Breakups don’t exactly invite a barbershop quartet to your heart, singing Life’s a Happy Song (unless, of course, your toxic ex snatched your freedom and made your life miserable). Some of our relationships seem to be easy to move on from while some leave lifelong scars. But I think, at some point in life, we have all found ourselves with a broken heart and teary eyes, trying to figure out how to get over a breakup fast.
And with good reason too. The post-breakup phase can leave you feeling as if you’re walking around with a dagger plunged into your heart. Being in love revs up the release of feel-good hormones in the body that boost your physical and mental health. Breakups do the opposite. Studies show that romantic breakups may lead to insomnia and immune dysfunction. Not everyone is equipped to cope with these changes, and many end up drowning their sorrows in alcohol and pining for their exes for months.
This article is for those who can’t get over a breakup despite trying their best. It may not completely take away your pain. But at the least, we can show our support and guide you to the fastest way to get over a breakup. To offer you some expert insights on the matter, we spoke to psychologist Nandita Rambhia (MSc, Psychology), who specializes in CBT, REBT, and couple’s counseling.
How To Get Over A Breakup Fast? 15 Tips To Bounce Back Quickly
Table of Contents
“Is it normal to get over a breakup fast?” you may wonder. Getting over a breakup is quite a personal journey and doesn’t come with a definitive deadline. Everyone passes through different stages of breakup to eventually move on and be at peace. But we say when it comes to your mental well-being, the sooner the healing process kicks in, the better. We asked our expert if there is any shortcut to getting over a breakup.
According to Nandita, “If it was a serious relationship and the breakup hit you hard, I am not sure that it’s possible to get over it fast. You need to go through the entire recovery process to heal properly and allow yourself to feel what you are feeling. Sometimes when the hurt is unbearable, we try to skip a few stages through certain coping mechanisms. That way, you might think you are getting past the grief, but in reality, you will not heal completely and move on with unresolved issues.”
“To be rejected by someone doesn’t mean you should also reject yourself or that you should think of yourself as a lesser person. It doesn’t mean that nobody will ever love you anymore. Remember that only ONE person has rejected you at the moment, and it only hurt so much because to you, that person’s opinion symbolized the opinion of the whole world, of God.” ― Jocelyn Soriano, Mend My Broken Heart
So, why don’t you modify this narrative into something more self-affirmative. As Barney Stinson would say, “When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead.” Don’t worry, Bonobology doesn’t just offer fancy catch lines but effective tips to survive a heartbreak without breaking yourself. All we ask for is a little effort on your part and the willingness to feel good again. Can you do that for us?
1. Accept that the relationship is over
Believe it or not, the fastest way to get over a breakup and the very first stage of healing from your loss is acceptance. Accept the fact that the relationship is now gone for good. Embrace your feelings of grief and let them out. Remember the good times but do not overlook the reasons that caused the relationship to end.
- Allow yourself the time to get used to that empty feeling
- Cry your heart out or scream into a pillow
- Go for a run or punch a sandbag
- Or write down your emotions in a journal
Whatever works best for you as you try to find a quick fix for your broken heart. Most people hurt themselves with the hope that eventually things will get better and they might get back together again. But some studies prove that on-off partners are less likely to be happy and satisfied in a relationship. So, unless you squash your hopes of your ex returning, your mind will never trigger the recovery process.
Related Reading: Hope You Are Not Doing These 10 Funny Things After a Breakup
3. Stop seeking closure from others
Many of us can’t get over a breakup because of one slight inconvenience — The lack of closure. This hurdle happens to be particularly tough to overcome as we make a rookie mistake of looking for it in the other person. “If only he would apologize once…” “I wish she told me why we broke up…” Well, my friend, closure should not be conditional. Life goes on and you have to eventually tie the loose ends, whether or not your ex offers you any clarity.
Even if they do, an explanation as vague as “It’s not you, it’s me” will lead to more confusion. Believe in your own truth – What you think went wrong in the relationship, and what you could have done differently. And then try to move on from the idea of closure or you will have to live with the unresolved issues, badly impacting all your future relationships.
Nandita says, “In psychological terms, closure means when you have decided to close a particular episode of your life and make peace with it. Even if you don’t have the answers or clarity, you have to find in your heart enough strength and resilience to be done and dusted with this chapter and turn a new leaf.”
