Breakups don’t exactly invite a barbershop quartet to your heart, singing Life’s a Happy Song (unless, of course, your toxic ex snatched your freedom and made your life miserable). Some of our relationships seem to be easy to move on from while some leave lifelong scars. But I think, at some point in life, we have all found ourselves trying to figure out how to get over a breakup fast, with a broken heart and teary eyes.
And with good reason too. The post-breakup phase can leave you feeling as if you’re walking around with a dagger plunged into your heart. Being in love revs up the release of feel-good hormones in the body that boost your physical and mental health. Breakups do the opposite. Studies show that romantic breakups may lead to insomnia and immune dysfunction. Not everyone is equipped to cope with these post-breakup changes, and many end up drowning their sorrows in alcohol and pining for their exes for months. It is as if one’s entire world, belief system, and happiness has been turned upside down.
This article is for those who can’t get over a breakup despite trying their best. We don’t want you to swallow your pride and drunk-dial your ex six months after the breakup. Rather follow these healthy alternatives to deal with the situation better. It may not completely take away your pain. But at the least, we can show our support and guide you to the fastest way to get over a breakup.
How Do I Know I Am Going Through A Tough Breakup?
You try to convince yourself, “This is just a breakup. I can get over it, I will be perfectly normal soon.” You throw yourself into work to distract yourself from the pain. But no positive affirmation theory or the productivity culture come to your rescue at this point. It keeps getting worse and worse.
So, what’s your first clue to realizing that a breakup has put you through a rough patch? These behavioral signs are pretty noticeable and create disturbing changes that can hamper your day-to-day life when you can’t get over a breakup:
- You prefer being alone: We all know that our best friends are our personal therapists. As you spend time with them, their silly jokes and the heart to hearts make this hard time a lot more bearable. But when you start avoiding your friends, it’s the first signs that this breakup is affecting you too deeply. And trust us, getting over a breakup alone is no mean feat
- Refusal to return to the present: Even if you want to move on and live your life, the stubborn memories often hold you back. When you find yourself dwelling more on your ex’s social media accounts rather than doing something productive, or you practically spend all your time think about the good times spent with your ex, you need to analyze your condition more rationally
- You turn into a social recluse: Hiding in your room and wallowing in self-pity becomes your source of solace after a breakup. According to several research findings, responses to physical pain and social rejection are both regulated by the same neuronal pathways, resulting in social withdrawal, substance abuse, and anxiety symptoms. Finding comfort in junk food and tissue boxes is a classic case of a breakup affecting a person too much. The healthy way to go about it is to meet some new people to create fresh new memories
- You become pessimistic: The process of making it through a breakup might alter your outlook toward people and life completely. If you have developed a pessimistic attitude toward the idea of trusting and loving someone again, you need to pause and find a way to take control of the situation. Depression after breakups is a real thing and needs to be addressed quickly
Related Reading: How To Know When A Relationship Is Over? 22 Signs That Indicate So
How To Get Over A Breakup Fast? 8 Tips To Bounce Back Quickly
Is it normal to get over a breakup fast, you may wonder. Getting over a breakup is quite a personal journey and doesn’t come with a definitive deadline. Everyone passes through the different stages of breakup to eventually move on and be at peace. But we say when it comes to your mental well-being, the sooner the healing process kicks in, the better.
“To be rejected by someone doesn’t mean you should also reject yourself or that you should think of yourself as a lesser person. It doesn’t mean that nobody will ever love you anymore. Remember that only ONE person has rejected you at the moment, and it only hurt so much because to you, that person’s opinion symbolized the opinion of the whole world, of God.”
― Jocelyn Soriano, Mend My Broken Heart
So, why don’t you modify this narrative into something more self-affirmative; as Barney Stinson would say, “When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead.” Don’t worry, Bonobology just doesn’t offer fancy catchlines but effective tips to survive a heartbreak without breaking yourself. All we ask for is a little effort on your part and the willingness to feel good again. Can you do that for us?
1. Accept the relationship is over
Believe it or not, the fastest way to get over a breakup and start healing from your loss is to accept the fact that the relationship is now gone for good. Embrace your feelings of grief and let them out. Allow yourself the time to get used to that empty feeling. Cry your heart out, scream into a pillow, go for a run, punch a sandbag, or write down your emotions in a journal – whatever works best for you to find a quick fix for your broken heart.
