Some time back, we raised the query of how to find a good man, hoping for novel insights and tips. The responses we got were a mixed bag, ranging from the delightful to the all too real to the delicate. Surprisingly, we also uncovered quite a few new perspectives about the qualities of a good man which dealt with the many layers and misconceptions about masculinity.
As challenging as it was to gather an array of ideas and experiences about finding a good man or the right one — there were some tips and tricks that really stood out. But perhaps the best response we received was from a male acquaintance when he said, “A good man? Are you planning a trip to Mars?”
But, honestly, do you ever wonder what are the reasons it’s so hard to find a good man? We believe the influence of the internet has a lot to do with it. Every day we come across dozens of quotes and videos — all about a utopian concept of a relationship. When you find a good man to marry, your life will magically alter into a perfect version of it. In our heads, we weave a story where we find a great guy who treats us like a princess and can do no wrong. Trust me, darling, you cannot expect a guy to be all green flags.
It’s funny how one sarcastic remark really brought out the universality in the feelings of so many women and became a raging fire in the Facebook comments section, which only further propelled our need to find a way to lock the right man. So read ahead if you are intrigued about our discoveries — a woman’s guide to finding a good man!
6 Pro Tips To Find A Good Man
This list of tips on how to find a good man might not be long, but it will definitely leave you with a better idea regarding how to find the right person to date. Curated from real-life experiences, the search for a good man might be a long one, but once you draw a rough outline to understand what you should be looking for, it’s easier to shift and eventually settle.
So if you have been dating for marriage and not seen any luck, or are tired of swiping left and right on those apps that just don’t seem to work in your favor — maybe it’s not the timing or the luck that is your nemesis…maybe your lens needs a little readjusting.
To widen your chances of finding a good man, you may have to expand your social ladder to some extent. You can’t just sit back at home and expect the most eligible bachelor in town to drop by and sweep you off your feet. I admit, for introverts, it’s a tough world out there, but once you know what to do — and you will, after you go through our list — it’s not so bad.
Here’s the thing, though…you need to know that love-at-first-sight is not an easy game. You have got to get out there, exchange pleasantries, talk and get to know a person better to actually have a shot. There’s no point in whining. “Where to find a good man?” and then binge-watching Grey’s Anatomy on a Saturday night.
So here are 6 pro tips to find a good man. Use these so you can readjust your lens, focus on the right person and zoom in on the good man you were looking for all along.
Related Reading: How Social Media Affects Your Relationships
1. The bar should only move higher as you grow older
The pressure to find a long-term life partner is real, which is why many women seem to lower the bar with every passing birthday to quicken their quest for love. In your 20s you start off with idealizing the perfect man because you’ve convinced yourself that you have enough time to one day be lucky enough for that unprecedented meet-cute at a coffee shop which could change your whole life.
But dating in real life is far from that dreamy ideal and it is possible that you are still trying to date in your 40, typing away on your laptop in a coffee shop and no guy slips you his number on the back of your cup. But this doesn’t mean you choose to settle for any guy that walks in through the door. So, what are the odds of finding a good man?
Shuktara Lal (39) is a drama educator and therapist, writer, and publishing house employee who tells us, “There’s a huge amount of luck involved. So the upshot is, if you don’t find him, don’t blame yourself; file it under bad luck. We attribute friendships and work relationships to luck; meeting the right guy is no different.
Secondly, do not lower your bar as you age. Raise it. Just like we are picky about the other relationships we choose, we should be (if not more) picky about choosing a potential life partner the older we get. Women who have been single for a long time should see that as their greatest asset: we don’t need a man to get by; we get by fine on our own.”
2. How to find a good man online is about displaying your own depth
We are all too familiar with the stereotypes about men on dating apps and the bad rep it often gives them. It’s a common perception that men on dating apps are only looking for one thing – good sex and nothing more. While that itself should hardly be considered some kind of a crime or a fall from grace, a lot of women find themselves baffled about the idea of how to find a good man online.
First, let’s break some misconceptions. Just because he’s into casual dating does not make him a bad guy. Indulging in catfishing or lying to you about the same, does. However, that is quite different from just wanting to meet women online and hooking up with them.
Related Reading: How To Get Dates On Tinder – The 10-Step Perfect Strategy
Second, thanks to the ease dating apps accord, while most men are indeed just looking for a “wham, bam, thank you ma’am” situation, that doesn’t mean that there’s no room for cultivation. Just like real life, igniting chemistry is about stumbling upon the right person and showing them an honest-to-goodness, real side of you. That and a little bit of luck is really all that it takes. So why can’t the same be done online?
I believe you scroll dating sites with the honest intention of finding a good man. To make that happen, build your profile in such a way so it attracts authentic men who are interested in genuine connection and intimacy. Once you peel your own layers and are open to sharing an honest side of yourself, other men might be inclined to do the same. Keep your expectations realistic and be willing to unlock parts of you that are essential to dating.
3. If you’re searching for a good man, self-work is equally important
So you’re seeking the right way of how to find a good man to marry and you’re thoroughly puzzled — that’s what has brought you here. But before you assemble a checklist of all that you want to see and expect from a potential life partner – consider whether you’re really up for the game itself or not.
It’s easy to start daydreaming about love and assume that it’ll solve your problems and automatically give you the perfect life that you want and need. But even if you do find a good man, if you haven’t spent enough time working on your own self, given yourself time to grow, you might not find the happiness that you do deserve.