2. How to move on after a breakup — By not shutting out your friends
One of the things you shouldn’t do after a breakup is drive your friends and loved ones away. Most people trim their social life when they get into a relationship because their partner becomes the center of their attention. Naturally, it hurts bad when that status quo breaks. However, you can still claim your social life by letting your friends in. After all, they will always be your safe space.
- Getting through a breakup alone and getting through a breakup with a bunch of friends holding your hands are two different things
- With them, you get a shoulder to cry on and they become a welcome major distraction from that gnawing pain inside you
- They can also make you see life in an altogether new light and keep your heart and brain occupied to help you overcome the heartache
Speaking about how to get over a breakup fast, clinical psychologist Devaleena Ghosh previously told Bonobology, “The trick is to spend quality time with your buddies. Being heard is a great way of coping with depression after a breakup. A friend who hears you out without passing judgment or objectively sees your mistakes without being harsh is a true blessing. They can be a source of comfort and a means of correction too.”
4. Find a way to redefine your past memories and souvenirs
If you are trying to figure out how to heal from a breakup, stop seeing your relationship memories as something that leads to repeated meltdowns. Instead, consciously work toward readjusting your perspective and view them as a reminder of good times that are now in the past. And if you feel you haven’t reached a point of emotional recovery that allows you to do that, simply distance yourself from anything that reminds you of your relationship.
Related Reading: How To Deal With Mementos Of A Lost Love
If looking at those happy pictures gives you hope, stash them away or just burn them. If the gifts become a hindrance to your recovery process, give them away. However, if you are not one of those who look back at all the things associated with the past relationship as a reminder of your ex, letting go shouldn’t be that difficult.
It is totally up to you. We can offer you a clever trick up our sleeve to deal with this pickle: Assign new perspectives and values to the old memories. Put these down on a piece of paper and stick them on the gifts, souvenirs, or whatever else reminds you of your ex. That way, you won’t loathe your relationship and move on swiftly rather than clinging to the past.
5. Get over your guilty conscience
Guilt can cease all your progress in the ‘how to move on after a breakup’ journey. It’s such a strong, underlying feeling that you will keep blaming yourself forever whether or not you have actively played a negative role in the breakup. Perhaps it was all them. They cheated, they broke your trust, they abandoned you. And here you are, worried, “I may have done something wrong to push them away.”
You can’t really move on until you swear off these guilty feelings. A breakup happens for many complex reasons. Even if you are the one who initiated it, that doesn’t make you a bad person. You still need to allocate self-compassion as you try to get over a breakup you caused. Write down all the things you feel guilty about, find plausible reasoning to understand what went wrong and why, learn what you can from it, and try to stop feeling sorry for yourself.
Nandita suggests, “First, you need to accept that the relationship was not working out, even if there is a sense of guilt because you hurt the other person. You could try and soften the blow as much as possible. But you should also remember that what has been done was in the best interest of both of you. If you continued being together, you may have ended up in an unhappy, toxic relationship. So, in the long run, I think you have done both of you a favor which might help ease the guilt a bit.”
Related Reading: How To Deal With Taking A Break In A Relationship – 7 Rules
6. Snap all contact to move on quickly
Time, absence, and distance provide the much-needed emotional clarity that one needs after splitting up. Missing your ex and keeping a constant tab on them because your emotions are all over the place can be detrimental to your moving on journey. That’s why it can help to cut off all ties that connect you with your former partner to give yourself time to heal and get over them.
While it’s hard to tame the urge of stalking your ex on social media or trying to bump into them, it’s best avoided. You will feel tempted to ask about their well-being and whereabouts from your mutual friends. But Nandita warns, “Every time you reach out to that person, see them or talk to them, it unfolds your wound all over again and the pain rebounds. So, yes, a no-contact strategy in real life and a social media detox is highly impactful if you’re wondering know how to get over a breakup faster. At least do this till you survive the initial stages of a breakup and reach a better place mentally and emotionally.”
