self-esteem and keep yourself busy and occupied.