Remember the good times but do not overlook the reasons that caused the relationship to end. Most people hurt themselves because they hope that eventually things will get better and they might get back together again. But some studies prove that on-off partners are less likely to be happy and satisfied in a relationship. So, unless you squash your hopes of your ex returning, your mind will never trigger the recovery process.
2. Don’t shut your friends completely out
One of the things you shouldn’t do after a breakup is drive your friends and well-wishers away. Most people trim their social life when they get into a relationship because their partner becomes the center of their attention. Naturally, it hurts bad when that status quo breaks. However, you can still claim your social life by letting your friends in.
Getting through a breakup alone and getting through a breakup with a bunch of friends holding your hands are two different things. With them, you get a shoulder to cry on and they become a welcome major distraction from that gnawing pain inside you. They can also help you see life in an altogether new light and keep your mind and brain occupied to help you overcome the heartache.
Speaking about how to get over a breakup fast, clinical psychologist Devaleena Ghosh previously told Bonobology, “The trick is to spend quality time with your buddies. Being heard is a great way of coping with depression after a breakup. A friend who hears you out without passing judgment or objectively sees your mistakes without being harsh is a true blessing. They can be a source of comfort and a means of correction too.”
Related Reading: Hope You Are Not Doing These 10 Funny Things After a Breakup
3. Find a way to redefine your past memories and souvenirs
If you are trying to figure out how to heal from a breakup, stop seeing your relationship memories as something that leads to repeated meltdowns. Instead, consciously work toward readjusting your perspective and view them as a reminder of good times that are now in the past. And if you feel you haven’t reached a point of emotional recovery that allows you to do that, simply distance yourself from anything that reminds you of your relationship.
If looking at those happy pictures gives you hope, stash them away or just burn them. If the gifts become a hindrance to your recovery process, give them away. However, if you are not one of those who look back at all the things associated with the past relationship as a reminder of your ex, letting go shouldn’t be that difficult.
It is totally up to you to decide. We can offer you a clever trick up our sleeve to deal with this pickle. Assign new perspectives and values to the old memories. Put these down on a piece of paper and stick them on the gifts, souvenirs, or whatever else reminds you of your ex. That way you won’t loathe your relationship and move on rather swiftly than clinging to the past.
4. Snap all contact
While it’s hard to tame the urge of stalking your ex over social media or trying to bump into them in a coincidental way, it’s best avoided. You will feel tempted to ask about their well-being and whereabouts from your mutual friends. That’s why it can help to cut off all ties that connect you with your former partner to give yourself time to heal and get over him/her. People say that absence helps you feel a person’s presence more intensely.
After a breakup, you should make that your strength instead of letting it be your weakness. Time, absence, and distance provide the much-needed emotional clarity that one needs after splitting up. Missing your ex and keeping a constant tab on them because your emotions are all over the place and running haywire can be detrimental to your moving-on journey.
5. Put an end to the brooding phase
Is it normal to get over a breakup fast? Trust me, the faster, the better for you. But healing post a breakup isn’t a one- or two-day affair. You cannot help but be trapped in your mind. In times like this, it helps to remind yourself that the brooding has to stop at some point so that you get accustomed to the rhythm of everyday life again. The longer you play victim to the situation, the harder it becomes to get out of that loop. It’s you who knows best when to cut the final cord.
No more revisiting old text messages or photographs. No more sad thoughts and negativity around. Write on your wall, set reminders, or change your relationship status to ‘single’ on social media. Exploit your pain and get something amazing out of it like finding a new hobby or hitting the gym to get that beach body you always wanted. Do what it takes to feel better but don’t suppress your emotions though, because suppressed emotions could lead to depression.
Related Reading: How To Deal With Taking A Break In A Relationship – 7 Rules
6. Jot down your lessons
Every person comes into our life for a reason – either to stay or to teach us a valuable lesson. So, when life hands you over this lemon, you make lemonade out of it – to be specific, a list of your newly gained wisdom from this breakup. Also, decide on the things you absolutely refuse to compromise on in your future relationships.