7. Put an end to the brooding phase
Is it normal to get over a breakup fast? Trust me, the faster, the better for you. But healing isn’t a one or two-day affair. You cannot help but be trapped in your mind. In times like this, it helps to remind yourself that the brooding has to stop at some point so that you get accustomed to the rhythm of everyday life again. The longer you play victim to the situation, the harder it becomes to get out of that loop. It’s you who knows best when to cut the final cord. We would suggest the following:
- No more revisiting old text messages or photographs that cause sad thoughts
- Write on your wall, set reminders, and change your relationship status to ‘single’ on social media
- Get something amazing out of your pain like finding a new hobby or hitting the gym to get that body you always wanted
- Do what it takes to feel better but don’t suppress your emotions because suppressed emotions could lead to depression
Related Reading: 7 Things That Help You Heal Post A Breakup
8. Look at the breakup pangs as a physical injury
You know studies show that physical pain and social rejection such as breakups tend to activate the same part of the brain i.e., they have common neural mechanisms. The point of mentioning this fact here is that you should treat this heartache as any other physical wound you may have suffered. This pain is just as bad.
If you can’t present your natural joie de vivre persona at all times, it’s absolutely fine. You wouldn’t expect to run errands and attend parties with a broken hand. Then why see breakup pangs any differently? One of the things to do after a breakup is to not beat yourself up. Like physical ailments, this emotional damage will also heal eventually. Meanwhile, you just have to be patient and cut yourself some slack for not being up and about all the time.
9. Things to do after a breakup — Jot down your lessons
Every person comes into our life for a reason – Either to stay or to teach us a valuable lesson. So, when life hands you over this lemon, you make lemonade out of it. To be specific, make a list of your newly gained wisdom from this breakup. Also, decide on the things you refuse to compromise on in your future relationships.
A study shows that people who write about the positive qualities and aspects of a breakup experience more positive emotions (such as comfort, confidence, empowerment, energy, happiness, optimism, relief, and satisfaction) regarding the end of that relationship. They have much fewer negative emotions to bother them. If you are wondering how to heal from a breakup, this could be worth a shot.
Nandita says, “After you have allowed yourself adequate time to come to terms with the breakup, you can look back at it as one of many life experiences. Every experience, whether pleasant or unpleasant, leaves us with some food for thought, to reflect on and extract some lessons out of it for the future. That way, it will help your mind, body, and soul to know what to expect when you get into a relationship again. It just makes you more aware, mature, and experienced.”
Related Reading: 9 Ways To Cope When Your Ex Moves On
10. Reanalyze the breakup (and the relationship too)
You know how to get over a breakup fast? Reinventing yourself as a person outside that relationship. If you wish to grow and not remain a heap of broken pieces, then you need to ask yourself real questions about the breakup. According to a study, failure to redefine the self contributes to post-breakup distress.
- Did your breakup hammer away at the person that you are?
- Were there any uncomfortable lessons you learned from this failed relationship?
- What did you learn about your personality and behavior?
- What were the negative qualities in your partner that led to the breakup?
Once you find answers to these questions, you will feel more confident and positive.
11. Get back out there and meet someone nice
We understand your relationship ended not long ago. Immersed in the breakup blues, you are probably in no mood to leave the room, let alone meet other people. But hear us out, given that you are desperately trying to figure out how to get over a breakup faster. There is no way you can set aside the past memories unless you open the door to new possibilities, new people, and new conversations. We have some suggestions:
- Find ways to meet new people. Perhaps at a friend’s party, a bookstore, social media, or friendly dating apps like Bumble BFF
- Don’t approach these individuals romantically. In fact, restrain from jumping into the next relationship or rebound sex right now
- Chat and share a laugh or two. Have a meaningful conversation over a common interest. It will help you put your misery in perspective
- With time, these new experiences will overwrite the old, unpleasant ones and help you get out of the downward spiral of pain
In this regard, Nandita shares a word of caution for our readers, “No matter what the temptations are, avoid getting into a rebound relationship as this only happens because you want to feel loved again. But in the majority of cases, these feelings from one or both rebound partners turn out to be superficial and temporary.
“Now, how soon is too soon for another relationship? Well, I leave that entirely up to you. As each individual is unique, so is their process of healing. It could be a couple of days, a few months, or even longer depending on how strong the relationship was. What’s important is that you should feel more at peace with the past relationship and its fate before you move on to the next one.”
