when to stop waiting for him to propose
Do you look at your boyfriend and find yourself thinking, “I want to spend my life with him.” But despite waiting patiently, there is still no sign of him proposing? When to stop waiting for him to propose? The issue is kind of complicated. You are stuck in a place of not wanting to look pushy but you also want a solid commitment from him sometime in the near future.
If you are facing a similar conundrum, then you have come to the right place. We have a list of things you can focus on to figure out when to stop waiting for him to propose.
How Long Do People Normally Wait To Propose?
Before you get married, you should know them in and out. And the best way to do this is to be with them through the good and the bad times. The man you choose to marry should reflect your values and be genuine.
Think of Kate Hudson’s character in Bride Wars. When she is finally done with waiting for her boyfriend to propose, she storms into his office and just tells him, “Marry me already”. Now, not everyone lives in a movie-like reality, so you might have to keep your intuition in check and gather facts to figure out when to stop waiting for him to propose. Also, before you gather resentment waiting for your proposal, know that it is normal for couples to take two years on average before getting engaged. To lead up to the ‘I do’ moment is no easy path. But this time frame varies from situation to situation. Consult the list below to see if and when to stop waiting for him to propose.
When To Stop Waiting For Him To Propose? 9 Tips To Decide
It is very easy to gather resentment while waiting for a proposal from your boyfriend. On one hand, you don’t want to ruin a surprise engagement if there’s any in the future. But on the other hand, the days are stretching into weeks that are slowly turning into months. And there is still no sign of a proposal.
At this point, you might be tired of waiting for your boyfriend to propose. This is a good time to calm down and figure out when to stop waiting for him to propose. We have compiled a list of things to look out for specifically to see if your boyfriend will ever pop the question!
Here are 9 tips to figure out once and for all, if and when you should stop expecting a proposal:
Related Reading: The 9 Crucial Stages Of A Long-Term Relationship
1. He actively evades the topic of proposals
You might be tired of waiting for your boyfriend to propose. However, if he actively evades the topic of proposals, then you might be missing one of the most telling signs that he might never propose!
You know those moments when you look at wedding invitations or go to a friend’s wedding, and in your head, you have a moment thinking, “When will this be us?”
If your guy does not reciprocate the same feeling, and clearly wants to take things slow, you might have to ask yourself when to stop waiting for him to propose. Is he scared of commitment or does he simply want to be spontaneous? If you can figure out his reasons behind this behavior, then it will help you understand why he acts in this manner and what his intentions are toward you.
2. He jokes about marriages in general with his friends and family
It is important to share your intentions of getting married to your boyfriend. But if your boyfriend makes fun of marriages and weddings despite knowing you want to get married one day, then stop expecting a proposal. He is making these jokes and taunts to hint at you to never expect a proposal from him. You might even find him making these jokes in front of your friends and family. This is a telltale sign that the proposal is never coming. It might even mean that you are in a dead-end relationship.
Think of Ali Wong, the popular Asian American stand-up comedian. Even prior to getting married, she made countless jokes about how marriages are the stuff of inconvenience and are just means to an end. After eight years of marriage, Justin Hakuta and Ali Wong are getting divorced. Now, we are sure the jokes aren’t the only reason why the couple is breaking up, but it sure feels like a major sign of why they broke up.
3. You and your boyfriend have been together for too long
If you and your boyfriend have been together a long time and you find yourself asking, “Why is my boyfriend waiting to propose?”, then it might be time to take a long hard look at your situation.
For example, you and your boyfriend might have been together for 4 years. You might have also talked about a wedding in the future. You both are steady and are in a perfect position to get married. Yet there is still no sign of a proposal. In such a situation, it is perfectly normal to harbor resentment waiting for proposal.
It could mean that he is scared of ruining the relationship dynamic you guys already have by getting engaged. In that case, you could propose to your boyfriend! That way your boyfriend won’t have to carry the stress of proposing marriage. Moreover, you could prevent your own spiral into depression waiting for proposal.
After all, the pop sensation Pink decided to do just that. She proposed to her long-term boyfriend Carey Hart who is a motocross racer and we can’t get enough of the story. During one of Hart’s competitions, she stood on the sidelines with a sign that said ‘Will you marry me?’. The rest is history!
However, if you are both clear about the man proposing, and he hasn’t done it yet, stop expecting a proposal.
Related Reading: Best Chocolate Gifts And Boxes To Express Your Love
4. The reasons are always changing
You might be tired of waiting for your boyfriend to propose. So, you ask him why he won’t do it. He gives you a reason why he isn’t ready yet. But his reason for not proposing this time differs from the last time.
If you have asked him more than once why he hasn’t proposed yet, and the reasons are always different, stop expecting a proposal. Especially if the reasons seem surface level like “I am still finding myself” or “I’m still waiting for the perfect time to propose”.