Research shows that people who write about the positive aspects of a breakup experience more positive emotions (such as comfort, confidence, empowerment, energy, happiness, optimism, relief, and satisfaction) regarding the end of that relationship and much fewer negative emotions to bother them. If you are wondering how to heal from a breakup, this could be worth a shot.
7. Reanalyze the breakup (and the relationship too)
You know how to get over a breakup fast? Reinventing yourself as a person outside that relationship. If you wish to grow and not remain a heap of broken pieces, then you need to ask yourself real questions about the breakup. According to a study, failure to redefine the self contributes to post-breakup distress.
Did your breakup hammer away at the real person that you are? Did your failed relationship take away your vital essence? What did you learn about your personality and behavior from this relationship? What were the negative qualities in your partner that effectuated the breakup? Once you find answers to these questions, you will feel more confident and positive.
8. Find your ‘me time’
We often talk about spending quality time with our loved ones but how often do we set aside some free time to enjoy our own company? Relationships can be very time-consuming. When you’re in love, your partner and your relationship become your top priorities and your personal interests and passions take a backseat. Now that post-breakup, you’re the driver of your own life, revisit the wishlist you made in college and start ticking the empty boxes.
Relationship experts would say that self-love should be on top of your get-over-a-breakup strategy. As individuals, we all have six basic needs – emotional, physical, intellectual, professional, sexual, and spiritual. Make sure these requirements are met adequately. Devaleena suggests, “Look out for yourself. The term I’ll use is self-investment. All your decisions should aid your emotional growth when you are attempting to deal with loneliness.”
Related Reading: 9 Ways To Cope When Your Ex Moves On
Daily habits you should develop to get over a breakup quickly
You may never entirely forget the person you have loved with your heart and soul. Even though they are not a part of your story anymore, that shouldn’t stop you from living fully and blooming as a person. The hurt won’t fade away in a day, but it would with time, consistency, and effort. To get your life together after a breakup, you can incorporate a few simple self-care habits into your daily routine:
- Maintain hygiene; take care of your diet to heal from the inside
- Start journaling to keep a track of your emotions and the changing feelings about your ex
- Practice gratitude. You may keep a gratitude journal and write about one thing daily that you are grateful of
- Find a new hobby, learn a new skill – it will help you be occupied and stay on the productive track
- Talk to a friend or a family member every day, even if it’s for just ten minutes
- Get into some kind of fitness regime – yoga or hardcore physical training
- Meditate. It will calm your mind and give you broader perspectives to evaluate the past and set new goals for the future
Key Pointers
- The first step toward getting over a breakup is to acknowledge the grief and name your emotions
- Spend time with friends and family because isolating yourself will only lead you to obsess over the one person you are trying to forget
- Get rid of any physical reminders and sources of connection with your ex if they are interfering in the healing process
- A healthy self-care routine is the next step to going back to your normal life
- Putting down and keeping a track of your feelings evolving through time can be helpful
There you go – a fool-proof game plan to deal with the blues after a tough breakup. Remember, relationships falling apart are a part and parcel of our lives. Each time you come out stronger with new insights, and different ways of understanding people and various aspects of the human psyche. What’s important is not to lose your own identity in the process of figuring out how to get over a breakup fast. We hope, this time too, you will manage just fine and mend your heart because now you have got Bonobology, your guardian angel, by your side.
This article has been updated in Oct, 2022.
9 Expert Ways To Let Go Of Hurt And Betrayal In Relationships
This is such a well researched piece, came her via Quora https://www.quora.com/How-do-I-overcome-or-move-on-after-breakup/answer/Bonobology-Bonobology-India
Hi, my girlfriend broke up with me 3 weeks ago, we had been in a 5 years relationship. We did fight almost 1-2 times for month lately and most of the times started by me because i felt that i was giving too much and she didnt make the effort so that frustrated me and made me been irritable many times. So we got in a fight and she told me that she loved me but wasnt happy and the felt that the relationship should end; i cried and ask her to give us the chance to try make things Work but she refused. So since that day, 3 weeks ago she hasnt called or text me; I talked with my friend and he told me to ask Akim for help.. Akim is a marriage and relationship spititual speciallist.. Akim helped me and my girlfriend called me in less than 40 hours.. i’m so happy right now. i promised akim that i’ll talk about him on the internet and here is hes mobile +19542993106 🙂