When you are desperately trying to find a good man to marry, you may not always be able to hide that in your eyes. Unfortunately, that will drive away 50% of the guys you are meeting. Hold your ground! Let them discover why you are a great catch.
Dr. Deepti Bhandari is a clinical psychologist with an experience of more than 15 years. With the insight of her professional and personal experiences, she had to say the following. “The key to working on one’s self, or internal work, is about self-awareness. Self-awareness in its holistic form is knowing the ‘good’ within along with the ‘bad’ within. Acknowledging those truths, and working on them is the kind of work that relationships demand to cultivate necessary relationship qualities. I myself have found the man of my dreams by this very own method of internal work. Luckily, I have gotten most of the qualities I wanted to see in a man in my own spouse. The things I forgot to work upon myself, the cosmos conspired for them to find their way to me anyway and made my marriage even better.”
Related Reading: When You Meet The Right Person You Know It – 11 Things That Happen
4. Look closely at his relationship goals
More often than not, the real reason a woman feels defeated at not being able to find a good man is not because he lacks the qualities of a good man, but because he is afraid of committing to her. The fear of commitment is a common denominator amongst most men which is the real reason a lot of women are disappointed in them.
So before you start scrutinizing his bank balance and checking out his curtains, understanding his dreams, or figuring out if he eats ketchup with his pizza or not (hey, that might be a dealbreaker for some), the first point of your checklist should be to understand whether he is ready for a relationship or not.
You are probably ruining a good night’s sleep by getting anxious about where to find a good man in your late 20s. You have met someone who’s ready to commit in a heartbeat, but doesn’t satisfy your intellectual craving. Or, on the flip side, you’ve found someone who’s perfect in every other aspect, say — great humor, generous lover, ambitious — but he doesn’t want to settle down. So, what are the odds of finding a good man? The only way is to keep your windows open.
If you’re here reading this article, trying to make sense of how to meet a good man over 40, then this one is especially for you. If you are looking for a serious and committed relationship or are on the lookout for The One, the answer to how to find a good man does not lie in his attributes or qualities solely. The tipping point, in reality, is whether he is willing to offer you the same level of companionship that you are looking for.
5. To find a mature man, think of whether he would make a decent father
Arushi Chaudhary (35), editor at Bonobology urges one to try to become prescient in order to find the right guy. It is possible that you are trying to find a mature man or are in a serious relationship already, but are dilly-dallying with the thought of making him your partner for life. In such a case, consider this a deciding factor.
She says, “To assess if a man would make a good life partner, pause and think if you’d like to have and raise children with him. Irrespective of whether or not you want children, just flirt with the idea of putting your body through the ordeal of pregnancy and childbirth to advance his gene pool and if he is the father figure you’d imagine for your children. This is also a very important thing to discuss before marriage. One way or the other, you’ll get clarity.”
It’s safe to say that she might have given you the answer to your predicament about how to find a good man. The definition of a good man is different for all and someone who may fit the bill for one, might not be the right choice for others. But if you take your very own intuitive strength and make it the center point of judgment, you might just find the answer you are looking for within yourself.
Related Reading: Happy Father’s Day: Tips For How To Be A Good Father
6. Cut the drama to win at how to find a good man
The moment you’ve got yourself a possessive and jealous boyfriend who loses his cool the moment he knows you’re staying over at a friend’s house longer than you intended, you might just have lost the battle of how to find a good man.
If all the popular “My boyfriend doesn’t let me…” memes are already floating in your head, then you know exactly what we are talking about. A man who projects his own internal issues upon you and uses the same as an excuse to govern you is never going to be a real man to you, let alone a good one.
Over-possessiveness or a sense of ownership is not exactly the sign of a respectable man. When you are on a quest to find a great guy, do it right. Don’t fall for such childish tomfoolery just for the sake of being in a relationship.
“I’ve done a fair amount of research about attachments, insecurities, and how that molds the behaviors of people in relationships. Being part of Facebook groups with Europeans and others has allowed me to understand the concept of how secure a man should be in his relationship. And here are my findings.
There are no 100% secure people. Everyone is a work in progress. But some are much more secure than others and identifying them is the key to how to find a good man. For me, a singular pointer is how much, or in this case, how little, the person is attached to drama. The more the drama, the less the security of the individual. So best to steer clear from that,” says Aneeta Babu N (54) who is a GST officer.
Related Reading: Perfect Relationship: Does Love Need To Be Perfect All The Time?
That being said, one cannot lose sight of the fact that the definition of a good man varies from person to person. Perhaps for me, the quest of how to find a good man lies in finding somebody who can be devoted to his family and for you, it may lie in finding a man who shares the same life goals as you.
One of the reasons it’s so hard to find a good man is probably because we impose all our unrealistic as well as realistic expectations on a single person and feel disappointed when they fail us. However, we have tried to cover the general perspectives that everyone can relate to in our woman’s guide to finding a good man. Our levels are all different, but we hope that with these insights, you can at least find the answer to what it is you’re really looking for.
How to find a good man can seem like a long journey because it does involve a lot of work to meet lots of men and be open to getting to know them over and over again. But once you have a better understanding of what you are looking for, it becomes easier to cross the wrong ones out and focus on the right ones when dating for marriage.
Shooting in the dark, hoping your prince charming will come and seize you in the middle of the day is perhaps not the best way to find a good man for marriage. One has to be clear about one’s goals understanding of a good man, and also have realistic expectations.