If he is giving too many excuses as to why he isn’t ready to propose, then believe him and stop hunting the signs a man is ready for marriage. That proposal isn’t coming and it is better to stop being hopeful for it.
5. He’s always been the non-committal type
Ask yourself why am I so desperate for my boyfriend to propose? Is it because it has always been in the books for you? Or is it because you are sure he has changed from being non-committal to wanting to get married because of you?
If he has always been non-committal or shows tendencies of being a commitment-phobe it is fair to assume that he hasn’t changed all that much. Unless the both of you have had a sit-down conversation about marriage and the future, it is unfair of you to assume he has gone from being non-committal to becoming a man who wants to get married.
If you haven’t had the talk with him, it might be a good time to do so. And if he is still the non-committal type, this is when to stop waiting for him to propose. Talk to him to prevent spiraling into a depression waiting for a proposal. There might be a chance that he might have changed his mind about marriages. The only way to know for sure is if you talk about it.
6. He’s changed his stance on marriages
Instead of your boyfriend being non-committal, he could be very upfront about how marriage is important to him when you start dating. But as the years pass by, and Christmas after Christmas passes by without any proposals, you might slip into depression waiting for proposal.
Chances are your boyfriend has stopped putting effort into the relationship. If this sounds like you, then you might have fallen into a trap. Sometimes, a person will say anything you want to hear to get closer to you. He knows you won’t leave him because there is a probability he might propose soon. If this situation sounds all too familiar to you, then you should confront your boyfriend.
Ask him why he hasn’t proposed yet. Remind him of how he said marriage was important to him when you started dating. If he gets defensive or acts like he doesn’t remember saying marriage was important to him, then stop expecting a proposal. It might also be time to take stock of why you are still with your boyfriend.
7. He’s quite vocal about how marriages are shams
Has this ever happened to you? You are watching a cute romantic movie with your boyfriend, and a couple gets engaged, and instantly your boyfriend goes on a rant about how much he hates the idea of marriage.
If this has been a common occurrence throughout your relationship, then this is when to stop waiting for him to propose. In fact, this should be the only sign you need to stop expecting a proposal. Instead of going into resentment waiting for proposal, you need to get his stance clear on weddings and marriages in general.
However, if his hate for sappy romantic comedies is a more recent phenomenon, there might be a chance that he’s trying to give you a surprise proposal soon! Therefore, you have to take this tip with a pinch of awareness.
A sudden change in behavior could mean that a proposal is right around the corner. Matthew Koma had something similar in mind when he asked former Disney star Hilary Duff to go on a walk with him at a very odd time. Hilary reportedly just wanted to have a night in because she was tired. However, with a little persuasion from Koma, Hilary finally agreed to take a walk to their neighborhood park. Koma proposed to Hilary by handing her a book outlining their relationship, with the last page containing a compartment with a ring! So, if you have a boyfriend who is acting a little off, there might be a proposal in the books.
8. He’s never ‘ready’
You might be asking yourself, “Why am I so desperate for my boyfriend to propose?” However, if you have been open about wanting to get married, and your boyfriend is on the same page too, then it is normal to expect a marriage proposal from him.
It might be hurtful when your boyfriend’s words and actions don’t match up. Your resentment waiting for proposal might also manifest in you asking him over and over again why he isn’t ready to propose yet.
If he always answers with some variation of “I’m not ready yet” or “I am still figuring some things out”, believe us, he will never be ready. This is when you stop waiting for him to propose.
This is especially true if he has been pulling this trick for more than a year.
Related Reading: 18 Guaranteed Signs You Will Never Get Married
9. He hasn’t honored one or more of your ultimatums
Contrary to popular belief, ultimatums aren’t manipulative or cruel. It is a way of honoring your time and energy. Ultimatums can be useful when used properly.
You might be thinking, “Why am I so desperate for my boyfriend to propose?” or “Do I really need to issue an ultimatum?”. But the fact of the matter is, if you and your boyfriend have been together for quite some time, then it is reasonable to expect a proposal from your boyfriend. Issuing an ultimatum is your way of protecting your time and energy. After all, you shouldn’t slip into depression waiting for a proposal.
However, it is important that you are strict about your ultimatums. For example, if Sally wants to be engaged to Harry before the new year, she will issue an ultimatum along the lines of “If I am not engaged by the end of Christmas, I will have to honor myself and walk away from this relationship”. That way, instead of fostering resentment waiting for proposal, you can start focusing on building a new relationship that aligns with your goals.
It is not manipulative of you to set ultimatums if both you and your boyfriend have agreed on getting married sometime in the future. However, if he breaches the ultimatum you gave him, then stick to your promise and move on from the relationship.
So, there you are! 9 signs of when to stop waiting for him to propose. Especially, if you are tired of waiting for your boyfriend to propose.
You deserve to be with someone whose vision of the future aligns with yours.