12. Write an unsent letter to your ex
Don’t get us wrong, this is not a suggestion to send your ex-partner an angry letter for the hurt they caused you. This is a coping mechanism to help you with the ‘how to move on after a breakup’ process. Believe it or not, this happens to be very effective as it gives you an opportunity for self-reflection. Here’s the drill:
- Pour your thoughts and big feelings regarding this breakup into a letter addressing your ex
- Whether you are angry at them, whether you want to express gratitude or seek forgiveness, or simply bid adieu one last time, put it in black and white
- Now, tear it off or tuck it in a journal, that’s up to you
- But getting this emotional baggage off your chest will make you feel ten times lighter and expedite the healing process
On this, Nandita says, “There are several coping mechanisms you can use such as writing a confessional letter to your ex-partner and flushing it down or burning it. You can scream at a mirror or talk to your emotional support system – Your closest friends and family. All of these are very helpful behaviors depending on the personality of the person suffering from breakup pangs.”
Related Reading: How To Know When A Relationship Is Over? 25 Signs That Indicate So
13. Do something nice for someone to recover from the separation
I guess we are all on the same page that breakups are largely about negative feelings. You feel sad all the time and it becomes truly difficult to find a silver lining amidst this massive heartbreak. What you need, my dear reader, is a dopamine spike, a mood booster to take your mind off the pain even if for a while. According to a study, distraction can be a good strategy for spurring positive emotions in the context of a romantic breakup.
If you are running out of things to do after a breakup that make you remotely happy, we have the perfect idea. There’s nothing as gratifying and fulfilling as a selfless act. Simply be there for someone, do something kind, smile at someone. You could volunteer at a soup kitchen or a pet shelter, help someone with a heavy bag, or cook dinner for your parents. As you make their day better, yours will be a little brighter than yesterday.
14. Develop some healthy habits to get over a breakup quickly
You may never entirely forget the person you have loved with your heart and soul. Even though they are not a part of your story anymore, that shouldn’t stop you from living fully and blooming as a person. The hurt won’t fade away in a day, but it will with time, consistency, and effort. To get your life together after a breakup, you can incorporate a few simple self-care habits into your daily routine:
- Maintain hygiene and take care of your diet to heal from the inside
- Start journaling to keep track of your emotions and the changing feelings about your ex
- Practice gratitude. You can keep a daily gratitude journal and write about one thing that you are grateful for
- Find a new hobby, learn a new skill – It will help you stay occupied and stay on the productive track
- Talk to a friend or a family member every day, even if it’s for just ten minutes
- Get into some kind of fitness regime, yoga, or hardcore physical training
- Date yourself more often. Try a new restaurant or go on a solo hiking trip – Your pick!
- Meditate. It will calm your mind and give you broader perspectives to evaluate the past and set new goals for the future
15. Find your ‘me time’
We often talk about spending quality time with our loved ones but how often do we set aside some free time to enjoy our own company? Relationships can be very time-consuming. When you’re in love, your partner and your relationship become your top priorities and your personal interests and passions take a backseat. Now that after this breakup you’re the driver of your own life, revisit the wish list you made in college and start ticking the empty boxes.
If you seek professional help, relationship experts would say that loving yourself should be on top of your get-over-a-breakup strategy. Devaleena suggests, “Look out for yourself. The term I’ll use is self-investment. All your decisions should aid your emotional growth when you are attempting to deal with loneliness.”
As individuals, we all have six basic needs – Emotional, physical, intellectual, professional, sexual, and spiritual. Make sure these requirements are met adequately, along with all the ways we have recommended, for a quick comeback.
- The first step toward getting over a breakup is to acknowledge the grief and name your emotions
- Spend time with friends and family because isolating yourself will only lead you to obsess over the one person you are trying to forget
- Get rid of any physical reminders and sources of connection with your ex if they are interfering in the healing process
- A healthy self-care routine is the next step to going back to your normal life
- Jotting down and keeping a track of your evolving feelings time can be helpful
There you go. A fool-proof game plan to deal with the blues after a tough breakup. Remember, relationships falling apart are a part and parcel of our lives. Each time, you come out stronger with new insights, different ways of understanding people, and various aspects of the human psyche. What’s important is not to lose your own identity in the process of figuring out how to get over a breakup fast. We know that you will manage just fine and mend your heart, because you have got Bonobology, your guardian angel, by your side.