Before we answer the question, “Is adultery so wrong?”, let’s first try to understand what adultery is. Adultery is defined as a voluntary act of “sexual intercourse between a married person and someone other than that person’s current spouse or partner”. It’s basically cheating on your partner to have sex outside of marriage – an act that is considered unacceptable on moral, social, and legal grounds.
Accept it or not, adultery and affairs are quite common in societies across the world. We’re not saying it’s the right thing to do but there’s no denying the fact that people are unfaithful to their partners sometimes. No one wants to be lied to and cheated on in a marriage or a committed relationship. Having said that, there may be exceptions to the rule if the state of your marriage is similar to the one mentioned in the story below.
When Adultery Became Necessary For Survival
Is adultery so wrong? I don’t know. For me, being unfaithful, as I would inevitably be branded by society, was sort of a necessity. I was in an abusive marriage for almost five years, where I had to earn, take care of the child and also put up a show in front of the whole world that I was happily married. At first, I wished to make my marriage work despite knowing that I was married to a man addicted to drugs, who could hardly stick to any job.
So for almost five years, I struggled to plug the holes that were threatening my own existence and kept up the show. And for all these years, I had another man in my life, who was once upon a time my classmate too. I know, for sure, that this relationship actually helped me survive through the worst years of my life and also helped my son to grow. Without Wes, it would have been impossible to raise a young boy who always felt the absence of a father figure in his life.
My dad died when I was a kid. I had no brothers. My mother tried her level best to support me through my tumultuous marriage, taking care of my son when I was in office. I was in a high-profile job in the IT sector and my earnings were a necessity to raise my son. And Wes was a necessity for my physical and mental needs.
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Infidelity helped me cope with an abusive marriage
I know this society would tag a woman like me as unfaithful and accuse me of cheating but I don’t mind saying that I don’t regret this. I didn’t mind talking to Wes for hours at night when he was traveling. I have no regret for the lovely time we spent together when I was touring and he joined me. I deserved those moments.
I was just a little over 30 at that time and why should I have had to bury my desires? Just because I was unknowingly married to a man who was not even in control of himself? Many said I could always buy sex, but what about the emotional quotient in bed? I needed to be held, loved, and feel a sense of belonging, instead of just satisfying a physical urge.
As an educated and financially independent woman, I couldn’t have sex with a husband who would do it as a routine, half the time under the influence of drugs, at times shout and abuse me after sex, in front of our son, who would come crying from the other room. I had to separate from him after he tried to beat me up in front of my mother and son, and I also had to abort twice because I didn’t want to have another baby with him.
Finding a support system outside marriage
All these years of separation and a divorce case pending before the court case, I needed a friend, an occasional bed partner, and a person who was a good influence on my son. Every time he is in town, he makes it a point to take my son out. Brad shares his little troubles with Wes. Like, how he was bullied at school or the way a girl stared at him. I love these interactions and rejoice in their special bond.
To me, Wes is a friend with whom I can cry for hours over the phone. When in school, he had once told me how much he loved me and that one day he would marry me. But well, that was more of a juvenile crush. We went our ways for higher studies, got married to our respective partners, and relocated to different cities. But it is said love never dies. Maybe that’s why I called up Wes when my marriage turned tumultuous.
I will not deny that there have been lows too; there have been times when I needed him badly but knew that he was with his family and hence I could not contact him. There have been times when Brad has been unwell and wanted Wes to come down and stay with him at night.
I know he has a son as well and hence I would never do anything that would lead to his son being neglected. I have no desire to break up his home. So, infidelity was the only answer to our needs, and, however negatively it is seen in our society, I can say it’s an answer for many men and women who are going through rough patches in their marriages. It has a sense of positivity as long as one knows how to strike a balance and not become too possessive.
Wes has undoubtedly helped me move forward in life by burying my negativities. Without him, I don’t think I would have been able to raise Brad the way I am doing today. We both needed a man in our lives. I trust Wes fully; so much so that in case of my death, my will states he will be the guardian to my son and ensure that my property is passed on to him.
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Is Adultery Always Wrong?
Is adultery so wrong? Why is cheating so bad? Well, adultery or sexual infidelity is always a tricky subject to navigate. Affairs and divorce usually go hand in hand. While the impact of cheating on the partner at the receiving end of it cannot be dismissed or taken lightly, it is important that we don’t approach the subject with a black and white lens.
No one indeed wants to be cheated on by the person they love the most. While there might not always be any justification for the act, it might just help to understand why the person committed adultery. Infidelity often results in divorce but there are several stories of couples moving on from the incident and working toward building a strong, fulfilling, and successful marriage. Here are four reasons why adultery may or may not be wrong:
1. Break of trust and loyalty
One of the most important reasons why adultery is so wrong is that it breaks the trust of the person being cheated on. A marriage is a commitment to stay loyal to each other, and trust is the foundation on which this commitment is built. Adultery is a breach of that trust and loyalty. You’re not just lying to your partner but also breaking one of the most important promises you made to them. By committing adultery, you hurt their feelings and cause them pain. Rebuilding trust, if the marriage survives, proves to be a mammoth task.
2. Affects your family and friends
It is not only your partner who is affected. Adultery has damaging effects on your family and friends too. It is all the more devastating if children are involved. It affects the mental and emotional well-being of not just your spouse but also your kids. The conflict between parents invariably affects the child. It can cause a lot of stress and other mental health issues that can be difficult to deal with.
Your spouse and kids will never be able to trust you again. Seeing parents get divorced can cause children extreme emotional distress and affect their overall well-being. Your friends and extended family will also not be able to see you the same way again. Adultery is not an act that is easily forgotten. You will be constantly reminded of your deeds through their behaviors. It will become extremely difficult for your family to recover from this.
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3. It might bring you closer to your partner
While it is true that adultery can have a devastating impact on the spouse who has been cheated on, one cannot ignore the possibility that it might bring both partners closer together. Sometimes, you need to lose it all to realize the true value of what you have. It is also possible that adultery makes both partners realize they have been taking each other for granted and eventually lead them to rework their boundaries and rebuild trust in the relationship. Several couples are able to move past the affair and work on their marriage and that’s absolutely okay.
4. It may not always be wrong
Adultery may not always be an immoral act to commit. If you’ve read the story above, you must have realized that the woman lived in an abusive marriage for years. Her husband was a drug addict, who abused her physically and emotionally, and did not bother about their son and the impact his actions would have on him. She had to single-handedly raise her son while going through abuse and divorce.
If a person is stuck in a similar situation, it is natural to want to be with someone who cares about their physical and emotional needs. After all, one cannot deny the fact that sex is a physical need and we’re all humans at the end of the day, who have feelings, emotions, and needs to be taken care of. In such a dire and abusive situation, it is only normal for a human to look for some positivity in their lives.
Why is cheating so bad? Is adultery so wrong? Well, it may be considered immoral in the eyes of the law and society. But the actual impact of infidelity depends on the parties involved, especially the one who has been at the receiving end of it. There can be several reasons for infidelity, ranging from the partner’s needs not being met to them seeking an adrenaline rush out of doing something wrong. For some, emotional infidelity is more of a deal-breaker than a sexual one. No matter what the reasons or consequences are, the decision to call it an immoral act, the decision to move on from it or call it quits lies with the partner bearing the brunt of it.